Pursuit For Lucidity (Crashing Waves) (57 page)

“
Alex? Why are you sitting out here?  Come inside,” I said, but he just looked at me with that angry look in his eyes. “What’s wrong, Alex? What happened last night?” I asked, afraid of what the answer could be.  He got up and slowly walked inside towards me, causing me to walk backwards to avoid getting run over by a very upset looking Alex.  He closed the door to the terrace and looked at me with angry eyes.

“
Why didn’t you tell me you had a sleepover at Stefano’s house?” he asked.  Oh no!  What had I said?  I knew at that moment that I should never drink past my limit.

“
B-b-because it wasn’t important.  What did I say last night?” I asked, still afraid of the answer.

“
You were laughing hysterically and talking about how sweet Stefano was that night you spent at his place and how he took off your shoes and covered you with a blanket and God knows what else happened, but you were too drunk to tell me,” he said.

“Okay, okay, Alex.  I will tell you exactly what happened.  I was having drinks with Stefano and drank too much to drive home and he took me to his place and I slept on his couch.  Nothing happened,” I said.

“
You expect me to believe that?” he asked, his eyes on fire.

“
You can believe whatever you want, but I’m telling you that nothing happened.  If anything did happen, it would be none of your concern because you and I weren’t together because you were married, remember?  You still are, actually,” I replied, very angry at that point.

“He probably took advantage of you.  He probably got you drunk and conveniently took you to his place and took advantage of you, Claire.  How could you be so stupid?” he asked.

“
Nothing happened, Alex! I woke up fully dressed.  He had only taken off my shoes and put a blanket over me so I could sleep.  I don’t know about you, but Stefano’s not into sleeping with drunk, passed out women,” I replied, sternly.

“I know he has feelings for you.  I could see it in his eyes.  You were intimate with him, weren’t you, Claire.  Just tell me.  I promise not to get mad,” he pleaded.

“
I told you no, Alex!  Stefano was such a good friend to me during our break up and I’m so grateful for him.  You promise not to get mad?  Look at yourself, Alex.  You haven’t slept all night because of something so meaningless,” I said.  I was becoming furious with him.

“
Just tell me the truth, baby,” he pleaded.

“
The truth is I want to go home,” I said and put on my clothes and shoes and grabbed my purse.  I couldn’t stand to be in the presence of Alex for another second with all his accusations and insane questions about nothing.  I had made up my mind that I would leave Las Vegas one way or another.  Alex ran to the door before I got to it and stood in front of it begging that I didn’t leave.

“
I’m sorry, baby.  It’s just the thought of another man touching you drives me crazy.  The thought of you seeing him two nights a week in dance class kills me.  The fact that I see in his eyes what he feels for you drives me insane,” he continued.  I snuck my hand next to him and opened the door hard, pushing him out of the way.  I charged out of the hotel room and into the long corridor and headed for the elevator.  Alex tried following me into the elevator, but I pushed him away as hard as I could and got into the elevator before I called out, “Thanks for ruining my birthday, Alex!” I said as the doors closed.

When I looked at myself in the mirror downstairs in the lobby area, I noticed I looked like a raccoon with tears streaming down my face and causing my makeup to run.  I looked horrible.  I looked like death. 
I went into the ladies room and washed my face and removed all the makeup from the night before.  My cell phone rang constantly with Alex trying to get a hold of me, but I refused to answer.  I had a terrible headache, an upset stomach, and the worst birthday ever.  I wasn’t feeling well, so I sat down on one of the sofas in the lobby and began to sob.  I felt someone take a seat right next to me with one hand on my knee.  I looked up to see it was Alex.

“
Claire, why do you keep running?  Every time something bad happens or we have an argument, you take off.  Stop running from me and just face me no matter how bad it is.  Kick my ass if you have to, but please don’t run away.  Let’s talk about it, baby.  I overreacted as usual because I’m an asshole.  Let’s go upstairs and talk it over.  I give you permission to beat the living shit out of me,” he said, trying to at least get a smile out of me.

I knew that if I left Vegas on my own I would probably get sick on the way, as I wasn’t feeling well at all from all the alcohol.  I stood up slowly
to prevent my head from exploding and Alex helped me back upstairs to our room where I lay down and rested.  He gave me a couple of aspirin and a lot of water and handed me a banana from the basket of fruit in the suite.

“
You’re right about what you said.  Even if you had slept with Stefano or anyone during the time we were not together, that was your right.  I believe you.  I know nothing happened because I know you’re not a liar and I trust you.  I’m a jerk for ruining the morning of your birthday.  I don’t blame you if you never forgive me for what happened today,” he said, his eyes tearing up.

“
I’ll have to think about that.  You’re definitely on my naughty list right now, Alex.  I’m going to take your advice and not run away anymore, but just know that the next time you pull something like this, you will regret it because you will be the one running from me.  You say you trust me, but you don’t.  You say you know I’m not a liar, but you don’t believe me when I tell you the truth.  You buy me expensive items, yet you fail to notice that what money can’t buy is what I really need from you.  It’s your trust.  All I need is for you to trust me and to believe me. I’m not your pincushion, Alex.  You can’t keep stabbing me in the heart with your actions and disbeliefs and expect me to smile back and hold your hand every time.  You are full of apologies after you break my heart with your harsh words, but what you don’t realize is that you shouldn’t hurt me in the first place.  The next time I leave, I may not return.  You may never see me again,” I warned.

This time Alex’s tears were streaming down his cheeks.  He loo
ked shocked and frightened from what I had just told him.  For the first time since I had known Alex, he was completely speechless.  I waited and waited for him to say something, but he wasn’t able to put words together.  He just looked at me with tears rolling down his face.  After minutes of silence and just stares, he broke down in tears, sobbing.  He held onto me as if he were holding on to his life.

“
Fix me, Claire.  Only you can fix me, for I’m a broken man,” he pleaded.

“
I don’t know if I can fix you, Alex.  You have to want to fix yourself.  Maybe you need more time to recover from your life altering experience with Angela,” I said.

“
No, I don’t need time.  I need you.  I need you to stop running away when you’re angry.  Please say you’ll stop running every time we fight,” he pleaded.

“
I will stop running only if you stop pushing me and take a moment to actually listen to what I have to say,” I offered.

“
I won’t push you anymore, I promise,” he said as he held onto me tightly as if I were going to run again.

My cell
phone rang just then.  It was my mother. “Hi mom,” I said when I answered.

“
Happy birthday, sweetheart,” she said.  I spoke to my mother and father and was very happy to hear their voices.  I didn’t tell them anything about Alex or Las Vegas.  I kept the conversation short and held back tears as much as I could.  After I hung up, Alex took my hand into his, “Happy birthday, baby. I love you so much it hurts.  I want to forget about what happened this morning and I want you to have a great birthday,” he said genuinely.

“
May I say something to make you laugh, Alex?” I asked.

“
Please do,” he said.

“
That night, when I was drunk and crashed on Stefano’s couch, when I asked him what happened that night, he said that nothing happened and nothing could have happened because I kept talking about a guy name Alex and his wife Angela,” I said.

Alex laughed, “R
eally?” he asked.

“
Stefano once told me that he knew nothing could ever happen between us because I was so hung up on this Alex guy,” I laughed.

“I don’t know why yo
u love this Alex character.  He sounds like such an ass,” he said.

“You bet he is, b
ut he’s my ass and I love him,” I said.  “I think we should take a nap.  Or better yet, I think you should go to bed for a couple of hours, since you haven’t slept at all,” I offered.

“
I thought you’d never ask,” he said, as he removed his clothes from the night before and crawled into bed with me and held me so tightly, my ribs hurt.  I knew Alex was afraid that I could have left if he let go and wanted to ensure that I stayed right next to him so he could sleep comfortably.  His eyelashes were still wet with tears and his dark circles were very visible.  I watched him sleep for a while, since I wasn’t able to sleep just yet.  He looked so calm and peaceful when he slept.  His chiseled face, full lips, and perfect hair were a sight for sore eyes.  After admiring Alex for a very long time, my eyelids became heavy and I emerged into the land of sleep to join him in his peaceful state.

Chapter 22

I was running again, much faster this time.  I was being chased and could only see the shadow of the one chasing me.  I began running faster and faster until I approached the parked van.  As I got closer, the side door slid open as if someone were trying to come out to get me.  A pair of hands reached out to grab me from the side of the van as the one chasing me caught me from behind, their arms wrapped tightly around my waist.  When I turned to see the face, it was Alex.  I awakened sitting up in bed, panting.  I was drenched in sweat.  Alex calmed me down and reminded me that it was only a dream and everything was going to be all right.

My clothes had to be changed because I had sweat so much from the nightmare.  I decided to take a sh
ower while Alex slept.  It felt so good to take a shower after a bad dream.  It felt as though all the bad were being washed down the drainpipe.  I put on a cozy bathrobe and combed my wet hair.  I sat down in the living room of the suite and sent ‘thank you’ texts to all my friends and family for their birthday wishes.

“
Claire?” I heard Alex call for me.  He had awakened to find I wasn’t next to him.

I went to the bedroom to find him jumping out of bed as if the building was coming down.  He calmed down when he saw me, “There you are,” a sigh of relief fol
lowed.  “I thought you left again.  Scared the crap out of me,” he said holding his chest.  “I think it’s a good time to give you your birthday present,” he added.

“
Birthday present?  There’s more?  Isn’t all this enough?” I asked, pointing at the bags of expensive clothes, shoes, and accessories he had purchased for me already.

“
The one I’m going to give you has more sentimental value than anything,” he clarified.  He went to the safe, unlocked it and brought a small blue box from Tiffany. “Open it,” he said, very impatiently waiting for me to unwrap the box.

I slowly unwrapped the box and opened it to reveal a white gold neck chain with a beautiful globe charm.  I smiled when I saw the little globe.  I
looked up at Alex, “You always say you’re going to give me the world.”

“
I’m still working on giving you the real world, but this charm will have to do for now,” he smiled.

“
Alex, it’s perfect,” I said, throwing my arms around his neck and kissing him.  He took the necklace out of the box and put it on my neck.  It was so feminine and definitely something I wouldn’t take off, ever. I walked over to the full length mirror, so I could see how it looked on.  “Alex, this is the most meaningful gift you could have gotten.  Thank you,” I said, admiring it in the mirror with him standing behind me with a smile on his face.

“
I’m so glad you like it, baby.  It looks even more beautiful on you,” he said, gazing at it in the mirror.  I looked at him from the mirror, standing behind me with nothing on but those sexy sweatpants.  His shoulders, arms, and chest looked so defined it made my heart skip a beat.  We must have been on the same page as he nearly tore off the bathrobe I was wearing, revealing my naked body, since I wasn’t wearing any undergarments. I could feel his warm breath on the back of my neck and down to my shoulder.  His hands gently grabbed my breasts and slowly moved down to my naval and progressed lower from there.

“
I would die if another man touched you here,” he said, slowly sliding his fingers inside of me.  He was such a jealous and controlling man, but I couldn’t help but be mesmerized by him.  My body craved his touch and my soul craved his affection.  Only he could satisfy my hunger for love.  He pulled out his fingers and pulled me away from the mirror and carried me to the bed.  He lay me down gently and slowly made his way on top of me, his chest resting against my firm breasts.  His body was so warm, he felt like a heater against my body.  He moved my hair away from my face and kissed me so gently on my cheeks, my lips, and my neck.  His warm breath made my heart rate increase and gave me goose bumps all over my body.  I could feel his hardness against my body, but he wouldn’t enter me.  I wanted him so badly that I would have begged at that moment.