Rain (14 page)

“I will,” I promised, ready to do just that. I couldn’t wait to feel healthy again and be able to grow my hair back.

I walked over to Dr. Arenstam and hugged her, wanting to thank her. Words could never be enough for keeping me alive and hopefully giving me my life back. I knew I would never be the same as I was before, but now I had a chance to grow and have a life of possibilities. I could hope and dream again.

“I can never thank you enough, but I’ll say thank you anyways,” I said.

“You are welcome. Seeing you healthy will be thanks enough.”

“I’m ready,” I said, releasing her, and wiped away a stray tear—this time, a happy tear.

“I will go get you a wheelchair,” Nurse Michele informed me.

“I can walk,” I responded, ready to stretch my legs.

“It is hospital policy, but once you are checked out and at the door, you don’t have to be in it.”

“All right,” I relented, disappointed.

“I will go get you checked out and meet you at the door,” Mom said, giving me a hug. She was trying to get me out of here as fast as possible, which made me happy. She probably had the same thought I did—get out of here before they change their mind and want me to stay longer.

“Okay.”

At that, everyone dispersed. Nurse Michele went to get the wheelchair, and Dr. Arenstam left to take my mom to get us checked out.

Once I was in the wheelchair, I took in the room one last time. I wasn’t sad to say goodbye to it. It just held memories of chemotherapy, throwing up, losing my hair, and all of the other awful things that came with having leukemia.

Nurse Michele wheeled me outside, and the crisp air immediately hit me. It felt amazing. I hadn’t been outside in so long, and I’d forgotten what it was like to breathe in fresh air. It sent a cool shock through my system that I hadn’t been expecting, but I welcomed it.  Snow covered the grass on each side of the walkway, showing the significant change in time. I’d gone in when it was fall and came out when it was well into winter.

Mom and Dr. Arenstam came out behind us as Dad jumped out of the running car and opened the backdoor for me. I said goodbye to Dr. Arenstam and Nurse Michele, and then my dad helped me get into the warm vehicle.

I didn’t look back at the hospital as we drove away. I knew I would see it again for my checkups, and any amount of time would have been too soon. The drive didn’t take long, and before I knew it, we were pulling into the driveway. My attention should have been on my house and my driveway since I hadn’t seen it in so long, but instead it was on Kyle’s driveway and the shiny black motorcycle that was in it, indicating that he was home. He didn’t know I was in remission yet or even out of the hospital.

“I’m going to go see Kyle,” I announced as my dad turned the car off.

Mom looked back at me, her forehead a little creased. “Don’t you want to get settled in?” she asked.

“I do, but Kyle doesn’t know I’m out of the hospital, and I don’t want him to end up going to the hospital to see me and I’m here,” I reasoned.

My parents look at each other and then my mom nodded.

“Okay. We will bring your stuff in. Don’t take too long. You should rest.”

“Thank you. I will be in soon,” I told them, already getting out of the car.

I wanted to run across the street, but I knew that wasn’t the best idea, so I walked instead. Once I reached the door, I rang the doorbell and waited; the seconds dragged. The anticipation was driving me crazy, so I rang the doorbell again. I heard noise from the other side of the door and what sounded like someone descending stairs.

The door swung open, and Kyle stood, holding it open, half asleep. His hair was a mess, and there was the fact that he was not wearing a shirt. He only had on a pair of navy blue sweatpants. When he looked at me, his eyes lost the dazed look. He was instantly alert. I had to keep myself from looking back down at his bare chest.

“Taylor!” he exclaimed, the surprise ringing in his voice, making me smile. I had wanted to surprise him. That was why I hadn’t called or texted him to tell him.

“Hi,” I smiled brightly; he always seemed to be able to pull my best smiles out.

“How are you here?” he questioned, his eyes curious and hopeful.

“I’m in remission!” My voice rang with excitement. He was the first person I was telling, and it was the first time I’d said it out loud. It felt good.

He let go of the door and hugged me tightly. He did it so fast it startled me, but then I relaxed into him and hugged him back, wrapping my arms around him and resting them on his bare back. The skin-to-skin contact sent sparks to every part of my body.

“I can’t believe it,” he said into my wig.

“Me either,” I admitted as I breathed him in. He even smelled good when he’d just woken up.

“I’m glad you aren’t in the hospital anymore,” he told me, still holding on to me, and it didn’t feel like he wanted to let go. I didn’t want him to let go, and I hoped that my parents weren’t watching right now.

“Thanks,” I whispered, not able to think of another response. My hands wanted to explore his back, and feel every inch of it. The skin-to-skin contact was driving me nuts, sending all kinds of sensations through me, and my body wanted to respond. If I didn’t keep focused, then I would surely start feeling him up without thinking about it. It would be his fault for having answered the door without a shirt.

“Want to come in?” he asked, letting me go but not moving away. “It’s cold out here.”

I looked at him and couldn’t help but laugh. “Well maybe if you were wearing a shirt you wouldn’t be cold,” I teased.

He smiled sheepishly and inched inside, and I followed. I
heard
the door close behind me before he drank me in with his eyes. I really wanted another excuse to touch him again.

“I can’t stay long,” I told him, breaking the silence. “I haven’t gone in my house yet,” I added.

His eyebrow rose with surprise. “You came here first?” he asked.

“Yeah. We pulled into the driveway and I saw your house and I had to come tell you. I haven’t told anyone else yet,” I admitted.

His eyes seemed to get brighter, and another smile grew on his face. “Please don’t tell Liz that you told me first. I’m afraid she will come kick my ass,” he said, giving me a worried look like he was really afraid.

“I will leave out the detail of my telling you first when I tell her,” I assured him.

“Okay good.” He let out a breath, relaxing.

I rolled my eyes at him. “She isn’t that scary,”

“I don't know about that… From the impression I got, she would totally tear me apart, and I don’t hit girls, so I’m a little afraid,” he said seriously.

“I’m glad you don’t hit girls. And don’t worry. I will protect you,” I ensured.

“Protect me, huh?” he asked, a smirk sliding onto his face, removing the serious look he had held a moment ago.

“I…mean, by not telling her that you knew first.” I faltered, heat rushing to my face. That hadn’t come out quite right. I wouldn’t be much use protecting him especially with how weak I was at the moment.

“I know what you meant.” He winked.

I looked away from him and took in my surroundings for the first time. The walls were a clean white. There weren’t any pictures hanging on them like my house, but there were a couple on a wooden end table. The house seemed to have a similar setup to mine. The doorway went into the living room, where a black leather couch sat looking unused. I walked over to the end table and took a closer look at the photos. A man with dark hair and the same brown eyes as Kyle’s grinned, holding a laughing young boy with messy brown hair and matching eyes on his shoulders. The boy, who had to have been Kyle, emitted happiness through the photo.

“Is this you and your dad?” I asked as I smiled at the photo.

Kyle came next to me and picked up the picture, examining it. “Yeah. This was when my parents were still together. I’m not even sure if I have taken a picture with my dad since then,” he answered gloomily. He looked at me solemnly.

“You looked really happy,” I remarked, because he did. He looked free and cheerful, and the image captured it perfectly. A precious memory frozen in time.

He held my eyes with his, displaying a whirlwind of emotion. “I was happy. Just shortly after this, everything changed. My parents got divorced, Mom took me to LA, and I barely got to spend time with my dad. Even when I did, it wasn’t the same,” he explained, the sadness emitting from him. “When I see this picture, I want to go back to that time and somehow stop it from happening so things could have stayed like this,” he admitted, pointing at the picture.

I didn’t know what to say. It wasn’t something I had experienced. My parents were still together, and as far back as I could remember, we had been in the house we are in now. It sounded awful and made my heart hurt for him.

“You are here now,” I whispered, still holding his eyes. “You don’t have to miss any more time with your dad.”

“I know, but now I’m away from my mom, and I worry about her. This whole thing just sucks. I feel torn half of the time, like I should be in both places but have to choose one, and right now I’m choosing my dad.” He looked a little deflated as he said this.

I reached out and touched his arm softly, leaving my hand there as I spoke. “I can’t imagine going through that and having to make that choice. It sounds impossible, but it sounds like you need this time with your dad. On a personal, totally selfish level, I’m glad you came, because if not, I wouldn’t have met you and I’m so glad that I did.”

He stepped closer to me, releasing a ragged breath, which made my breath catch and heart flutter. His eyes were intense pools inviting me to look deeper inside, past the exterior that other people see. He placed his hand on my shoulder and leaned in, and my body decided to reciprocate this movement and go toward him also. I swear I had lost control at that point. He looked like he was going to kiss me, but his head went past my lips and into my hair next to my ear instead as he hugged me to him.

“Me too,” he murmured in my ear, sending chills through me. I found myself leaning into him even more and forced myself to pull back.

“I should go,” I told him, my voice coming out shallow. I needed to get out of here before I did something stupid, like kiss him. The tension I sensed was building, and my emotions felt like they were getting ready to go overboard and take control of my body, rendering any rationalization useless. I let go and smiled at him.

“You should,” he responded, his eyes dancing mischievously.

My smile faltered at his words. Ouch.

“If you stay much longer, your dad will probably knock down my door, and then I would have to explain the lack of the door to my dad when he got home, and that just wouldn’t go well.”

“My dad isn’t that crazy,” I laughed. “At least I don’t think he is… Just in case, I’ll see you later.” I turned and walked back to his door with him in step behind me.

“Thank you for coming to tell me. I’m glad that you did,” he said before I opened the door.

I looked back at him and smiled warmly. “Of course.” I responded, and then I turned the cool doorknob and opened the door before stepping out into the brisk air once again.

CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

I entered my house for the first time in months, and it was weird how normal it looked. It hadn’t changed one bit, but I felt like a whole different person. It was a surreal feeling being inside again, something I had started to think I would never be able to do. I had wanted to go home so much, but stepping inside felt eerie, like the life I had before was haunting me.

Mom and Dad were sitting on the couch drinking coffee. The aroma rushed my nose, smelling stronger than it should have. I had recently acquired a more sensitive nose, which wasn’t fun. Especially with all of the things that made me feel nauseated. I smiled at them, but it came off a bit uneasy. I was already ready for some alone time and maybe a nap from all the standing and lack of sleep I had last night.

“I’m going to go get settled in my room,” I told them.

“Okay. We put your stuff in your room for you when you were with Kyle,” my mom responded, smiling and looking more relaxed than I had seen in a while. “Do you want any help?” she asked.

“No, I’ll be okay. Thanks,” I answered with another attempt at a reassuring smile before leaving the living room.

Once I got to my room, I collapsed on my bed. Luckily that was where my mom had put my purse with my phone inside, so I didn’t have to move. I texted Liz, relaxing into my comfortable bed—way better than the hospital bed, that was for sure.

Me:
I’m home!

I hadn’t expected her to text me right back since she should be in school, but I should have known better. Not even a minute later, a message came through. 

Liz:
OMG how? I can’t wait to see you!

Me:
Remission. They let me leave the hospital this morning.

Liz:
I’m so happy! I wish I could come now. Be there after school.

Me:
Can’t wait.

After my last response, I placed my phone on the nightstand, ready for a nap. Sleep found me fast.

***

I awoke in time for a lunch of pasta and garlic bread. My parents weren’t wasting time with giving me real food, and I wasn’t complaining. It tasted good and was a nice change from the hospital food. I could have had anything I wanted in the hospital, but when I was just throwing it back up all the time, I hadn’t really cared anymore.

After we ate, I went back to my room to unpack my suitcase. I threw most of the clothes in a laundry basket and put away the other items. In the bottom, I found Kyle’s shirt neatly folded under everything. I had forgotten that I still had it. I fingered the soft material and brought it to my face. The scent of him had faded, and a pang of disappointment hit me.
Should I give it back to him?
I doubted he missed it since I’d had it for so long already, so I might as well keep it. Probably not the best rationalization, but I liked it.