Rebel Heart (17 page)

She heard the shower, the sudden silence when he shut it off. For one crazy moment she almost rose and went into his room, almost climbed into his bed just to see what he’d say to that.

But she couldn’t risk it. Couldn’t risk another slap in the face, another rejection. She closed her eyes as the tears seeped through her lids.

Shannon was flipping hotcakes when Jase entered the kitchen the next day.

“Good morning,” she said easily, determined to give him no cause to suspect how much she wished last night had been different.

“Um, morning.” He poured a large mug of coffee and took a hearty sip. Closing his eyes, he flicked them open to look at her warily.

“You’re up early,” he said.

“Sure. I wanted to check that bore near where the fire started. If we need to get it cleaned out, I want to assign a couple of the men to do it this week. Then I thought I’d swing by some of the fencing on the far end and see if it needs repair.”

“One of the men could do that.”

“I know, but I need the experience. Did Josh leave?”

“Yes. He could only stay a day. I spent the day before the wedding with him.”

Relief he hadn't been having one last fling before they got married warred with a feeling of being excluded. He could have told her, could have had her meet Josh before the reception.

“Want to ride out with me?” Shannon asked as she sat opposite him. Both reached for the syrup at the same time. She nodded. “Go ahead.”

He poured the warmed syrup over his stack of pancakes, then offered the container to her. Her fingers brushed his as she took it. Satisfied at the feeling that she still felt at his every touch, she began to eat.

“No. You can take Dink or someone with you if you like. There’s a lot to do here. I want to get the money transferred into your account. Make sure the feed store knows you have final word. Double check out a few of the schedules we devised. A week’s not a long time.”

“You think you’ll be ready to go in a week?”

“I hope so. I’ve got the latest listing of the top contenders. I’ve mapped out the route I can take to get in as many stops as possible. If Shadow can hold up, we’ve got a long shot in the cutting events.”

“How about bronc riding?”

He shrugged. “I don’t know. I’ll see how I do in the first few. Even if I can’t catch up in the points, being in the money’s at the local rodeo's good.”

“I appreciate all you’ve taught me. I’m sorry you got hurt, but it’s been a lifesaver for me. I’m grateful,” Shannon said, wanting to say more, but unable to do so.

“Yeah, I know.” There was no expression in his face or voice. He continued to eat.

The week flew by. Shannon tried to slow things down, tried to spend as much time as she could with Jase, but even the moments shared seemed to melt away.

And he kept busy. He spent hours every day working with Shadow, building up his endurance. He checked everything the men did, making sure each one knew his job, making sure each could manage with Shannon as boss. Made sure each one knew he’d be back.

The first thing Shannon noticed Thursday afternoon when Jase came in to dinner was the missing cast. Her heart stopped.

“It’s off?” she said, staring, stunned. She hadn’t even known he was going to town today. She’d been out near the river, and he'd never said a word.

“Off.”

“How’s your arm?” Slowly, as if pushing through molasses, she continued carrying the platter of ham to the table.

“Good as new. Ribs doing fine, too, the doctor said.” He brushed past her to wash at the sink.

“So you’ll be leaving soon, then.” She placed the platter down carefully. As if any sudden motion would cause it to shatter. Disappointment and hurt settled in. She’d known it, why should she care now that the reality had arrived.

“In the morning,” he said, his back toward her. It took a long time to wash his hands. “If I get started early enough I can make Kaycee in time for a two day event there.”

“Then it’s a good thing we’re having ham tonight, it makes good sandwiches,” she said, marveling that her voice continued to sound so normal. Inside she felt as if she were melting away. “Maybe I can make some cookies tonight for you to take.”

“You don’t have to bother.”

“I don’t mind.”

When had he become so important to her? He was a part of her now. She could no more live without thinking of him than she could breathe. It went beyond the money he’d brought. While it helped, it only aided the ranch.

She needed him to complete something within herself. The ranch meant nothing without him. She hoped he was still planning to come back. Hoped he told her the truth when he said he wanted to build up the place. To watch it grow from the ground up.

“Will you give me the schedule of rodeos you’ll be competing in?” she asked as she poured their drinks. Her hands shook slightly. She tried to stop the shakes. She wouldn't make an idiot of herself. She had more pride than that.

“Yeah. I’ll call you every couple of days to make sure you’re all right.” He sat down, his face closed.

“I’ll be fine. I hope you get all the points you need to make the finals.”

“You’ll still come to Las Vegas?”

“I said I would.”

They ate in silence.

When finished, Jase left to pack. Shannon baked cookies, cleaned the kitchen, packed a huge lunch. She felt numb the entire time.

It was late when she finished. Jase was still in the office. She paused in the door. “I packed you a lunch for tomorrow.”

“Thanks. I’m leaving early. Sleep in. You don’t have to get up when I leave.”

“Okay.”

He rose and came around the desk, his eyes on her. She watched until he reached the halfway point, then launched herself into his arms. Encircling his shoulders she held on tightly.

“Oh, Jase, don’t go. I’ll miss you so,” she whispered, tears running down her cheeks.

His arms were like steel bands, molding her to him, pressing her tightly as if he’d never let her go.

“Darlin’, you know I have to go. I’ve wanted this for so long. You knew I’d be leaving.”

She nodded, clutching him tightly, breathing in the scent of him, imprinting the feel of him to never forget. She took a shaky breath, tried to brush away the tears before he saw them.

“I know. But you’ve done so much for me. Taught me so much, enabled me to hire the new men, buy the feed—”

“So help me, Shannon, if you mention how grateful you are one more time, I’ll shake you.”

She tried to smile. “I know. I am grateful, but I won’t say it again.”

“You take care of yourself,” he said roughly.

“You, too. Don’t go falling again.” She didn’t want to let go. She wanted to hold him forever.

“Don’t worry about me, darlin’, I’ll be fine.”

She nodded and turned her head, kissing his cheek. Then his mouth covered hers in a brief, searing kiss before he set her back, turned and gently shoved her out the door.

“I’ll call.”

She nodded and continued down the hall. Tears blurred her vision. He was leaving and there was nothing she could do but let him go.

The days dragged. But Shannon was not the same woman who had approached an injured rodeo cowboy several weeks ago. She had more confidence in dealing with ranch issues. She could direct the men, plan for the future. She knew enough about the computer program to continue to input historical data. Once things were running smoothly, she could use it for estimates of feed needs, lineages of the different stock, plan sales.

And if she needed help, she knew she could call on her neighbors, or ask Jase.

He called her the third night.

The call was not as satisfactory as she wished. He asked after the men, the stock, the horses. He’d even asked casually after her. But she wished he’d asked about her first.

She’d followed his progress on the schedule he’d left her. Asked how he’d performed. While she couldn’t help wondering what he did between performances, she didn’t ask. If he was out partying with the other cowboys she didn’t want to know.

She refused to credit Jase with the same behavior as Bobby. He’d told her not to compare him to Bobby and she tried desperately not to. He was a different man and deserved to be respected for who he was.

Yet in the dark lonely nights, she wondered.

She missed him. The ranch didn’t have the same obsession on her it once had. It became a place to live and to work. But without the person who made it all worthwhile, it just filled the time. She was restless, lonely.

She followed the professional rodeo website to follow the standings. The first couple of weeks she saw no mention of him. But then she saw he’d moved back into the top fifteen for cutting horses. A week later, he had enough points that he had a shot at the National Finals Rodeo after all.

She wondered if she dare take a few days and go see him perform.

Two weeks after his phone call, he hadn’t called again. She went to bed each night wondering if she’d hear from him the next day, wondering if something was wrong. What if he’d tried to phone and she’d been out. If so, he'd neglected to leave a message.

She checked his itinerary before she went to bed. He was in Wyoming. It was a long way away. Out of sight, out of mind? She wanted him to call to tell her he was all right.

Shannon sat back in the office chair, vaguely pleased with the way things were going. The ranch was running smoothly. She was caught up on all the records, was confident in supervising the men and their tasks, and had easily handled the feed company when negotiating their latest order.

Her desk was clear. Feeling proud of her accomplishments, she glanced around, noting a stack of
Stockmen’s Journal
s waiting to be read. She hadn’t had a chance since before Rod arrived at the ranch.

Since it had turned cool as October sped by, she was looking for something to do inside. She didn’t want to go out in the late afternoon air. Might as well catch up on the reading. She reached for the most recent journal.

Curious, she flipped open the cover, leafed through. There was an article on—suddenly she stopped. There, facing her in full color, was a picture of Jase Hart. Her heart lurched as she studied the much loved face. What was his picture doing in the journal?

Scanning the article, she was stunned. Slowly she leaned back in the chair, began again, reading every single word.

“That lying, cheating, son of a bitch!” she hissed between clenched teeth, rereading the opening paragraph. “I’m going to find the meanest bronc in Texas and put him on it with his hands tied behind his back,” she declared, surging to her feet and rummaging around on her desk until she found his itinerary. She was so mad she could spit!

“I’m going to stake him out on the plains and run a herd of cattle over him, twice!” She sought the date, matched it to where he was. Calculating how long it would take her to drive to Wyoming, she frowned and looked for where he’d be in two days.

She snatched up the journal again, still turned to the article. Seeing his picture had her plotting other dire actions she could take to make sure he understood just how angry she was. Who the hell did he think he was making a fool of her like that? She’d skin him alive!

It was late. Too late to leave today. She was not going to go haring off in the dark.

First thing tomorrow she’d be on the road. Oh, just wait until she caught up with him! She’d wring his neck.

Angry as never before, she flung the journal across the room, heard it hit the wall and fall with a plop to the floor. Pacing to control the fury that raged through her, she longed to face her husband, just for five minutes. She’d make sure he rued the day he’d lied to her.

She hadn’t been this angry when Bobby had walked away. She hadn’t felt this hurt in all the time she could remember.

“Just you wait, Jase Hart,” she muttered, pacing the room.

Two and a half days later Shannon pulled her pickup truck into the fairgrounds holding the Trinity Rodeo. Pickups and horse trailers abounded, sharing the dirt parking lot with haphazardly parked cars. The area was designated for contestants. She had lied just a little to get in, but she figured it was justified. After all, it couldn’t begin to match her lying husband.

She hopped out of the truck, turned to snatch up the rumpled journal, then slammed the door. Walking to the arena, she remembered the first day she’d met Jase. Anger boiled again. He could have said something that first day. Or any day since.

She stopped two cowboys. “I’m looking for Jase Hart, do you know him?”

“Know of him, rides broncs,” one said, running his eyes over her trim figure, giving her a friendly grin.

“That’s right, do you know where he is?”

“That event’s going to go off in another few minutes, he’s probably at the chutes,” the other offered.

“And how do I get there?”

“You can’t, unless you’re a contestant. And the last I heard they don’t take women.”

Stalking away without a word, she bought a ticket for the stands. Climbing up until she had a good view of the arena, she found a seat in some shade and waited, quietly seething at the delay. The announcer was warming up the crowd. It was sparse; Friday afternoons were still working days for most folks. But the crowd was a respectable size. The stands would likely be full for tonight’s show, and the Saturday ones.

Bareback bronc riding was the first event and she settled down to watch Jase compete. The first rider barely cleared the chute before falling. The second drew a horse that ran too mellow to rack up the points. The third rider scored in the low seventies. Jase was number four.

Shannon gripped her hands together as he began to ride. The horse went wild, bucking and corkscrewing, his unruly mane and tail flying in the wind. Jase raked his spurs on the shoulders, one hand held high, the other holding the rope. His hat jammed on his head, he concentrated on the ride.

Head almost between his knees, the horse tried to dislodge the rider. His hind legs flew straight up. He swapped ends. All four legs hit the ground at the same time, jarring the rider. Jase held on. Eight seconds ticked by as if in slow motion.