Ready to Love Again (Sweet Romance #2) (8 page)

Please tell my family I love each and every one of them dearly and that I am sorry for inflicting this pain on them. I hope, in time, they will look back and cherish all the fond memories instead of seeing me for the sick man they saw every day towards the end.

I love you with all my heart and soul, my sweet, beautiful Lys. Please don’t hate me for too long after you read my final words. Know that I will be watching over you and wishing you peace, happiness and in time, love.

Remember this; fate is wholly inexorable.

Yours,

Ethan xxx

Tears quietly ran down my cheeks. I dabbed at them with a napkin from the table. I watched as Clark’s eyes went through a range of emotions as he read my dear husband’s last words, words I had committed to memory. They came to me in my dreams, but also in my nightmares. For the last two years, I had been having recurring nightmares about Ethan, the kind that left me feeling utterly bereft upon waking to an empty bed.

“Lys…” Clark said, a hitch in his voice.

He took a gulp of his drink and looked me in the eye.

“I am so, so sorry. I don’t know what to say. This must have all been so hard for you.”

His eyes took on that glassy look that suggests unshed tears.

“It was very hard. We were so young, we thought we had our lives in front of us. We planned children, a big house with a swimming pool where we would teach our children to swim and spend many an hour splashing about and having fun. We had that future cut short, we were devastated by the diagnosis. I don’t know if you know much about the disease, but most often, patients are given a prognosis of three to five years to live after diagnosis. Ethan was put in for a clinical trial but it didn’t work for him.”

I paused, unable to continue to talk about Ethan or ALS or anything, really. I wanted to never have to talk about it again. I knew I must give Clark the rest of the story, though truthfully there wasn’t much more to tell.

“Ethan had talked about the end a lot. He always said that he’d rather go on his own terms rather than watch me watch him deteriorate. He knew I wouldn’t help him end his own life. He didn’t even ask me, knew it would be a burden I would carry for the rest of my days and he didn’t want to do that to me. So, one day when I went to get some grocery shopping done, he took an overdose. He was dead by the time I got home.”

Clark reached for my hand across the table. I let him take it and hold it between his warm, gentle hands.

“I felt for a pulse and fell to the ground crying and screaming for my wonderful husband to come back to me. It felt surreal and only too real all at the same time. I couldn’t bring him back.”

My eyes welled at the painful memory. I took a deep breath before continuing.

“My heart was truly broken that day. I looked at my beautiful husband, finally at peace from so much pain, He still looked like my Ethan, but the light had left his eyes. It felt like an eternity until the ambulance arrived, but in reality it was only a few minutes. When they arrived, it took two of the paramedics to prise me away from my soul mate. I clung to him, tears still streaming down my cheeks. They gently led me away and I felt a sharp stabbing pain as though my heart had been cleaved in two.”

My throat clogged up and my mouth went dry.

That was as much as I could tell him for now. I’d tell him later about the funeral and things if he wanted to know, but I had a feeling he wouldn’t push me to say more.

***

I went back to work, but couldn’t concentrate on anything for the rest of the day.

Chase came by the office to talk about work but it all went in one ear and out of the other.

Thankfully he didn’t mention the kiss and neither did I. It was the last thing I felt like talking about right then.

As I was leaving for the day, Chase offered me a lift home, but I told him I’d already called a cab. A lie, but I felt like giving him the cold shoulder might make him realise the kiss was a huge mistake.

I went home and locked myself away with the curtains drawn shut and the light off. Only the light from my Kindle and the last remaining daylight beyond the curtains lit the room.

It was hard telling Clark all that stuff and showing him the letter. Emotionally, I’d run a gauntlet recently. I just needed to shake it off, pretend everything would be okay.

Maybe house-hunting might help? I guessed it couldn’t do any harm to get my laptop out and take a look.

Chapter Eleven

I woke up the next morning feeling a little better. I had found some houses to take a look at. They were all in the Brockwood area except for one that was in Wentworth, the next town over. I wasn’t sure whether I wanted to live in Wentworth. Honestly, I haven’t exactly gone investigating anywhere except for Brockwood.

The reasons to stay in this town would be Clark and my job. But then I could get to work from Wentworth. I guess it’s time to find a car.

I had intended to find a house first and buy a car with the money left over, but I got sick of paying for cabs to and from work, grocery shopping, that kind of thing.

So getting a car was next on my ‘to-do’ list.

As I got ready for work, I sent a quick text to Clark.

Alyssa: Fancy coming car hunting with me after work?

I was just getting ready to leave when his reply pinged in my inbox.

Clark: Sure! Meet at yours about 5?

Alyssa: Great. C U then!
I replied.

I was confident Clark would help me find the perfect motor for what I needed. I don’t need anything too expensive, just something that runs good and gets me from A to B.

I got a cab to work and as we pulled up, I saw Lexi getting out of a sleek looking sports car.

“Hey Alyssa!” she called as we walked towards the office.

“Hey yourself! Sweet ride!” I tried to whistle but it came out really quiet and sounded silly, which made us both laugh.

“Thanks. It’s a Lotus Exige. Daddy bought it for my birthday. It even has a personalised plate; S3X1 L3X1. Get it? Sexy Lexi!”

I laughed at the ridiculousness but she didn’t seem to notice. I haven’t had much to do with Lexi since I started working here. Now I’m getting the idea it’s because she’s a spoiled little daddy’s girl.

I really shouldn’t form an opinion based on such little knowledge of her and I could use a female friend. Maybe getting to know her isn’t such a bad idea.

“Hey Lexi, want to grab lunch together today?” I asked as we got in the elevator to our floor.

“Sure. Sounds good. Where and what time?” she asked as she inspected her manicure and peered down at her toes that were housed in what I could only imagine were Manolo Blahniks or Jimmy Choos.

“Twelve o’clock at The Mermaid?”

“The Mermaid? Isn’t that the tiny little village pub? Why would we want to eat there? Let’s go to Rodrigo’s, my treat, of course.”

“Rodrigo’s?” I asked.

I might not have lived here that long, but I thought I knew the names of some decent places to eat, mainly due to my takeaway and DVD nights with Clark. While we’re on the subject, I love The Mermaid. What’s wrong with pub food? Maybe she is a spoiled little rich kid after all. This might not end well.

“Don’t tell me you haven’t heard of Rodrigo’s? It’s only like
the
coolest place. They serve some of the best tasting food this side of…well…anywhere round here.” She was sounding more like a snob by the second. Great!

I made a mental note to check Rodrigo’s out on the net when I got to my office.

“I haven’t lived round here for very long, so I’m new to all the cool places to hang out.”

I thought my half-truth was a smooth one.

“Oh that’s okay. I’ll show you the places to be seen at. Trust me, The Mermaid is not one of them.”

I mentally rolled my eyes. Is that possible? If not, I did what
I
thought of as a mental eye-roll.

“Great!” I chirped as the elevator door opened to the third floor.

We walked out into the hallway that led to our offices.

“I’ll meet you out here by the elevator at 11:55, sound okay?”

“Sure. See you then,” I said with a fake smile and a little wave as I walked toward my own office.

I shut the door behind me and sagged into my chair in relief.

Why was I so bothered if she was a spoiled little daddy’s girl? Perhaps because I had worked hard for everything I ever had and to see people get it all handed to them and then squander it…that irked me no end.

I spent the morning reading a new book called
Loving Me For Me
by Kathy Lewis. It had me hooked from the opening line. It’s your typical boy meets girl, they fall in love, except for the fact that the girl is disabled and the boy loves her for who she is beyond the disability. It was such a touching story that I sat there with a box of tissues handy.

I looked at the clock and realised it was time to leave for lunch. I looked in my compact mirror and applied a fresh coat of lip-gloss.

***

We arrived at Rodrigo’s and were seated by a petite brunette girl called Magda.

It only took one look at the menu to tell what kind of place this was. The only word to sum it up? Ridiculous. They wanted more money than I made an hour for one small dish of risotto, which happened to be the cheapest thing on the menu.

I didn’t want to let on to Lexi that I didn’t want to pay these prices, but at least the money for the sale of the house was in my bank, meaning I didn’t have to let on that I couldn’t afford i
t—
that would have been embarrassing.

“We’ll have a bottle of the 2007 Domaine Dominique Mugneret Vosne-Romanée, please, Magda,” Lexi said.

I nearly fainted at the price.

“Right away, ma’am. A server will be with you in a few minutes to take your order,” Magda said in her meek tone before going to fetch the bottle of ridiculously overpriced wine.

I picked up the jug of water from the table and poured myself a glass. I made sure to get some ice cubes and slices of lemon in there, too. I had a feeling I wouldn’t be drinking much else.

I didn’t want to pay half towards a bottle of wine that cost more than I earned in a day and was hoping that by sticking to water, it would let Lexi know that if she wanted the wine, she could have it to herself (and pay for it herself).

Magda brought the wine and set it in a bucket next to the table before disappearing to seat other patrons.

A server took Magda’s place and picked up the bottle. Lexi nodded to him and he poured her a glass.

He looked at me and I shook my head.

“Not for me, thank you.” I smiled politely at the young man.

“Oh come on, live a little. I know we have to go back to work, but still…Come on, Alyssa, just one glass,” Lexi nudged me.

I grudgingly nodded and let the server pour a glass for me.

“That’s better. I couldn’t be drinking alone,” Lexi smiled at me as though we were sharing a secret. And maybe we were. I’d sure be keeping the price of the wine a secret.

“Are you ladies ready to order?” the server asked as he set my glass down.

“Not yet, can you give us a few moments?” Lexi batted her eyelashes.

“Sure,” he said and stepped away.

“So, what do you think you’ll have?” she asked me quietly whilst checking out the server over the top of her wine glass as she took a large sip.

“Oh, I don’t really know. You come here often, what’s good?” I asked, hoping to come off nonchalant.

“Everything is good. Trust me, I’ve tried the whole menu. And even if it isn’t on the menu, the head chef Laurent will make it for you, you just have to know how to ask.” She winked covertly.

I had a feeling she knew exactly how to ask.

I really had to stop making these assumptions but since seeing the ‘Sexi Lexi’ licence plate, I couldn’t help myself.

***

Dinner was great and conversation was actually relatively easy. Lexi wasn’t as much of an airhead as I had expected. I don’t know what I’d been thinking. She is an editor for Emerging Butterfly, after all. She may come across as a total daddy’s little darling but once you scratch the surface, there’s more to her than that. We may not have much in common, but that didn’t mean she couldn’t be a nice person.

As Lexi wouldn’t let me contribute anything towards the bill, I said I’d leave the server a tip. Though I’m sure getting an eyeful of this gorgeous woman’s cleavage was tip enough, and I had caught him looking at her on many an occasion. Not that I could blame him. Who wouldn’t want a woman like Lexi on their arm? Many a man and many a woman would, I would bet my last penny.

With her nearly elbow length brown hair with subtle,natura
l—
at least natural looking—honey coloured highlights, eyes so green they sparkle like emeralds, full lips painted a sheer pink that looks as though there’s barely anything there. Then there’s her figure. It is to die for. I mean, she has the curves every woman dreams of, none of this stick figure business. She has hips, a pert posterior and a generous cleavage. Blow me down with a feather, she’s the whole nine yards!

Not that I’ve been looking or anything, you understand. Okay, maybe I have, but purely from an objective point of view.

Lexi and I headed back to work, but before we went our separate ways to our offices, she pulled me into a hug, air-kissing each of my cheeks as she did so.

“Thanks for a great lunch, Lexi,” I said as she pulled away.

“Oh no worries, I put it on Daddy’s credit card, as always. Well, not Daddy’s, it’s mine, but he pays the bill.”

This girl was a walking contradiction. On the one hand, she seemed spoiled and self-absorbed, on the other she seemed genuine and kind. So, superficial statement aside, I looked at her and smiled.

“You were right, Rodrigo’s was great!”

“Oh it’s Heaven on a plate, darling. I’ve been going in there for years. The servers all know me personally. Mostly because we’ve all grown up together in Brockwood, like, attending high school together.”

“We’ll have to go again sometime, my treat,” I said. What I didn’t say was that it would only ever happen if I could make the money to pay those kinds of prices.

“Sure thing, hun,” Lexi said with a wave as she walked back to her office.

***

I finished the day and went to view a car I had found on the internet. It may not be as new and shiny as Lexi’s Exige, but as long as it’s roadworthy and in my price range, looks are the last thing on my mind.

It turned out that the car was actually far prettier and shinier than I had expected. It was a blue Peugeot RCZ with silver trim. I won’t lie, I was dazzled. I’ve never owned such a nice car. While it may not be a Lotus or anything fancy shmancy, it would be perfect for me.

Clark thought it as perfect for me too. I was so glad I’d brought him with me. I wanted to be independent and make decisions for myself, but I also liked having Clark around and his opinion was invaluable.

I asked the lady selling it, Kat, if I could test drive it. She handed me the keys and we got in to take it out for a spin.

The car handled really well and I felt really happy being behind the wheel again instead of relying on cabs.

I told Kat I would be back the following day with the money. She was more than happy that I wanted to buy the car and said she’d be in the next day after work.

I could finally check one thing off my mental checklist. Now, I had to find the perfect house. No doubt that wouldn’t be as easy as the car had been.

***

The next morning at work, I saw Chase getting out of his car as I was paying the cab driver. I quickly walked into the building and pressed the button to call for the elevator, hoping it would come before he walked in.

Luck was not on my side as Chase stopped right next to me as the elevator doors pinged open.

“Are you coming for drinks on Friday?” he asked as the doors closed behind us.

“Umm…” I didn’t really have an excuse not to, but I hadn’t heard anything about drinks on Friday.

“It’s to celebrate me getting the Editor in Chief position,” Chase said with a smile that admittedly tugged at my heart a little.

“Oh, wow, you got it? I didn’t know. Congratulations. Can I bring Clark?”

“I did, I would’ve told you but, well, you haven’t really been talking to me since…you know…” His face flushed a little.

I played with the collar of my blouse as the heat seemed to have become stifling in this close space.

“Yeah, sorry about that,” I said as I looked anywhere but into his beautiful eyes.

“It’s okay, I get it.”

Really? How exactly could he ‘get it’? Had he become a mind reader?

“Anyway, sure you can bring Clark. We’re going to The Mermaid at seven,” he said as the elevator door pinged open on our floor.

“Okay.”