Protected: Alien Mate Index Book 2: (Alien Warrior BBW Paranormal Science fiction Romance) (The Alien Mate Index) (45 page)

“Leah,” he began but I held up a hand to stop him.

“I’m going now,” I said. “I want to heal Teeny and then I want to get some sleep. I’m really tired right now.”

“All right.” He looked down at his hands. “Uh…maybe you’d prefer me to change the hopper’s course and take you back to Earth before I drop off Teeny?”

“Just can’t wait to get rid of me, huh?” I said, forgetting my promise to myself not to be sarcastic.

“Leah—” His deep voice was anguished but I refused to let it melt me.

“No, no—don’t say anything.” I shook my head. “Actually, I think that’s a really good idea. If Teeny’s grandfather doesn’t mind.”

“Earth is actually kind of on the way,” he rumbled. “So it shouldn’t be a problem.”

“Well then by all means, please do change the course.” I drew the shreds of my dignity around me and lifted my chin. “I’ll be happy to go home a little early. I have a lot of things to take care of.”

“Fine.” His features hardened like granite. “I’ll change the course.”

“Thank you.” I turned to go but he called me back.

“Leah…I’m sorry.”

“Not sorry enough,” I said and left the room.

Grav

The rest of the trip to Earth was a fuckin’ nightmare—mostly because I was so miserable I could hardly function. Part of me thought I was a fool, letting the perfect female slip through my fingers—letting the only female I had ever loved go. But there was a little voice at the back of my head, a nagging little whisper that wouldn’t shut up.

It’s better this way—it’s the only way,
that little voice told me.
You don’t want to condemn Leah to a loveless joining, do you? Oh sure, it would be fine for a while but then the doubts set in, the wondering what the other person is really feeling, the jealousy over the fact that all her friends are bonded to their mates and she can’t have that. No, it’s better to let her go—she was too good for you anyway, Grav. Let her be free to find a mate she
can
bond with. One that’s not a murderer and an escaped con. Just let her go.

I couldn’t ignore that little voice—or deny the truth of what it was saying. It
was
better to let Leah go, I told myself, even as my heart ached for her. It was better for both of us but especially for her. I was a hybrid—not meant for that special love that others felt. And I couldn’t condemn Leah to a life without it just because I was unable to bond with her.

So I kept telling myself as my hopper made its way through the galaxy to the small blue and green planet Leah called home.

Leah healed Teeny—completely this time, without even a trace of the Biter’s mark left on her arm—and the two of them spent most of their time together. I could see that Teeny was growing attached to my little Earth female—well, not mine anymore but still, I couldn’t help feeling possessive of her. And Leah, for her part, treated Teeny like a daughter or a beloved, much younger sister. It was clearly an affection that both of them needed and I thought sadly that when we dropped Leah off it would hurt Teeny almost as much as it hurt me to say goodbye.

To me, Leah was extremely polite and distant, as if we were acquaintances who barely knew each other. It hurt but I didn’t complain about it. After all, I understood why she was doing it—she was hurting too and I was the cause of her pain. This whole fucked-up situation was all my fault and yet I didn’t know how to solve it…how to make it better.

Almost before I knew it, the Earth was hovering in my viewscreen. And then I saw the Commercian’s station, carefully camouflaged amongst the space junk floating around the little planet. I shook my head—it was a pity they didn’t take better care of what the Goddess had given them. But then again, if they had, I never would have met Leah.

“Is that it? Is that Leah’s home planet?” Teeny asked in my ear.

“Uh, yeah. Yeah it is.” I heaved a big sigh and nodded at her.

“Grav…” She put one little hand on my arm, looking up at me. “Can’t you two, I don’t know, make up somehow?”

“I wish we could, Teeny,” I said. “But it’s complicated.”

“What’s complicated?” Leah came into the control area, apparently looking for Teeny. “Oh…” She caught sight of the Earth spinning in space before us. “I…I can’t believe we’re finally here.”

“Yup.” I heaved a sigh and set the ship’s coordinates to stay in orbit around the far side of the Earth’s small moon so the humans wouldn’t detect it. “Come on—we’ll have to take the second best shuttle. It’s going to be crowded.”

“So that’s it—we’re going? I mean…you’re going to drop me off and leave me? Just like that?” Leah’s big brown eyes were bright with unshed tears. But what could I do?

“Best not to drag it out,” I growled. “Get your stuff. I’ll go prepare the shuttle.”

As I walked past them, Teeny rushed to Leah and threw her skinny little arms around her.

“Leah…Leah…” She was crying. “I don’t want you to go!”

“I don’t want to go either,” I heard Leah say. “But we don’t always get what we want, Teeny. I’m so sorry.”

Gods, this was fucking
unbearable.
I quickened my step as I headed for the shuttle bay. I had to get away from here before I lost it. I just prayed I could keep myself together until Leah was safely back on Earth.

Leah

It was hard, going home. Harder than I had ever dreamed possible. But it was necessary. I needed to get things settled with Gerald and check on Charlotte.

And besides, it wasn’t like this was my one and only extraterrestrial trip. Zoe had promised she would send a ship and have the Commercians let me know when it was waiting. Since they were able to communicate through any shiny, reflective surface, they would have no trouble getting in touch with me and bringing me back up through the transport system of the Alien Mate Index.

Still, it was hard to go—hard to leave Teeny who was crying softly in the corner and even harder to leave Grav, whose features had taken on the stony cast I recognized as his “not going to show emotion” face.

No matter how badly he had hurt me—and believe me, I was hurting plenty—I was determined to leave on good terms. I wanted to keep things civil, which was exactly how I planned to handle my divorce from Gerald. It hurt me even more to think of Grav and my abusive ex in the same way and I tried to push the idea away. They weren’t the same at all, despite the similar circumstances.

“Please decide upon your coordinates, Earth female,” Char’noth, the blue worm in charge of the AMI said to me in his high, piping voice.

The large screen made of light that appeared to come down from the ceiling of the Commercians’ space station, was split in half, showing two different locations. One was the living room of the house I had shared with Gerald in Virginia. The other was my old room at my mom’s house in Tampa. I was torn between them. Should I go confront my ex—or soon-to-be-ex to be more accurate—at once? Or should I go to my mom’s house and then make a road trip up to Virginia?

Ultimately, I decided on my mom’s house. Even though it meant a long trip—because I wanted to do this in person, not over the phone—I needed time to get myself together. To lick my wounds, as it were. Besides, it was closer to Charlotte and right near Zoe’s paralegal friend, who she had said would prepare the divorce papers for a song. I wanted to have those papers in my hand when I met Gerald again and I wanted to see him sign them, to let him know that I was done with him once and for all.

“Tampa,” I said pointing to the familiar room with its kitten-in-a-tree poster and princess bed. My mom is bad about not wanting to change things—she’d kept my room exactly as it was back in high school, even though I had moved out years ago.

“Very well. Prepare to be transported.”

“What about my things?” I nodded to the large cube-like suitcase crammed with everything Zoe had thought I might like from her new planet.

“They will be transported ahead of you,” Char’noth told me. “As you know, living tissue cannot be transported with non-living materials or the inanimate objects, including clothing, will be lost in the void.”

Lost in the void.
I shivered at the blue alien worm’s words—what an awful thought!

“I understand,” I said.

“Which is why we recommend you remove your clothing before the transport as your garments will certainly be lost if you attempt to transport with them on,” Char’noth reminded me.

“That’s okay. I’ll keep it on.” I looked down at what I was wearing—the flowing green cloak that Grav had bought me back on Sincon Delta station. It reminded me of him too much for me to want to keep it. Letting it go in the transport would be symbolic in a way—shedding the old relationship as I got back to my life on Earth.

Or so I told myself.

But shedding the feelings I had for the big Alien would be a lot harder. Though I tried not to think about it, my heart ached when I realized I would probably never see him again.

And all because we couldn’t bond. It made me so angry I felt like crying but I didn’t want to make a scene.

Quiet dignity,
I told myself.
That’s how to handle this. Just concentrate on the fact that you’ll be home soon. You can go see Charlotte and catch up and take care of this business with Gerald. Not to mention seeing Mom again. It’s going to be great!

Of course, I would also have to think of a good excuse for my former employers, Jackson and Emilio and find a way to apologize to their son, Taggard. But I would work all that out once I had the divorce papers in my hand and I was ready to face Gerald.

Trying to keep my mind on the future instead of the past, I turned one last time to say goodbye to Grav and Teeny. They were both watching me—Grav with his stone-face showing no emotion and Teeny with wide, tragic eyes that threatened to spill over with tears at any moment.

The moment I turned to them, Teeny broke away from Grav and ran to me. Flinging her skinny arms around my waist, she pressed her face to my side and sobbed.

“Leah, Leah—please don’t go! Why can’t you stay with me and Grav? Why can’t we all just stay together forever?”

I felt a lump form in my throat.

“I’m sorry, Teeny, I wish we could. But, well, I have business I have to take care of on Earth. And your grandfather misses you.”

“No, he doesn’t.” She looked up at me, her long black lashes matted with tears. “He just wants to use me to rule Thonolax one day. Well, I don’t
want
to rule. I want to be normal and live with people I love.”

“Oh, Teeny…” I hugged her hard. Though we hadn’t known each other long, the pretty girl with the pale green skin had found a permanent place in my heart. I wished with all my heart that I could stay with her and Grav—that we could form a little family and be together forever.

But I knew that dream would never come true.

I stroked Teeny’s heavy black bangs away from her face and gave her a kiss on the forehead.

“Always remember me, Teeny—keep me in your heart and I’ll keep you in mine, I promise. And you never know—we might see each other again. My friend, Lady Zoe, has promised to send a ship for me in a few months. Maybe your grandfather will let me visit you on Thonolax or you can visit with Zoe and me on Eloim.”

“Maybe…” The look in her large, violet eyes said she didn’t believe it a bit. But it was the only hope I could offer her.

“Let me go now,” I said gently. “I have to say goodbye to Grav.”

Sniffing, she unwound her arms from around my waist, allowing me to step up to the big Alien.

“Leah—” he began but I put up a hand to stop him.

“Grav,” I said steadily. “I want to thank you for a really amazing time. I’ve had enough adventure and excitement to last me a lifetime. Even though we didn’t bond—and I won’t lie, I
wish
we could have—what happened between us was still the most amazing, incredible, wonderful time of my life. So thank you for that.”

He opened his mouth, then closed it again, looking miserable. At last he just nodded and said,

“You’re welcome.”

“Good-bye,” I said, and turned back towards the transport area where Char’noth was waiting impatiently.

“Leah, wait!” I felt his hand on my shoulder and I spun around to face him at once. Could it be? Had he changed his mind?

“Yes, Grav?” I scanned his face eagerly, but saw only sorrow and regret.

“May…may the Goddess grant you a safe journey,” was all he said.

“Oh.” I felt flat…deflated. And angry with myself for getting my hopes up for a last minute change-of-heart. This wasn’t a romance novel, damn it! I couldn’t expect a happily-ever-after ending just because I
wanted
one.

“Thank you,” I said to Grav, at last. He let his hand drop from my shoulder and I went back to the transporter. Time to go home.

Alone.

Grav

I don’t think I’ve ever been so fuckin’ miserable in my life. We watched to make sure that Leah was safely transported back to her mother’s house and then Teeny and I rode back to my hopper, with Teeny cryin’ her eyes out all the way.

I felt a little like bawling myself, though I generally never cry. My whole life stretched out before me, gray and bleak and loveless and all because I’d let the only female I had ever really loved get away.

It’s for the best,
whispered that nasty little voice in the back of my head.
She’s better off without you.

But was it true? I couldn’t help flashing on her face when I’d put my hand on her shoulder—that look of intense hope that faded to one of disappointment when I’d uttered my stupid farewell instead of asking her to stay or telling her I loved her.

I tried to put it out of my mind. When we got back to the ship, I went right to work, plotting the course to get back to Thonolax where Teeny’s grandfather was waiting. It would only take us twelve hops to get there—just a couple of days of interstellar travel.

Only the hopper wouldn’t hop.

I tried everything—I swear I did. I went over every inch of the electrical system, took the hydro-blaster apart and put it back together—I even reconfigured the cane`le energy field.

Nothing worked.