Promise Me Forever (23 page)

“M
y lord, I must ask that you leave.”

Tom didn’t bother to look at the doctor they’d sent for. Sitting in a chair he’d pulled up to the bed, he just kept his gaze on Lauren, his hand wrapped around hers. Why didn’t she wake up?

He’d only just arrived at the stairs when he’d heard the echo of her scream and seen her tumble, and he’d been powerless to do anything to prevent her fall. All he’d been able to do was lift her gently into his arms and carry her to her bedchamber.

“I’m not leaving her,” he said.

“Tom—” her mother began.

Tom twisted his head around and glared at her. “I’m not leaving her.”

He put enough force behind the words so he left no doubt that he meant every word spoken. Lauren’s mother and the doctor exchanged glances, and the doctor sighed. “Very well.”

Tom turned his attention back to Lauren, rubbing his thumb in a circle over the top of her hand. She didn’t react at all: not a sigh, a murmur, a whisper. Nothing. She just lay there, cool to the touch and so incredibly pale.

He heard the footsteps as her mother walked to the window. The doctor cleared his throat. “Truly, my lord, I could examine her much more quickly and efficiently if you would be kind enough to move aside. We want what’s best for her now, don’t we?”

If they wanted what was best for her, she’d be in Texas already. Why hadn’t he simply purchased her passage, let her go sooner? Why had he insisted on keeping her with him when it hadn’t been what she wanted? Why had he been so damned selfish? He was no different than his father: caring about his own needs and to hell with anyone else. All the incessant questions and doubts simply served to plague and frustrate him.

With a nod toward the doctor, Tom stood, walked to the window, and leaned his shoulder against the wall. With the draperies pulled aside, Lauren’s mother was looking out on the night. She didn’t bother to look at him, just kept staring out.

“She’ll be all right,” Tom said, feeling a need to
comfort her as much as he needed to be comforted. But without Lauren, he found no comfort. She was the one who could see into his soul, who could overlook the dark in favor of the light.

“You can’t know that,” her mother said.

No, he couldn’t but he could hope…hell, he could wish. If he could only find a star…

He knew where plenty could be found and a woman could wish all night long. “I’m taking Lauren back to Texas.”

Her mother looked at him then, and before she could speak, he said, “Whether she wakes up or not, I’m taking her back to Texas.”

His voice held command and authority, years of issuing orders, years of being obeyed without question, years of being the one everyone turned to for the answers, the one everyone still turned to.

Tears welled in her mother’s eyes. “I did what I thought was best for her.”

Tom nodded with sympathy and understanding. “I know, but now it’s time for me to do what’s best for her.”

He turned as the doctor came to stand beside them. “She’s definitely sustained a blow to the head.”

Tom had to move away from the bed so the doctor could make that diagnosis?

“Which means what exactly?” Tom asked.

“Which means that we have to wait—”

“Wait for what?” he asked impatiently.

“To see if she wakes up. It could happen any
moment. It might never happen at all. It’s impossible to tell. And if she does wake up, well, quite frankly, I can’t tell what sort of damage might have been done until she does wake up.”

“There must be something you can do,” Lauren’s mother said.

“I’m afraid not, unfortunately. The good news is that nothing else appears to be broken or damaged. I would suggest you have someone watch over her and send for me immediately if you detect any change.”

Lauren’s mother wiped the tears from her cheeks. “We’ll do what ever we have to do.”

“I would begin by having her maid undress her and put her in a nightgown, so she is more comfortable.”

“I’ll see that it’s taken care of,” her mother said.

“I’ll stop by in the morning to check on her.”

Lauren’s mother nodded. “Thank you, Doctor.” She turned to Tom. “There’s no reason for you to stay. I’ll send word when she wakes up.”

Tom shook his head. “You’re not listening. I’m not leaving.”

And he didn’t. For the sake of propriety, he kept his back to the bed, staring out the window searching for that elusive star while Lauren’s maid removed her clothes and put her in a nightgown. When she was finished and Tom finally turned around, Lauren was beneath the covers, her hands folded on top. A chill swept through him.

He couldn’t lose her.

Her mother hadn’t left the room, but stood vigil at the foot of the bed, her arms crossed over her chest, guarding against the arrival of the angel of death. Tom reconciled himself to sharing the room with her. He sat in the chair beside the bed, took Lauren’s hand, and wrapped both of his around it.

“I don’t know if you can hear me, darlin’,” he said, his voice low, “but I lied to you. That first night when we were lying by the river and I told you that I wrote about cattle in my letters…that wasn’t true, and I remember every word I wrote.

“My darlin’ Lauren,

“It about killed me today to watch the wagon take you away. I know you didn’t see me standing at the edge of your place watching, but I was there. I was afraid if your mama saw me, she’d get mad at you. I figured leaving was hard enough on you without having your mama mad at you, too. So I did my watching in secret. I know you were wearing the hair ribbon I gave you. Someday I’m going to buy you another one, a fancier one. Lord, I already miss you so bad that I don’t know how I’ll make it through tomorrow. But if I don’t make it, then I’ll never see you again, so I reckon I’ll find a way.

“Yours forever,

“Tom.”

Reaching out, with his fingers, he combed a few wisps of her hair back from her face.

“My darlin’ Lauren,

“There’s an ache in my heart that I reckon will be here until we’re together again. It makes the day long and the night longer. Even when thinking about you makes me smile, it hurts. I can’t figure out why it pains me when I like thinking about you. I lay out by the creek to night, alone. I saw a star fall from the sky. If I believed in wishing, I’d have wished that you’d come back to me. But I know that won’t happen, so there’s no point in wishing for it. But I will come for you, just like I promised. You don’t have to wish for it, when it’ll happen without wishing.

“Yours forever,

“Tom.”

He didn’t look over when her mother sat in a chair on the opposite side of the bed. “She cried every night on the journey over here,” she said quietly. “But then so did Amy and Samantha. Uprooting them was hard, but I knew my girls well enough to know they’d adjust. Children are resilient that way. As a parent, you do what you believe is best.”

“I never held it against you for bringing her here.”

“If you insist upon staying in this room while she recovers, you’ll have to marry her.”

Tom knew that she thought she was once again doing what was best for Lauren, was maybe even letting him know that she would approve of their marrying.

“I’m staying,” he told her.

She rose. “I’ll let my husband know that you’ll be asking for her hand—”

“I’m not marrying her.”

She looked as though she was on the verge of searching for a gun so she could shoot him.

“Who Lauren marries is her decision to make, not yours, not mine,” he said.

“How long do you anticipate staying here?”

“Until she wakes up.”

“My darlin’ Lauren,

“I bought some land today. It brings me one step closer to you. Now all I need is the livestock and the buildings and a few good cowhands. I figure another year, maybe two, and I can come for you. My biggest fear is that you grew tired of waiting. That you’re married. I don’t know why I keep writing, why I keep thinking of you. In some ways, it doesn’t seem like so many years have passed. In other ways, it seems like you’ve been gone forever. In all ways, you still own my heart…”

Lauren heard the scratchy voice. It seemed it had been with her forever, fading in and out. She’d wanted to respond to it, to tell it to keep saying the lovely words, but whether she responded or not, it
continued. Always there when she awoke, always there when she drifted off to sleep. Although little difference was apparent between one action and another, because she never opened her eyes. She was so terribly weary and her head hurt something fierce.

She tried to force her eyes open, tried to force her voice to work.
Don’t stop. Don’t stop. As long as you talk I have something to hold on to…

“You’re not doing her any favors by making yourself sick. You look awful, you sound awful.”

Rubbing his unshaven face, Tom looked up at Lydia. She, Lauren’s sisters, mother, and stepfather all took turns spending a couple of hours in the room. But he had yet to leave except for short stretches of time to eat or throw cold water on his face. His voice was as rough as sandpaper, but he was afraid if the room filled with silence, Lauren would just drift away.

He got up and walked to the window. It was night again. He’d missed its arrival. Was this the second or third night?

“Maybe you should go home for a few hours,” Lydia suggested.

“No.”

“Then at least lie down for a while. Ravenleigh has extra bedrooms—”

“No.”

“I do believe you are more stubborn than Rhys,” she said.

He peered down at the street. “There’s no fog to night.”

“Is that significant?”

“The stars will be more visible.”

“So?”

He spun around. “I need to take her to the river.”

“Aunt Elizabeth isn’t going to allow—”

“We won’t tell her.”

He crossed the room, knelt in front of Lydia, and took her hands. He knew he was close to collapse, so weary that he could hardly hold the tears at bay. “It’ll mean something to Lauren.”

“Tom, she’s not aware—”

“You don’t know that. Help me bundle her up, help me get her into a carriage. You can even go with us if you want. Serve as chaperone one more time.”

“As though I’ve ever been any good as a chaperone. Don’t think I don’t know what was going on at your estate—”

“I love her, Lydia. I’ve always loved her. Sending her to Texas is going to kill me. But I’m going to do it, but she has to be awake first. Trust me to know what she needs.”

“Aunt Elizabeth is going to kill me.”

“Only after she kills me.”

“If this doesn’t work, Thomas Warner, you have to promise me that you’ll go home and rest before you collapse.”

He looked at Lauren, so peaceful, so still. He shook his head. “That’s a promise I can’t make.”

“You are the most stubborn man,” but even as she chastised him, she got to her feet and began to help him wrap Lauren in a blanket.

When he had her bundled in his arms, she led the way down the stairs, found the butler, and had the carriage brought around.

He knew he was a desperate man, but he didn’t know what else to do.

Lydia had decided to stay in the carriage, but Tom wanted Lauren outside. Holding her close, he walked toward the river, stopped by a nearby tree, and as carefully as he could, sat on the ground with his back against its trunk.

He cradled Lauren tightly. She seemed so frail. It had been three or four days. He’d lost count.

“It’s not Texas, darlin’, but there’s the river and above us are the stars. You know I worried that I was like my father, but you made me realize that I’m not, because he wasn’t the kind of man who could love as deeply as I love you.”

He looked up at the sky, so vast, so black…

“There’s a star, Lauren. Falling. I sure wish you’d wake up.”

“You don’t believe in wishing.”

His heart jumped, and he looked down at the woman in his arms, surrounded by shadows. “Lauren?”

“Hello, Tom.”

Laughing, he felt the tears burning his eyes. “Hello, darlin’.”

There was a good deal that Lauren didn’t remember. She didn’t remember actually falling or hitting her head. She didn’t remember any pain.

What she did remember was the constant raspy voice, the words, and the love. She remembered the love most of all.

So she was surprised, a week after she woke up, to find herself holding a ticket for passage on a steamship that would take her to New York, where she would board a ship that would take her to Galveston.

“You’ve taught me everything I need to know,” Tom said, sitting across her, looking extremely formal with his top hat on his thigh. “I can’t see any reason for you to have to stay until the end of the Season. The doctor says you’re strong enough to travel.”

“You told Lydia that it would kill you when I left.”

He stared at her. “You heard that?”

“I heard a great deal. You told her that you love me. Tell
me
that you love me.”

To her surprise, he got up, crossed over to her, knelt in front of her, and took her hand. “I love you, darlin’. I always have and I always will. I can only give you a little bit of Texas, but I can give
you a whole lot of my heart. I’d ask you to marry me if I thought it was what you wanted—”

“It’s what I want.”

“Are you sure?”

“I was sure before I fell. I just didn’t get a chance to tell you.” She cradled his beloved face. “I love you, Thomas Warner. I’ve loved you forever.”

She was suddenly in his arms, being held tightly, being kissed deeply. And she knew that he was the only part of Texas that she’d ever need.

“T
hey say he fell in love with her when they were children in Texas.”

“I’ve heard that he wrote her a letter every single day, of every year that they were separated.”

“I daresay I find that incredibly romantic.”

“Have you seen the way he looks at her? He can scarcely take his eyes off her.”

“I would love to have a gentleman look at me with that same sort of intensity.”

“He doesn’t look at her as though he’s a
gentleman
. He fairly looks at her as though he’s entertaining
barbaric
thoughts.”

“How fortunate for me,” Lauren said.

The three ladies spun around, their eyes wide,
their mouths agape. It was odd seeing them without Lady Blythe, but her parents had ushered her off to the country in shame and embarrassment for her inappropriate behavior at the Ravenleigh ball. Lauren actually felt rather sorry for the lady, as it was unlikely she would garner any gentleman’s fancy. Lauren had even sent her a bouquet of flowers with the sentiment, “No hard feelings.”

She could afford to be generous in her forgiveness. After all, without Lady Blythe’s conduct, Lauren might never have learned the true words that had been written in Tom’s letters, might never have known how strong and constant Tom’s love had remained over the years.

“Lady Sachse, we didn’t hear you approach,” Lady Cassandra said. “We meant no insult to you, dear friend, but one can’t help but notice…well, that your husband looks as though he can’t wait for the wedding breakfast to be over so that he can get on with the wedding trip.”

Lauren smiled, not bothering to hide her anticipation. “Again, how fortunate for me.”

Her wedding to Tom had been the most-talked-about event of the Season. Lauren didn’t think there had been a vacant seat in the church, nor a spot of grass in the churchyard that wasn’t being stood on by someone wanting to catch a glimpse of the newly wedded couple. Her half sisters had strewn flower petals from the church to the car
riage that had brought Lauren and Tom to her parents’ home. The wedding breakfast had followed. After all the toasts to their health, Lauren’s sisters had led her away so she could change into her departure dress. She’d only just returned to the drawing room, where she planned to begin saying her good-byes. But the gossipmongers had caught her attention. She held them no ill will either. It was the happiest day of her life, and she wanted everyone to be as filled with joy as she.

“Where are you going for your marriage trip?” Lady Anne asked.

“We’re going to Texas for a few months.” Tom’s wedding gift to her, as though she needed anything at all from him.

“Oh, how delightful,” Lady Priscilla said.

“We shall no doubt spend a good deal of our time there, since my husband owns a ranch and several other businesses. You must visit sometime. I’ll introduce you to some cowboys.”

“Oh, my word. Would you really? That would be lovely,” Lady Cassandra murmured, rather like a contented cat.

“If you ladies will excuse me, I think my husband and I are going to begin the preparations for our departure. I do thank you for coming to the wedding and the breakfast. I have always treasured your friendship.” She leaned in, they leaned in. “I think he looks at me as though he intends to ravish me quite unmercifully.”

“Indeed he does,” Lady Cassandra said breathlessly.

Smiling, Lauren winked at them. “Ladies, I can hardly wait.”

They were still gasping and fanning themselves as she went to join her husband, where he was standing on the other side of the room talking with her parents. Her mother was actually smiling broadly and laughing. It seemed that she and Tom had somehow managed to put aside their differences. She wasn’t quite sure what all had transpired within her bedchamber while she’d slept on for three days, but obviously her mother had gained an appreciation for Tom during that time.

It was a little strange, but now that the moment had finally arrived, Lauren wasn’t quite certain that she was ready to leave after all. Tom put his arm around her, drawing her up against his side. “Are you all right, darlin’?”

She nodded, surprised by the hoarseness of her voice when she said, “I’m just not quite ready to leave, although I know we must.”

“Lauren, it’s your wedding. If you want to stay here all day, that’s what we’ll do.”

“You’re going to spoil me, Tom, letting me do what ever I want.”

He suddenly looked incredibly serious. “That’s my plan, darlin’.”

Stretching up on the tips of her toes, she kissed
his cheek. “I like your plan.” She squeezed his arm. “I’m ready.”

She turned to her mother. “Can you believe it? I’m going home tomorrow.”

Her mother smiled sadly, caressed Lauren’s cheek. “I’m hoping you’ll discover that home isn’t a place. It’s wherever your heart happens to be.” She shifted her gaze to Tom, then back to Lauren. “I thought you were too young to really leave your heart in Texas, and I’m so sorry—”

“Mama.” Lauren touched her gloved hand to her mother’s lips and shook her head. “All of that is in the past. I’m happier today than I’ve ever been. And I already know that you’re right. Whether my home is in Texas or England will be determined by whether or not Tom is beside me.”

“Are you ever going to leave?” Amy asked.

Lauren looked over her shoulder to see her sisters standing there, wondering when they’d sneaked up on her.

“Yes, I am.”

“Won’t you miss it all?” Amy asked. “The balls, parties—”

“We’ll be back,” Lauren assured her. “Before next Season. Now that I’m married, it’s Samantha’s turn.”

She glanced over at Samantha, but her sister hardly reacted to her declaration.

“I think she already has someone,” Amy said.

“And I think the article on the front page of to
morrow’s newspaper recounting this affair is going to mention how unfashionably long it took the bride to say
adieu
,” Samantha said.

Following a round of hugs and additional best wishes, Lauren found herself fighting to hold back her tears. She was certain that they were tears of happiness rather than sadness. This was what she wanted, what she’d always wanted. She couldn’t be sad, even though the tightness in her chest felt a good deal like sorrow.

Then she turned to face her mother, and she knew the tears gathering in her mother’s eyes
were
tears of unhappiness.

“I always only wanted what was best for you,” her mother said.

Lauren hugged her tightly. “I know, Mama.”

“Who would have thought what was best for you would have turned out to be a cowboy?”

Laughing, Lauren hugged her mother more tightly, before stepping back. “A cowboy and a lord. I’m so glad that I didn’t have to choose between them. I love you, Mama, and I’m going to miss you.”

“Lauren, darlin’, we probably do need to be going. Folks seem to be getting restless,” Tom said.

Lauren spun around, with one more good-bye to give. She wound her arms around her stepfather’s neck. “Thank you for the life you gave me.”

“It has always been my plea sure.”

“Don’t let Samantha get married before I get back.”

He laughed. “As though I can stop any of my daughters from doing what they set their minds to doing.” He touched her cheek. “And you are my daughter, not of my blood, but of my heart.”

Lauren felt the tears rolling down her cheeks, Tom pressing his handkerchief into her hand. “I love you, Papa.”

She hugged him one more time, hugged her mother, and her sisters. Guests began crowding around, to offer final best wishes. She placed her hand on Tom’s arm, allowed him to lead her through the throng. So many smiling faces, so many people offering her warm wishes.

It was an odd thing as she was leaving, at long last to realize that she belonged.

They arrived at Tom’s ancestral home by late afternoon. While Lauren’s things were moved into the house and arranged in her bedchamber, she and Tom walked over the grounds discussing the plans for their wedding trip. The next day they would leave for Liverpool, where they could board the steamship that would take them to Texas. For only a few months. In the event she became pregnant with the Sachse heir, Tom wanted the boy born in England, and based upon how he planned for them to spend most of their time, Lauren couldn’t help but believe that she would indeed be presenting him with an heir incredibly soon. She knew that nothing would please her more.

Following dinner, they retired to their respective bedchambers, and Lauren couldn’t help but feel a slight fluttering in her stomach at the prospect of her first night with Tom as his wife. She knew what to expect and as she’d told the ladies, she could hardly wait.

Sitting at the vanity in her bedchamber, having dismissed Molly after she helped Lauren prepare her for bed, Lauren brushed her hair, remembering the ladies talking that first afternoon about how the American-raised lord wouldn’t have an appreciation of his heritage. Lauren was learning that he had an incredible appreciation for tradition, whether it involved that to which he’d been born or that to which he’d been raised. He was a complex man, a combination of all he’d experienced, of all he’d ever lost, and all he’d regained. A man who would never take any aspect of his life for granted. She loved him for it, and for so much more. For being the man he was, a man who had never given up on their love. It humbled her at times to know that he’d continued to write faithfully long after she’d stopped. She only hoped that she’d always prove deserving of him.

Setting her brush aside, she reached out and wrapped her hands around her jewelry box, set upon the vanity by Molly earlier when she’d unpacked Lauren’s possessions. She placed the box on her lap. Very slowly she opened the gleaming wooden box and smiled at the contents nestled
within. Perhaps she’d had faith as well, but had chosen to express it in a different way.

Looking up, she saw Tom, wearing a black silk dressing gown, standing behind her, reflected in the mirror. The nightgown she wore was nothing at all like the ones she’d worn when she’d clambered out of windows. This one was a diaphanous material that revealed much more than it covered, and, based upon the heat in Tom’s eyes, she wouldn’t be wearing it for long.

“What have you got there?” he asked, the raspy rumble of his voice indicating the depth of her affect on him, causing her toes to curl into the thick carpet at her feet.

Crooking her forefinger, she wiggled it. “Come here.”

He knelt beside her, his gaze roaming over her face as though he was having a difficult time believing she was actually with him now, as though everything he’d ever wished for were in danger of disappearing. As though he feared that their time together now would be as temporary or short-lived as everything else in his life.

He’d begun his life here and been taken from it. He’d had a life in New York that hadn’t lasted. A life in Arkansas that while short had still been too long. Finally, a life in Texas with a girl who had left him. Then a ranch that he’d had to leave behind in order to return to what he’d never known he owned. His entire life he’d been lost, and she
desperately wanted him to know that what they had now would last forever. That she would never leave him. That they would never again become lost.

She combed her fingers up into his thick hair. “I love you, Thomas Warner. I’ve always loved you.”

She turned the jewelry box so he could see inside. She watched as the corner of his mouth hitched up.

“Is that what I think it is?” he asked. He lifted his gaze to hers. “You said—”

“I didn’t say I didn’t have it. I simply asked where you thought I would find one in this country.”

He reached into the box, removed the quarter, and laid it in the palm of his hand. It seemed so small and insignificant, and yet it meant so much. “Is it the one I gave you?” he asked.

“Of course.” Out of the box she lifted the worn blue hair ribbon on which it had been nestled. “And I kept this, too.”

Grinning, he held the quarter between his thumb and forefinger. “But this you could have given back to me. At any time, you could have canceled the debt.”

Smiling warmly, she snatched the coin from him and arched a brow. “I could have, but what woman in her right mind would choose to give you a quarter when she could have you unbutton her bodice?”

The deep rumble of his laughter echoed around them as she dropped the ribbon and coin back into her jewelry box and set it aside on the vanity. Tom unfolded his strong, lean, tall body and lifted her into his arms.

She wound her arms around his neck. “You’re what I’ve always wanted, Tom. I don’t know why it took me so long to realize that you’re the part of Texas that I always missed. Not the land or the creeks or the smells. Not even the stars at night. Only you.”

He carried her over to the bed, set her feet on the floor beside it. Then he did the most remarkable unexpected thing. He sat at the foot of the bed, leaned back against the thick post, crossed his arms over his chest, and hitched up a corner of his mouth. “Unbutton your nightgown.”

She stared at him. “Tom, I not only paid the debt and unbuttoned a bodice, but I’ve proven I can give you back the coin—”

“Do it not because of any debt, but because it brings me so much plea sure to watch you, to watch the way the blush creeps along your skin, the way your eyes darken with each button loosened, the way your lips part, and your breath begins to shorten with the anticipation of revealing yourself to me, of me finally touching you.”

She swallowed hard. “Did you want to extinguish the lights?”

Both corners of his mouth hitched up. “No.”

“Tom—”

“Lauren, do you know that the sight of you takes my breath away?” he asked quietly, solemnly. “It always has.”

Reaching up, she loosened a button.

“You make me tremble deep down inside where a man has no business trembling.”

She released another button.

“You terrify me because I think if you ever leave me—”

“I won’t, Tom. I’ll never leave you.”

Button. Button. Button.

“Tom, did you know the sight of you takes
my
breath away? It always has.”