Raging Love (20 page)

“Is she an old lady?” He asked.

I started laughing. “She isn’t that old. Would you like to meet her right now? She lives on the ranch too. In fact this whole ranch belongs to our family.”

“Even the big fat cows?”

Savanna was rolling. “Every single one.”

“What else is here?”

“Chic
kens. Lots of chickens. We grow
our own vegetables. We have a few horses. There is a big pool at the main house where my mother lives.” The little boy seemed so interested.

“Can we go see it all?”

I looked o
ver to Savanna and she nodded. She leaned over
to talk to Noah. “I think that you and Colt should take a ride on the golf cart and explore everything right now. Would you like that Noah?”

“YEAH!” He hopped down off his stool and grabbed my hand. It was the coolest feeling. “Come on, let’s go.”

I turned around to face Savanna and couldn’t tell what she was thinking. As excited
as
I was that I had this beautiful little boy, I knew it wasn’t going to be all peaches and cream with Savanna. We had lost our child tragically and I would never want to replace that void with another child, but Noah was mine. Savanna still wanted her own children with me. We needed to be able to talk about this before I got in way over my head and lost her. She had been so fragile and was still in therapy. I was very afraid that this was going to break her. “Do you want to come with us?”

She shook her head and I could see the tears forming in her eyes. “No, you go ahead. You have so much time to make up for. Besides, the agents are still working on his case. I will just sit here in case they need anything.”

“I love you Savanna Mitchell. I hope you know that.” I couldn’t tell her I was sorry for all of this happening the way it was in front of the boy. He had lost the only family he ever knew. He needed to feel welcomed and loved.
“And no, I had no idea I had a son.
Darlin
’ I swear to you that I had no idea.”

Noah grabbed on to me as we exited the house.
He held my hand even after we climbed onto the golf cart.
“So where do you want to go first?”

He looked up at me. “I’ve never had a grandmother before. My friends at pre-school have grandmothers and they buy them cool things. Will my grandmother buy me things too?”

He was so inn
ocent when he asked that I knew he wasn’t being selfish. He was too little to even understand that. “Trust me when I say
,
that you will probably get more gifts than you will ever
even ask for. My mother is
goin
’
to spoil you.”

“Will she love me? My friend
’
s grandmothers love them.”

I stopped the golf cart and looked at him. “Noah, of course she will.”

“Will you love me?”

My heart broke for him. I squeezed his hand and kissed the top of his head. Tears started forming in my eyes as I stared at my mirror image. “Buddy, I think that I loved you as soon as I saw you. I knew you were mine from that moment.”

I have no idea what she was doing all the way out here, but Sam came running out of the woods. “Cool, a dog.”

“That’s Sam, she’s our dog.” Sam came up and jumped right on our laps, crushing poor little Noah. “Calm down girl. This is Noah.”

Noah started petting her while she licked all over his face. Small giggles were coming from his little body and I
couldn’t
help but love how perfect his laughter sounded to me.
“I get to have a real dog?”

“Yes.” I laughed.

Sam finally jumped down and raced us to the ranch house. Noah thought it was funny how she was trying to keep up with us.

I parked in front of the house and we both started walking toward it. Lucy must have seen us pulling up because she opened the door as we
approached. She put her hand over her mouth and gasped, saying something in Spanish. I grabbed her on the shoulder. “Where is my Mom?”

She pointed toward the kitchen, but just stood there staring. My mother was taking a sip of her coffee as we walked into the room. She took one look at Noah and started choking. While she grabbed a napkin and cleaned hers
e
lf off, she never took her eyes off of Noah. I was still holding his hand as we walked closer.

“Tell
m
e
I’m
dreaming
,
Son?”

I crouched down to Noah’s level. “Mo
m, I would like you to meet my s
on Noah. We just met today, but he will be staying with us from now on.”
There was no sugar coating things.

She kneeled down in front of Noah and started to cry as she ran her hands through his dark hair. “How is this possible? Did you know?
Where is the mother? Where is Savanna? Is she okay?
”

“
Calm down.” That was a bunch of questions. “
I had no idea
until about an hour ago.
You know better than to
even
ask that.
Krista
was
his mother and there was a terrible accident. She and her boyfriend
were killed
in a car accident. She listed me on the birth certificate, but never told me about her being pregnant. This is all a shock to me too, Mom.” I patted Noah on the
head. “Savanna is home with the agents assigned to his case. They are doin
g
the necessary paperwork so that Noah can live with us from now on.
”

She cupped his cheeks and looked into his eyes. “There is no denying this child Colton. My Lord, he looks exactly like you.” She reached over and kissed the top of his head, wh
i
le still trying to contain her tears. “Would you like some cookies?”

“I’m not supposed to have cookies before lunch.”

Lucy was standing behind me, still in shock. My mother looked toward her. “Well then, I guess we need to feed you lunch first.”

I patted him on the back and whispered in his ear. “You ate an ice cream before lunch.”

He giggled and put his head down. “I won’t tell.”

“Me either Buddy.”

Lucy made Noah a peanut butter and jelly with no crusts. He ate every bite while I explained ever
ything that
happened to my mother and Lucy. They were still in shock, but to be honest, so was I. This morning I left the house thinking it was going to be a normal day. I had no idea that somewhere out there I had a child.

Just as I had suspected, my mother accepted Noah immediately. She ran up to her room and got old pictures from when I was his age.

Lucy started feeding him cookies while my mother pulled me to the side. “Son, how is Savanna with all of this?”

I shook my head. “I don’t know. I haven’t had a second alone with her. She says she is okay with him living with us but, not to be ignorant toward her, I
just
could never turn my back on my own child.”

“Of course not. I didn’t raise you to be that kind of man. I just think you need to really sit down and find out how she is
handling
this. The longer you wait, the harder it will be to get through. A child is a huge
responsibility
and with everything my daughter in law had been through this past year, I would say this could be a big breaking point. Don’t get me wrong Colt, I couldn’t be happier for you, but Savanna might not be as okay as she is saying.”

My mother was right and it wasn’t Savanna’s fault. I couldn’t expect her to come out of this without some hard feelings. “I will talk to her tonight.”

Of course my mother dropped whatever she was doing and rode back to my house with us. She held Noah on her lap and talked all about the farm. He seemed interested and she was more than happy to keep him
occupied. When we got to the house, we found Savanna on the porch swing. Shockingly, Noah jumped off my mother’s lap and went running for Savanna. She lifted
him
up onto the swing with her. That little kid wrapped his arms
around
her and stayed like that. Savanna hesitated then finally let her arm fall down over his body. She shrugged as we climbed up on the porch. I didn’t know what to say. Noah obviously really trusted her. He would need that to be able to adjust to the changes in his life.

I leaned down to kiss my wife and thankfully she kissed me back. “Hey Darlin’, Mom can’t get enough of the kid.”

“I knew that would happen. He is super cute.” Savanna looked down at Noah who was smiling at her.

“You’re pretty.” He giggled.

“Well, you are a cutie.”

“
Are you going to be my Mommy now?”

Everything stopped.

My mother and I said nothing as we stared into Savanna’s shocked eyes.

Chapter 16

Savanna

I had no idea
what
to say to the child
with his arms wrapped around me. He was the cutest little boy I had ever seen and I wanted to be completely in love with him. For the past two hours I had cried, laughed, called my mother, cried some more and then finally just sat in silence.

Was I even right to
be
feeling hurt?

Did I have the right to cry?

If Colt knew I was the reason our baby had died, would he have really wanted me to be a mother to Noah? I felt the vomit rising in my mouth as I tried to tuck that secret in the back of my mind. I was so tired of reliving it every single day. I needed to move on, but doing that would require me to live with the lie, with the knowledge of what I lost.

Noah continued to wait for me to answer and as the tears fell down my chilled cheeks, I brought my lips down and kissed the top of his head. This was Colt’s child and I could never abandon him. “Is that what you want? I mean, you don’t have to call me Mommy. Savanna or Van is fine with me.”

“Van is a funny name.”

“It’s my nickname.”

“Can we watch T.V. now?”
Obviously
, he was finished with our conversation.

“How about I take you inside and watch with you. I think your dad and Savanna have some things they need to talk about.” My mother in law took Noah’s hand and they disappeared into the
house
.

Colt sat down next to me, grabbing my hand and kissing it, before setting it down in his lap. “Are you okay Darlin’?”

I shrugged. “I want to be. It’s all just so fast. It’s just so overwhelming.”

He reached his arm around me and pulled me close to him. “Savanna, I love you with all of my heart, but you know I can’t turn my back on that kid. I wish we would have found out differently, but I can’t
regret finding out about him.”

I reached up and touched my husband
’s
stubbly face. “I love you too baby. I know what this means to you and I will do everything I can to help you raise him.”

He looked down at my hand and creased his face up.
Without
looking back at me he started to talk. “If we are goin’ to do this and add more children to this family, he is goin’ to need you to be his mother. Now, I know this is all so fast, but you are ready to
be
a mother. We talked about adoptin’ if you couldn’t get pregnant again. There is no difference. He already has my last name Savanna. I’m not askin’ you to replace his mother, but she is gone and you are here. Losin’ a parent as an adult is hard enough, but I can’t imagine what that kid is feelin’. He needs solidity. He needs us both.”

A knot was forming in my throat and I wanted to agree with Colt, I swear I did. Instead, I buried my head into his chest and began crying my eyes out. Of course, Colt pulled me into his chest tighter and held me there, placing kisses on top of my head. “I’m so sorry you have to make this decision Darlin’.”

“I just don’t know if I can do this Colt.”

He pulled me away from him and looked into my wet eyes. “Don’t you dare think about givin’ up on me Savanna. I couldn’t bear to lose you.”

I shook my head. “I will never leave you Colt. I swear it.”

“Can we do this together? Please can we welcome this little boy into our family and keep with our plan of fillin’ this
house
with more children?”

He wiped my tears away with his thumbs. “Of course Colt. I will do whatever I have to do for our family.”

He held me tight again and I could feel his body trembling. Colt was crying, which was something I had only seen a couple of times. He sniffled into my shoulder. “I can’t
believe
this is happenin’. Thank you Darlin’, thank you so much.”

Once Colt and I finally calmed down from our dual emotional breakdown, we remained on the porch swing in each other’s arms. We could hear Noah inside talking to his new grandmother about everything under the sun. Colt and I were also taking it all in, considering we knew nothing about the child.