Rain (20 page)

“It’s not my birthday…” I told the gathering, the surprise evident in my voice.

“We never celebrated, and I thought it was a good time to make it up to you,” my mom said warmly, standing next to me.

I noticed Liz and saw the excitement on her face. I had a feeling she had a big part in this, and now I understood why my mom had gotten me all dressed up.

“Thank you, everyone,” I said a little awkwardly to the crowd. I had never had a surprise party, so it was throwing me off.

“Let’s get some music playing.” My dad came to my rescue, and a few seconds later, music was coming out through the sound system.

Liz practically jumped me excitedly. “So do you love it?” she squealed.

“This was all you, wasn’t it?” I laughed, hugging her.

“Of course! I told you that you had to have a rocking sixteenth birthday party!” she exclaimed, clearly proud of herself.

The guests were now talking to each other. There were some people from school that I hadn’t seen in a while. I was pretty sure everyone knew I had cancer by now, but I hadn’t told anyone at school other than Austin and Liz.

“You look gorgeous, girl! Spin for me!” Liz demanded.

I obliged and spun in a circle. I was certain this dress had been made for that because it fanned out and floated beautifully in the air as I spun. I giggled, feeling like a kid and loving it. I stopped when Kyle appeared next to me with a half smile on his face as he watched me with his hands shoved into the pockets of his jeans.

“I’ll let you two talk,” Liz told me, winking as she rushed away.

I glared at the back of her head. I grudgingly looked up at Kyle. He looked nervous, which was unusual for him.

“Hi,” he said simply.

“Hi,” I responded, and I hated how my pulse quickened.

“Liz invited me. I wasn’t sure if I should come since you have been avoiding me, but I really wanted to see you,” he explained, touching the back of my hand with his fingers. “I’ve missed you, Taylor,” he said softly, breaking a piece of my heart.

“Me too,” I admitted, the words stuck in my throat.

“What happened? What did I do?” he asked desperately, his eyes pleading for an answer.

“You didn’t do anything,” I told him honestly, looking down. How could I make him understand?

His forehead drew together, confused as he took my hand in his completely. I should have pulled away, but I couldn’t. His touch was what I had been craving for these past two weeks, and it felt too good to let it go just yet.

“Then why?” he asked, lifting my chin up with his other hand.

I wanted to cry and fling my arms around him at the same time. I squeezed his hand and let go, preparing myself to let him go.

“I just can’t do this again. I’m sorry, but you have Leah living in your house and all over you. It will hurt too much to get even more attached to you until you end up with her. It was bad when Austin left me in the hospital without a word for another girl, but you doing that would shatter me.” My voice trembled as I spoke.

“Taylor, I wouldn’t do that to you,” he promised. “Why would you think that? Did I do something to make you think that?” he questioned.

“No.”

“Then trust me, please,” he pleaded, making this even more difficult.

“I can’t trust her, Kyle.”

“I’ll make her leave,” he blurted out, and I looked at him. His honest eyes were cutting into me.

“No, Kyle. I’m not going to make you throw her out onto the street. For whatever reason she needs you right now, and I wish I could be the bigger person and handle it, but I can’t. I’m sorry. I need to let you go. Please let me,” I begged as tears flooded my vision.

He looked defeated, making me feel even worse. A slow song began to play, and I recognized it as a Rascal Flatts song.

“Will you dance with me?” he asked with a thick voice.

I hesitated before accepting his hand. He pulled me close, wrapping his arm around my waist. We didn’t speak as we swayed to the words,
What hurts the most was being so close…
The lyrics tore through me. It was ironic that this song would play.

“I’m sorry,” he leaned down and whispered in my ear, sending shivers through me.

“Me too,” I murmured back, leaning my head against is shoulder. This felt so right. Why did both choices have to hurt?

“I don’t want to let you go…” he said as the song was coming to an end. I didn’t want him to let go either.

We both lingered, knowing that this was going to be it. He leaned his forehead against mine and took a ragged breath before kissing me fiercely. The kiss was long and deep and beautiful. He was showing me how much he wanted me. It should have been enough, but my damn stubborn fear got in the way. I pulled back from him, ending our final kiss.

“Please don’t do this.” His voice was heartbreaking in itself.

“I have to,” I choked out.

His jaw tightened and his eyes grew dark. “I have something for you, and then I will leave.” His voice hardened, erasing the emotion in it. He was mad at me, and I couldn’t blame him. He reached into his pocket and pulled something out but had it hidden inside his hand. “I took them from the house we made the day after we created it, when you ended up in the ER,” he said, putting his closed hand out.

I didn’t know what he meant, but I placed my open palm under his and he dropped what he was holding before walking away. I looked down and my mouth dropped open, stunned by the most precious gift I had ever seen. It was two of the smaller, flat, gray Legos put together to form a heart on a chain. He’d made me a freaking necklace out of Legos from the house we built together.

I looked up to see him shutting the door behind him, gone—just like I had wanted so he couldn’t break my heart. Instead, I had broken it myself, and this gift just brought me to the edge of completely shattering. Breathing in deeply, I let the noise around me hit me. The party going on was for me and I hadn’t even joined in yet. I needed to actually start to interact with everyone else who had come.

“Why did he leave?” Liz demanded, crossing her arms, giving me a disapproving look.

“Because I told him that I couldn’t be with him.” My voice broke at the end, and I clasped the necklace in my hand.

She shook her head at me. “Taylor, I don’t get you.  If I had a guy like that, I wouldn’t give him up,” she tsked.

“I should go visit with people,” I responded sadly and stalked away.

For the rest of the night, I felt like I was an observer. I talked and laughed with everyone and blew out candles on the cake after everyone sang ‘Happy Birthday,’ but I felt like I was watching it from the outside instead of being a part of it. Everyone seemed to have a good time, and I even danced. The party was tiring, and I was more than ready for bed when everyone was gone.

“Hope you had a good night, sweetie,” Mom said, hugging me, followed by Dad.

“I did. Thank you.” I yawned, expressing my tiredness.

“You go to bed. We will clean this up tomorrow,” Dad said, and I wasn’t going to be told twice. I said goodnight to them both before heading straight for my room and bed.

I saw my phone light up on my desk next to the necklace Kyle had given me earlier. I had snuck away to place it in here for safekeeping. Kyle Stranger flashed on the screen, causing my heart to speed up. I picked it up and opened the message.

Kyle:
I will leave you alone. I just wanted to tell you that you looked stunningly beautiful tonight. Even that doesn’t seem like a good enough description. Goodbye, Taylor. --Kyle

I exhaled a long breath once I finished reading his message. He was certainly doing well at making me rethink my decision with the necklace and that message. He was so thoughtful. It would be so much easier if he wasn’t such a good guy.

I picked up the necklace and brushed my fingers over it before putting in on. I resisted the urge to go see him and even withstood responding. Without changing, I collapsed on my bed. Closing my eyes, I drifted off, tracing the Legos with my fingers and thinking about the day they had been used to build our Lego house.

CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT

Ever since my party, I had done even more moping than before. I tried to focus on homework, but sometimes I found myself rereading the same line five times without even absorbing a single word because my mind had wandered off, thinking about Kyle. He hadn’t tried to see me again. He hadn’t even tried to call or text. He was doing what I had asked and staying away. Liz had even given up on telling me that I should get over it and talk to him.

Huffing, I gave up on reading the boring history text. I wasn’t getting anything done right now. I couldn’t wait to be caught up with schoolwork. I was so sick of doing it every waking moment. It wouldn’t be long before I started summer school to get back on track before the new school year. I really wanted to finish the other stuff before then so I could have a break.

Both of my parents were working, so I was home alone. Since I wasn’t in school, that happened a lot. I wandered out into the living room, glancing at the family pictures. I stopped at the bookcase that held a slew of photo albums. Mom loved taking pictures, especially when I had been younger. She documented almost everything, and as much as it drove me crazy at times, I knew it was a good thing, especially once I’d gotten sick.

I pulled one off the shelf and settled onto the couch to relive some of the memories. This album started with my third birthday, my toothy grin and blond hair underneath a birthday hat visible behind a pink cake. The next page showed me on a bright red tricycle, beaming at the camera with Dad beside me. That also brought back a memory of falling off, resulting in a nasty scraped knee. Dad hadn’t wasted time as he scooped me up and ran inside to make it all better. On my request, he had even kissed it since I’d been convinced that Daddy kissing my booboo would make it all better because he had magical healing powers.

I smiled at the memory and continued to flip through the pages until one image stopped me cold. It was of me in a cute pink dress, sitting on our porch next to a boy with brown eyes and messy hair in blue shorts and a white shirt. It was Kyle; it had to be. It looked like the same boy from the childhood picture of Kyle I had seen at his house.

My mind reeled. If that was Kyle, that meant we’d met before. I didn’t remember it, but I was younger than he was. He must have been around six or seven. Did he remember me, or was it just a coincidence that we had taken a picture together as kids and met again when we were older?

Without thinking about it, I pulled the picture out of the album and left the house without even putting shoes on. I went right to Kyle’s door and pounded on it without stopping.

“I’m coming!” he yelled, exasperated, but I didn’t stop. He swung the door open with a scowl and froze when he saw me, jaw hanging open.

I pushed past him and went to where I knew the picture of him and his father sat. I compared my picture with his, and sure enough, it was the same kid in both images. Kyle was in my picture, in my photo album. I wasn’t crazy. He looked at me with a bewildered expression.

“What is this?” I said, shoving the photo at him.

He took it apprehensively, looking at me with wide eyes.

“What is she doing here?” Leah strolled in, snarling.

Kyle’s eyes snapped to hers with a glare. He pulled out his wallet from his back pocket and took out some cash.

“Leah, here. Go shopping or something.” Kyle’s voice was demanding as he handed her the money. I watched him curiously.

She pouted. “How am I supposed to get there?”

“The car keys are on the counter. Have a blast,” he said dryly.

“Fine!” She scowled, swiping the keys and leaving, the echo of her heels still ringing after the door shut behind her.

“Sorry,” he said softly, some of the tension seeping out of him now that she was gone.  I knew he was apologizing about Leah.

He slid his hand through his hair before looking at the picture I had given him. I saw the realization hit him, and I found myself glaring at him.

“We already knew each other?” I asked, crossing my arms. I knew he remembered.

“Not exactly…” he trailed off.

“Not exactly?” I arched an eyebrow at him. “This picture says we did,” I added angrily. Why had he kept this from me?

“I saw you from my yard occasionally. That was the only day I actually interacted with you. I wandered over across the street when you were outside with your mom. We played a little bit in your yard, and your mom must have taken this picture at some point. I forgot the picture was taken. Shortly after that, my parents divorced and I didn’t come around much, but I did see you on occasion. I knew you didn’t remember. You were younger than me, and I didn’t think it was a big deal,” he explained, some words rushing together. I could tell he wanted me to believe that he hadn’t been trying to keep it a secret. I wasn’t sure why I’d gotten so worked up over it. It just seemed like it mattered that we’d met before when I thought the day when I’d sat in front of his house on the sidewalk was the first time.

“Is that why you talked to me that day in front of your house?” I asked calmly.

He sighed, watching me carefully. “I had wanted to talk to you for a while, but I didn’t know how to. Plus I knew I would be leaving before long, so I didn’t. When I saw you outside that day, I took the opportunity. I was back for the foreseeable future, and I didn’t really know anyone and you looked so sad, so I went for it.” He shrugged and smiled at me sheepishly, his eyes open and honest.

I relaxed a little, now kind of embarrassed about my reaction. “Sorry. I shouldn’t have barged in here like that. I just found the photo and it surprised me. You probably wish you didn’t talk to me that day now…” I apologized, my cheeks a little warm.

He frowned and stepped toward me, taking my hand. “I will never wish that, Taylor. That moment in front of my house when I looked into your sad eyes for the first time. That was it for me. I knew I would do anything to make you smile, to lessen your pain, and even take it away if possible. It probably sounds crazy. I’m not sure that I understand it myself, but I felt like I became connected to you at that moment, and that connection has only grown since that day. These past few weeks had been torture, not being able to be with you, but I endured it, wanting to give you what you needed.” His words were soft and smooth and straight from his heart, his eyes looking deep inside me. He looked down a little and smiled, seeing the necklace he had given me. “You’re wearing it.” He sounded almost surprised as he touched it.