Reckless Mind (17 page)

The car slammed to a stop, my door opened and I was back in Cole's arms in what felt like seconds. “I don't know.” I heard him say, but who was he talking to? “Earlier today I did, but she was fine and talking, didn't seem like she had a fever, but I didn't think to check. Damn it!” He was frustrated, but he kept holding me to his chest the entire time he spoke. “No, I don't want to put her down. No, I don't think she'd be more comfortable in a wheelchair. Look lady, when you have a fucking room or bed for me to put her in with a doctor there ready to look at her then you tell me to put her down. Until then, I'm not letting her out of my sight.”

I heard the nurse ask him to calm down, that I could stay with him if that's what he wanted. Then she asked, “Is this your wife, sir?” Cole paused. Why was he pausing? “Not yet,” he said to the nurse, and she said something to another nurse behind her, but I was so hot, yet so cold at the same time. I was losing consciousness, and I couldn't hold on for anything.

The last few things I remember were feeling Cole walking again, and setting me down on what must have been a bed in the emergency room. Cold hands wiped and moved my arm around and I felt a small prick into my skin, though I couldn't place where. A warm hand enveloped one of mine and I just kept hearing, “She's going to be okay, right?” And then, “You'll be okay, Kahlen. I'm right here.”

Cole had my hand pressed against his lips, repeating those same things, first to whatever doctor or nurse was in the room, and then to me, over and over until I didn't hear anything anymore. I only felt the darkness surround me. And then, just like last night, my fucking mind feeling like I wasn't going through enough already, started in on me.

In my mind I yelled, fought, screamed...telling the men to get their hands off me, telling my guardians I wasn't their fucking whore to dole out, and feeling every single blow all over again for trying to stand up for myself and stop what they'd been doing to me. The kicker was that at least when I was awake it all finally came to an end, but I was stuck inside my mind in my dreams and everything was on an endless repeat.

Chapter 14

Waking up from one of the worst dreams ever, I moved to stretch and yelled out in pain. My eyes instantly shot open at the same time Cole moved to me from the chair in the corner of the room. He looked tired and worried. Him being scruffy, that and his just fucked hair, damn Cole was insanely sexy. Pulling my mind out of the gutter, I took in the room, and then started panicking.

“Why am I here? Cole, what's going on?” I could hear my heart rate increasing on the monitor that must be hooked up to me somewhere, and he took my hand telling me to calm down, that I was okay now.

“You had to have your appendix removed, pretty girl. You freaked me the fuck out,” he leaned in and kissed my forehead. “I saw you on my lunch and you seemed like you had the flu. Then four hours later I tried to get you to come to your door, but I didn't get an answer. I was blowing up your phone, called the landlord to come open your door but he couldn't be there for a couple hours. So I said fuck it and used a crow bar I had in my trunk and pried the latch loose and kicked in the door.” He kissed every single one of my fingers in turn, going slowly, taking his time. Pulling my wrist to his lips next he kissed my scar and ran his nose across my skin breathing me in.

“I probably,” I tried to talk but my throat was so dry and hoarse hardly any sound came out. He handed me a glass of water sitting on the table, and I took a few sips and tried again. “I probably look like hell,” he smiled and I frowned at him.

“Never, pretty girl, you're gorgeous.” My cheeks flushed and that damn monitor on my heart gave away what hearing him call me that had always done to my heart rate. Briefly his eyes flashed to the monitor, a sly smirk on his lips, focusing those pale green eyes back on me.

“How long have I been here?” I knew most hospitals had the dry erase boards in the rooms to tell the patie
nts who their nurses were, the date, restrictions, and what they wanted the patient to try and accomplish for the day. Peeking around Cole I read that my nurse was Jenny, my restrictions were left empty, probably because what they wanted me to do today was stay awake without sedations, and it was Saturday. “Wait, what? Why does it say I've been sedated? It's Saturday? Holy shit, my professors probably think I could give a shit less about class, I'm going to fail everything. Shit!”

“Kahlen, it's okay. I got some papers from the doctors here and Jax already took them into your professors and sent copies to the University's academic office, they know everything going on. Emma stopped by each of your professor's offices daily to pick up anything they have for you so you can get caught up easier, and all of them said they would figure out how to adjust the syllabus for you if you felt you needed it.”

Tears pooled in my eyes, and I tried to take deep calming breaths. I was so thankful for Cole, Emma, and Jax. Who knows where I'd be with my classes without them. And Cole especially, if it wasn't for him I don't even know if I'd be alive right now. But there was one question burning at the front of my mind. “What about Brandon? Where is he?”

Cole shook his head. “Kahlen, why don't we wait until Emma gets up here okay. I haven't seen Brandon, so I don't know where he is or what he's been up to, but maybe she will have more information.”

“You haven't seen him, but she has, right? I mean, he hasn't been gone from his apartment since Tuesday, right?” Cole sat staring at me not knowing what to say. “Cole?” My tone was harsher than I wanted it to be, but I didn't want to be lied to. If he didn't know, then he didn't know, fine.

“No one has seen him, Kahlen.” A ton of bricks hit me square in my chest forcing all the air out. I couldn't breathe, the heart monitor was going off the charts, my breathing coming in gasps.

“No. He didn't leave, Cole. He couldn't. Not after what I told him that morning. Emma said she saw him at their parents' house that afternoon and he looked happy. There's no way he ran again.” Shaking my head back and forth, I didn't believe it. My entire body shook now, and I got super cold, my chest felt like an elephant sat on it, I couldn't get enough air in my lungs. I saw Cole reach over and push the nurse's button.

“Are you doing this because you want me for yourself, Cole? You are, aren't you. You're pissed about the connection I've always had with Brandon, and you want him out of the picture. I can't believe you'd go so low as to tell me he ran again.” Tears streamed down my face now. “You don't know me like he does, you don't. He wouldn't walk away, not after what I told him.” I shook my head again over and over.

The nurse came into the room and saw what I was doing. She opened the door back up and called out panic attack and some dose of some medication I'd never heard of before, which caught my attention. My gaze landed on Cole though instead of the nurse. He looked like I'd just pulled his heart out and dropped it on the floor to leave for dead.

Everything I'd said replayed in my head and my mouth dropped open, “Cole,” but his eyes glossed over and he looked like he was about to breakdown. “I didn't mean,” I needed to fix this right now, I couldn't let Cole walk away thinking I felt what I said, but he backed toward the door. “No, please, Cole. I'm sorry, I didn't,” but he was out of the room before I could say anything else.

I couldn't breathe. I told the nurse I couldn't breathe. Gripping at my throat, tears falling nonstop from my eyes, the nurse slipped a needle into my IV and within seconds I was asleep.

***

“Listen dickhead, I don't give a shit what she said. She was upset, she'd just woken up from being kept under for three fucking days because of shit you have no idea about,” Emma ripped someone a new one, but whoever it was obviously cut her off.

“No, you can
think
you know whatever you want because of what you heard, but until she sits down with you and tells you, you don't know shit do you hear me.” Her hand was in a fist at her side, her entire body was tense. “Point is, she woke up and everything she thought was real fucking wasn't. You going to sit there and tell me you've never lashed out at anyone who didn't deserve it because you were upset?”

Emma was quiet for not even three seconds. “That's what I thought you idiot. Things happen,
shit happens
, Cole. Put on your big girl panties and get the fuck over it or stay the hell away from her. She doesn't need people coming into her life who are just going to walk away from her when shit gets real.”

Well, damn. If I'd ever questioned whether Emma was the best friend I could ever ask for, that could be put to rest.

“I don't care if she thinks she should be with the Pope, Cole. No one knows who they are supposed to end up with, until they know. She thinks she has feelings for Brandon, yeah, but that fuckwad left. Again. I know she wants to be your friend, and I know she has feelings for you too. Do I think she feels the same about you as she did Brandon? No. But guess what? Now she never will because you did the exact same pansy ass thing he did, you walked away the second something other than what you wanted to hear came out of her mouth.”

She pulled the phone completely away from her ear not even bothering to listen to what Cole was saying to her. Emma put the phone back up to her ear and told him to shut up. “Look, you couldn't even take hearing what you already knew was true come out of her mouth. You
knew
she was closer to Brandon, yet when she seems upset over him leaving that surprises you? Makes no sense. If you can't handle that and still be around to be her
friend,
because that's what she needs Cole, friends to stand by her side, then it's better you did leave. Everything else she's gone through makes what you just threw a fit over hearing seem like a fucking vacation on a tropical island. Man up or grow up.”

Emma successfully hung the phone up on him and slammed it down onto the cushion of the chair in the corner. Then she picked it up and slammed it back down over and over again, clearly frustrated. She liked telling people straight and then hanging up on them, letting what she said simmer around in their mind until it actually sunk in.

With a loud sigh she turned around to face the bed, and her scowl turned into a bright smile when she saw I was awake. “Hey, Kay, you gave everyone quite a scare. Don't do that shit to me again, okay?” She leaned in and gave me a hug and kissed my cheek. “I'm so glad you're awake, now you can finally come home. And by home I mean, my home. Jules is having heart attacks Kahlen, she's been talking about ways to have her listed as your guardian so that if anything like this ever happened again she could actually get information.” She rolled her eyes like she thought her mom was being so dramatic, but my eyes got teary at the thought of her wanting to do something so special for me.

“How did any of you know what was going on? Jax come up here and smile at someone?” I tried to laugh but it hurt like hell. Emma laughed too, knowing all too well that it would be just that easy for him.

“Actually, for some reason the nurse that checked you in when Cole brought you into the emergency room seemed to think you were his fiancé, so she kept giving him all the information he asked for, and he never once denied or corrected any of the dozen nurses that were basically stripping in front of him trying to get his attention.” She shook her head in disbelief at how some women threw themselves at men. “I mean, I get he's sexy as fuck, but really? They all think to try to get in his pants when his damn fiancé is lying in a hospital bed. Talk about desperate bitches.”

I did giggle at that even though it hurt. Man I was glad to have Emma in my life. She was a straight shooter, told it like it was, cussed like a sailor, was loyal to a fault, and my best friend. I loved that blonde bombshell with all my heart.

“I know there are things you want to talk about, Kahlen, but let’s just get you out of here first okay? You've been in here for way to long, and my parents are ready to fall all over themselves to take care of you. We were all really worried. Maybe you don't want to hear it, but what Cole did for you, damn if I wouldn't be taking a man to bed if he did all that for me.”

She smacked my leg and laughed, but I kept replaying everything Cole did for me and what I said to him. The awful, untrue things I said. That was the worst version of myself I had ever seen. It was the version of myself that mirrored Helen and Chuck, the last foster home I was with. And it made me sick.

So many things went through my mind, I wanted answers about Brandon. Emma and Jax needed to know how much I appreciated everything they'd done while I was in the hospital. But more than anything I wanted to fix things with Cole.

It took another hour and a half for the doctor to do his final exam and the nurses to get the release paperwork together to go over with me and for me to sign. Emma stopped by my place and grabbed some clothes and all the school work she'd dropped off every afternoon. From what the doctor said, I needed to stay off my feet as much as possible for the next week and then come back for a recheck. At that point he'd be able to let me know if I could return to work and school.

I couldn't help but look at the empty spot where Brandon usually parked. Keeping my head turned out the window I let myself silently cry. He left me. I thought if he knew me, and knew how much telling him everything I'd gone through meant to me, there was no way he'd run again. I was wrong. And not only that, but I was positive I'd ruined my friendship with Cole. So I let myself cry and try to release the pain inside.