Radio Gaga (10 page)

To my surprise Tash and Mum were waiting for us outside the house.

“Your admirer has followed you home.” Mum pointed to the sheaf of a dozen blood red velvety roses which lay propped against the step.

I stooped to pick them up.

“Oh, it looks like there’s a note.” Tash indicated a scrap of paper tucked inside the cellophane wrapper.

She was right. I fished inside to try and retrieve it all the time wondering if the mysterious sender of flowers was somewhere watching us.

“Let’s go inside. The light is no good out here.” Mum fished her keys from her bag and unlocked the main door.

We all dutifully trooped after her as she opened the door to my flat. Once we were gathered in the lounge and Ben had turned on the lamps I finally managed to extract the note.

“Well?” The lamps highlighted the worry wrinkles on my mother’s brow.

I smoothed out the piece of paper on the surface of the coffee table. “It just says Chloe with a picture of a heart.”

“It’s been typed too, so no clue from the handwriting.” Tash groaned with disappointment.

I let out the breath that I hadn’t been aware of holding. “They’re beautiful flowers.”

“No florist’s card. You’ve honestly no idea who could have sent them?” Ben sat back on his chair.

“No. I’d have thought maybe Neil, my ex but the only time he ever gave me flowers was when they reduced the last bunch at the garage to half price and he’d had a few drinks on his way home.” It was probably too much to hope for that he might be a teensy bit jealous.

Tash flashed a sympathetic smile. “These must have cost a fair bit.” She stroked one of the petals with a gentle forefinger.

“I’m more concerned that whoever your mystery Romeo is, he knows where you live.” Mum sat down heavily on the sofa.

“And he must have known you’d gone out for the evening. Otherwise they would have been there all night. Ben pointed out.

Now I was creeped out. Had someone been lurking around, seen me and Mum leave and then left the flowers on the step? What would he have done if we’d stayed home? Perhaps he would have rung the bell and run off, or even worse, tried to get in.

“That’s a bit scary.” Tash gave a little shiver.

“Well, I’m sure whoever he is will make himself known soon to Chloe soon enough. Please be careful all of you, keep the outside door to the house locked.” Ben didn’t look happy.

He needn’t get grumpy with me. I hadn’t gone out to look for a stalker. It was hardly my fault that some random nutter had decided to start following me around sending me flowers. Eventually after coffee, more discussion and lectures on my personal safety Tash and Ben went home and I finally went to bed.

* * *

My alarm went off way too early. I lay in bed for a while trying to remember why I’d set it to wake me while it was still dark. My eyes were still stopped up with sleep when I set off for Doctor Setti’s clinic. I had my make up in my bag and my hated bright yellow Live it
Up
sweatshirt on a hanger.

The streets were deserted as Doctor Setti let me into the clinic. She was her usual calm and sanguine self as I settled down on the couch for my final session. My nerves were stretched out like piano wire. I wasn’t sure if I was more worried about the snakes and spiders or about being filmed with the snakes and spiders.

I wasn’t sure if the session would work, my hands were clammy and my face damp with perspiration. It was hard to focus on Doctor Setti’s voice and the steady tick of the metronome.

It was as if I’d only been there five minutes when the session ended.

“Good luck, today. I will be listening for your slot on my radio and I shall watch the TV tonight.” Doctor Setti informed me as she shook my hand.

“Thank you.” At least I’d added to the listening figures for Live it
Up
even if the hypnotherapy failed.

I switched my mobile back on as I walked the few steps to my car. There were already three missed messages – all from Merv, and all along the same lines.

‘Where was I?’

There were a few more cars on the road as I set off for the zoo. For once in my life I wasn’t even late. The plan was that I’d get to the zoo in time to meet up with Merv and the Zoo man, set up Live it Up promo banners, and change into my (gack) yellow top. Then we were going to take some snaps with Ben as we did the radio section followed straight afterwards with a repeat for the film crew.

Merv’s flashy yellow sports car was parked outside the entrance to the zoo. I parked next to it, collected my gear together and went to the staff entrance as instructed. As I neared the gate a flash of something orange on the far side of the car park caught my eye. I turned to see what it was but whoever or whatever I thought I’d seen was no longer visible. I’d probably imagined it after the conversations last night about my phantom flower giver.

I signed in and set off to find Merv at the reptile house. My phone buzzed in my pocket on the way up with a good luck message from Shelly. It was just the ticket to perk up my spirits before meeting my less than happy employer.

“What frigging time do you call this, Lark? I need a hand to get these boards up before everyone else arrives.”

“Morning Merv.”
I took one end of the pop up display banner that he was attempting to manhandle into the reptile house. A bemused looking man in a navy polo shirt bearing the zoo logo stood and watched as Merv puffed and panted the display stand into position.

Once inside the reptile house I stood and surveyed my surroundings, a horrible sick sensation settling in the bottom of my stomach. All around me were glass fronted displays filled with rocks, bits of vegetation and dry sticks. At first I thought most of them were empty but then I realised the occupants were simply well camouflaged. Oh my God, all those nasty, icky, beady, little, snakey, spidery eyes watching me wondering if I was their breakfast.

A sheen of perspiration formed on my brow and I sucked in a few deep breaths as I tried to channel Yvette Fielding, former Blue Peter presenter and now TV paranormal investigator, my all-time heroine and role model for all things brave.

“Lark, stop messing about and help me with this.” Merv was busy arranging
Live
it Up promo stuff all over the place. The zoo man scratched his head and left us to it. I wasn’t convinced that the TV Company would show any of Merv’s promo efforts on screen but thought better of giving him my opinion.

“Right, we’ll get cracking with some intro pieces on pre-record before Ben shows up and the film crew gets here. Lark, where’s your sweatshirt?” Merv glowered at me.

Reluctantly I dragged out the hideous yellow sweater bearing the station logo and tugged it over my head.

“Where’s the sun visor?” Merv flapped around me, straightening up the hem of my top and looking at my hair with a critical frown.

“I was advised they wouldn’t let me wear it on film.” I crossed my fingers behind my back. It was a blatant fib but surely it was bad enough that I had to wear the ugly top without having something on my head that made me look like a dead ringer for Donald Duck.

Merv’s eyes narrowed and I could tell he wasn’t sure if he believed me. Fortunately the zoo keeper strolled back in before Merv could press me on how I knew not to wear the cap.

The zoo keeper turned out to be a kindly man in his fifties. Merv set up and I went through the background bits of how long had the keeper been at the zoo? What had led him into snakes and spiders? Yada yada yada until Merv thought we’d got enough to send for the first segment of Steph’s show.

The easy bit over; I wiped my sweaty palms on my best jeans and tried to concentrate on the breathing exercises Doctor Setti had taught me. Merv listened to Steph’s show through his ear piece so he’d know when the first segment had been broadcast.

“Have I missed anything?” Ben walked in, camera in hand ready to take some shots.

“Nothing yet.
Any sign of the TV crew?” I peered around him trying to see if they were on their way.

“They pulled onto the car park as I was signing in. How are you?”

“I’m okay.” My reply came out as a squeak. Behind Ben the keeper lifted a huge brown snake from its display case.

“You’ll be fine. Just try not to make any sudden moves and it’ll be okay.”

Oh crap, why had Ben said no sudden moves? What would happen if I bolted or flung the snake on the floor?

“We’ll get this segment done with you and the snake. Ben can get the still shots for the Gazette and the website before the TV crew comes in to film you.” Merv positioned himself with the recording equipment out of shot.

I wished I had a chair so I could sit down. The keeper approached me with the huge snake and before I could protest he had draped it around my neck. The unexpected
weight of the snake made me stagger
, alarming the keeper.

“Steady there, Samantha’s a gentle soul but she won’t like you rocking about.”

Samantha! The thing had a name. I froze into position trying not to move and willing myself not to pass out. Merv flapped his hand at me reminding me to keep talking so he could broadcast my terror to the local area. I tried to ask coherent questions about the snake while the keeper described how Samantha ate live mice – gross. How did strippers and lap dancers cope with handling these things?

I’d expected the snake to feel slimy but instead it felt cool and slightly rough against my skin. Samantha wiggled and I let out a little scream, causing Merv to grimace as it messed with the sound levels. The keeper rushed forward. I thought it was to rescue me, but it was to check I wasn’t hurting the blasted snake.

The keeper lifted the snake from my neck and returned it to its case. Merv smirked and gave me the thumbs up as he sent the segment to Steph.

“You okay?” Ben stopped snapping pictures and stepped forward to steady me.

“I did it. I had a snake around my neck.” I couldn’t quite believe the first part of my ordeal was over. Doctor Setti had worked a miracle. Surely the film crew should be a piece of cake now I’d done this once?

The door to the reptile house opened and a small group of people entered. Ben immediately melted into the background while Merv rushed forward to meet them. I wished I could go outside for a minute to grab some fresh air and to calm myself ready for filming.

There was no chance. While the camera people set up lights and organised where we were going to film Merv was busy attempting to interview the TV presenter for a slot on Steph’s show. I took a minute for a lipgloss and hair check. It was a bit disappointing that there didn’t seem to be a make up artist with them.

I would have liked to chat to the presenter myself. Trish was someone I admired for her bouncy on-screen personality and the way she had managed to create a career in TV. I’d have loved the chance to get some tips from her. Unfortunately, it rapidly became obvious that her on screen persona was very different from her off screen one.

A few minutes later I found myself standing in front of Samantha’s case next to Trish. Another snake had been draped around my neck after I’d refused point blank to hold a tarantula at the same time. This snake was slightly thinner than Samantha and infinitely wrigglier, something Trish appeared to delight in as she chatted away about the incident at the castle and the whole Challenge Chloe series.

“Your producer tells me that the next round of voting has taken place and on your next Challenge Chloe adventure you’re going to join the circus school.”

I tried to keep a smile fixed on my face. I should have known it would be clowns. I hate clowns.
All that
freakish white gunk on their faces and stupid big shoes. I could foresee lots of buckets of goo and water heading my way.

“Wow, how exciting.” Oh my God, the snake slid its head under the neck of my Live it
Up
sweater. I could feel it moving around and trying to get under my tee shirt. I let out a squeak and immediately a sickly sweet stench reached my nose.

The keeper stepped forward as Trish continued to prattle away to the camera. “This is certainly one lively snake! The keeper is returning it to its case now as I think Chloe has certainly done enough to meet her challenge.
Oh my goodness!”
She pulled a mock-horror comedy face.

I looked down as a warm, wet sensation reached my front. The damned snake had peed on my hateful Live it
Up
sweater. Great, I’d made my big TV debut covered in snake piddle.

Somehow I managed to keep a smile on my face until they turned off the cameras. The zoo keeper fussed over the wretched snake while I tugged off my stinky, sopping wet Live it Up sweater. The snake piddle had even managed to soak through to my tee shirt. God knows what that snake had been drinking but either the dye from the sweater had run or snake pee is bright yellow.

Merv was practically rubbing his hands together with glee as he stowed away the recording equipment.

“TV gold that was, Lark. Should get Live it Up a nice juicy plug
everywhere.
Bet some of the nationals’ll pick that up. Your face was priceless!”

Great, I’d probably get an offer from The Sun to pose topless with a snake around my neck. Trish and her crew soon went after some sympathy from the crew along with plenty of laughter over the incontinent snake. I wanted to go home, shower and change.

Ben reappeared from the depths of the reptile house as soon as the coast was clear.

“Phew, snake pee smells.” He waved his hand in front of his face, blue eyes twinkling as he looked at me.

“Thanks.”

“That’s the sweet scent of publicity and increased advertising revenue.” Merv cackled happily. “Come on
Lark,
give me a hand to get these boards down. The public will be in here soon.”

“If this stain doesn’t come out of this top I want a new one on expenses.” I tugged at one end of the banner.

Merv made a dismissive puffing noise. Ben grinned and helped me stow one of the banners back in its bag. We carried the promo stuff out of the zoo the same way we’d come in and helped Merv load them into the tiny back seat of his car.

“Go and get cleaned up, Lark, and don’t take all day about it.” Merv ordered as he drove away.

Ben’s mobile buzzed and he fished it out of his pocket to check the message as he walked me over to my car. “I have to go. Nasty car accident on the main road into town, editor wants pictures.”

“I’ll see you tomorrow at Fred’s allotment. At least there won’t be any snakes there.” I wasn’t over fond of worms but at least they weren’t likely to pee on me.

“Hey, did you pick up a parking ticket this morning?” Ben leaned across and pulled something from under my front wiper blade.

For a minute I thought it might be another rose, then I realised it was paper. Ben handed it to me. “Your admirer strikes again.”

This time it was a small card with a ghastly picture on the front of a boy and a girl in old-fashioned clothes cuddled up together looking smug.

“'My love for you knows no bounds. Hope you liked your flowers.' Damn, it’s typed.”

“Hang on to it. If you get anything else you should let the police know.” He half-turned ready to get into his own car. “I mean it, Chloe. This person might be a harmless fan or it could turn nasty.”

He had a point but this guy hadn’t threatened me or done anything horrid. He’d simply given me a few flowers and a love note.

“I’ll be careful.”

My promise seemed to satisfy him and he jumped into his car and drove away. Rather disappointingly he didn’t make any attempt to kiss me. Clearly snake pee is not conducive to romance. I tucked the note into my bag and headed back to my flat to shower and change.

As I turned the key in my front door I heard the sound of a raised male voice inside my flat. I paused, my key still in my hand. Perhaps Mum had the TV or the radio on. Then again after the dire warnings of last night and now the message on my car, what if my stalker had managed to get into my flat?

Why oh why was there never a handy weapon around when you needed one? In the movies there was always a golf club or an umbrella to hand. A quick poke around the entrance to the flats didn’t even yield a decent sized rock. The most dangerous thing I had to hand was a stinky sweatshirt soaked in snake pee.

I pushed open the front door and listened. Everything had gone quiet; maybe it had simply been the TV. I tiptoed into the hall and peered through the partly open door into the lounge. Empty.

My imagination must have been working overtime. I walked through the lounge to the deserted kitchen and stuffed the manky snakey sweater into the washer. While I was in there I tugged off my stained tee shirt and dropped that in the wash too. I’d probably get a lecture from my mother about not mixing whites with coloureds in the machine but chances were both garments were beyond saving anyway. Not that I wanted to save the sweater but Merv would probably dock the cost of it from my wages if I didn’t return it.

I turned round to head for my room only to come face to face with a strange bearded man in the doorway of the kitchen. My heart rate trebled. I screamed and grabbed a nearby tea towel to hide my modesty both at the same time.

“Chloe?”
Mum came running in behind the stranger. I grabbed a spatula in my free hand from the kitchen worktop ready to defend myself from the unknown man.

“For Heaven's sake put some clothes on!” She turned to the man who appeared bemused at the sight of my semi-threatening kung fu kitchen implement. “Angus, I’m so sorry, this is my daughter, Chloe.”

Mum wrapped her arm around the bearded mans waist. This was Angus – Mum’s fiancé?

“Chloe…” Mum raised a meaningful eyebrow at me.

Oh crap. What a way to meet my prospective step father.
“Nice to meet you.”
I scuttled past them hoping Angus hadn’t copped an eyeful of my favourite pretty pink bra.

I grabbed some clean clothes and locked myself in the bathroom while I took the fastest shower in history. When I emerged, smelling of coconut shower gel, Angus and Mum were sitting in the lounge side by side on the sofa.

“I wasn’t expecting you back yet. They haven’t sacked you, have they?” Mum asked, anxiety showing in her voice.

“I take it you didn’t listen to Cereal with Steph, then?” I knew she wouldn’t, she’d never listened to any of my pieces when they’d aired. Knowing how important today was for me, with the TV crew and everything I’d thought maybe she’d make an exception.
Silly me.

“Oh darling, I was absorbed by an interesting piece on Radio Four and then of course Angus arrived.” The lines around her mouth softened as she gazed adoringly at the man in question.

“Well I guess you’ll be able to see some of my piece on the local news round up tonight.” I’d already texted Shelly and invited her to come for supper. I toyed with the idea of asking Tash and Ben and ordering in some pizzas.

“Oh, well, actually sweetie I’m not sure that Angus and I will be here.”

I stared at her for a minute not quite taking in what she’d said.

“Angus has come to persuade me to go back to
Scotland
with him. You do understand, don’t you Chloe? I’m really needed back at the project.” She looked beseechingly at me.

“Of course.
Sure.” I mean it wasn’t as if I wanted her to stay. “What time are you leaving?”

“We’ll need to leave right after lunch.” Angus had a soft Scottish burr. It was the first time he’d spoken since I’d arrived.

“I expect you’ll be in touch about the wedding?” I didn’t particularly care if they did or not. Angus hadn’t made any move to apologise for frightening me out of my wits earlier neither did he appear very interested in claiming me as a soon-to-be step-daughter.

“Oh yes, of course.” Mum blushed as Angus squeezed her hand.

I wasn’t convinced. “I have to get back to work. It was nice to meet you, Angus.” I held out my hand so he was forced to shake it. It avoided one of those awkward false hug moments even though he’d made no move to get up from the sofa.

I resisted the urge to wipe my hand against my jeans when he released my fingers. His handshake was over firm and a trifle moist –ick. Mum stood and gave me one of her tepid air kissy hugs.

“I’ll call you when we arrive home.”

“Have a safe journey.” I left them in the lounge and hurried out to my car. Tears stung in my eyes and I wasn’t about to allow my mother to see me crying.

I pulled out into the traffic to drive to the radio station and told myself I was glad she was going. At least she would be out of my hair for a while. Let her arrange her stupid wedding to Angus with his daughter. The man had a handshake like a dead mackerel.

News of my adventure with the incontinent snake had already reached the station thanks to Merv’s big mouth. Steph of course had blabbed about it all over the airwaves before the end of her show.

“Well done, Chloe.
Can’t wait to watch you on TV tonight.”
Bhangra Bob was in reception as I walked through the door.

“Watch it; you’ll make her head swell.” Tracey beamed at me from behind the counter as I signed in.

The jokes and camaraderie lifted my spirits as I went through to the back office. Some wag, I suspected Bob, had draped the stuffed fluffy snake from Merv’s office over the back of my chair. True to form Steph had left me a pile of junk to work through, although if she thought I would have all that lot finished by Monday morning she had another thought coming.

My mobile buzzed as I finished off a particularly ghastly piece on how to turn your old plates into a cupcake stand. A quick glance at the screen showed it was a text from Shelly. I’d messaged her earlier from the office to tell her Mum had left.

‘
Lets
hit town tnite after TV.
B fun.’

I couldn’t argue with that. I was long overdue a good night out.

‘
k
, clubbin’ sounds gr8.’

I pressed send and decided if Shelly and I were going to hit the town then I would head for home. I could make the most of having the flat to myself for a couple of hours. A home-done manicure, pedicure, and a spot of pampering were calling my name. Heaven knows I deserved it.

Tracey stopped me as I was on my way out.

“Have you heard the latest?”

“I’m always the last to hear anything.”

Tracey dropped her voice to a whisper and quickly glanced around the deserted lobby. “Steph’s had a hate email.”

I wasn’t too shocked by that. All the presenters received weird things from time to time.

“Someone took exception to your slots this morning on her show. Thought she was being cruel to you. It’s got death threats and everything. Merv’s taken it to the police.”

“Wow.” This was
unusual,
it must have been really bad. I hoped this latest incident had nothing to do with my phantom flower giver. Surely someone who sent flowers and sappy cards couldn’t be the same person who sent someone else death threats – could they?

“I know it was a very sinister email. Steph was on form busy poking fun at you today over the snake and your next Challenge Chloe adventure at the circus school but no more than usual.”

I knew what Tracey meant. Steph would seem all sweet and nice on air but she’d slide the knife in where she could and this mysterious emailer had obviously picked that up.

“Looks like you’ve got a real fan in every sense of the word out there.” Tracey mused.

I didn’t like the sound of that. Maybe Ben was right and I should go to the police. He’d had a taste of the dark side of fame.

“It’s probably some silver surfer with nothing better to do with his time. Like some of those people who spend all their time writing letters to the editor about dustbin collections and other people’s cats.” At least I hoped it was.

Tracey shrugged. “Maybe, but it has to be bad for Merv to act.”