Promise Me (39 page)

“I’ll see you around,” I told him, and then I walked to my car without looking back.

Chapter Nineteen

Jack

“You look distracted,” Charlie told me as he tossed me the basketball.

I caught it, turned and shot it, and then I watched it bank off the backboard, missing the net completely.

“Yup, you’re definitely distracted.”

I shot him a glare over my shoulder. “What do you know of it?”

He just laughed as he ran to get the ball that had rolled a few feet off the court, onto the grass.

“I know you,” Charlie told me. “And I know when you’re not all here. What’s going on?”

“Nothing,” I said, scowling at him, because I wasn’t going to talk about my girl problems with him.

“Bullshit,” he said casually, and then it was like he remembered himself, and his face fell.

I raised an eyebrow at him. “Your mother know you say words like that?”

He shook his head as he shot the basketball and it swished through the hoop without touching the rim. “No, and don’t go telling her.”

“I won’t,” I said as I grabbed his rebound, “if you back off and don’t try to read into things that aren’t there.”

Charlie shot me a skeptical look. “Well now you’re just lying to yourself. Dr. Raven says that the worst thing you can do is lock up your feelings in here.” He tapped the side of his head. “You’ve got to let them out, man.”

“Geez, dude, I told you not to watch that crap. It rots your brain.”

“I think it’s good advice, but if you don’t want to talk, if you just want to sit and stew and not get what’s bothering you off your chest, be my guest.”

“Thank you. Because I didn’t come here to talk about my feelings.
I
thought we were going to play basketball.”

“We are playing basketball,” he said as he held his hands up for me to pass him the ball. “But we can talk while we play.”

“We can. Just not about my feelings.”

Charlie smirked at me. “At least you admit you have feelings. I was starting to get worried.”

Punk.
Of course I had feelings. They happen to be incredibly confused at the moment, but there was no doubt in my mind that I had them. Hell, after the verbal beat-down Kate had handed me the night before, I was feeling more than I’d ever thought possible – and it sucked.

I shot Charlie a scathing look as he continued to smirk at me. “You’re a punk, and I hate you.”

That made him laugh. “I might be a kid, but I’m not naïve enough to think that’s even remotely close to the truth. You know you think I’m the coolest person you know.”

“Geez, when did your head get so big?”

He grinned. “When Grace asked me to the Sadie Hawkins dance.”

“She did? Man, that’s awesome. You said yes, right?”

“Not yet. I figured I’d leave her hanging for a few days – you know, in case someone better asks me.”

I shook my head repeatedly as I fixed him with a steely glare.

“What?” he questioned.

“Don’t be a jerk. You like Grace. Hell, you’ve had a crush on her for years. You can’t leave her hanging like that.”

“Why not?”

“Because it’ll make you look like a jerk. Besides, who’s better than her? She’s sweet and fun, and she’s really cute.”

I watched Charlie blush. “Yeah, she is, but I sort of like someone else.”

“Oh yeah? Who’s that?”

He shook his head. “I can’t tell you. You’ll think it’s dumb.”

“No, I won’t.”

“Yes, you will.”

“Dude, I won’t. Just tell me.”

“Fine,” he said around a sigh. “But you can’t laugh.”

“I won’t laugh,” I assured him.

He sighed again. “I was sort of thinking that even though it’s a Sadie Hawkins dance, and the girls are supposed to ask the guys, I might ask someone – someone who doesn’t go to my school.”

“Who are we talking about, man?” I questioned, starting to get skeptical. Charlie wasn’t usually so vague with me.

“Kate,” he said shyly.

I felt my eyebrows rise. “My Kate?”

He nodded, and I saw him watching me in anticipation, probably waiting for me to laugh or tell him no.

“Yeah, well, we have a lot in common. She never knew her dad, and mine’s not around, and we both think you’re pretty cool. And she’s really hot. I think she might be my future wife.”

Had I been drinking anything, it probably would have sprayed out of my mouth at that pronouncement. I honestly had to fight the urge not to laugh, because I knew it would crush him, but it wasn’t easy to stifle the laughter and the words of disbelief that wanted to escape me. Not to mention the fact that if anyone was going to marry Kate, it was going to be me.

Whoa.
I was a little stunned that that revelation had actually came through as a conscious thought, considering I’d never thought it before that moment, but ever since the night before, I’d been completely out of sorts. I’d had more thoughts like that one than I could ever remember having about anyone, and it scared the shit out of me.

Of course Kate was also currently pissed at me and could possibly hate me and never want to speak to me again, so my errant and confusing thoughts where she was concerned were probably for naught. Tell that to my brain, though, because it seemed to think that not only did I want to be with her – for real – but it also had hope that I could get her to forgive me. I just had to sort through some things first, and then I could focus on apologizing to her and making things right.

“Kate? Really?” I said as calmly as I could after I’d collected myself.

Charlie nodded. “Yeah.”

“No offense, man, but I’m not sure she’s going to want to go to a middle school dance.”

Although knowing Kate, if Charlie asked her, she’d probably go with him. She was just that kind of person.

Charlie kicked the toe of his sneaker against the asphalt. “Yeah, I figured. Maybe I should just go with Grace.”

“I think you’d have fun with Grace.”

“Yeah, I guess. It was a long shot with Kate, but she’s just so pretty and cool. I liked hanging out with her a lot.”

“Yeah, me too,” I agreed, missing her more than I wanted to admit, but after she’d avoided me for four days and had blown me off the night before, I couldn’t help myself.

Charlie gave me a funny look that I couldn’t decipher.

“What?” I asked him.

“
You
like her.”

“What?” I repeated, sounding like a parrot.

Charlie smiled. “You
like
her. You like Kate.
That’s
why you don’t want me to go out with her.”

“No,” I said quickly, even though it was a complete lie – and Charlie knew it.

His smile widened. “You like her.”

I felt my mouth twist into a smirk that I couldn’t help. “Maybe. I don’t know. I don’t want to talk about this.”

“Well, I think it’s cool. If I can’t have her then I can’t think of anyone better. You’ll treat her right.”

“Dude, I have a girlfriend,” I reminded him, even though the state of my relationship with Alyssa wasn’t exactly clear and thriving.

I also hadn’t spoken to her since Sunday. It had been a quiet week, but I’d been processing everything that had happened. I was pissed at what she’d done and how she’d treated me, but aside from that, I hadn’t wanted to talk to her until I’d sorted through my feelings for Kate. Although I might have just done that. Things were starting to make sense, and I had a feeling I knew what I had to do.

Charlie rolled his eyes at my mention of Alyssa. “Just break up with her. Kate is so much better.”

“You barely know Alyssa,” I reminded him.

“I know you’ve never been happier than since you started hanging out with Kate again. And I don’t have to know Alyssa all that well to know that she’s not the one for you. You and Kate have known each other for years. You have history. That counts for something.”

He had a point, even though I’d never admit it to him.

“Can you act like an eleven year-old for once and stop giving me relationship advice?”

“Probably not. I’m wise beyond my years.”

“You’re a pain in my ass is what you are,” I said, realizing only after I’d said it that I shouldn’t have cursed.

“I’ll let that one slide,” he said jovially. “I know you’re going through a crisis of the heart, so you’re not thinking straight.”

“Oh, my God. I’m going to steal your TV so you can’t watch Dr. Raven anymore. He’s rotting your brain.”

Charlie shook his head. “I wouldn’t recommend doing that. Mom will probably forbid you from hanging out with me anymore if you killed our TV. She loves that thing.”

“Then at least get some variety in your life. Watch The Disney Channel or something.”

Charlie made a face. “Those shows are so lame. No way.”

“Well then read a book or something.”

“I read all the time. I read while Mom watches TV, but things just sort of seep in, osmosis style. I can’t help it.”

I sighed. “Fine, I’m out of ideas. Can we just play basketball? I have to get you home in an hour.”

“That’s what we came here to do. You’re the one who wanted to talk.”

I glared at him. “Very funny.”

He laughed. “I’m a riot.”

He was something alright.

* * *

“Can you come over? We need to talk.”

“Of course,” Alyssa said, her voice breathy on the other end of the line.

It had been four days since I’d seen her or talked to her. I’d wanted space, and I’d texted her not to call me or come over. I told her I’d reach out to her when I was ready to talk. I was ready.

Fifteen minutes later she was at my door. Neither of my roommates were home, so I gestured for her to take a seat in the living room.

“Do you want something to drink?”

She shook her head. “No, I’m fine.”

I nodded as I grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge and went to sit across from her.

“You wanted to talk. So let’s talk,” she said, and I could tell she was putting on a brave face, but I knew her well enough to know that she was afraid of what I was going to tell her.

“I’m sorry it’s taken me a few days to call you back. I needed to sort through some things.”

My mind flashed back to the conversation I’d had with Kate the night before. She’d stunned me more times than I thought possible, but what she’d said had been exactly what I’d needed to hear. In a way, it brought me the clarity I’d been searching for all along.

“I’m just glad you called,” Alyssa said. “I’ve been worried all week. All I could think about was that I ruined everything. I’m so sorry, Jack. I’ll never forgive myself for what I did to you.”

She seemed truly remorseful, and I appreciated that more than she could have known. That was the one thing my father never did. He never apologized.

“I know you’re sorry, and although it’s not something I’ll ever look back fondly on, I forgive you. But I also didn’t ask you to come over so we could talk about that. As far as I’m concerned, it’s in the past, and it can stay there. I asked you to come over so I could tell you the truth.”

She looked at me in confusion. “The truth?”

“About my past. I’ve told almost no one about it, and you need to know. It’s important to me that you know, because it’s a part of who I am. Even though I’ve tried to fight it for years, I can’t deny it any longer.”

“Is this about your dad? About what you told me the other night?”

I nodded. “It’s about my dad and my mom, and it’s about the things that shaped me when I was a kid.”

Then I told her everything. I told her about my dad getting back from the war and how he’d slowly deteriorated, finding comfort in the bottom of a bottle instead of with his family. I told her about the abuse. I told her what he did to my mom and me for years, and I told her about his final act of violence that took my mother from me. Then I told her about the little girl who’d saved me when I didn’t even know it was possible. I told her about sneaking into Kate’s room and letting her hold me. I told her about being scared and knowing Kate was the only person who could make me feel like my world wasn’t going to cave in, and then I told her about my first kiss. Finally, I told her about moving to Texas, about starting over, about how I’d changed my name, and about how I’d cut ties with Kate, which was the one thing in my life I truly regretted.

To her credit, she sat there and listened to it all, and when I was finished, she had tears in her eyes. “Oh, Jack,” she said softly, shaking her head. “I’m so sorry you had to go through all that.”

I nodded. “Me too. I’d never wish it on anyone.”

She nodded in agreement. “It’s sounds so awful.”

“It was,” I said blandly, because I didn’t disagree with her.

“How come you never said anything before?”