Razing Kayne (24 page)

Kayne all but wrapped himself around Jess as he captured her lips with his. God, he
could so easily get lost in her. He wanted to drag her off and make love to her right
now. To let his body speak the words he couldn’t say. In that instant, he had absolutely
no doubt that's he'd fallen head over ass in love with her. Fuck, fuck,
fuck!

Ash and Isabelle's exaggerated gagging, and Maddy and Tiffany's giggling reminded
Kayne they had an audience. He dragged his lips from Jess’s to whisper in her ear,
“I'm so sorry, baby.
Thank you.
” He kissed her once more, softly, then regrettably stepped away, when what he really
wanted to do was throw her over his shoulder and haul her off somewhere for a very
intense private conversation.

Resigned to the fact that he had a house full of people, Kayne turned to the kids.
“All right, where are the rest of my birthday hugs and kisses?” Crouching down to
their level, he added, “I believe I deserve them for
your
...
ahem
...behavior. Though I suspect you may have been put up to it,” he said glancing at
Jess.

“I would never...” Jess couldn't even get the sentence out with a straight face.

Yeah, the little imps had been in on it, stalling their exodus from church.

Five rambunctious children, Tiffany included, had no qualms about tackling him backward
onto the kitchen floor, where they proceeded to tickle him mercilessly. Still laughing
so hard he could barely
breathe,
he looked up and saw a familiar face he hadn't expected to see.
“Mama?”

Sure enough, there Luann Dobrescu stood, quietly crying. Behind her stood a hulk of
a man, with his arms wrapped around her, smiling down at Kayne, his own eyes misty.
“Pop, what the heck are you guys doing here?” He glanced back and forth between them
and Jess as he carefully extricated himself from the kids.

He scooped his mother up in a bear hug. “Mama, it's so good to see you.” It had been
nearly two years since he'd seen them. They'd been there after his children had died
of course, stayed to help when the detective was trying to pin the murders on him,
but after that he'd kept his distance. He couldn't deal with a constant reminder of
everything. So he'd made his excuses and even kept the phone calls to a minimum.
Until Jess.

“Did you see her, Pop?” He hugged his father, who still had a good two inches and
forty pounds on him. “Did you see
Tasha,
meet the rest of my kids?” They had only met Tasha once. She'd been only two months
old, but they had doted on Nikolai and Natalia, and the kids’ deaths had hit his parents
as deeply as it had him.

“Gracie has been talking
Nanna
and
Po-pop's
ears off since she walked in the door,” Jess said.

Nanna and Po-pop.
It's what all their grandchildren called them, what Nikolai and Natalia had called
them. God, he was going to embarrass himself by crying like a baby in front of all
these people.

“We met all four of them, son.” Ben’s voice and gaze were as steady as the man himself.
“They are beautiful. Perfect. Like this wonderful little wife of yours.” He laid a
burly hand on Jess's delicate shoulder. “Your mama cried for near an hour after Jessica
called her, inviting us to visit for your birthday. Wild horses couldn't have kept
either of us away.”

“I'm sorry,
Pop
.” Kayne hugged him again. His father was no dummy. He knew Kayne had been avoiding
him, and with the forgiveness Kayne saw shining in Ben's eyes, Kayne knew he'd never
fooled him for a moment. “I'm
so
sorry,” he repeated and held on tight for a moment longer.

“Mama.”
He hugged her tightly in an apology he couldn't begin to put into words.

“It's okay, son. We understood,” she whispered.

Kayne pulled back, wiping at his eyes with the palm of his hands. What a profound
statement. Luann had always understood him, even when he didn't understand himself.
Both her and Pop had.

“This is incredible.” Kayne looked around while he fought to get his emotions under
control. He reached down and picked up Isabelle, who was clinging to his leg. “Did
you help with this 'Sabella?”

Isabelle bobbed her head,
then
tucked it tightly under his chin. While Gracie was happily chatting with anyone willing
to hold her, Isabelle was on stranger overload.

Now that he could breathe again, Kayne noticed how much he'd missed. Like the smell
of Jess's lasagna cooking, the trays of food on the counter, and the cake.
“Cake?
You made me a cake?” He asked looking at the huge cake with his name on it.

“That's black cherry-filled chocolate cake. And there will be homemade vanilla bean
ice cream when it gets done churning,” Luann said

It all came into perspective. All last week Jessica had been asking him about his
favorite types of food. Now, looking around, he understood. This wasn't some last
minute party; she'd planned this well in advance.

“Yes, yes, there's enough food here to make an army sick.” Jess blushed. “Why don't
you all head downstairs, take those last few trays with you. The game is going to
start shortly. I'll send the rest of the guests down as they arrive.”

Kayne took a hard look around and noticed most of his squad was present, some of the
off duties with spouses and children in tow
.
The on-duty fire-medic crews for both Payson and Hellsgate. Other faces stood out:
Dr. Mark Oberly, Trace St. Moritz, Nick Astenbeck, Rafe Chatham, and of course Joe,
who’d apparently brought the pre-school teacher.

Kayne reached out and snagged Jessica around the waist. “You are amazing,” he whispered.
“You've made all of my favorite foods. I'm sure hoping a gym membership is among those
presents.” He motioned to the table. Kayne still couldn't believe she'd gone to so
much work for him. For the children, he expected that, but not him.

“I'm not giving you any hints, Officer Dobrescu,” she said saucily. “Well okay, one.
Eat whatever you want. I plan on making you work those calories off later.”

Kayne growled low in his throat.
“To hell with later.”
Surely no one would notice if they disappeared for a while.

“Oh no you don't.”
Jess dug in her heels when he started tugging her toward the nearest exit. “There’s
a house full of people,” she argued. “And there are presents to open and a cake to
cut before the game starts.”

Reluctantly, Kayne gave in and followed her downstairs.

After everyone had finished eating, Jess got their attention, and made Kayne
take
a seat.

“The kids want you to open these first.” Jess handed him a stack of handmade cards.
“I've mixed them up so they are in no certain order.” Jess emphasized, looking at
the kids, who groaned. Apparently they'd been fighting over whose got opened first.

Kayne opened each card—even Tiffany had made one for him—reading the inscription out
loud, fighting really hard not to let his emotions get the better of him again. Gracie's
was last. He couldn't have gotten the words out if he'd wanted to. In her baby scrawl,
she'd managed to trace the words that had already been spelled out: Love you, Papa.

Kayne cleared his throat. “Thank you. I’m going to keep these forever and ever.”

“You're not done yet, there's more.” Jess pointed out.

“Nope, take the rest back. Nothing could be better than these.” And he honestly meant
it.

He'd never understood how Ben and Luann could love him unquestionably. Practically
from the moment they met, they'd become his parents in their mind. It had taken Kayne
nearly a year before he realized they weren’t letting him go, before he realized they
truly loved him. They had fallen instantly in love with the near-wild Russian boy.
Looking into the eyes of Jess's children—
their children—
Kayne now understood.

He looked up, catching Ben's eyes. Ben nodded and winked. Pop knew exactly what Kayne
was thinking, like he always had.

“I don't know, son, I think you should at least take a look,” Del said. “I hear some
of them are non-returnable.”

“Well, if you insist,” he said, feeling his cheeks hurt from smiling so much.

Jess looked questioningly at Kayne. “This one is heavy and breakable, maybe—”

Ben stepped forward. “Let me get that. You stay where you are so Luann and Polly can
get their pictures.”

Jess was right; the large, near-flat rectangle weighed a good forty pounds. Kayne
frowned. “What on earth?”

“Just open it and quit speculating,” Jess urged excitedly.

Kayne's jaw nearly hit the ground when he saw the signed jersey that had been
worn
by Shane Dorn. Complete with authentication. “Are you
kidding
me? When?
How?”

Jess pointed at herself and nodded exaggeratedly. “I am a woman of many talents.”

Kayne loved this playful side of her. “Yes, yes, you are.” He gave her a salacious
grin, bringing a round of cat calls and wolf whistles out of the adults.

Blushing profusely, Jess handed him his next gift.

Kayne pulled the paper back to reveal a custom-matted picture. In the very center
was a large picture of Kayne, Jess, and all the kids at the hockey game, with their
backs to the glass. He'd forgotten how he'd asked the man sitting behind them to snap
the shot. He was stunned to see how much they'd looked like a family even back then.

The photo was surrounded by various candids of Kayne and the kids with the team
.
There was one empty spot that Kayne realized was for the ticket she'd asked him if
he was going to keep.

“I'm in serious trouble. I'm never going to be able to top this,” Kayne mumbled. He
handed the collage off to be passed around and pulled Jess down into his lap.

Framing her face he said, “Thank you.” He repeated the words at least a dozen times
and punctuated each one with a kiss. “This is perfect. Absolutely perfect,” he whispered
again, but this time, he wasn't talking about the party, but about the woman he held
in his arms. How in the hell had he let himself fall in love with her?

TWENTY-FIVE

The Coyotes won, 5-2, sending them to the semi-finals. Kayne and Jessica spent the
afternoon with her friends and his family, and the lines between the two easily blurred
to nonexistent. It sure as hell was hard to remember why there had even been a battle
in the first place. Apparently fear and love made people go batshit-crazy.

Later that night, with the kids finally tucked into bed and Ben and Luann settled
in, Kayne set out to find his wife. “Baby, you in here?” he called as he entered the
small sitting room off the master bedroom.

“In bed.”

His heart gave a hard thump, rolled, and began a heavy beat that rapidly pumped blood
south at the sound of her sultry voice. When he turned the corner to see the bed,
his heart all but stopped.

Spread out for his viewing pleasure on a set of pewter silk sheets laid his wife
.
She wore nothing but a large red bow and a pair of fuck-me, red stiletto heels. The
silk ribbon wrapped around her breasts like a strapless bra, knotting in the valley
between her very aroused nipples, before cascading down her center to barely cover
her sweet little sex.

Kayne gasped in a breath, not realizing he'd been holding it. Christ, she was so beautiful.
Long golden hair, with its dozen shades of blond and brown and copper, fanned across
her pillow as she shifted to prop herself up on one elbow. The movement dislodged
the bow's tail from between her thighs revealing...
Mother of God.

“You waxed?” All that remained was a strip of trimmed, light-brown curls, her pretty
pink lips bare and already glistening.

Jess nodded, a sweet blush covering her chest and face. “You like?” she asked, biting
that plump bottom lip of hers. Only one thought came to mind:

Happy Birthday to me!

***

On Monday morning, Kayne was sitting at the kitchen counter, his head resting on his
crossed arms while he waited for the coffee to finish brewing when his father walked
in. “Hey, son, you're up early.”

Up early? It felt like he'd never gone to sleep. Holy Christ, Jess had gone down on
him. She'd knelt there on the bed in that bow and those heels and told him she'd never
done so before, but that she wanted to. So he'd stripped for her, which had made her
laugh, thankfully with him instead of at him. She'd plumped up a few pillows, and
he'd gotten comfortable against the headboard, and then she'd had her way with every
damn inch of him.

He could still feel the tentative touch of her lips as they slid over the head of
his cock, the way her tongue had wrapped around it, the enthusiastic way she'd sucked
him right to the edge. He’d
tried to stop her, tried to warn her he was about to lose his ever-lovin’ mind. But
she’d been unmovable and relentless, and he’d exploded with one of the most intense
orgasms of his life
.
He'd reached for her again and again through the night, and he was already half-hard
just thinking about it. Kayne shook the thought out of his sleep-fogged mind.

“You seem happy,” Ben observed.

Kayne laughed at his father's subtle way of saying he looked like he'd been well laid.
“She's good for me, Pop. She's such a good mother. She's patient and gentle. I've
never seen her lose her temper with the kids, not even in the grocery store.”

“And she's sexy as hell.” Ben laughed

Kayne straightened in his chair. “Hey, now, that's
my
wife you’re talking about.”

Ben shook his head and laughed harder. “Bet you haven't gotten a good night’s sleep
since you met her.”

“Isn't that the truth?” He accepted the cup of coffee Ben handed him. “She's had me
tangled since the night I stopped her for speeding. Talk about the hand of fate.”

Ben took a sip of his own coffee. “It's good to see you in love, son.”

Kayne
stilled,
his cup halfway to his lips. “Excuse me?”

“It's written all over your face, plain as day. It's obvious she feels the same about
you.”

Kayne sat the mug back down. “Is it?” he asked doubtfully.

“Son, that girl’s got it just as bad for you.”

“She's still in love with her dead husband,” Kayne replied looking away.

“Loving someone and being in love are two different things. You of all people should
know that. Don't assume you know how she feels until you ask her. You might be surprised.”
Ben began rummaging through the refrigerator and pulling out items to make breakfast.

“I know that,
Pop
. Trust me I know that,” he said,
then
added, “Hey, I'm supposed to fix breakfast this morning.” Sundays and Mondays were
Kayne's self-appointed day to fix breakfast, and then on Mondays, he kept Gracie and
Isabelle while Jess did her volunteer work.

Ben glanced over his shoulder. “I'm doing it this morning. Like old times.”

Kayne could remember many a Sunday morning, rising at the crack of dawn and sneaking
into the tiny kitchen to sit and talk to Ben. It was their special time, and with
such a full house, time had been precious. But the rest of the family always left
Ben and Kayne to themselves in those early hours. Two decades later, Kayne still felt
like that little kid, tough on the outside, terrified on the inside, desperately wanting
the love the Dobrescus had to offer, but afraid to reach out for it. Only now, he
feared the love of a woman who was just within his grasp, if he could only figure
out how to let go of the past long enough to reach for the future.

Ben began laying strips of bacon out on a baking sheet. “Oksana was never your true
love. Don't get me wrong, you were the best of husbands to her, and I know you loved
her, but she wasn't a wife so much as another child you were raising. She didn’t participate
in the relationship or the household. She wasn't your equal. It says something about
you that you never left her.”

Kayne stared into his coffee for a long moment before meeting his father’s gaze. “I
thought about it, Pop. Do you know how many times I thought about packing up the kids
and leaving, or packing her up and telling her to leave? But then I'd think of you
and Luann and everything you'd taught me, and I realized my vows were just that.
A promise.
I couldn't leave her, couldn't give up on her, and she betrayed me in the worst possible
way.”

Ben put the pan of bacon in the oven before turning back to him. “Are you so sure
about that? With finding Grace alive, are you sure she drowned Niki and Natalia?”

No, he wasn’t. “I don't know what to think anymore. I don't understand how Tasha survived,
or who the people were that had her. God, Pop, I look at this life, not the material
things.” He said looking around the house.
“But Jess, the kids.
All of them, not just Gracie...
Tasha—
”

Ben paused in his process of cracking eggs into a bowl.
“No, son.
Grace is her name. You were right to let her keep that part of herself. Jess told
Luann how much it meant to her that you didn't try to insist on everyone calling her
Tasha.”

Kayne nodded. He grabbed an egg and began spinning it, watching it wobble across the
counter. “I look at this life, and I think it's everything I ever pictured when I
envisioned my future all those years ago, because I wanted what you and Mama had.
Have.
But I feel so guilty because of what it cost. Did Jess tell you all of the kids came
from foster care, emotionally and physically battered and bruised?”

Ben nodded. “Yeah, we got here a few minutes after you left for church yesterday,
and, you know your mama, she wouldn't be dissuaded from helping in the kitchen, so
they had a nice long talk while I decorated.”

“Then you know what I mean when I ask, what right do I have to be happy when each
of the kids had to suffer? When my own two had to die in such a horrible manner, when
I had to watch Oksana kill herself, when Jess had to hold a stranger’s child and watch
her husband die a horrible death. What right do I have to be happy at that great of
a cost? It's not fair,
Pop
. It's just not fair.” Christ he was
not
going to cry. Not in front of this man whom he respected so much.

Ben leaned over the island and looked Kayne in the eye. “Listen to me, son. You did
not abuse those children, their biological parents did, and Jess was there to give
them a kind loving home. Whoever killed Nikolai and Natalia are at fault for their
deaths, be that Oksana or someone else.
They
are at fault. You may never know why Oksana pulled that trigger, but
she
did it, not you.”

Ben straightened. “As far as Jarred, it sounds like saving Grace was perhaps one of
the few truly selfless acts he ever committed. He gave his life for her, regardless,
and it's up to you two to ensure that she celebrates that life, his past, and her
future.”

“I yelled at Oksana,” Kayne admitted. “I accused her of killing them. What if she
didn't? What if I all but put that gun in her mouth and pulled the trigger? How could
I have just left it laying there?”

“You're not Superman, son.”

“Why not, you are?”

Ben chuckled, taking the remark at the face value Kayne had meant it. Ben had always
been his hero. “I'm human too. I put my pants on every morning one leg at a time,
no phone booth involved.”

His grin sobered. “Oksana made her choice, and it was the wrong one. Jarred made his
choice,
and it was the right one.
Regardless of their past, everything that happened, happened for a reason.
I don't know why. All I can tell you is that all those bad events occurred because
people made choices. Not necessarily right ones or wrong ones, but choices. It's what
free agency is all about. You weren’t the cause of any of the events that brought
you to this point, and neither was Jessica.”

“I know that,
Pop
. In here.” Kayne tapped the side of his head. “I know that what you're saying is
true, but my heart hurts, so bad.”

“As it should.
I don't think that type of pain ever goes away, it just becomes less relevant. What
you two are doing now, picking up the pieces, rising out of the ashes like a Phoenix
and
making a family. Giving those kids upstairs a father.
Letting Gracie keep her
real
mother and siblings.
You and Jess being helpmates for each other.
That is a beautiful thing.
A God thing.

If you stop and think about it, deep down you'll realize that had it been any other
two people in the world, they would have torn this family apart instead of building
a stronger, better one.”

Ben paused and leveled an intent gaze on him. “Never doubt how proud I am of you,
son, or how much I love you.”

Kayne simply nodded, unable to speak.

The conversation ended at the sound of feet pounding down the stairs. Kayne smiled,
realizing he could differentiate Ash's upbeat “it's a beautiful morning” tempo compared
to Maddy's slow “don't-mess-with-me-until-I've-had-my-cocoa” cadence.

Kayne dropped the Keurig cup into place and was ready to start counting marshmallows
when Maddy finally rounded the corner. He slid the cup in front of a grateful Maddy
and headed upstairs to wake two little sprites.

***

Jess stopped just outside the kitchen when she heard Ash’s voice.

“Did Kayne call you dad, when he was little?”

“Well no, all my kids called me ‘Pop,’ short for ‘Papa Bear’ cause I'm so big. For
a while Kayne called me ‘Ben’ until he was ready to start calling me ‘Pop’ like everyone
else. I didn't push him. I let him decide on his own time.”

“What did Kayne's kids call him?”

“Papa.”

“I don't want to call him Kayne anymore. Do you think it would make him sad if I called
him ‘Papa,’ since they can't anymore?”

“Why don't you ask him?” Ben suggested.

“Are we gonna see you again, Po-pop?” Ash asked after a long moment of silence.

“You sure are. You're my grandson now. That means you and your sisters have six aunts
and uncles and eighteen cousins. We'll visit a couple times a year, and send cards
with a little money tucked in for birthdays and Christmas.”

Jess's gut clenched at the thought. She knew the sentiment came from the heart, but
hoped Ben wasn't making a promise that Kayne couldn't keep. She couldn't see him staying
with her, when he could have so much more with someone else.

Jess heard Kayne coming down the back stairs with Isabelle and Grace and decided it
was time to make an entrance
.
She stepped into the kitchen.
“Morning.”

“Morning, Mama.” Ash stood and headed for the coffee maker.

“The men in this house sure have you and Maddy pegged.” Ben laughed. “Make another
one for your Grandma while you’re at it, Ash. She'll be up any minute.”