Raw Deal (Beauty for Ashes: Book One) (45 page)

I wanted to leave, but Carl was begging me to stay. He said he’d forgiven me for my abortion and still loved me. I doubted that.

However, a part of me wanted to stay and work it out with Carl. It couldn’t be over after barely a month. I regretted the marriage, but I couldn’t let it fail before it even got started properly. Carl had never been violent with me before. It was me that had pushed him over the edge, so I figured that if I proved my loyalty to him for a while, maybe he would go back to his usual self. Maybe he would one day be able to truly forgive me. But right now, my betrayal was still fresh in his mind, and it was making him do crazy things.

Carl had started going out again. Tonight, he was meeting some of his friends at a bar. He left without much of a goodbye, and I sat crying in the bedroom for a while before I changed out of the pajamas I’d been wearing all day. I was going to see Dr. Paula, so I tried to make myself look presentable. I wore a large floppy hat to cover my face. It was dark outside, but I wasn’t going to risk anybody seeing my bruises.

When I got to Dr. Paula’s, the session started as most of my sessions with her started. I cried for the first ten minutes before I started talking. When I told Dr. Paula about Carl’s violent reaction to my abortion, she asked me to remove my hat so that she could see how bad it was. I refused, so she snatched it off my head.

She stared at my injuries and shook her head slowly. “Lexi, he beat you like that? You have to get out of there.”

“I know but—”

“No buts, Lexi. Enough is enough. If you want, I can arrange for you to go to a women’s shelter. You don’t have to suffer this kind of abuse.”

A shelter for abused women?
“No, I’ll be okay.”

“You won’t be okay. You need to be protected. What if your husband keeps doing it?”

“He was just angry.”

“Well, honey, when most people are angry, they yell. Maybe they have a beer or two. Maybe they throw things. Maybe they break the relationship off. But, they do not beat up someone who is supposed to be a loved one.”

I put my hat back on. I knew I looked like I’d taken a good battering, but most of my bruises were from when I’d fallen into the closet. “Well, I think Carl will calm down if I can prove to him that I love him, and I’ll never lie to him again.”

“And what if he doesn’t calm down?”

“I’ll make him get help. Anger management or something.”

“What if he refuses to get help? A lot of people with anger problems refuse to admit that they have a problem.”

“Well, I guess I would leave then.”

I left Dr. Paula’s office with a heavy heart. This time, talking to her hadn’t made me feel better. Crying about my issues hadn’t made me feel lighter. I just felt a mess. My life was a mess, and I looked a mess.

Carl got home around eleven, which was earlier than usual. I hoped he wasn’t drunk and stupid.

I looked up when he entered our bedroom. His eyes were red, but they were in focus, so he was probably sober. He didn’t speak to me. He just changed into his pajama pants and rolled into bed.

I watched him, my heart heavy. I felt like I was going to cry, so I went to the den. As I walked out, Carl told me to put the lights out. I clicked the switch and shut the door behind me.

I sat in the living room watching TV with unseeing eyes. I believed things would change. Carl hadn’t always been like this, he just needed some time.

I heard a beeping noise coming from Carl’s jacket, which he’d left over the arm of the couch. I checked the pockets and found his cell phone. He had a text message from someone called Kayla. The message said how much she’d enjoyed being with Carl tonight and that she hoped he would come over again soon.

I put the phone back. I wasn’t really surprised. I’d thought he was going to a bar with his friends, but finding out that he’d really been with another girl didn’t shock me. Everything else in our marriage had gone wrong, so it would be naïve of me to expect him to still be being faithful. I switched off the TV and curled up on the couch to sleep.

The next day, I donned my large hat again and went to buy some camouflage makeup. It covered up my bruises so well that I was able to take my hat off. I went to the mall to bask in the restoration of my freedom, as facilitated by the miracle camouflage foundation. I didn’t have to hide at home anymore.

I went to check my account balance, and I was shocked by the amount of money I had. It looked like my mom had been paying money in. Business must be good. I sent her a thank you text.

I didn’t really have anything particular in mind to buy, but I strolled into a shoe shop.

Some time later, I looked at my watch and was surprised to see that two hours had passed. I’d gotten so carried away buying things I didn’t need! I started making my way to the parking lot.

I hoped Carl would be out when I got home. I just didn’t feel like seeing him today. I needed some time to be alone and forget that I was married to a violent, cheating moron. Maybe I’d cook something nice, something that I’d learned in my cookery class. Then I’d try on my new clothes. Maybe I would I even smile today! I closed my eyes briefly, praying that Carl would be out.

I reached the mall parking lot and headed toward my car. A group of guys emerged from a nearby car, and a tall, dark-haired guy caught my eye as he stepped out of the passenger’s seat. My heart did a double take, and I quickly turned in the opposite direction. Not Dan Black!

“Hey, Lexi,” he called.

I ignored him and walked as fast as I could to get away from him.

“Lexi, wait up.”

I looked back and saw that he was coming after me. Where did I think I was running to? We were in the parking lot, and he was only a few feet behind me. There was no way I could get away. I put my bags down and waited for him to catch up. His buddies were looking on in amusement. I folded my arms across my chest and gave him a tight smile. “What?”

“Lexi, we finally meet again.” Dan swooped down on me, and I almost collapsed under his weight.

“Hey!” I squealed.

Dan grinned. “You look great. I’ve been having a pretty dull day, but just seeing you has made me so happy.”

I looked at my watch. “That’s nice,” I said, my tone empty. I picked up my bags and started walking toward my car. Dan fell into step beside me, and took my bags from me.

“Are you and Carl still together?”

“Yeah.” I waved my hand at him so that he could see my wedding ring.

“To Carl?” Dan looked at me, wide eyed with bewilderment. “No way. You have to be kidding me.”

“I’m not.”

I unlocked my car, and Dan put my bags in the trunk and shut it. “How could you?”

I opened the car door and slid in. Dan held the door when I tried to shut it. “When did you get married?”

“March twenty-first.”

He exhaled slowly. “Wow. I hope you guys are happy.”

“We are.”

“Well, I’ve tried to get in touch with you, but you must have changed your number.”

I studied my nails, hoping Dan would get the hint and go his way.

“Have you missed me?”

“Dan, I’m married now, so leave me alone.”

Dan shook his head in disbelief. “Tell me you’re lying.”

“I need to go.” I had to be firm. Dan was no good for me right now, and I couldn’t let myself get tempted back into his arms.

“What about Hawaii?”

“What about it?”

“Give me your number.”

“No.” He was the reason I’d changed it in the first place.

Dan reached across me and grabbed my purse and opened it and took my cell phone out. I didn’t bother trying to take it from him. He took out his own phone from his pocket, and I watched him store my number on his phone.

“Didn’t your mother teach you never to go into a lady’s purse?” I asked, when he gave me back my purse and my phone.

“You’ll be hearing from me,” Dan said. He shut my door and walked away.

When I got home, Carl was on his way out. He was about to ask where I’d been then he saw my trunk full of shopping bags and relaxed. He helped me carry all my shopping from my car to our apartment. He even hugged me before he left, and I was surprised. I wondered what had put him in such a good mood. When I switched on the TV, it was on the sports channel and I saw that his team had won today. Maybe that was it.

I checked out what groceries we had, then I started cooking. Carl probably wouldn’t return until the early hours, so I had a lot of time on my hands. I decided that from now on, instead of moping and feeling sorry for myself whenever Carl went out, I would make sure I made it into ‘me time’ and enjoyed myself.

Chapter 55

On Monday morning, I decided I was going to go to college for the first time in a while. My freshman year exams were coming up and in spite of my lack of motivation to study I didn’t want to fail. I told Carl I was coming to college with him so he should wait for me. However, when I emerged from the bathroom, he had left.

I stood in the middle of our bedroom in my towel wondering why he would do that. He was like a pendulum, constantly fluctuating between good moods and bad moods.

I dressed up and thanked God for my camouflage foundation. As I applied it, every single bruise disappeared. I stared at my reflection in the mirror. What if there was a God? I shrugged it off.

I left the apartment and walked across to the main campus. I didn’t know why the fact that Carl had left when I’d told him to wait hurt so much. I pushed him out of my mind.

I got to my class early, and there were only a handful of people in the lecture room. I looked around for a familiar face, but there was none. I sat down in the front row, a seat away from a small, mousy-haired girl.

I was about to take out my iPod when the door opened and Emily shuffled into the room. I waved, and her eyes widened. “Do I see who I think I see?” she asked coming to sit next to me.

“Yeah, pass me your notes. Is there a lot to catch up on?”

“You bet!” Emily passed me her extremely organized file, and I looked through it as the lecture room began to fill up. I had missed so much, I wondered if I’d be able to catch up before the exams.

We had a new professor. His name was Mark Jackson. He was a tall, darkly handsome man. Once he arrived, silence fell over the room. As the class progressed, I got bored, and my eyes drifted to the mousy-haired girls’ notebook. She was scribbling furiously, and I wondered how she could make so many notes. I smiled when I saw that she was actually sketching professor Jackson’s face.

“Yeah, he’s pretty cute, isn’t he?” I whispered. “Why are you doing communications? You should do art.”

She smiled and continued with her portrait. Three hours later, the class ended, and I got up from my seat thankfully.

“I think you might need to see him,” Emily said tossing her head toward the professor. “You missed a deadline last week.”

I groaned. “Okay. Wait for me.”

I approached Professor Jackson cautiously as he packed his briefcase. “Professor Jackson, I missed the assignment deadline last week. I’m not sure if there’s anything I can do to make up for that?”

He looked at me with dark brooding eyes, and then he slipped his pen and a wad of papers into his briefcase and shut it. He clipped the clasps into place. “Lexi Dixon?”

I was a little surprised that he knew my name. “Yes?”

He smiled. “You’re the only student who didn’t hand it in. That’s how I know.”

“Oh.”

“Where have you been? You’ve barely attended any classes this semester.”

“Um, I got married.” I showed him my ring, even though I was sure he wouldn’t be impressed with my excuse. I looked at his left hand. He had a ring on his finger too.

“Couldn’t that have waited until summer vacation?” he asked not looking at my ring.

“I suppose it could, but, uh…”

“You do realize that the exams are rapidly approaching, and if you don’t pass, I will have no option but to throw you off this course?”

Huh? Couldn’t I re-sit?

“What are you going to do about all the classes you’ve missed?”

“I’ll read up.” I couldn’t get kicked out of college. My mom would be so upset. I looked up at the professor, slightly intimidated by his stern demeanor.

“Not all the notes are on the computer system.”

“Well, could you give me the notes I’ve missed, and I’ll photocopy them.”

Professor Jackson frowned. “So you think that you can miss a whole semester and skip merrily back, and I’ll hand you all the notes?”

Fine! I’d copy Emily’s. The man was a jerk. If he didn’t want to help me, then I wasn’t about to stand there and let him intimidate me. I turned on my heel and walked away. “From now on,” I told Emily, “sign the register for me if I’m not in.”

Emily wanted to go to the library, but I wanted to eat. I went to the campus burger place and sat down alone at a table.

I scowled when a guy came and sat opposite me. “What?” I asked coldly.

The guy smiled. “I heard what went down with you and Professor Jackson before, and I just thought you might be interested in photocopying my notes.”