Ravens Deep (one) (16 page)

             
I was unsure how I got up from the sofa, or managed to get to the door and open it when the familiar knock came in the evening.  I felt disoriented, only happy in the knowledge that Darius had come.  I attempted to smile and felt strangely light-headed as my eyes focused on him for a moment before I fell.  Then there was nothing -- only blackness.

              I had no recollection of how he carried me to my bed and laid me on it, or that he sat by my side all night applying cold compresses to my forehead.  When I woke, after the strangest of dreams, Darius was still there, sitting beside me and holding my hand.

             
“Go back to sleep, I am here and will not leave you,” he said, and I had fallen into a deep sleep.  It seemed that Darius remained true to his word, whenever I awoke over the next few days he was always attentive by my side. The heavy curtains were kept drawn and the room appeared dark, so I didn’t know if I ever woke during the daylight hours.

             
I dreamt of food, perhaps I was conscious of sitting up and water passing down my throat, along with some strange brown liquid. But everything appeared to happen in a distant haze, it felt as though I was not really there, but I must have eaten something and drunk the fluid, because I survived.

             
When I had collapsed into Darius’s arms I was suffering from a severe fever and early symptoms of malnutrition. Much later, I would realize that Darius had saved my life.  Now, I opened my eyes and my head seemed clearer. I slowly sat up, feeling grateful that Darius had not left me alone, although I was disconcerted for a while as I didn’t’t remember undressing myself. I pushed my childish thoughts of modesty away, I wouldn’t’t have expected him to put me to bed fully clothed.

             
There was a large medical book I recognized from the library, lying open on my bed.  Darius later told me he had devoutly read it from cover to cover to understand the cause for my sudden illness. My immune system was low, I was susceptible to anything that was around and with my lack of eating, and I suppose it was only a matter of time before I got sick.

             
It felt as if I had been asleep for a very long time, but my mind felt clear and I was stronger than before. I couldn’t hear anything and wondered if Darius was in the house, when right on cue, the bedroom door opened and he entered carrying a tray of food.  He gazed at me for a moment and then smiled. 

             
“Madeline, you are awake.”

             
“Yes,” I said sitting up. “I still feel a bit shaky.”

             
“You should eat something,” he said, laying the tray on the bed.

             
“How long have I been in bed?” I said ignoring the food, and running my fingers through my hair to dislodge the tangles.

             
“Four days.” He saw my look of surprise, “don’t worry, you were not alone. I stayed with you most of the time,” he said, and sat down on the bed. 

             
“What happened to me?  I can’t recall . . . anything.”  Darius related the details of what had occurred and his conclusion from reading the medical book. He paused for a moment.

             
“When was the last time you ate anything before that night?”

             
“I cannot remember,” I answered truthfully.               

             
“So were you deliberately trying to harm yourself?” he asked pointedly.  I was shocked by his words, there was accusation in his tone, I just staring at him, unable to fully understand what he was getting at.

             
“I wasn’t trying to hurt myself,” I replied, feeling indignant. Darius looked at me rather oddly.  “Why would I do that?” I searched his face for some clue, but found nothing.

             
“Perhaps being here in this house; being with me has clouded your judgment,” he replied. “Perhaps your coming here was a mistake,” he said, as if to himself.  I felt suddenly scared, that he was leading up to something. I pushed the pillow up further and sat up so that my eyes were level with his.

“
Are you going to leave me?” 

             
“No, I won’t leave you. I want you to get well again.” He spoke the words softly.  I was quietened by his assurance and my earlier fears subsided.  On the bedside table I saw a strange looking bottle and a large vial of brown fluid.

             
“What is that?”  I said, gesturing to the bottle. Darius considered for a moment.

             
“It helped you get better,” he replied, not answering the question.

             
“But what is it?” I said, thinking it must have been the strange brown liquid I remembered in my dream.  Darius signed.

             
“It’s just a tincture of opium.” But Darius saw my look of horror, he shook his head lightly. “Don’t distress yourself, I didn’t give you enough to hurt you, only to help you sleep. I know how dangerous it can be, but I know how much to give you,” he concluded.  Even though his words were reassuring I felt unnerved, it was easy to poison someone with the incorrect dose, and I had obviously had a few of them. But as I looked at him, I no longer felt afraid, I trusted him completely and was confident in his words and ability that he had given me the correct amount. I thought it was an odd drug of choice, but pushed that thought away.

 
              Over the next two nights Darius came and went as usual, and by the second evening I felt completely well and sat waiting for Darius to arrive. I heard the front door open and got up from the sofa as he entered the room.

             
“I’m glad to see you are up and looking better,” he said.

             
“I do feel much better,” I said, walking to him.  I leaned up and kissed him on the

cheek
. “Thank you for being here Darius.”  His eyes were unsettling, he was looking at me but it was like he was seeing right through me.  He moved away towards the sofa.

             
“Madeline, I have to talk to you, come and sit down with me.”

             
This was it, the moment I had dreaded.  He would tell me that he didn’t love me and it had all been a mistake.  A lump formed in the back of my throat and my legs felt suddenly weak again, but I sat next to him. As he turned to me and I saw his eyes change, a sudden penetrating coldness, it was like other times I had witnessed his displeasure.

             
“Madeline, I want you to leave Ravens Deep tomorrow, you are not safe here.” He said firmly. I had not expected him to say that, I was stunned.

             
“From whom,” I began, but Darius silenced me with a deliberate penetrating stare.

             
“If you really love me then you must leave.  The last few days have shown me that if anything were to happen to you, I would forever exist in misery.”  I felt his sorrow, but I was angry that he could even think of me leaving him, he was being over dramatic, the tension I felt me made me raise my voice.

             
“Why?  .  .  . because I got sick?  People get sick all the time, but I’m fine now, I survived because of you, and it’s no reason to leave” I said defensively.

             
“No, not because you got sick, but because there is real danger here for you.  This house is truly cursed. You must leave,” he repeated patiently. I stared at him, he had to be joking, and the amusement crept into my voice.

             
“Don’t be silly Darius. A few creaks and mice are not much of a curse.”  He stood up abruptly, pulling me with him. His grip was tight on my wrist and his nails were digging into my flesh.  I saw anger in his eyes and felt the sting of the venom in his words.

             
“I am not asking you to leave Madeline, I am telling you,” he said angrily.  “Look what has happened to you. You almost died -- isn’t’t that proof enough?”  He hesitated for a moment.  “I thought you would be safe, I thought I could keep you safe, but I cannot for I am the reason you are sick, my presence distorts your reality.”

             
“No,” I protested. “You give my life meaning, Darius,” I choked out the words

bewildered
by his statement. Darius’s eyes narrowed quickly and his words came out cold and clear.

             
“Do you want to die?” 

             
Shocked by the intensity of the way he spoke, his aggression and the pain pulsating through my wrist, I stared at him in horror.  He was frightening me, but I wasn’t about to back down that easily. I was angry at him, but I tried to calm down and changed my tone. 

             
“Then come with me Darius; come away with me.” 

             
“Don’t you see? I am as cursed as this house,” he snapped. The darkness in his eyes increased, I was afraid of the way he stared at me, the coldness that appeared to surround him and the sheer intensity of his presence over me, but I would not back down that easily.  I had to appease him and appeal to his gentler side.

             
“Is it because of your illness?  We can find a good doctor that can help you. You know your illness has no bearing on how I feel about you.”

             
“There is no doctor that can cure me,” he said sharply and I watched the strange darkness grow into a terrifying entity in his eyes. “You
will
leave this house by tomorrow.  The presence you feel is real, you are not imagining it. It is evil and it will cause your destruction.”  I found my voice, but unsteadily.

             
“But Darius, I love you and I know you love me.  Why are you doing this, why are you saying this to me?” I could not believe him, I refused to. We stared at each other for several moments, I tried to understand the reasoning behind his words, and to think reasonably, but my own frustration and temper was rising.

             
“Tell me that you don’t love me then.” I meant to sound calm, but my voice betrayed me completely. Darius narrowed his eyes, before he coldly voiced the deepest cut to my rapidly breaking heart.

 
              “Madeline, I do not want to ever see you again!” I let out a gasp of pain, from the

physical
pain of my wrist and the emotional sting of his words.  Darius looked down at my wrist, gripped in his nails and he released it.  I was only vaguely aware of the deep marks he had left in my skin. I felt the instant relief from his tight grip, but was reeling from his remark.

 
              “You will leave, Madeline, or I will make you!” he concluded icily, and turned to walk towards the door.

             
Regardless of the consequences, I was not ready to end this here, I stepped in front of him, fearful of what he might do as an oppressing darkness seemed to surround him.  I could feel his resolve, and see the terrifying rage in his eyes that would not be quietened. It felt as though he was capable of actually killing me, so ferocious did he seem, and that perceived threat hung menacingly in the air, but I just couldn’t’t let him leave me like this. 

             
“No Darius,” I said defiantly.  “I will not go until you tell me why. . . I cannot live the rest of my life not knowing the truth. I need to know.”  I said emphasising the point. “Do I even mean anything to you?” my voice wavered, but I could not stop.  “All the evenings we have shared, all the moments we’ve spent together, what were they?  A figment of my imagination?” Darius stared at me grimly, and instinctively I drew back a little. I was challenging him, defying him, and he was not used to that, but the fierceness was receding, and there was sorrow in his voice.

             
“Madeline,” he said at last, “don’t do this, I cannot reveal this to you. You must go.”  His tone was softer than before.  “I do not want to see hatred in your eyes when you look at me, and it’s only a matter of time, before I find it there. I do not want to remember that.  It is better for us both if you leave now.”

             
“I would never hate you,” I said in surprise.  “I would do anything to remain by your side. I promise that I will never hate you and I would never break my promise to you, you know that.” Darius considered for a moment.

             
“If that is so, then promise me you will leave here before tomorrow evening,” he said firmly.  That was not what I had wanted him to say and I started to protest, but his threatening demeanour once again possessed him.

             
“Madeline, prove that you love me, and give me your promise?” he demanded.  The tears were freely flowing down my face, I could not resist him, and he was staring at me so intently, making my mind succumb to his wishes.

             
“I promise,” I said miserably, looking at him through my blurred vision. Darius’s hand briefly touched my wet face and he brushed by me as he walked out the door.  I stood still for a few seconds, I felt numb, and reality hit me, I might never see him again.  I ran after him crying out his name, but I was staring into a void of total darkness. He had gone.