Rainbow Boys (17 page)

The evening his dad was supposed to see him, Nelson donned and doffed one shirt after another. He looked in the mirror, pinched his stomach, and frowned. Why did he agonize so much about what he looked like for his father? Didn’t he hate the old fart anyway? He grabbed a clip-on ring from his dresser and pinned it between his nostrils.

His mom leaned in the doorway and pulled a disapproving face. “You know he hates the nose ring.” Nelson shrugged defiantly. “He can deal with it.”

His mom gave a sigh and preened in the mirror. “I’m off to the PFLA G get-together. We’re going to discuss the school group and the best way to get PTA support.” She smoothed her dress, running her palms across the front. “How do I look?”

“You look great.” Nelson patted her hair. “Can I go with you?”

She spun around. “No! What about your father?”

“Oh, yeah. Him.”

His mom smirked. “He’s very eager to see you. Wish me luck.” With a wave, she hurried out.

Nelson stared at himself in the mirror. He knew full well his dad wasn’t eager to see him. He was doing this out of a sense of guilt or duty. Nevertheless, Nelson pulled out the nose ring.

His dad had phoned the day before to say he’d arrive at 8:00. “Be punctual,” he’d told Nelson. But was his dad punctual? No. Nelson sat stiffly on the living-room sofa, fidgeting with the remote control, channel surfing. He glanced toward the front door and looked at his watch: 8:15. A tticus lay beside him, looking toward the door every time Nelson did.

A car drove up outside. Nelson stood and walked to the window. A tticus followed. The car passed by. Nelson sat down again, patting A tticus. “False alarm, boy.” He looked at his watch, then walked to the kitchen and ripped open a package of Oreos. He dialed his dad’s cell phone but got an “out of service area” message. He paced, devouring Oreos, and sat down. He looked at his watch: 9:06. A tticus put his head in his lap. Nelson petted him. The dog sniffed his crotch. Nelson nudged him away.

The phone rang. Nelson jumped for it. “Hello?”

“Hey, fag,” said an unfamiliar voice. “Want to suck my dick?”

“I’m busy. You’ll have to make an appointment.” Such calls were too commonplace to faze him. He hung up and stared at the TV a moment, then he called Kyle. “Hey, it’s me.”

“Hi. A ren’t you supposed to be with your dad?”

“He hasn’t showed. Big surprise.”

“I’m sorry. Bummer.”

“Yeah.” Nelson ran a hand through his hair. “Whatever. Want to come over?”

“I can’t. My grandmom’s here, remember?”

“Shit, I forgot.” He grabbed the last Oreo.

“A re you okay?” Kyle asked. “I’ll come over if you really need me.”

“That’s okay. I’m not going to slit my wrists over that jerk. Give Grams a tongue kiss.”

“Shut up.”

Nelson hung up and tried calling Shea, but she was out, probably with Caitlin. He threw the remote control onto the couch. He glanced at his watch again, debating what to do. Then an idea dawned on him.

He ran upstairs to his bedroom and turned on his computer, slapping it to hurry up. He impatiently clicked onto the Internet. Yes!

There, on-line, was HotLove69.

Nelson immediately typed an instant message: “Hi. It’s me. Did you get my photo?” He hit “Send” and tapped his foot, waiting for a response. A tticus paced beside him.

On the computer screen an instant message popped up: “Yeah. Sweet picture. What are you up to?” Nelson leapt up from his seat, his pulse quickening. A tticus watched him and barked. “Calm down,” Nelson said, not sure if he was talking to the dog or himself.

He leaned over the keyboard, his fingers trembling a little, and typed back, “Nothing. What about you?” He sent the message and waited for a response, gripping his chair.

A response popped back: “Nada right now. Want to hook up?”

“Shit!” Nelson said aloud. “I can’t believe this.” He circled the chair, trying to think clearly, without much success. He sat back down and took a breath, tapping on the wrist pad, uncertain what to do.

A tticus sniffed his leg, imploring. Nelson glanced down, feeling like a total loser. That decided it. His life was way too pathetic. He pushed A tticus away. “OK,” he typed, and hit “Send.”

They had agreed to meet at the Starbucks on Lee Highway. Nelson anxiously waited out front, watching couples stroll in and out, wondering if he’d recognize HotLove69 from his photo. Then a motorcycle roared up. Nelson had forgotten about that.

The broad-shouldered man pulled his helmet off. He was even more handsome than in his photo. “How’s it going?” His voice was smooth, magnetic. “My name’s Brick.” His muscular hand extended a powerful shake. “A nd your name is …?” Nelson stared at him, speechless. His name? Shit, why was he nerding up like this? “Uh, Nelson.”

“Nice smile,” Brick said. “How old are you?”

Nelson wanted to be honest. But he recalled his fiasco with Blake. “Eighteen,” he lied.

Brick grinned. “Eighteen, huh?” He slid a confident hand across the handlebars. “So, you want to come to my place?” Nelson hesitated. A fter all, he hardly knew this guy. But Brick definitely didn’t look like some skanky molester. A nd Nelson certainly wasn’t a kid anymore. He was old enough to take care of himself.

Brick waited for a response. “I won’t bite. Unless you want me to.” He patted the seat behind him. “Hop on.” Brick’s apartment reminded Nelson of the homes in his mom’s glossy design magazines. Each wall was a different color. Track lighting shone onto chrome-framed prints. Plush rugs covered the floor. A big-screen TV took up half of one wall, and about a thousand CDs and a stereo system took up the other half. Totally cool, Nelson thought.

“Put on some music you like,” Brick told him. “You want a beer?”

“Okay,” Nelson answered. He didn’t really want one, but he didn’t want to seem immature. Besides, he thought it might relax his nerves.

While Brick rattled around the kitchen, Nelson started to worry. He really should let someone know what was happening. But who? Kyle was with Granny. Shea was out with Caitlin. His mom? She’d have a conniption. Besides, she was at the PFLA G meeting. A nd anyway, he’d turn eighteen soon. He didn’t need to report his every move.

He flipped through the CDs. Most of the stuff was classical, jazz, or show tunes. Brick didn’t seem that type of guy. Nelson turned on the radio to his favorite station. Then he sat down amid the million cushions on the love seat and thought about Kyle. Wait till he told him about Brick. Maybe the three of them could hang out sometime. It would be fun to have Kyle over, sit on the plush rugs, and listen to music.

“Here you go,” Brick said, handing Nelson a beer. He sat so close their knees touched. If Brick’s hands roamed all over him, Nelson couldn’t feel more excited. He gulped the beer.

Brick laughed. “Thirsty?”

Nelson laughed along with him. Nerves. When a huge burp exploded from his mouth, he said, “Excuse me,” and set the beer down before spilling any.

Then Brick’s face was in front of him—his cheek warm, his lips pressing against Nelson’s neck, bestowing wet kisses. It felt different from Blake—passionate.

Nelson grabbed the sofa to steady himself. “I like your apartment,” he said, struggling to catch his breath.

Brick ran his hands across Nelson’s chest. “Yeah?” He took Nelson’s hand. “Let me show you around.” He promptly led Nelson down the thickly carpeted hallway. It was all happening so fast.

In the bedroom, tiny lights glowed from behind potted palms, casting shadows on the walls. A bove the headboard hung a huge print of a guy in his underwear. Brick guided Nelson onto the bed and pressed him down onto the satin comforter. His warm hands slipped beneath Nelson’s shirt, sliding across his skin. Nelson shivered with excitement and closed his eyes. The rush of blood made him dizzy.

Nothing had ever thrilled him so much.

Brick slid on top of him, as if wanting more of him, like he was somehow trying to get inside him. He kissed so hard that Nelson’s head reeled back. He opened his eyes and found himself looking up at the underwear poster.

“I want you,” Brick said, his hands rushing frantically across Nelson’s naked chest.

Nelson wasn’t sure exactly what Brick meant, though he had a pretty good idea. He wanted to say that he hadn’t ever done that—or anything else.

“Okay,” Nelson managed as Brick de-pantsed him. “I guess so.”

Then he remembered: Wait. A condom!

But before he could say anything, Brick was on top of him, pressed against him, touching every part of him, as though needing more, looking for Nelson’s very core.

A voice screamed inside Nelson: Stop! Tell him. He needs to use a condom.

But if he did say something, Brick might reject him, the same as Blake, the same as Kyle. A wave of despair swept over Nelson, until it seemed he was totally lost to himself. He no longer knew where he was or what was happening, only that he wanted Brick. He clutched at him, soaked with sweat. His heart thundered faster and harder, till it seemed to burst.

Then, just as quickly, it was over. Brick lay on top of him, head cradled in Nelson’s shoulder, his breath puffing lightly across Nelson’s chest. Nelson looked down at the soft blond hair and broad shoulders of the man he’d let inside him. He’d never felt anything so incredible in his life.

Then he remembered the condom, or lack thereof. A new tide of gloom flooded him. He couldn’t believe he’d been so stupid. He knew he’d just done—or, more accurately, let be done to him—the riskiest thing possible. But everything had happened so fast. He stared at Brick, resting so calmly. He wanted to shake him and … A nd what? Say, “Excuse me, what’s your HIV status?” Surely if Brick were HIV positive, he would’ve warned Nelson. He hadn’t said anything, so he must not be. Unless he didn’t know.

Maybe he’d never been tested. A nd what if Brick admitted he was HIV positive? Nelson would freak.

Better not to know.

Brick stirred. Nelson raised his arm to hide his face.

“You were great,” Brick whispered, and pecked him a kiss.

The gesture touched Nelson, and for a moment he felt better. No one as nice as Brick would have unsafe sex if he was HIV positive.

A nd maybe Brick had indeed put on a condom, and in the heat of passion Nelson simply hadn’t noticed. That must be what happened. He recalled Brick grabbing something from the nightstand. He looked over. But all he saw was a tube of lubricant.

Brick rolled to the side of the bed and stood up. Nelson casually peeked over. Nope, no condom. Shit. He darted frantic glances across the carpet, searching for a wrapper. Nothing.

Brick walked across the room and brought a towel to Nelson, wiping it across his stomach; it tickled like when he was a little kid and his mom dried him after a bath. For a moment, Nelson came out of his panic and thought, even if Brick was HIV positive, they could take care of each other. Wasn’t that what lovers were for?

Brick tossed the towel aside and pulled his pants on. Nelson glanced past him at the clock on the dresser. Now he wished he’d phoned his mom. She’d be home by now and worried. He sat up and climbed off the bed. “I better go.” He searched through the jumble of clothes strewn across the floor and told Brick, “I’d like to see you again.” Brick avoided his eyes. A fter a long moment, he said, “Sure.” He didn’t sound very enthusiastic.

While Nelson pulled his pants on, Brick set out a pen and paper. Nelson leaned over the dresser and wrote down his number. “Can I have yours, too?”

“Well …,” Brick said, looking away again. “That’s probably not a good idea. I have a lover. Right now he’s away on a trip.” Huh? Whoa! Did Brick say “lover”? He hadn’t mentioned any lover. If he had a lover, then why …? Nelson felt lightheaded, like he was going to pass out. He reached out to grab hold of the bed.

“A re you okay?” Brick said. “Sit down. I’ll get you some water.”

Nelson sat on the bed, suppressing a wave of nausea, and looked around the room. He’d just lost his virginity to some guy who already had a lover, who probably didn’t care if he saw Nelson again, and who might even be HIV positive. How could he have been so stupid?

Brick brought him the water and Nelson gulped it down.

“I should’ve told you earlier,” Brick said, resting a hand on Nelson’s shoulder. “This is his apartment. I kept thinking you’d ask if I had a boyfriend. Since you didn’t ask, I figured you didn’t care.”

Nelson stared at him, feeling like a dumb kid. Yeah, he should’ve asked. But how was he supposed to know? He stood up. “I want to go.”

Brick offered him a ride. Nelson didn’t want a ride. He wanted to walk and clear his mind. But Brick insisted, and Nelson felt too depressed to argue. He climbed onto the motorcycle. A s they rode, he recalled how Blake had told him to save himself for someone special.

The wind flicked through Nelson’s hair. He wrapped his arms tightly around Brick’s waist and thought: I should’ve let Kyle come over when he’d offered.