Ravens Deep (one) (17 page)

             
“Darius please . . .  please come back.  I love you . . . come back to me,” I cried choking back the tears.  There was silence.

Chapter Twelve - Darius
’s Vision

              Darius moved silently through the garden, moved the ivy curtain aside and unlocked the ancient wooden door. He paused for a moment and then stepped onto the staircase. He was at the top within a second, her aura lingered with him still as he entered the dark chamber. He sat heavily upon an old chair; alone again in his own domain he waited patiently for her to appear in his vision. But the walls felt as if they were enclosing around him, a never ending burden of being entombed and trapped in his own underworld. 

             
Time had always passed slowly, but this night the passing of time was unbearable. He waited until a sudden beam of light radiated from a recess in the wall, sending a small amount of light to his chamber. Darius hesitated, knowing it would only cause him more pain, but he could not resist temptation and leant forward, his eyes fixed in an unwavering gaze, the better to see through to the room beyond. 

             
Madeline entered the room, he was haunted by her image again as he committed to memory every last detail: her hair, her skin and those green eyes to match his own. She was still crying and distraught and Darius feels what he perceives to remain of his heart -- break.

             
He watched with sorrow, as she pulls a suitcase from under the bed and starts to throw clothes into it, then gathers items from the bedside table and throws them in as well, everything is strewn together in a jumbled mess.

             
Darius feels her intense grief, he is the cause of this suffering, and he reflects again that this situation should have never happened, for he is not supposed to be capable of love, only devastation and ruin.  But how could he have known that she would have awakened feelings in him that he believed no longer existed. It was a mistake to have made himself known to her, for now he will be forever fallen from grace, and listening to the agonizing voices in his head that remind him constantly of the pointlessness of his existence.

             
Madeline finishes with her suitcase and throws herself down on the unmade bed.  Her whole body is wracked with grief, he wants with every ounce of his being to go to her, to hold and comfort her, to caress that silky hair and smooth skin, but he also wants something else, to possess her, a dark, dangerous possession that he must resist.

             
Agonizing minutes pass, and she stands and crosses the room. She is so close to him now as she sits down at the dressing table, her beautiful green eyes are red from crying and Darius sees her visibly shiver as she suddenly looks over her shoulder.  She has sensed his presence again. Madeline takes one last look at her reflection, and then rises to go and pick up the suitcase. The next moment the light has been extinguished and the chamber darkens, she has gone.

             
Darius is suddenly aware and surprised by the wetness on his hands; fallen tears?  He didn’t think that was possible anymore.  This vision alone could destroy him entirely, for now he has sent her away, what shall his life become?  Surrounded only by the shadows of the night, he shall have nothing but regret and remorse. Without her, his life is meaningless, his being nothing more than a tortured and tormented dark prince watching his beloved for the very last time.  Tonight, more than any other, Darius feels himself fading into the darkness of the damned.

Chapter Thirteen - Back to London

             
It was early when I left Ravens Deep. The haze of the morning mist filled the air and the pre-dawn eerie silence that haunted the house was apparent, and everything seemed cold and foreboding.

             
In my grief, I had thrown books and papers into a bag, not caring if they got destroyed in the process, and then I struggled to the car with my suitcase and possessions. Tears fell freely down my face, my vision was blurred and my heart was broken.  Ravens Deep held no more magic for me, no more enchantment. My enchanter was gone, or at least, he didn’t want me anymore.

             
I drove away slowly and regretfully, but glanced back at the house before it disappeared for the last time behind the hedgerows.  It had held such promise and hope, and I had been happy, but now I could not understand why it had ended like this, and why this whole experience seemed not real. 

             
I had to go back to London, back to the desolate and lonely place that city life now seemed to be. I had found what my life had been missing, in Ravens Deep and with Darius, but it had been abruptly ripped away from me and I was reeling from the shock.

             
During the entire journey back to London, I replayed the events of the past few months in my head, trying to figure out exactly what disturbed me about this whole experience, but nothing that made any sense came into my thoughts.

             
The traffic was light and I made good progress, but my heart was heavy heart as I left the wild moors far behind and entered into the urban life of London. 

             
Has there always been this much traffic and noise in London?
 

             
Everything seemed more frantic than I remembered. And when I eventually pulled into the street beneath my flat and looked up to my small balcony, searching for some spark, something that would tell me that I belonged here, but I felt nothing save emptiness through the constant drizzle that had begun shortly after leaving Exmoor. How appropriate, I thought, even the weather had turned on me. On Exmoor my life had been colourful and wondrous, but now, alone and far away from Ravens Deep and Darius, it was grey and dismal.

             
I pulled my keys out of my bag, opened the main door and walked slowly up the flight of stairs dragging my suitcase after me. I felt exhausted, not just physically tired, but emotionally drained.  It felt as though I would never feel normal again, not that I even wanted to, for how could I have a normal life again, when I was completely in love with Darius.

             
I should have defied him.

             
But in truth he had frightened me intensely, and I had made him a promise, he knew I would have promised him anything, although now in the cold light of day, I was more terrified  of never seeing him again. I reached the top of the stairs and let myself into my flat. I looked around the silent and forlorn space. 

             
Was everything always so grey in these rooms? 

             
Perhaps I had not noticed before or my eyes had been shut to the mundane and the sheer drudgery of everyday life. I left the suitcase on the floor and lay down on my bed, letting my mind to succumb to an all consuming numbness. I couldn’t’t even cry -- there were no tears left.

             
In the days that followed, I tried to infiltrate back into this familiar world again. But the mundane routine of getting up and attempting to get through each day with a degree of normality depressed me no end, because inside I was screaming. My thoughts haunted me and my dreams were confused and frightening.  I felt distraught at first, but soon I felt angry.

             
How could he have done this to me?

             
Then, on the third evening back in London, my doorbell rang.  My heart almost stopped. I hoped with every ounce of my being that it was Darius and it felt as though I practically flew down the stairs in my eagerness to open the door. Not Darius, but Charlie stood before me.

             
“Madeline, where the hell have you been?”  It wasn’t really a question, more of an accusation. I tried to hide the disappointment in my voice when I answered.

             
“Hello Charlie, you know I was in the West Country,” I said, feeling irritated by the mere sight of him. 

             
Why couldn’t’t this have been Darius?

             
“How the hell do I know that?  You take off without a word to anyone, for all I know you could have been abducted,” he snapped.  I stared at him in astonishment, he seemed really angry. I didn’t know what he was talking about, and I wasn’t in the mood for this.  I didn’t’t have to explain myself to anyone, especially to him.

             
“Charlie just go, I’ll call you in a few days. I haven’t been well and I need to sleep.”  I wanted to close the door, but he blocked it and remained standing in the doorway looking at me as if he were seeing me for the first time.

             
“Madeline,” he said in a calmer tone, “I’ve been really worried, no-one knew where you were. If you are sick . . . I should stay with you.”

             
“No,” I said at once. “I really need to be alone.  Just go, Charlie.  I’m fine, I will call you.”  I closed the door amid his protest.  I had to end this relationship with Charlie once and for all.  I just didn’t’t have the strength for any sort of emotional confrontation with him, not in my fragile state of mind. Strange though, I was sure that I had told him where I was going, but the plain fact was I hadn’t even thought of him for weeks and seeing him again now had surprised and even shocked me. 

             
Just goes to show that we shouldn’t’t be together.

             
I spent another restless and tortured night, and the next morning I went downstairs to the communal foyer to collect my mail.  I picked up the few letters waiting for me on the doormat.  Initially I did not pay much attention to them as my lack of interest in everything around me was becoming stronger.  I walked back to my flat and quickly glanced at the contents in my hand.  They appeared to be the regular sort of mail, bills and junk, and I discarded them on my side table. But as I did so, one envelope caught my eye.  It looked familiar, fine quality stationery adorned with beautiful handwriting that had been penned in ink. I instantly seized it, scattering all the others over the floor, and tore it open. Two sheets of paper were inside, one of which fluttered to the floor.  I quickly scooped it up and unfolded its single crease.

             
I was staring at an ancestral family tree, but not just any tree.  I saw my name and

realized
-- this was my family tree.  I was fascinated to read the names of ancestors going back several generations, but it was when I read the name Theophilus Shaw near the top of the page,  I caught my breath, as the realization hit me that I was
his
direct descendent. Somehow that was a fact I had not realized before and that knowledge brought to the fore-front of my mind the tale that Darius had told.

             
I studied the page and even though I had been shocked by that revelation, there was a far bigger shock to come.  One name jumped out at me above all others and I stared at it with unbelieving eyes, then I read the death date underneath.

             
My breathing shallowed, my pulse quickened and heart beat increased. I leaned against the wall for support, as my legs were likely to buckle at any moment. I remembered the other sheet of paper that I still held in my hands. I was trembling as I unfolded it.

             
My throat, already dry, became parched and the trembling increased on account of the words I read.  At first I was unable to fully comprehend the reality, I could not believe this information, I would not, but as I thought back the shock and horror hit me simultaneously with full force.  I sank to the floor unable to stand any longer. Obsessively, I read the letter many times, the revelations spinning around my head and I did not move for what seemed like hours. 

             
I must have got up at some point, but had no recollection of doing so. I put the letter in the wooden box along with the many others from before, and went into the bedroom in a dream-like state.  Even though I had been back a few days, I had not opened my suitcase, it still was shut on the floor.  Now, I opened it and tipped the contents out.  My actions had no reason, I just needed to do something. My mind was somewhere else, my thoughts were irrational.

             
What should I do?

             
I sat frozen in front of the pile of clothes and cosmetics, my eyes saw, but they did not register anything for a while.  Then, very slowly they came to focus on a glass vial of brown liquid. I picked it up and stared at it.  Somewhere in my mind Darius’s voice came to me.  It told me that this would help me.  And I needed help.  I couldn’t face this, I couldn’t stand the burden and suddenly it made sense.  It was a sign I had unconsciously looked for, so clear to me now. 

             
Darius left it there, he knew I couldn’t live with this knowledge or without him.

             
I lay down upon the bed with the vial clutched in my hand.  I pulled out the stopper and after a brief moment, I drank the contents and then I closed my eyes and my mind to the outside world.