Rain Dance (14 page)

As my first bite of rich caramel, pecans, chocolate, and cheesecake melted in my mouth, I watched my friend. She seemed to glow more than ever before.
Mike is so good for her, Lord—Thank You for bringing them back together.

I couldn’t keep from complimenting my beautiful friend. “You look more stunning than ever—it might be the light in here, but you literally shimmer.”

She looked at me and smiled. “Thanks.” In her eyes I saw an intense joy and an equal amount of sadness.

Mike signaled to the waitress, and she brought a small gift on a tray to the table. Mike and Stacie smiled and said, “Happy birthday.”

Inside another jewelry box lay a lovely necklace.

“The jeweler said it represents friendship,” Stacie explained. “Something about two guys in the Bible named Jonathan and David. It seemed a perfect gift for you.”

“Thank you both,” I said as Ben got up and fastened the clasp for me.

“You’re welcome,” Stacie said. “And thank you for supporting me these last months. I didn’t know friends like you existed.”

Looking at her, I saw it again. Radiance. Gladness and a deeper love for my friend flooded my heart.

Joy from the Lord who is my strength.

Stacie

Getting ready for Jonica’s birthday dinner, I patted my tummy. It already felt fuller.

I longed for Jonica to be all right with my news, but intended to keep it quiet at least for today. I didn’t want to ruin her party. I knew she and Ben would have made great parents. A shiver of sadness ran through my body and guilt gripped my stomach. If there was a God, why would He let me get pregnant after what I did, and not her—the innocent one?

I let it go. First of all, I didn’t believe in God, so I was uncomfortable with even thinking about Him. And second of all, no one could figure out all the mysteries of life—so why should I try? It was too complicated, messy, and painful. Jonica would make the best of it like she did with all things.

We arrived at the restaurant early. Mike wanted the waitress to bring Jonica’s present to the table later. I was excited. I knew I’d found a special gift. In the mall was a wonderful jewelry store full of original pieces. I asked the jeweler for something out of the ordinary for a close confidante. He delighted in showing me a necklace he said represented a story of great friendship. When he told me there was a biblical connection, I was convinced Jonica would love it for more than one reason.

I clung to Mike’s arm after he spoke with the waitress. “You are such a nice man.”

He smiled down at me. “I’m glad you think so.”

I met Ben for the first time. I knew he knew about me, so I was nervous.

He shook Mike’s hand and gave me a quick hug. “I’m very glad you are in Jonica’s life. You mean a lot to her.”

The moment was easy—as if we’d been friends a long time. I watched Jonica and her husband. He had it too—the look I now called “the Christian glow.”

Her beauty lit up the room. Her new hair, dress, and makeup were only part of it. She carried herself like a queen totally in love with her kingdom.

This shining thing that radiated from deep within her mystified me. I couldn’t point it out and say, “See?” Yet it was as real as the floor beneath my feet.

I knew they were sad. These were hard days for them. Yet here they sat, loving everyone who crossed their paths. Even servers and busboys received a word of thanks and praise. Weird, a little wacky, and wonderful at the same time.

We ate, talked, and laughed. Our husbands hit it off and made plans to play golf. Mike wanted to know more about guitars. I was glad he passed on asking about motorcycles and helicopters. One adventurous man in our lives was enough. Besides, mine was about to be a daddy and if I had to be careful, so did he.

When she blew out her birthday candle, I wondered what Jonica wished for. I hoped with all my being she would get it—my friend deserved to have her dreams come true.

By the time we tasted our cheesecake, my nerves nearly caused my tummy to revolt. When Jonica complimented me, bubbles of uncertainty gurgled in my stomach. I knew something showed.

Please let everything be good with her
, I begged whatever power of the universe that might hear me.

She loved the necklace and knew the meaning behind the design. When she looked at me again, I knew somehow she knew.

“I’m pregnant,” I said as she whispered, “You’re pregnant.”

Her eyes shone with sincere love for me.

Where does she get such joy? Such strength?

Chapter
13

Jonica

Infertility was a continuing process.

Just when I hoped things were better, the grief came back with surprising force.

While I was getting ready for bed a few nights later, I decided that if honesty was such a stinking good policy, it was Ben’s turn. Once again raw anger at the situation started a slow burn deep in my belly. I gave him no warning as words pelted out of me with a vengeance like a sudden summer hailstorm.

“You know I’m happy for Stacie. She longed for this pregnancy.”

“I know.”

Slamming my pillow instead of plumping it, I threw back the covers. “I love her, and I want all her dreams to come true. But this isn’t fair!”

Hot tears ran down my cheeks. I pressed them away with the heels of my hands. I paced the room and continued ranting while Ben watched, propped up in bed. His quiet spirit did not calm my storm.

I raised my face to heaven. “God, my life is still in pieces here. I don’t know how to live with this gut-wrenching pain or this constant emptiness. Will it always be like this? Do You even hear me?”

“Come here.” Ben spoke in a gentle tone of voice that usually drew me straight into his arms.

“No! I don’t want to be comforted. And if you’re looking for romance, think about another night, buster. I want answers. How can God say no to us? What is He thinking?”

“About you.”

“Pardon me?”

“Remember when we found that verse in Jeremiah 29? For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon Me and go and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. And you will seek Me and find Me, when you search for Me with all your heart.”

“He gave those words to the Jewish nation,” I snapped.

“He is the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow, Joni. God gave the message first to His chosen ones, but He has a plan for all His people. And remember the study we did on being grafted in as Abraham’s children?

I could only nod. The study had made the Bible promises more real for me.

Come to bed, honey,” Ben invited once more. “It’s late.”

His faith and the Word of God quieted most of my anger. So instead of stomping my feet and shaking my fist at heaven, I slid under the covers feeling better but knowing I was still holding on to a little corner of resentment.

In the warmth of Ben’s arms, I asked, “What do you do with all the hurt?”

“I think not having kids is always going to impact our lives. With time and space we will deal with it better, but it will always be here.” He touched his chest above his heart.

“I know and I hate it. Are you ever angry?”

His shrug caused my head to bobble. “Sometimes. Mostly I’m sad. I’m learning it’s hard to fight facts.”

“I don’t want this to be our truth.”

“Me either, but it is. Accepting that is essential to our living in freedom.”

“Do you think that’s what the Bible verse about the truth setting us free means?”

“The Truth there is Jesus. I believe that trusting the One who is Truth is freeing even when we don’t know why something happens in life, because we know He does, and that is enough.”

“Like we have any chance against God.”

“We’re not against God and He’s not against us. He is not the enemy.”

“No, infertility is.”

“Honey, sometimes the enemy we battle so hard lives within us.”

“Don’t you think if God gave us a miracle child, Stacie would see and believe?”

“Do you want a miracle for Stacie or for you?”

“For both of us. And for you too.”

“Maybe the greatest miracle is when we don’t get what we ask for every time and keep believing anyway.”

“I want you to be wrong. I’d love to show Stacie something only God could do so she’ll have to believe. I long for her to see His power and to feel it displayed in my life so she can’t resist accepting Him.”

“Faith in things unseen is the greatest of all. When you live your beliefs out in front of Stacie, she may resist and even disagree. Just remember, her dispute is not with you—it’s with God.”

“Are you counting on her to reject Him?”

“She’s a skeptic. It will take time for her to allow the facts to transform into faith.”

“I’m not sure I’m up to being a steady witness to her. I mean, look at the way I handled her Mother’s Day question. Why did God choose me? I’m really not the best woman for this job.”

“I think you’re the perfect woman for the job. God wouldn’t have it any other way.”

Sudden hot emotions rose in me.

“Hey, Mrs. Johnson, I thought romance was off the menu for tonight,” Ben murmured as my arms tightened around him.

“It’s back on,” I answered with a smile.

When the alarm went off, I swung my feet to the floor, and my heart filled with urgency. Stacie needed Jesus.

After my morning routine and seeing Ben off to work, I grabbed a cup of coffee and headed for my office. I opened my Bible and went over the familiar salvation verses. While I knew their truth and power personally, I sensed I was in the wrong place. For some reason, I flipped over to where Paul was speaking to the leaders about his imprisonment.

What a good lawyer.
Lord, I wish I could communicate Your truths to Stacie like Paul
would.

The sunshine warmed my head as I bowed in prayer. Seconds turned to minutes without my awareness while I lifted my friend to the lover of her soul.
In Your time, not mine, Lord.
I sighed as sweet surrender brought peace.

The phone rang.

“They finished painting and installing the wood floors in my new office space. Dad had the furniture delivered too. Can you come and see it?” Stacie’s voice bubbled.

“I’d love to. When?”

“Now? We could meet at the office and walk to Wong’s for lunch, then take a tour.”

“Sure.”

“I’m starved and need an egg roll. Does this really work for you?”

Laughing, I agreed. “I wouldn’t want to come between a pregnant woman and her egg rolls.”

She chattered as we walked to the restaurant. My tirade at Ben the night before had left me with little to say. I wanted to be quiet. I hoped she wouldn’t take it the wrong way or ask any questions.

She told me about her new business cards, her visit to social services, and her contact at the women’s shelter. In mid-sentence she pulled her top tight, and we looked to see if her tummy had changed since the last time we’d checked. The bulge was so small she could still wear her jeans in comfort. I prayed for the tiny one nestled safely in her womb. In the quiet of the moment, God filled me with genuine gladness as only He can.

When she mentioned the women’s shelter again, she had my full attention. “It was one of Eve’s first political missions. Years ago she raised money to build a newer facility.”

“I’m deeply committed to the shelter too,” I responded. “In fact, I’m writing an article for the newspaper about it and how we can all help.”

“Imagine that—you and Eve on the same side of anything.”

I liked the idea that the most liberal senator in Washington and I held a common passion. Maybe I’d try to set up an interview with Eve Dunbar focused on our shared interest instead of our political differences. My editor was always looking for the fresh angle. This qualified.

We ate and talked, and I sensed the Lord restraining my tongue. I yielded to Him.

Inside her new office, I understood Stacie’s excitement. Chandler Daniels had kept his promise. After consulting with Stacie on her favorite colors, his painter and carpet layer had finished the project. The front office featured one small window facing the courtyard, comfy chairs for clients, and a reception desk.

“Won’t my someday assistant enjoy this view?”

Before I could comment, she moved right along. “Now for my office.” She swung open etched-glass double doors and we stepped through.

Her space included built-in floor-to-ceiling bookcases already lined with her intimidating law library. Brightly colored rugs rested under her impressive desk and in front of other furniture. A bay window also faced the courtyard, and I noticed bird feeders and blossoms just outside.

“This room is huge.” I noticed trim around what looked like a large doorway, but from my angle I couldn’t see inside. “What’s behind door number three?”

“The best of the best—tadaaaa!”

She opened the clear glass double doors to reveal a large closet turned nursery. A new, full-sized window faced the back of another building but gave the tiny room a sunny glow.

“I wondered what you were going to do with Baby,” I said. “This is great.”

“Most of my work will involve research and phone interviews. When I interview clients here, do home studies and visits, or have court dates or meetings, I will need someone who does part-time childcare, but whenever possible, I want my baby with me.”

“Very cool. I can babysit sometimes. I know Natalie is looking for a little one to take care of now and then to help make ends meet. She’s flexible and wonderful with kids.”

“Thanks. Write down her number and I’ll call her.”

After jotting down the information, I returned to exploring Stacie’s brave new world. Her desk was a piece of art, a large glass oval that rested on black metal legs formed into intricate swirls. A matching black lamp cast a soft glow across its surface.