Pulse - Part Four (The Pulse Series) (3 page)

"I feel like I should be writing this down," Bryce jokes as he takes a bite of his cheeseburger. "You're like living in a reality show right now, Jess."

"Tell me about it." I reach across the table to steal a fry. The salad I ordered may be welcomed by my hips, but my stomach is craving something greasy and bad for me. Why does that conjure up an image of Nathan? I smile inwardly, grateful for the chance to spill everything out to someone I know I can trust.

He pushes his plate to the middle of the table to grant me unlimited access to his dinner. "Have you told Rebecca all of this?"

"Are you kidding?" I almost choke on the food in my mouth. "She works with Cassandra every day. She'd gossip about all of this to her. She has no idea Nathan used to date Cassandra."

"I don't get it though." He takes a long drink of his soda. "Why did he make a bet with Drew knowing he'd banged you already?"

"Who cares?" I throw the response out so flippantly. The truth is that I care. I want to understand Nathan's motivations but there's only one person who can explain that to me and it's him. I've avoided him for more than a week now and I'm finally able to get through an entire day without thinking about him every second.

"You do." Bryce nods in my direction. "You're all torn up inside over this. I can see it."

"You're too sensitive," I joke. "I'm fine." That's a bold faced lie. I'm not fine. I'm finally skirting the edges of okay. Fine is way off in the distance but I'll get there. I have to.

He pulls the wilted lettuce from under the bun before he takes another bite. "I wanted to ask you…" his voice trails as he chews.  "I wanted to ask you about work. How's Drew been around you?"

"I talked to my supervisor," I wince as I say the words. Ratting out Drew wasn't something I wanted to do but working with him isn't an option for me anymore. Once I knew about the bet, I realized that allowing him to continue to harass me at work wasn't going to fly. Either he had to leave or I did.

"What did they say? Did he get in shit for it?" He raises a brow as if he's expecting me to confess that they lined up a firing squad to take aim at his crotch.

"He'd already asked to be moved to another restaurant on the Upper East Side." I can hear the relief in my voice so I know it's equally apparent to Bryce too. "I haven't seen him since the bar."

"I still can't believe you clocked him." He lets out a deep belly laugh. "You're tougher than you look."

I take a small bite of another fry. "You have no idea."

***

"Boxing gloves?" I try to stifle a laugh as I throw open the door to the apartment. I half expected it to be Trudy, Bryce's girlfriend. She'd texted me earlier saying she was making a surprise visit and to not warn Bryce. She wanted to crawl into bed with him when she arrived and I was secretly envious of their bond at this moment.

"You pack a mean punch." A deep voice floats into the air as the gloves move to the side to reveal Garrett.

"You're Nathan's friend," I spit the words out without realizing how vile my tone is. I may as well have been talking about finding a rat in my apartment. There was no disguising my disgust.

He reaches to hand me the gloves. "You're not going to hold that against me, are you?"

I look down and realize in that moment that I'm only wearing a robe. I'd been almost ready to hop into bed when the knocking at the door pulled me down the hall. "I haven't decided yet."

"You're wondering what I'm doing here." The statement is swollen with suggestion. Please don't let this be another man who thinks it's fun to get me into bed for sport.

I raise my arm to block his entrance into the apartment. It does little good considering he towers above me. "You'll tell me," I push back. I feel a blush pull across my cheeks when I throw my memory back to the bar and my first meeting with him. I didn't actually suggest we fuck each other, did I?

"I want to talk about Nate." He looks over my shoulder into the apartment. "Can I come in?"

I hesitate briefly. If I don't let him in, I'll never hear what he has to say. Is that such a bad thing? He's likely just another member of the joint committee on how great Nathan Moore is. He's going to sing his invisible virtues just like Cassandra did.

"I won't take long." He taps his foot as if that's going to spur me along.

"Did he send you?" I push the boxing gloves into his chest. "If he did, you can leave now."

He looks down at me and his expression softens. "No. I haven't seen or spoken to Nate since you took that guy down at the bar."

I doubt he's telling the truth. He's Nathan's old friend after all. That is what he called him, right? "Nathan and I are finished."

"You'll want to hear this." He tips his head towards the living room. "Give me a few minutes, Jessica. That's all I ask."

"You're a lawyer too, aren't you?" I teeter on the edge of the couch, holding tightly to my robe.

"What?" The wide grin that accompanies the question speaks volumes. "You have something against lawyers?"

"I have something against liars," I counter. "Nathan is a liar."

He pulls his hand through his messy brown hair. "Nathan's crazy about you."

I almost laugh out loud. Nathan sent him here. I know it. "Nathan's crazy about sex." The statement escapes me before I have a chance to temper it.

He lifts a brow as if to question whether that's a bad thing or not. "I don't know what went on with that other guy but he sat down to talk to Nate when I went to get a beer."

I know it shouldn't matter to me whether Nathan went there to meet Drew or not, but it does. "So, you were the old buddy that Nathan was meeting?" There's really no purpose in asking him that. He's Nathan's friend. He's going to lie to me for him. I'd probably do the very same thing for Rebecca.

"We had to talk about a case that I'm working on with him. A friend of his…" he stops himself before he offers more. The flash behind his eyes suggests he's just realized that he's confirmed my suspicion that he's a lawyer.

I wait for him to continue but he sits in silence, his eyes glued to me. "Drew just showed up?" I ask. If I can grasp even the smallest bit of understanding about what happened the other night, it will help me push this entire episode into my past, where it needs to stay firmly entrenched.

"He sat down with a beer for Nate while I was at the bar. He wasn't there more than a few minutes before you walked up to them."

I'm at a loss for how I ended up in the very same bar with Drew and Nathan just as Drew felt the need to buy Nathan a beer for fucking me first. "Life isn't that much of a coincidence." I stand with the hope that he'll take the not-so-subtle hint and get out of my apartment.

"I don't know anything about that." He stops right in front of me. "I do know that Nate is in love with you."

***

"Put on some clothes." I push past him the moment he swings open the door to his apartment.

"You could take off some." He sweeps his eyes slowly over my body. I'd thrown on a pair of jeans and a t-shirt before I'd hopped in a taxi to come to his place after Garrett left.

"Nathan." I sigh heavily. "Please put on some clothes." It's as much a demand as a plea. I can't look at him when he's standing in front of me only wearing boxer briefs and a smile on his face. He's too handsome, and muscular and everything. Why do I still want to feel him inside of me when he's such a fucked up excuse for a human being?

"I'm hot."

"You're what?" He's right but why the announcement?

"It's hot in here, Jessica." His hand glides through the air. "I'm too hot for clothes."

In more ways than one, I want to say. "Okay, well…" I have nothing. Now I have to interrogate him when he looks like he stepped off the pages of an underwear ad. Why hadn't I called first to see if he could meet me somewhere?

"What do you need?" He brushes past me and walks towards the small bar. "Do you want something to drink?"

I watch as he takes a long, leisurely sip from a bottle of water. I can't look at him anymore. I wish I had never laid eyes on him. I'll never meet another man as beautiful as he is. "You said no lies." He did say that. He's always said that to me.

"I've never lied to you, Jessica." He cocks a brow but stays firmly in place. I'm a little shocked, and admittedly, a bit disappointed that he hasn't tried to embrace me. I miss his hands on my body. I wish things hadn't become so complicated.

"You lied about Drew." I can't look at him as I say the words. "You lied about knowing him."

"I don't know him," he says softly. "I only know him as Cassandra's excuse for an ex-husband."

"You're in love with her," I snarl. "Everything you do is for her." It's petty and childish and I don't mean it. I'm just so tired of trying to wrap my brain around the fact that he made a bet on my body with her ex.

He raises both brows as a sly grin slide over his mouth. "Jealousy suits you, Jessica."

"Jealousy?" I scoff. "I'm not jealous of her." Did that sound even remotely genuine to him? Of course I'm jealous of her. He's kept the depth of his connection with her hidden from me the entire time we've been fucking each other.

"You're protesting too much." He tips the bottle of water in my direction before he takes another sip.

I shake my head slightly as I sit down in a chair. "You're being a fucking lawyer again, Nathan."

"I'm being reasonable, Jessica." It's a comeback that tears into me. The suggestion that I'm not being reasonable stings.

"Speaking of lawyers, your friend came to my place tonight," I say the words as nonchalantly as I can manage. I want to gauge his honest reaction.

"What friend?" He doesn't even bat his long, perfectly shaped eyelashes.

"Garrett." My eyes are glued to his face as the name leaves my lips. I know he's not going to be surprised in the least considering he probably sent him over there with an agenda and a pair of boxing gloves as a nice touch.

"What?" He slams the now empty bottle of water onto the bar and it teeters slightly before it falls over. "Garrett was at your place? Why?"

He's either been taking acting lessons or he really has no clue Garrett was on a mission to convince me that Nathan loves me. "You didn't know he was coming over?"

"What the hell is going on between you two?" He's rounding the bar now and it's only going to be three, two, one second until I see his entire body on display in his underwear again. There it is. Dammit.

"He brought me a present." I know my eyes are dancing with the words. I can feel the tension in the air. Nathan can't tolerate the idea of my being alone in a room with a man. I'm taking some perverse pleasure in watching him squirm over this. It's nothing compared to how he's made me feel over his bet with Drew, but it's a start.

"What the fuck?" He pulls his hand across his forehead to remove a few stray beads of sweat. Great, now he's not only semi-nude, he's glistening.

I pull on the collar of my t-shirt. It does feel extra hot in here. "He came over tonight." Way to drag it out, Jessica. Just tell him that Garrett was a messenger of love who visited you to convince you that Nathan has real feelings for you.

"Jessica." He's across the room and sitting next to me before I can process it. "Tell me there's nothing there."

"Nothing between me and your friend?" The words are barely audible. I can hardly think, let alone string a question together. He's too close. I can smell his cologne and almost touch his bare leg.

"Christ." He grabs both my shoulders in his hands. "This needs to stop tonight. Tell me how to fix this. Now."

How bad would it really be if I stripped right now and sat on his lap? What would that say to him about me? That I'm weak? That I can't stand up for myself? That I'm like one of those female characters in a romance novel that has no backbone? Or that I crave his body so much that I don't give a fuck what he does? That's the ticket.

"Jessica." His voice pulls me from my thoughts of riding his glorious cock into the sunset. "Are you okay?"

"I'm just super…"Jessica, stop. Do not tell this man that you're super horny and you want him. Don't, do that. Don't. "I'm just super." What?

He pulls back slightly and raises his eyebrows as the corner of his lip rises in tandem. "You're just super?"

I shake my head and inch away from him on the couch. "Tell me about the bet."

"The bet?" he parrots back. "The bet between Drew and me?"

"How many bets are you a part of?" It's a half-joke if I'm being honest. If I'm being brutally honest, it's meant to bite into him but I know that he'll skirt over it the way he always does when I subtly try to stab him with a verbal knife. I'm beginning to think I need to switch to a more direct verbal hatchet if I want to get my point across.

"You went to the club that night with your roommates." He's so direct and matter-of-fact in his tone. "I saw you in the line."

"You didn't say anything." I shift slightly in the seat, feeling suddenly apprehensive about the conversation. It was my intention, when I hopped into the taxi earlier, to find out why he'd sent Garrett over to talk to me, now I'm on the brink of learning all about their disgusting bet.

He glances towards me and his eyes briefly scan my face before they drop. "You railed on me about kissing you in front of Bryce. You told me not to interfere when you were with other guys."

I nod. I remember that conversation. He'd promised me he'd keep out of my way if I was interested in someone else. The whole concept seems so foreign to me now. How can I possibly want another man? How am I ever going to get myself back to a place where that feels okay again?

"I was coming up behind you and heard Drew talking to some guys." His fist clenches on his lap and he pulls it across his leg. "They were talking about you."

"About me?"

"He said the curvy blonde was ready for him." His jaw tightens. "He was pointing at your ass, waving a wad of cash in his hand and asking who wanted to bet him that he could nail you first."

My stomach recoils at the sound of the words. I'm appalled by the image of Drew staring me down in line and wagering a bet on my body. "You already knew who he was?"

He nods slowly. "Cassie pointed him out to me months before that. I'd go to the clubs sometimes and almost always see him there. I knew he was a gambling addict. He was blowing money left and right on anything he could place a bet on."

I'm not sure if I'm more bothered by the fact that he knew who Drew was for months before that night or by the mental image of Nathan interacting with women at clubs before he knew me.  I sit in silence hoping he'll take the hint and continue his confession.

"I asked him if I could get in on the bet." He reaches to cradle my hand in his but I pull back. I can't manage any skin-to-skin contact with him right now. I can't.

"We'd already fucked, Nathan," I say the words slowly, enunciating each syllable.

"It wasn't about that, Jessica." His breath hisses out. "It was about helping Cassie."
I close my eyes to temper everything I'm feeling. "Why would you do something like that to me? It's so degrading and so disgusting."

"I'm not proud of it." The words are genuine but they offer nothing to me. "I barely knew you then."

He's right. He barely knew me. We'd only fucked up to that point and if I was being truthful, that's all we'd ever really been. "You barely know me now," I whisper. "You don't know me."

"Jessica. Listen to me." He turns to look directly at me. "I was trying to help Cassie and her kids. I never meant for it to hurt you."

"You made a bet on my body." I slide my hand over my breasts and down my stomach. "You made a bet about my body with him."

"Jessica, please," he breathes, his hand pulling on mine. "I got caught up in helping her and didn't realize how it would hurt you."

"I worked with him." I sigh. "You knew I had to work with him. I went on a date with him and then he harassed me every single day."

"He was so pissed that he lost the bet that he kept after you for weeks. I told him to fuck off over and over again." The words are meant to comfort me but they only push me closer to the edge of the emotional abyss I'm already teetering on.

"You put in me in a horrible position to help her." It sounds childish as the words hit the air. It sounds as though I'm being petty and juvenile. "You allowed me to be a pawn in your stupid little game with him to help her."

"No." The word is breathless. "Jessica, no."

"Nathan." I shut my eyes briefly before opening them to stare at him. "You made a bet with Drew about fucking me when we'd already fucked each other so you could help his ex-wife." I hadn't signed up for any of that when I first went to the club.

"It's not that simple." His tone is raspy and low. "She was getting eaten alive by creditors and he was blowing his money. This was finally my chance to get something from him. I was just taking from him to give to her."

"By using me," I say decisively. "Why can't you see how completely fucked up this is?"

"You don't think I know that?" He jumps to his feet. "You don't think I realize how badly I've fucked up the only thing that's ever mattered to me?"

"Why didn't you just tell me?" I ask while trying to temper all the mounting rage that I'm feeling. "Why the fuck didn't you just tell me what was going on?"

"How?" He's on his knees in front of me now. "What was I supposed to say? You don't think I realized that I was going to lose you the minute I brought it up?"

"The night I danced with Drew…" I stop to pull in a heavy, much needed breath. "That was the night you finally told me your name."

"Making that bet was a mistake the minute it happened." He's pulling on my hands. "When I saw him dancing with you something inside of me switched on. I couldn't stand it. I fucking hated him more than I ever had before."

"That was when you should have told me." I can feel tears racing to the surface. I don't cry. I'm not like that. Please don't let me cry in front of him.

"Jessica." He lifts his chin to look directly at me. "Don't let this come between us."

I thrust my back into the couch at the request. "Don’t let this come between us?" I push the question back to him. "This? You mean the fact that you let me trust in you when you were fucking with me the entire time? That? Is that what you mean?"

"No." His head shakes rapidly from side-to-side. "Listen to me, Jessica. Just listen."

"I've been listening to you for weeks." I know he can hear the exasperation in my voice. It's unmistakable. I'm so tired of his bullshit. First, the fact that he was dating Cassandra, then the fuck phone and now this goddamn bet he made with Drew.

"I made that bet knowing that it wasn't even real." He rests his hands on either side of me on the couch. "I'd already been with you. I told him later that night that I fucked you and he paid up. He just couldn’t drop it. He kept circling you like a fucking vulture."

"How much?" It's a question that has been pulling at me for days now. Part of me wants to know and the other part knows that once I hear the amount I'll be scarred for life.

"The money doesn't matter." His tone is flippant and dismissive. Of course it doesn't matter to him. He's not the one who had a price tag placed on his ass like I did.

"It matters to me." I squirm on the couch cushion, trying to break free of the wall he's built around me with his body.

"Jessica, please." His voice is so soft and ripe with emotion. "Don't ask me that."

"You said you'd never lie to me." I know it's underhanded but it's going to get me exactly what I want from him. "Tell me how much."

"Jessica." He's tapping my hip with his hands. "Please, don't ask that."

"Now, Nathan." I tilt his chin up with my index finger. "Look me right in the eye and tell me."