Recipe for Attraction (17 page)

…

Carson raced through the sliding doors of the emergency room and skidded across the wet floor to the nurse’s station.

“Neil Harrison? What room can I find Neil Harrison?”

One of the nurses barely looked up from her computer screen. The other shot her a half-smile and picked up a clip board. Jesus fucking Christ.

“Carson?” A tiny voice carried from the crowded hallway to her right.

Sterling stood in the doorway with a cup of coffee in her hand.

Someone she knew. She’d have her questions answered. She turned to the nurses and said, “Good thing I wasn’t in a rush to see my injured friend. Thank you so much for your exceptional service.”

Without waiting for a response or a dirty look, Carson flew over to where Sterling stood. “How is he? What happened? Is he going to be all right?”

Her heart raced in her chest and the sound of her blood rushing too fast in her ears made it difficult to concentrate on things around her, but she grabbed Sterling around her biceps and hung on to every word she said.

“He’s fine. A cracked rib and sprained wrist. A few cuts and scrapes but for the most part he’s damn lucky.”

She mumbled a silent prayer. When she’d gotten the call from Jack telling her that Neil had been in an accident, it was the wake-up call she had needed. Last night she blamed Neil for the actions of her father, almost happy to have someone to blame for his disappointment rather than herself. She’d been too afraid to stand up to the man that had been stringing her along for years, her own flesh and blood. But no longer. Neil was too important to give up. He was worth the disappointment from her father. Work was not the most important thing in the world.

She had been through this before. It had been her own living nightmare. Watching her friend spin out on the dirt. Holding him as he died in her arms in a ditch on the side of the road. She had made the promise then and there to stop acting out like she was invincible. She hung up her racing helmet and went on the straight and narrow, making money through legitimate source of income like architecture. The realization that she could lose someone else that meant so much to her put everything into perspective.

She stepped back, shaking her head. She loved him. Too much to give up on him.

“Carson, are you all right?” Sterling asked. She stared at her with the most curious look.

She nodded.

“I don’t know what the hell he was doing riding his bike in the middle of the night. Stupid ass. I’m so angry with him.”

“He asked for you.”

“Really?”

After last night, she doubted she’d ever hear from him again. She was even contemplating skipping the opening of the farm. Too much history. Too much drama.

“Well, he was drugged up at the time. The doctors put him on some pretty heavy-duty pain meds. He kept saying your name and someone named Diaz. Do you know anyone with that name?”

Carson shook her head. She was not going to be the one to rat him out.

“Is he still drugged up?” She hoped he was. He was no doubt in pain. And it might be easier to face him if he was a little loopy.

“Yes, but he’s alert. I’ll take you to him.”

After a few silent steps, Sterling asked, “What’s going on with the two of you anyway?”

“That’s a very complicated answer to a very complicated question. And I wish it weren’t the case.”

“So then…you’re not together?” Sterling sipped her coffee hiding a smile. Whatever Carson said to Sterling would go right back to Jack, and probably the rest of the brothers. She wasn’t one to lie.

“No. I can say with great certainty that after last night, we are
not
together.”

“But you care for him?”

She nodded.

“So then why aren’t you together?”

“Carson.” Jack waved her down as he walked out into the hallway. “I’m so glad you could make it.”

She looked over at Sterling who was still expecting an answer. But Carson didn’t have a valid response because she didn’t know why, other than stupidity, they weren’t together.

She turned back to Jack. “Thank you for calling me.”

“Of course. I would have called you anyway but he was asking for you.” Jack smiled and immediately, Carson could appreciate why Sterling was so smitten with this man. He was beautiful but she preferred her men a little thicker, a little more rough.

“Can I see him?”

“Of course.” Jack stepped away giving her room to approach the door.

When she walked inside, Cole sat at Neil’s bedside. He looked up from the magazine that sat on his lap but she could tell he wasn’t reading.

“Hi, Carson.”

She nodded and tiptoed further inside.

Cole shot up and rested the magazine on the table beside the bed.

Neil’s big body lay limp against the mattress. It was covered by a blue blanket. The tray table had been pushed off to the side and the remnants of his dinner still sat on a plate. It wasn’t hospital food. No doubt one of his brothers made him a care package.

Cole rubbed her arm and smiled before he slipped out the door and closed it behind him.

She walked slowly, quietly toward the bed. Neil’s chest rose in even beats. His arm was needled up with an intravenous line and the bag dripped clear liquid into the tube. He was in a private room, thankfully. No need for anyone else to witness what she was about to say.

She sat on the chair and pulled it closer to the bed. She reached for his hand and threaded her fingers with his. They were warm and clammy. They twitched in her grip.

When her eyes travelled from their hands to his face, she jumped when she realized he stared back at her.

“What are you doing here?”

His voice was thick, rough, just like she liked it. But his tone was accusatory. Not the welcome she had been hoping for. But could she blame him? She all but threw him out of her condo last night. After she had made him feel like the worst version of himself.

“I…”

His eyes were stern, like his expression. His lips were drawn into a thin line. He was not happy to see her.

“Jack called me. Told me that you were in an accident.”

He grunted.

“I take it you didn’t ask for me.”

She should have known better. Neil wasn’t the romantic type. Of course he didn’t ask for her in his time of need.

“If you’re here to lecture me, you can leave.”

He pulled his hand away and threaded his own together across his chest.

“Well, you are stupid. What the hell were you thinking going back to Diaz?”

He knew how dangerous it was. That all it took was one more time to have the bottom fall out from under you.

“I was thinking I needed to let off some steam and riding would be the perfect cure.”

She had driven him there. Her stupid, naïve, unwarranted behavior had led him right into the arms of his almost-death. How could she ever live with the fact that she had put him in this hospital bed? That if she had let him love her, let him stay the night, he wouldn’t have run off upset and he wouldn’t have ended up at that race.

“I’m…I didn’t mean to run you off. I’m sorry. It was all too much, too overwhelming.”

“You were right. Whatever this is between us isn’t healthy. We both want the same thing Carson. Work comes first. Always has. Always will. It’s better that we figured it all out now before it was too late.”

It wasn’t too late. They could still pick up where they left off. She would apologize. That’s all. He just needed to know how she felt. That the thought of losing him, the thought of him in this hospital, put everything into perspective.

“I need to tell you—”

“I think you said everything you needed to last night.”

He didn’t look at her when he spoke. He had given up on that after the first few minutes. That warmth she had seen in his eyes so many times was gone. That tiny smile she had elicited on occasion was wiped clean. The wonderful man his mother would have been proud of had gone back into his shell, and it was all her fault.

“I was upset. I had just lost a major deal and I didn’t know how to handle it. I freaked out…on you…and for that I’m sorry.”

“No apologies. We knew what this was from the very beginning. I got my license back. I don’t need a chauffeur anymore.”

If she was honest she would admit that she only propositioned him so that she could pursue the unspoken connection between them. So she threw herself at him in the most subtle way she could and it had worked. For a short while anyways.

“Are you sure about that? Seems to me when you’re left to your own devices you do stupid things.”

“I’m positive, sweetheart.”

He hadn’t called her sweetheart, in a derogatory way, since that night he discovered her at the race. That Neil Harrison, the one she was desperately attracted to but wanted to stab in the eye with her number three pencil, was back. Somewhere between her condo last night and this hospital room, he had relapsed. He was no longer the sweet, determined, sexy man she had grown to love.

“Look, we’ve been over this before. Our work together is done. Our private deal is no longer necessary. I told my brothers everything. They’ll be there if I need them.”

“What if I changed my mind?”

She’d never seen such a dumbfounded look like he’d just been stunned with a Taser.

“You have nothing to say?”

She may want to carve her own path when it comes to her career and she knew all about ambition, but there was more to life than blind want. After all these years, since her mother’s death, she’d just wanted someone to love her. And Neil was too obsessed with paying back a woman who would have never wanted to him to be alone. But she knew when she wasn’t wanted.

She stood from the seat and turned, taking two steps toward the door, but a large hand wrapped around her arm.

“Carson, wait. I…”

She whirled around, hoping against hope he would say the words. “You what?”

His shoulders slumped forward and his eyes dropped to the blanket. “I can’t put you first.”

Those weren’t the words. Those were in fact the exact opposite of the words she wanted to hear. Taking a deep breath, she stood her ground. “And I can’t be with a man who loves his work more than he loves me. Someone who’s willing to let every important relationship implode without realizing it’s even gone.”

“Work is all I have.” His eyes watered. It was the meds making him emotional. “This is the one thing in the world that gives me purpose.”

“Wrong again.” She sighed. He was such an idiot. “It’s not your work that gives you purpose. It’s what your work allows you to do. You spend all of this time and energy helping teenagers, raising funds for charity, and you don’t even see the good you bring to this world.”

She turned away. It was too hard looking at him.

“Carson, don’t leave.”

“Here we are again. One of us asking the other to stay.” She looked over her shoulder right into his eyes. “But will you give me what I want?”

When his eyes darted to the window, it was all the answer she needed.

Chapter Eleven

Carson stood at the edge of the outdoor patio looking out over the pond. The sound of the water from the waterwheel hitting the stillness below was soothing.

The summer evening was warm and humid, but a cool breeze caressed her bare shoulders making it bearable. The mosquitos, on the other hand, were not so bearable.

She turned to look through the concave window that fit across the building from one edge to the next. The kitchen sparkled in the background, the open concept even visible from the patio. Exactly what Neil had envisioned. Three rows of tables spread out along the width of the building, each one on its own riser enabling every guest no matter what table they sat at to have a view of the pond. The semi-circular shape of the restaurant provided an intimate atmosphere.

The slate-topped outdoor tables lined the wood and rod iron railing. Dark teak chairs complimented the tables.

In the distance, the barn sparkled with hundreds of tiny lights. Guests had already arrived for the party and were carried in groups of ten from the parking lot in a tractor. A suped-up tractor with plush lining across the bench seats and a see-through canapé so guests could still see the stars in the night sky.

She had done a good job if she did say so herself. But she hung back, a little nervous to make her entrance. It had nothing to do with seeing Neil. Nothing at all. The way they had left things was perfectly acceptable. The responsible thing to do. Not only for her career, but for her heart. She couldn’t stand to have it stomped all over by someone who she didn’t have to love.

She walked out of the restaurant closing the heavy wood door behind her. A few servers still lingered as cleanup crew. The main party was still in full swing up but a select number of media and food critics had been given an exclusive tour prior to being taken up to the barn. Penn took them around the facility and given them the background, the operational plans and so on. And a Madewood tour wouldn’t be complete without wine and cheese at their fingertips.

She waited with a few guests, people she didn’t recognize, at the designated spot and when the tractor pulled up, the attendant held out his hand. “Come on up, Ms. Kelly.”

She nodded, stepping up carefully so as not to catch her heel on the sketchy step.

It was a bumpy ride to the barn but peaceful despite the overbearing noise of the tractor chugging along.

Big band music caught her attention even before she reached the entrance to the barn. Inside, she sidestepped through the crowds of people seeing a few familiar faces. Evan stood at the long bar with his wife. She waved but didn’t approach.

Her father was off to the side huddled in a group of men, Martin hot on his heel. He might as well attach himself to her father’s hip. He took ass-kissing to a whole new level. The men laughed, and ice clinked from the glasses of scotch they held in their hands.

She approached but kept her distance, an ominous feeling overtaking her.

“As soon as I saw the windmill I knew exactly how the building should look,” Martin said. “The semi-circle structure was exactly what the Madewood family was looking for. It’s fresh but the traditional décor pulls it all together.”

Those were her words.

“Of course the Madewood family knows a good idea when they see one,” he continued.

Bile rose from her stomach and settled into her throat. Traitorous bastard. Stealing her words. Stealing her credit after openly admitting a year ago that he didn’t agree with any of her plans.

The group of men he spoke to stepped back, parting like the sea, exposing her father who was huddled in the middle.

“Sweetheart, you look beautiful tonight. Just like your mother.” And there it was. That distant, sad look he got in his eyes every time she was mentioned.

“Thank you, daddy. Hello, gentlemen.”

The group nodded. She didn’t recognize a single one of the men who were indulging her father’s presence.

Martin stepped forward and scooped his arm through hers, pulling her away.

“What are you doing?”

“We need to talk.”

She ripped her arm away as best she could without making a scene. “I will not talk to you.”

“You kids go have fun,” her father said. Most likely trying to distract from the fact that she looked less than amused. “Leave us old men to talk about the good old days.”

Martin grabbed her arm again, pulling her away from the entire party into some the small utility room Carson had added onto the barn and closed the door behind them.

“I don’t want anything to do with you traitor. It’s bad enough you steal my account, but you’re taking the credit for the farm.” She glared. “I heard what you said.”

“In the end it’s not going to matter who did what. We can share the credit. That’s what married couples do.”

She burst out laughing. “Married couples.” She grabbed on to her stomach.

Martin reached into the inside pocket of his jacket and pulled out a velvet box. She recoiled. There could only be one thing in that type of box. Her suspicions were confirmed when Martin dropped to one knee.

He opened the box and a diamond ring sparkled back at her. A huge diamond ring.

“Carson Kelly. We should get married. There is no sense in us fighting over the top dog position. We can share it. And share a life together.”

“Are you fucking insane? Why would I marry you?”

“Because we’re the same. We love architecture. We’re both seeking the approval of a man who is difficult to please and we both live and breathe work.”

“You
are
insane. No, I will not marry you.”

Martin stood, crossed his arms over his chest and he frowned. “This is about Neil Harrison.”

“This has nothing to do with Neil.” Yes it did. It had everything to do with Neil Harrison. The moment Martin had pulled out that ring, Carson couldn’t help but wonder what it would be like if Neil had been the one to ask her to marry him. What kind of life would they live? She shook her head to clear the fantasy. “This is about you being a lying, cheating weasel, and I will never marry you. Not even if it means giving up the company. You can have it.”

“I thought once you saw what you looked like with him you’d see that it was no good. The two of you are no good together.”

What the hell was he talking about? When she saw what—

Realization washed over her. When she saw what they looked like together…

In the kitchen of the restaurant.

The sex tape.

“You stole the security tape? You leaked it to the press. What kind of sick person does that?”

“You should be ashamed of yourself. The way you acted with him. Losing all control.”

It was all coming together—the reason why Neil was so upset that night when he showed up at her place. “You orchestrated that punch too, didn’t you?”

“I’m surprised lover boy didn’t tell you.”

Neil knew all about this?

“I knew the threat of you losing your job would be enough to keep him quiet.”

He had pushed her away. At the hospital. It was all for her.

“You don’t belong with him. Don’t you know that I’m the only one who will allow you to run your precious company. Face it, you need me.”

Like hell. She didn’t need him. Or her father. They were the last two people in this world she needed to take her career to the next level. She’d allowed her lingering teenage guilt to fool herself to think otherwise. She’d believed that with her mother gone, her father was all she had left. But that stopped today.

“Martin?” Her father’s voice carried from the doorway. “You were the one responsible for the sex tape?”

“Carson…Sir…I…” Martin shook in his expensive patent leather shoes.

He crossed the threshold of the doorway and walked closer, the look on his face growing more angry with every step. She hadn’t seen him this livid since…since she’d gotten caught racing.

“You disgusting little slime.”

Carson couldn’t stop the smile that spread across her face.

“You planned all of this. At what cost? I took you under my wing. It was only a matter of time before the two of you took over. That’s all I ever wanted.”

“I tried to stop that security company from leaking the tape.” He shrugged and looked over at Carson. “I did everything I could.”

The weasel was even more weasel-y than she thought. How could he possibly think he could get out of this?

When her father didn’t react, Martin went on. “And we will take over.” He held up the ring. “We’re getting married.” The desperation in his voice was music to her ears.

“How could you embarrass the firm—my
daughter
—like that? I have never been so appalled in all of my life. Did you honestly think it was acceptable to publicly violate my daughter that way?” Her father sidled up to her and lifted his arm in a gesture to wrap it around her body. He hesitated, instead taking a step back. “I’m sorry, dear.”

He turned his attention back to Martin. “You can consider yourself fired.”

“But—”

“But nothing! You defiled my daughter and exposed her to the eyes of perverts all over the internet.”

Her father turned and looked her in the eye, realization and shame in his expression. “This is all my fault. I’ve played the two of you off each other for the last four years, thinking it was healthy rivalry. Thinking that maybe this could give you that competitive thrill you craved without you risking your life to get it. After losing your mother, I couldn’t bear to lose you, too.” His shoulders slumped forward and he let out a heavy sigh. “But I set this all in motion. And I’m disgusted with myself.”

Her father had been trying to keep her from racing?

If that was true, it meant she had been completely wrong about… everything. Every ill feeling she had about herself at his hand had been his way of keeping her from racing. In his own twisted way, it was his version of keeping her safe. Showing his love for her. “Daddy, it’s all right.”

“No.” He cupped her cheek. “You are an exceptional architect. An exceptional person but I can’t take credit for that part. That was all your mother.”

For the first time, in a very long time, she saw her father. The man he was, the man he used to be when he was a husband instead of a widower.

It was weird, listening to her father give her a compliment. Surreal. But it was actually happening.

“You know, this is the first time you’ve ever given me a compliment.”

Her father pointed his finger at her. “Compliments are for the weak. A reassurance of actions not executed with confidence.”

Oh, well. She couldn’t expect all of him to change in one night.

She shrugged. “Thank you, anyway.”

“What about me?” Martin asked, his expression hopeful. He still hadn’t moved from his spot on the floor.

Carson patted her father on the arm. “I got this one, Dad.” She looked over at Martin and glared. “Like my father said earlier, you’re fired. Now get lost you weasel before we have security throw you out on your ass.”

Satisfaction filled her chest. Damn it felt good to say that. It felt good to be vindicated. To prove to her father once and for all that she was the one he should have trusted, the one who wouldn’t let him down.

“We should start discussing the lead designer position. First thing Monday morning I want you in the office and—”

She placed her hand on his chest. “I’ve been waiting all my life to hear you say that. But…” For the first time she believed she could do it on her own. Neil believed in her. And despite their tense relationship, she wouldn’t let him down. “I think I want to try things on my own.”

Was it completely wrong to feel a mild excitement at the fact that her father was finally giving her what she wanted…and that she had the courage to turn it down?

“Carson, don’t be silly.” Her father shook his head and laid his hand at the small of her back, ushering her out of the utility room. “Let’s not be hasty. I didn’t start my own firm until I was much older and established.”

She stopped just outside the door and pinned him with her stare. “I’m not you.”

“Carson.” For the first time he was actually at a loss for words, his only communication, an annoyed expression at the fact that he’d lost the battle. He no longer controlled her life. She’d no longer let him.

As he stared into her eyes, her father said, “He’s changed you.”

They both knew who
he
was.

He looked on with confusion, as if he was looking for something, a physical manifestation of her new confidence.

Neil Harrison
had
changed her. On the inside. And she would forever be thankful.

She placed a kiss on his cheek. “Goodnight, Daddy.” And walked away.

She sidled up to the rented bar, resting her hand on the cherry wood. She surveyed the party and all of the happy faces. Lively conversations and clinking glasses told her people were having a good time.

The barn was serving its purpose. It was the perfect event space. Tonight had certainly proven that. And for that she deserved a pat on the back.

Penn flitted from table to table flirting and touching every man between the age of eighteen and thirty-five. Cole and Finn were huddled off to the side with a man and woman she’d never seen before. And Sterling and Jack were attached at the hip as he introduced her to some of the guests.

But despite the joy happening around her, she still felt empty. Like something was missing. And it wasn’t the weight of disappointment and judgment that usually sat on her shoulders.