Reckless (39 page)

Kellan was absent from our room when I went back to it, but it didn’t take me long to find him. The bus was only so big, after all. Creeping past the people still slumbering, I made my way
to the lounging area of the bus. The driver nodded at me and I waved, hoping he hadn’t heard anything. I sometimes forgot about the drivers of our busses. This one was a sweet older man named
Jonathan. Oh well, Jonathan was a professional bus driver for rock stars. I’m sure he’d heard and seen a lot.

Kellan was seated on a plush chair near a table, strumming his guitar. He peeked up at me and smiled, and I took a moment to just appreciate him before making my way over. He nodded his head at
a steaming cup on the table. “Coffee? It’s instant.” He cringed. There was a small kitchen area near the bathrooms, with a microwave and a mini-fridge, but that was about it.

I graciously accepted the cup anyway. “Thank you.”

Kellan watched me set up my notes and laptop, then returned to his guitar. We worked side by side for a while, with Kellan’s guitar and my keyboard making the only sound. Then Kellan
started humming a song. It wasn’t a melody I’d heard before, and I paused the story in my head to listen to him work on something new. I guess I wasn’t the only one who’d
been inspired this morning. I loved that we could be together, but could be doing our own thing too. We each had our own lives, our own joys, our own friends. We weren’t dependent on each
other for happiness, but being together sure amplified the feeling.

As the minutes stretched on, I thought I could peacefully live out the rest of my days this way. Then an exclamation of surprise sounded from the back of the bus. Kellan and I both turned to
look, but the curtain was still in place, and we couldn’t see anything. We heard it, though. Or rather, we heard
him
.

Louder than was necessary, Griffin was repeating, “Oh my fucking God!” over and over. Other people grumbled, while a few more loudly shushed him; it was still pretty early. Dread
bubbled in my stomach. I was really apprehensive about anything that could shock Griffin.

Kellan set down his guitar and stood up. “Why don’t you stay here?” he said to me. For once, I did as he asked. My heart was beating harder as I watched the curtain swish
closed behind Kellan.

I heard a slew of excited whispers and mumbled complaints. I really had no idea what was going on. The longer Kellan stayed back there, the more curious I became. I half-stood a handful of
times, only to sit back down again. Did I really want to know? Yes . . . and no.

When I finally couldn’t stand it, Kellan remerged. Maybe it was my imagination, but he looked a little paler. As he approached me, I thought I heard my cell phone going off in the very
back of the bus. After it silenced, it went off again.

Kellan quietly sat in the chair next to me while Griffin peeked his head out of the curtain. I couldn’t tell if the look on his face was incredulity, excitement, or just uncontainable
curiosity. He was pulled back into the sleeping section seconds later. My eyes were wide and fearful, my belly full of dread as I locked gazes with Kellan. “What?” I whispered.

Kellan scrunched his brow, almost like he was at a loss for words. My cell phone was still incessantly ringing. While he thought, I murmured, “Maybe I should get that. It could be my
sister.”

Kellan’s expression darkened. “I wouldn’t be surprised.”

“Kellan?”

Sighing, he placed a hand on my knee and said, “Joey leaked the tape. It’s all anyone is talking about this morning.”

My heart sank, but it quickly evened out. I’d been expecting this bombshell. “Oh, you had me worried for a minute.” Kellan chewed on his lip, and I instantly knew there was
more. “What?” I muttered.

He rubbed his thumb around the temple of his skull, like he had a headache. “Joey’s camera was . . . fucking fabulous.” His tone was harsh and sarcastic. Pausing his mind
massage, he looked up at me. “It’s so grainy that she’s hard to make out, so, because of Nick shoving me onto this tour, and all of the stories, photos, and speculation, everyone
is just assuming that I’m doing—”

My heart stopped. “They think you made a sex tape with Sienna.”

Kellan nodded. “They look enough alike that it’s a really easy mistake to make. Plus, the angle wasn’t that great, and there’s no date on the tape. The only clear thing
about it is that it’s definitely me.” He rolled his eyes. “There is this one clear shot of my face, since I . . . started the recording . . . and Joey says my name a
lot.”

A wave of nausea rolled through me, but I pushed it back. He’d made that tape a long time ago. “Oh, should you say something?”

“Yes, absolutely, but . . .” Kellan shrugged. “I’m not so sure that it will matter. People will believe what they want to believe.” He closed his eyes that suddenly
looked very tired. “Even Griffin believes it’s Sienna on the tape.” Reopening his eyes, he cupped my cheek. “I’m sorry, but I think I just unintentionally gave them
the irrefutable proof they were looking for. I don’t think it’s possible to stop this now.”

Knowing he was probably right, I let out a weary sigh. We couldn’t just make a statement and think that everyone would suddenly understand what was really going on. The public was too in
love with the idea of Kellan and Sienna as a couple. No one had really believed Kellan before this tape exploded in our faces. They definitely wouldn’t believe him now. With Kellan’s
very first “No comment” response, we had unwittingly helped fuel up a locomotive. Nick and Sienna had then taken control and sent it barreling down the tracks, and this sex tape had
just snapped the brake lines. The gossip train was out of control now. All we could do was wait for its inevitable crash and hope we all survived the wreckage.

I pushed my computer away, no longer inspired.

I fielded phone calls after that, a lot of phone calls—my sister, Jenny, Cheyenne, Kate, and horrifyingly enough, my parents. They thankfully hadn’t watched the videos or seen any
still shots, but even my mom and dad couldn’t escape the global gossip of Kellan and Sienna’s sex tape. I don’t think my mom believed me when I told her the wedding was still
on.

I finally calmed my parents down, but every single one of my friends had to be “convinced” that the video was years old. Eventually it came down to the tattoo. I gave all of them the
assignment of watching the video and looking at Kellan’s chest. If my name wasn’t engraved above his heart, then they would know without a doubt that it was filmed before we were a
couple. That fact wouldn’t help me with the general public, since not a lot of people knew about his tattoo as it had been cleverly covered up for the music video, but it swayed my friends.
By the time I hung up with them, they grudgingly believed me.

Denny was the last phone call of the day—and the one I’d been dreading the most. I was sitting on the bed I shared with Kellan when my phone rang. The bus had stopped a while ago,
and the numerous roadies were out in force, setting up tonight’s show. I had no idea what city we were in; I’d already lost track.

The boys were all out exploring, probably introducing Holeshot to their little drinking game. The two bands meshed together well, which didn’t surprise me; the D-Bags were an easy-going
group, they got along with most people. Kellan had asked me to go out with him, but I didn’t want to. Then he’d offered to stay in with me, but I didn’t want that either. I wanted
to be alone, staring at the rain streaking down the windowpane and contemplating the strangeness of my life. After he’d gone, I’d found a flower petal taped to the bathroom mirror with
the words
I’m sorry
on it. I knew he was. I was sorry too.

I stared at my ringing phone in annoyance. I almost didn’t have it in me to explain to yet another friend that Kellan wasn’t having an affair with Sienna Sexton. It was a little
irritating how quick they all were to jump on the “He’s a D-Bag” train. But with the music video, the photos, the tour changeup, and now the sex tape, the evidence against him was
pretty damning, and I didn’t blame them too much. If I weren’t here with Kellan, I might have believed it too.

Seeing Denny’s name on my screen, I hesitated, then picked it up. “Hey, Denny,” I answered, feeling sleepy.

“Hey . . . I bet you’re tired of people calling you.”

I smiled for what felt like the first time in hours. “You have no idea. But I’m glad
you
called me.”

“So . . . do I ask?”

“It’s Joey’s tape, the one I told you about. She finally leaked it . . . and everyone thinks it’s Sienna. It’s kind of sad, really. Joey wanted to be in his
spotlight so badly, and even with documented proof, she still can’t get there.” A humorless laugh escaped me.

Denny exhaled a long breath. “I figured that’s what it was. Are you holding up okay?”

Relief flooded through me. It was so nice to not have to convince someone. “I’m as okay as I can be, considering Kellan is making front page news with another woman. Regardless of
who that other woman is or isn’t, it still sucks. I’m afraid to even turn my computer on.”

“Give it some time. They’ll move on to something else soon.”

I shifted my gaze to a raindrop running down the window. Watching the rain was so peaceful. My life used to be peaceful. Wasn’t it, just this morning? “I know, but it’s
entirely possible that the next story they move on to will also include Kellan.” I sniffed, hating that this was getting to me. “I just miss . . .”

My voice trailed off. I was about to say that I missed nobody knowing who he was, but that was never true. Kellan had always had a swirl of notoriety around him. He was always a star. It was
just on a much smaller scale at Pete’s. Sharing him was nothing new, it was just more expansive now.

Denny answered my open-ended statement. “I know.” Silence stretched out between us, then Denny added, “You could always come home, Kiera. Let that world go for a
while?”

Holding my knees tight to my chest, I considered it. I could stay home in an empty house, writing all day and night. I could visit my sister, my friends. I could even fly home to see my
parents—briefly—and I could spend time with Denny. It sounded nice, familiar, comfortable, but . . . my heart was anchored to Kellan. Being apart from him stretched my soul in opposite
directions. It was painful. No, it was torture. He was everything to me, and I didn’t want to miss a moment of his journey just because parts of it were unpleasant. No. When I’d agreed
to be his wife, I’d also been agreeing to stand beside him through thick or thin. And if I could stand by his side during the filming of that damn music video, then I could stand beside him
while he dealt with the consequences of his reckless youth. I wasn’t running, I wasn’t avoiding—not anymore.

“No . . . I belong here with Kellan. But thank you for listening, Denny.”

When I ran into Sienna that night, she was all smiles, loving the attention. Of course, she acted mortified when she spoke with anyone who interviewed her. She even walked away
from a gossip site reporter, throwing her hands into the air and stalking off like she was offended to the core of her being that something so private was being brought up in casual conversation.
By her actions alone, the rumors were confirmed: Kellan and Sienna had made a sex tape together. The world went into a gossip mongering frenzy, and the glorifying of them as a couple exploded into
the stratosphere.

Kellan tried to put out the fire. Physically, he stayed as far away from her as possible, even going to the extreme of singing their duets on the other side of the stage as her. He told everyone
who would listen that Sienna was not the girl in the video, and he was not, nor had he ever been, in a relationship with her. It was all too little, too late, though. Nothing could stop the gossip
train.

Two weeks after the tape’s release, the sordid gossip was still going strong. We were in Atlanta, Georgia, a place I had always wanted to visit, and the boys were doing an early afternoon
in-studio radio interview. I was sitting on a stool against the wall by Tory, who was always present when Kellan and the boys spoke to the press. While I was slumped against the wall, Tory sat
ramrod straight, slightly leaning forward, ready to pounce. Her eyes watched the DJs like a hawk—or like a mama bear protecting her cubs.

“So, Kellan . . . rumors are going crazy. Anything you want to say about the lovely and quite
talented
Sienna Sexton?” The DJ stressed the word talented, and everyone in the
room knew he wasn’t talking about her music.

Kellan shifted on his seat. “I’ve said this about five million times, but she’s an acquaintance of mine. We work together, nothing more.” Tory’s eyes tightened at
Kellan’s admission, but she knew, just like Nick and Sienna, that nothing Kellan said at this point really mattered—a fact the DJ confirmed seconds later.

“Right . . . work.” He turned to his partner. “That’s a gig I wouldn’t mind getting.”

They both let out hearty laughs while Kellan’s expression darkened. “I am not, nor have I ever been, in a relationship with Sienna.”

The men turned incredulous eyes to Kellan. “So, that’s not her on the tape with you?”

Kellan closed his eyes and seemed to count to ten before answering, “No.”

The second male DJ responded with, “Sure looks like her. Even freeze-framed.”

My stomach churned and my hands balled into fists. I hated that the odds were very good that everyone in this room had seen the tape of Kellan having sex. Well, everyone except for me. There was
no way on this green earth that I was watching that. Some things can’t be unseen, and Joey and Kellan going at it like porn stars was one of those things.

Staring the DJ down, Kellan straightforwardly told him, “I don’t see what any of this has to do with my music, which is why I’m here. The woman in the video was a girl I dated
years ago, long before I ever met Sienna. While she happens to sort of resemble her, it’s
not
Sienna Sexton.”

Both male DJs glanced at each other. “It’s sort of strange that no girl has come forward then, right? I mean, if this ‘not-Sienna’ you dated leaked the tape . . . where
is she?” He used air quotes, like he still didn’t believe Kellan.