Purgatorium (57 page)

While thinking Sloth would be the lesser sin out of the seven, he may very well be the worst of all of them. For what comes with laziness is a price you pay on your life. The worst price ever to give, one’s own humanity. Don’t underestimate laziness with genius, I repeat in my mind, knowing another true saying, ‘to the victor go the spoils.’

Jehudiel tilts the flask back and swallows heartily. I watch, waiting for him to realize what he had just digested into his system.

“What did you do?” He stops and regains his thought. “You gave me water?!” he says with uncontrollable anger. I watch Jehudiel struggle to move—he can’t. His form shifts as his body steams, the water struggling to free itself from the demon. Jehudiel’s face shifts to look like my own. “Like what you see?”

I am horrified at seeing him appear as me. And yet for some reason, I think the scariest part of looking at him is that he truly is somehow a part of me. He takes a moment to mirror back to his original form. I press the button for the elevator to continue.

Jehudiel’s smile enrages me even more. I grab him and toss him around the four-spaced compartment.
Jehudiel
continues to laugh insanely, seemingly unhurt by my aggression. I grab him by the neck and slam his face against one of the mirrors. The glass shatters, splintering and cutting his face. He continues laughing as his blood flows.

Jehudiel
tries to jump around at lightning speed, but can’t. Shocked and alarmed, he looks down at the flask in his hand and remembers the water. I quickly pull my right fist back and punch him square in the face.
He
goes down as I jump on top of him, crashing down a wave of punches over and over onto his face.

You cannot take my life away from me! You hear me?!

Jehudiel
laughs like a madman and then kicks me off of him. “You don’t understand, do you, Alice? I don’t want your life like the rest of them do. You see, I like it here. I want you to stay. I always wanted you to stay. We are one in the same, you and me. Like blood brothers we are!”

He takes my face and slams it into the black light. I watch blood dripping down my face. Jehudiel takes my head and licks the blood from my face.

50 Minutes

“We can make our own lives right here! Me and you, blood brotha. I have a plan! I can distract the guys while you get across that finish line. Then we could throw that waitress you like so much through the door back to reality. She gets a second chance on life in your body and you become a lost soul. Win, win! Don’t you get it?! Once she passes over, there will be no more rules! No more feeling controlled! No reapers chasing us down! No Valkyrie deciding our fate! We can go anywhere and do anything we want! Here, we can be kings and queens! Here, we can be as lazy as we want and as carefree as we want. Why go back? To put flowers on your loved one’s graves? Who says that the person playing the record is Madi or Anna? Did you ever once get a chance to think to yourself that the same record that plays for you every day is the doctor’s attempt to wake you back up? I mean, the record was in the same car you wrecked. They could have easily gotten their hands on it and used it to perform some kind of music therapy on your comatosed lazy butt!”

I back up against the wall, not wanting to believe him. He is just getting into my mind, I think. That’s what he, it, does.

Jehudiel
pulls out a
Queen of hearts
mask from inside his vest. He puts it on over his bleeding face.

“Wouldn’t you want to live in a world where everything is handed to you and the world doesn’t ask for anything in return?”

I watch him, angry but despairing. “Nothing to say? Odd, usually you would gain your voice back in this moment. It seems there is something else that you are lying to yourself about that is keeping you from claiming your soul. Cheaters always be cheating and liars always be lying. Isn’t that right, David?”

Without getting a chance to think, I feel the elevator stop.
The doors slide open and Barachiel
is on the other side. He quickly grabs my arm and pulls me out onto the rooftop.

“What kind of angel do you think…?” screams
Jehudiel
, still laughing crazily.
Barachiel
reaches into his jacket and takes out the flintlock pistol and sticks it into his mouth.
Jehudiel
tilts his head to the side.
Barachiel
takes the flask out of Jehudiel’s right hand, then reaches up and pulls out the
Queen
of hearts card that was sticking out from Jehudiel’s fedora hat.

I swiftly step in, wanting to be the one that kills it. I force my hand on Barachiel weapon as he fumbles the card. It falls to the floor.
Jehudiel
tries to catch it with his foot.

I take the gun out of Jehudiel’s mouth as Barachiel
tries to force the pistol back in.

Jehudiel looks to me and whispers, “Liars always be lying.”

I pull my fist back and release it onto his face.
He flies backwards from the mighty blow. The elevator closes, sealing Jehudiel in. Barachiel quickly picks the card up off the floor and puts it in his pocket.

“Don’t you ever stand in my way like that again!”
Barachiel
breathes out heavily, his eyes closed.

I look over and see the
hourglass
on the edge of the roof, pouring sand. I look at Barachiel holding the gun in his hand. I know you’re one of my demons, if you can even hear me, I think.

“I was the one who left the key to Stephanie’s room in the drawer for you to find. It was for you to see that she kept the gun in a safe place, making it to where you could trust her. I was also the one who set up the black light bulbs and hidden messages throughout the city. You’re welcome for that, by the way!”

So am I to believe that you’re my real guardian angel?
I think with a sarcastic notion.

“Listen to me. I can’t read your mind. I have no clue what you are thinking right now. Only your demons can do that. I’m no angel either. I’m a lost soul.”

He takes the gun and sets it on the table, then backs away from it.

“We have close to three minutes left. Let’s not waste our time on pointless arguments.”
Barachiel throws me the flask.

I
look at the engraving: “t
Après moi, le d
é
luge
.”

I hear
Barachiel
’s voice behind me. “Nowhere can man find a quieter or more untroubled retreat than in his own soul.”

I don’t turn. I just stand there staring blankly straight ahead, wondering if second chances exist and whether I even deserve one. I drop the flask onto the ground.

“This is kind of like a d
é
jà vu for you and me. I was there with you that night the reapers came and erased your memory. You only had one more
hourglass
left.” Barachiel points at the
hourglass
on the ledge.

“You just stood right there where you are now—like you were waiting for the reapers. Do you want to know why I think you felt like giving up? You lost faith. You lost your grace. And to be honest, I see that same expression on your face now…it’s a spirit of fear. You have a ‘choice’ to make. Probably the most important choice you’ll ever make in your life.”

Barachiel
reaches into his coat pocket and takes out my handbook, the very same one that rests on my nightstand.

“You like to call it your handbook, why? Are you scared to call it by its rightful name? By now, I hoped you would have learned how important a given name means.”

He hands it to me. “You dropped this. It’s your armor, remember? Though it’s scripture has another term for it, ‘Sword of the spirit.’ Because it can defend any attack brought before it.”

I look at him shocked, suddenly wondering where I heard that before. Lily’s face pops in my head.

“Speaking of scripture, do you remember Madi’s favorite verse?”

I turn and look at Barachiel. I shake my head no, not understanding where he is going with all this.

“I know you know the verse deep down inside,” continues Barachiel. “You said it became your favorite verse, too, and that it was what started you in turning your life around. What you need to do now.”

I look down at the Handbook and selfishly can only think about Madi and Anna.

“I know you well enough to know what you are thinking. Madi and Anna are not here with you right now. Are they dead? Are they alive? Questions that I have no answers to and neither do you! Questions that have no meaning or purpose to what is going on with you right now at this moment in time. Believe me or don’t believe me, that’s your own decision. All I ask is for you to believe in yourself.”

I’ve already had many second chances, and I blew every one of them! Why is this time any different? I don’t deserve any more chances! I failed them! I shouldn’t have been drinking! I should have not lied to her! I shouldn’t have cheated! She shouldn’t have trusted me like I shouldn’t have trusted ANY of you!! I throw the Handbook down on the ground.

Barachiel looks on as I slip into a dark place in my thoughts.

All of it was just a show. A bet. There were never really any angels to help me. Just a bunch of demons betting on a dog race to see who would come out the winner. I should have known. But that is just another excuse. Deep deep down, I think I did know. I was just once again playing the coward card, not wanting to realize or confess to myself what they were and what that meant for me.

Barachiel
opens the book and flips to a chapter. He stops at the one that is highlighted.

“In John 1:9, ‘If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.’ We must learn from our mistakes so we will not make the same ones again.”
Barachiel
looks to me and says, “The final trial of wanting to live again starts now. Not tomorrow or in two days. Now.”

I am confused and in despair. I don’t know who to believe anymore. I am afraid of further anguish. I look to Barachiel and think,
How can I trust you?
I have been lied to this whole time about everything. You think you can just spit some verses out. Or say you’re not like the rest of them and have me believe you? They spit the same kind of verses too. I am all alone. This whole place is not for my redemption, only my persecution.

I step up onto the roof ledge and look over.

Barachiel has headed over to the table, picks up the two chairs, and walks back to where I am standing. “You can trust me,” he says. “I am a lost soul. I know what you are feeling right now. I have been where you are. The only difference is that I took what I thought was the easy road and gave up. You still have a choice. You already met my partner.”

I hear the elevator doors open and am worried who might appear next.

Stephanie comes out of the elevator holding my gun case. She is in on it too? She looks to me and says, “So I guess the secret is out and let me guess, you don’t trust us now. Somehow I knew you wouldn’t, ergo why I brought this.” She lays the case on the table and unlocks it. She begins loading the gun.

I continue to think,
What is she gonna do with that? Shoot me?
I shouldn’t have given her the gun. How could I be so stupid!

She walks over and hands me the gun. Without thinking twice I quickly grab it and point it at her.

Barachiel steps in front of her. “You have trusted her this far. There is no reason not to trust her now. If you are going to aim that at somebody then aim it at me.”

I hold the gun strong at Barachiel’s face. “Now if I were a demon, you would have to shoot up inside my mouth. The gun must face upward so the bullet would hit the central nervous system. You must be exact because if the bullet hits either side and not its center, then it will not die. That bullet can only hurt demons, it will not hurt lost souls like me and Stephanie. Now if you think I am a demon, I want you to shoot me. It’s the only way of knowing.”

I step down from the ledge and thrust the gun inside Barachiel’s mouth. Stephanie hurries to get Barachiel’s attention before I pull the trigger.

“Wait! If he fires, then he loses another bullet and that means you are only left with four. If you do the math then you will know that there are still five demons out there already. So keep that in mind while you decide on pulling that trigger.”

I look over at Barachiel and see the hourglass necklace hanging around his neck. I rip it off of him.

I stare at the necklace.
He
’s the one who has been helping me all this time, I reflect. Every time I saw the necklace around one of them, it was always him mirroring one of them, looking like that person. I take the gun out of Barachiel’s mouth and lay it on the table. Handing the necklace back to
him,
I close Barachiel’s fingers around it.

I sit down in the chair, wanting to understand as Stephanie puts the gun back in the case. She says, “Good choice.”

Barachiel sits down in the other chair. He holds up the hourglass coin and says, “Remember how you got this?”