Reckless (Renegades #1) (19 page)

“We can keep it just like this, baby. No one has to know.”

She’d thought about it for two full seconds before she’d denied him again and walked out of his life.

His one night with a woman as close to perfect for him as he ever hoped to find was over.

“Fuck
.
” He dropped back to the bed and threw his forearm over his eyes.

His phone rang again.

“Jesus.” Jax rolled toward the sound and gropped for it on the opposite nightstand, eyes still closed. He answered with a grouchy, “Yeah.”

“Dude, you out partying late last night?” Wes’s voice registered instantly. “You sound like you just woke up.”

“I did. I don’t have to be on set until noon.”

Jax glanced around the room. His gaze caught on the pillow next to his and a pair of red lace panties perfectly laid out on the white casing. His stomach clenched. Chest tightened. But a smile quirked his mouth as he reached for them.

He slid the fabric through his fingers, fisted it, wishing he could have held on to Lexi as easily. Her little memento didn’t make him feel any better about not being able to convince her to see him again.

“Hel-lo. Chamberlin, dude? You fall back to sleep on me?”

“No. I’m here.” Jax kicked the sheet off his legs and sat up on the edge of the bed. “What did you say?”

Wes gave an exasperated sigh. “Do you remember the conversation we had on the way to the airport, or are you missing too many brain cells?”

Jax winced. The airport. What did they talk about?

When he didn’t answer, Wes prodded, “About finding you a girl like my Kayla?”

Wes’s question temporarily rendered him completely dumb. What in the hell—?

Oh…that. Oh…
shit.

“Uh, yeah,” he said, “I remember.”
Fuck.
“Listen, Wes, I don’t think that’s—”

“We found the perfect girl,” Wes said. “She’s absolutely fantastic. And, dude, I know your taste. You’re going to like her. She’s super pretty and really smart. And she’s got a sweet streak that makes you want to eat her up.”

Jax winced. This was so not the time to talk about another woman, because there was only one he wanted to eat up. “Hey, Wes, listen—”

“I know what you’re going to say—if she’s so great, why isn’t she with someone? Well, she was, which, honestly is why
I’m
not dating her. Not now, I mean, ’cause I’m crazy about Kayla, but I met Tawna before I knew Kayla and would have totally gone for her, but she was in this long-term thing then.

“She’s been out of it about six months now, lying low to make sure the guy was out of her system before she dates again, which I think is really smart, you know, balanced. And when Kayla and I told her about you, she was game.

“So what do you say? We’ll double when we get back from this gig next week?”

Jax was staring at the beige carpet, Lexi’s panties crushed in his hand. “Are you done?”

“Yeah, sorry. I was excited to find out Tawna was free. I really think you two are a good match.”

“Thing is, bud, I hooked up with someone here.”

A beat of silence filled the line, then, “
What?
I
just
left you at the airport. You flew six hours, hauled your ass to the set for twelve, and should have been too tired to do anything but sleep for the rest. When did you have any time to hook up with someone?”

Jax rubbed his eyes. Dropped back to the bed. “I’m not really awake yet, Wes—”

“I imagine not, considering what you’ve been doing. Fuck, Jax, this is so you. You know, if you want to keep making the same goddamned mistakes, fine. Just don’t bitch about the fallout. You pick up women so fast, you don’t take the time to even get to know them. Then they screw you over and—oh shit, look at that, what a fucking surprise.”

Jax sighed. “Why are you yelling at me like a mother hen?”

“Because you’re my friend, asshole, and I’m sick of watching you let women walk all the fuck over you.”

Guilt layered on top of his misery over losing Lexi. Wes was right. And Lexi was gone. She’d made the word
no
very clear in a dozen different ways.

“Look,” Jax said. “You’re right. It was a fluke thing. We started talking, hit it off. But it’s…it’s nothing. Just a one-night. I just…really liked her.”

“Dude, you really like them all at the beginning.”

“You really should let me have coffee before you gut me. Give me a fucking break. I haven’t had any in over a month, she was hot as hell and offered. Don’t tell me you wouldn’t have done the same.”

He needed to get Wes off his back, and that seemed to make the guy at least think a minute.

“So you flipped one, no big deal, right? You’re not going to see her again, right?”

Jax hated that term. Wes applied the term flipped, as in flipping houses—getting hold of one, working it over, then getting rid of it—to one-night stands.

Jax looked at the ceiling and forced himself to say the words, hoping they’d sink in and he’d get over…whatever this was. “No, Wes, I’m not going to see her again.”

“Okay, then, no big deal. You can still meet Tawna. Right?”

“Right,” Jax said. He’d deal with this later. “Sure, why not, right?”

“Right. Now you’re thinking. I’ll bring pictures of Tawna with me. You won’t even remember the other girl by the time I get there.”

Jax disconnected, dropped his phone to the bed, and raked his hand through his hair. Wouldn’t even remember her? Jax wondered how he could possibly forget her. He closed his eyes, brought the panties to his nose, and pulled in her scent. The spicy, floral, musky smell of her burst at the center of his body and radiated electric waves outward. Memories of every minute with her flooded his brain. Her laugh. Her playfulness. The way she’d fed him the Godiva, bite by bite. The way she’d licked every inch of his body just as she’d promised. The way she’d kissed him good-bye, as if she didn’t want to leave him.

He knew, without a doubt, he’d never wanted a woman like this. Which he understood, somewhere in his psyche, stemmed more from the fact that he couldn’t have her than the fact that she was as perfect as she seemed. Had to be. At least it had to be what he told himself.

His phone rang again, breaking into his memories. “Fuck. I can’t even wallow in my misery in peace.”

He sat up, glanced over at the rumpled sheets where Lexi had been lying just a couple of hours ago.

“I told you in the very beginning, Jax. I just can’t have any complications in my life right now.”

He’d gone from an asset that every woman wanted to use to a complication Lexi wanted to get rid of.

“I need to find some kind of happy medium,” he muttered as he picked up his phone and answered, “What now?”

“Whoa.” Ty laughed the word. “Dude. Who stole your mojo this morning?”

“Oh, sorry, Ty.” Jax pitched the underwear across the room. “What’s up, kid?”

“Things go south with Miss Anonymous?” Ty asked, his tone surprisingly compassionate.

Jax laughed. “Not exactly. I just have a hard time accepting I’m not going to get what I want.”

“Spoiled Hollywood brat.”

“That’s me.”

“Hey, sorry, dude. I know you were into her.”

“Thanks,” Jax said, feeling better just talking to Ty. “What’s up?”

“We got some awesome new ponies in this morning. Come in early and we can run them along the bay.”

Now that made Jax smile. “That is exactly what I need today.” The kind of adrenaline rush he would need every day for however long it took to get Lexi out from under his skin. “I’ll be there in half an hour.”

Fifteen

“Lexi.” Martina’s smooth voice took on a too sweet tone over the phone, obviously trying to make up for the news she’d just delivered. “I know it’s never easy to take criticism, but I thought you’d want to know. And, to be honest, I wanted you to know because I desperately want you to win over the hearts of the board the way you stole mine years ago.”

Lexi had been tapping the pen tip against the notepad on her desk when their conversation had begun. Now she was stabbing it. At one a.m. on a Wednesday morning, after working eighteen-hour days for the last three weeks straight—exactly three weeks from the day she’d met Jax—Lexi had little patience left.

“You’re right, Martina.” To hell with tiptoeing. “And it’s especially not easy on this project. I’ve put an exorbitant amount of time into those designs, but I do appreciate your honesty. And to be perfectly honest in return, your board is wrong. I know this demographic. They’re strong, empowered women who enjoy living life. Getting married later has allowed them to sow their oats and they’re secure with their sexuality. A lifetime of living with the overexposure of American media has made them comfortable showing off their bodies.

“I know Galliano is more on the conservative side, but your whole purpose for bringing youth on board is to pull in a new clientele. That won’t happen if you don’t step out of Galliano’s current mold. I’ve passed on several big clients to give myself time to design these gowns. They’re already in production. I’ve already made a deep investment in this partnership, Martina, with no guarantee of getting it. I just don’t know how much more I can give.”

More than that, Lexi had come to realize over the last three weeks she’d given up a hell of a lot more than time, money, and clients. She’d passed up on a pretty good bet at a winner with Jax—something she’d only fully realized as time passed and he continued to cling to her every thought.

“You’re designs are stunning, Lexi,” Martina said. “There’s no doubt how much time you’ve invested. I don’t think the alterations need to be drastic. I’d suggest simply making some of the small changes we discussed and resubmitting them on new boards. A different display will make them look like all new designs. It would really probably only be a day or two’s worth of work. Surely that’s worth the future opportunities this partnership would bring you.”

Martina’s voice expressed her excitement over the idea, as if Lexi should be thrilled. Instead, Lexi’s throat grew so thick with frustration, she could barely speak.

“Resubmitting?” Her voice came out as a raspy whisper. Lexi dropped her pen. “You’re asking me to
resubmit
the altered designs for…
approval
?”

She wanted to add,
I’m not a fucking intern
but stopped herself. Barely. Lexi gritted her teeth. She’d spent so many years struggling. Had busted her ass, sewn her fingers raw, worked for free, gone days without sleep for every accomplishment, every accolade. She’d broken in a long
fucking
time ago.

Martina sighed. “I know it’s tedious, Lexi. I’m sorry. It’s just—”

“The board,” Lexi finished, frustrated, angry, disappointed. Again.

“Yes.”

Lexi warned herself not to say anything she’d regret later. “I’ll do my best.”

After saying good-bye, Lexi jammed her finger down on the disconnect button. She slammed the phone on her desk and swiveled toward her cutting table where she’d been preparing yards of French-woven jacquard for a twenty-thousand-dollar wedding gown. Which made her realize once again how much this potential partnership was costing her.

All her fury, her doubt, her loneliness, her confusion from the past three weeks expanded beneath her veneer, creating hairline cracks. With an animalistic growl, she picked up the phone and chucked it across the studio. It floated over the balcony, punched an armoire with a clack, clattered against the travertine floor of the main salon, and clinked to a stop against a rack of gowns—right beside the front door and Rubi’s sparkling high heels.

Poised there, holding the door open, Rubi gazed at the phone for a long moment, then her eyes lifted toward Lexi. No other part of her body moved. “Bad time?”

All Lexi’s problems crashed like a wave. Failure and embarrassment tangled into a web and wound around her like a straitjacket. She braced her head in her hands. “What the fuck is wrong with me?”

By the time Rubi’s heels clicked on the stairs, Lexi’s tears poured, completely beyond her control.

“I knew this was coming.” Rubi wrapped Lexi in her arms and held her tight. “When are you going to realize it’s not you?”

Lexi pulled away from Rubi when all she wanted to do was sink into her. She wiped her face, covered her mouth, and choked back the awkward sobs for air as she tried to force herself to stop crying.

Rubi crouched in front of her, hands on her knees, her friend’s big eyes swimming with concern and sympathy. “Honey, let me just go drop my friend off and I’ll be right back—”

“No.” Lexi’s hands popped off her mouth. She wiped her face again and sniffled. “Don’t mess up your night, Rubi—”

“This is not messing up my night. You’re my best friend—”

“I kind of need to be alone, you know?” She pulled open the bottom drawer of her desk and yanked tissues out, blotting her eyes. “I need to think about things. Make some decisions.”

“About those?” Rubi tilted her head toward the cutting table and the sketches still sitting out.

Lexi nodded and sniffled again, then lifted a you’re-not-going-to-believe-this look to her friend. “They’re too
sexy
.”

Rubi wore heavy eyeliner tonight and thick mascara that made her eyes pop. A slow grin spread over her face. “They are a bit…outside the box. But then…since New York…so are you.”

Lexi’s face flushed, burning so hot she put her hands to her cheeks again to cool them. “Stop. This is serious.”

“I agree. These designs are a serious reflection of the shift you’ve made since your semi-anonymous rendezvous with Biker Boy. And a serious leap in your design process. A potentially serious leap in your career.”

Lexi slid her hands up and over her eyes. She wished she’d never said anything about Jax to Rubi.

“I’ve noticed it in the way you dress, the way you walk, even the way you interact with your clients, Lexi. And now, here it is in your designs—”

The pressure of Rubi’s hands released from Lexi’s knees, and her heels clicked across the space. Lexi dropped her hands. The tears had stopped as suddenly as they’d started, leaving a hollow, dull ache at the deepest part of her. One she hadn’t felt in decades.