Pretend With Me (Midnight Society #1) (42 page)

“I have my reasons for letting them,” she shrugged
carelessly, yet there was something amused about her.
“How do you deal with the guilt?” I wondered. I had
killed Zane, and though he deserved to die I still felt guilty
about taking his life. He was a person and I – another
person – had taken his life.
“Guilt...” she frowned at me. “Most humans will tell
you that taking a life never gets easier… Eric will say that
it’s natural and the most powerful feeling in the world,
seductive and like a sort of high… For you though, it’s
different. No one will ever understand. Eric grew up
knowing exactly what he was and that one day blood will
be spilled by his hands... you didn’t. You grew up in the
human world... killing or hurting others… you’ve never
prepared yourself for that,” she paused again and I began
to think she was talking more to herself than to me.
“Taking a life was never in the equation for you… As
for remorse… you’ll never stop feeling it and it won’t get
easier to bear… you just have to decide if holding onto the
things you’re trying to hold onto, is worth hurting others
over... and if it is, then you have to find a way to live with
it.... In our world, there is no such thing as good or evil,
and right or wrong, there is only fighting for the things you
can’t live without and living with the consequences after...
In Thirdworld…” she mused, “you need to be selfish. You
need to think about what you want, how to get it… then
when you do have it think about how to keep it.”
Just as I was about to ask another question she stood
up, stretched and started for the door. Before I could ask,
she answered. “Your questions are exhausting. I need to
sleep now… and you need to speak to your friend…” she
trailed off disappearing through the doorway as my phone
came to life, blaring at my side.
I answered without looking at the screen and was
greeted by Charde, wanting to finalize everything for my
bachelorette party. Then just like that, my entire week was
planned, straight down to the day when I’d no longer just
be Jenifer Kate Carson. Soon I’d have a shiny new name to
add, along with a Thirdworld title.
While Eric was gone helping Katalin, I spent the next
two days with Mrs. Wilson and the wedding planner, going
through every detail of the wedding, from the security
right down to the color of the flowers and music. I was
exhausted at just the thought of how much things were
going to be happening all at once on the same day. There
were meetings after meetings with the sound and light
company, florist, photography and video people, the chef
and what felt like thousands more. Truth being told, I
hardly remembered much of it. I was present in all the
meetings and gave my input when I needed to, but I
wasn’t really into finalizing these things.
My mind was tied up thinking about Eric still being
gone, and all that Katalin had told me. Everything was just
so overwhelming and happening too fast. It felt like I was
dazed and just drifting by as the world rushed on in front
of me, making all my decisions, which was exactly what it
was, but the feeling was surreal.
I looked down at my finger and the engagement ring
glinting in the light. Looking at it now, I realized I’ve never
really looked at it before, most of the time I avoided it. It
was a vintage princess cut, silver ring that was made up of
two separate bands though they were small and delicately
joined at the top. Smaller diamonds weaved around the
main diamond at the top and then led a short trail around
the ring. It was a beautiful, gorgeous ring yet so simple.
“You're home,” Jason said at my side, breaking me out
of the trance I'd been in.
“Jason, you don’t have to stay with me,” I said as he
opened the car door for me, taking my hand and leading
me towards the front doors of the Wilson mansion.
“Are you kidding?” he frowned. “You’re a danger
magnet… you might roll down the stairs… or lock
yourself in the freezer… or fall head first into the washing
machine… I can’t leave you alone… you’ll die,” he mused
as he opened the door, standing aside to let me in first.
“And then Eric will have my balls.” Since Eric wasn’t back
yet and Katalin was still drained from being fed on, Jason
had taken over as my guard, something I still thought was
unnecessary.
“It’s nice to know you genuinely care, Jason,” sarcasm
coated my voice thickly as I stepped into the house and
instantly found myself searching for any sign that Eric was
back. I came up with nothing though. It was just after
9PM and the place was exactly how I’d left it this morning
when Jason had shown up to take me to my dress fitting.
“Self-preservation, baby,” Jason chuckled as he shoved
me towards the living room. Once there he released me
and grabbed the TV remote, then dropped down on the
sofa, making himself comfortable. He was such a couch
potato when he wanted to be. I slumped over to him,
dropping down at his side, yawning loudly, which only
made him laugh at me. “You’re such a light weight,” he
joked.
“You weren’t on your feet all day,” I yawned again.
Jason just stared at me, shaking his head for a moment.
“Go to bed, Jen, I’m sure when Eric comes back he’ll
wake you up,” he smiled at me.
I stared at him for a while, wondering how he knew I
was waiting for Eric. Charde, Emily, Amelia, and I were
supposed to leave for our trip early tomorrow morning
and I didn’t want to go without saying goodbye to Eric.
“Okay,” I nodded, standing up from the couch.
“Goodnight, Jason,” I said and then walked out of the
room.
When I got to my bedroom, I paused for a minute
outside, staring at the wooden door in contempt. Without
Eric or any of the other Wilsons here, the house was too
big. It felt too cold and spacious, and it made me feel
alone. Not wanting to feel like this anymore, I turned away
from my bedroom door and opened Eric’s.
As always, his room was perfectly organized and
cleaned. It was so tidy that it should radiate coldness, but I
didn’t feel like that. Instead, the room was filled with
warmth and comfort, everything that was Eric Wilson. It
smelled like him, and despite being alone in a giant house,
I didn’t feel so alone anymore.
I walked over to his wardrobe and found his shirts.
They were all hanging neatly and sorted by colors. Not
wanting to mess anything up, I slowly closed his wardrobe,
walked over to his bed and crawled into the middle of it.
Even this smelled like him. The last thing I remembered
before falling asleep was his scent and almost as it had
conjured him up when I did awake, it was to his voice
saying my name as his fingers gently shook me.
“I’m up,” I muttered, barely able to open my eyes.
“Charde is going to be here in half an hour…” he
explained and I groaned remembering that today we’d be
leaving for my party. “Or if you want you can cancel and
stay?” he suggested and I could hear the amusement thick
in his voice.
I sat up on the bed at once, not even wanting to think
about that offer. Eric was tempting enough. “When did
you get back? And why didn’t you wake me?” I frowned.
“About two hours ago… and I’m waking you up now,”
he chuckled, his eyes warm and easy. “Jen… why were you
sleeping in my room?” he then smirked amused.
“I… uh…” I started, too sleepy and tired to think of
any reason other than the truth. “Well you know… I just
decided to.”
“You missed me,” he beamed, pointing a finger at me
accusingly. “Admit it, Jen.”
“What?” I scoffed at him, my voice a note higher than
usual. “Pfff… as if I would ever… I mean you’re so…
OCD-ish and you know,” I muttered as I crawled off the
bed awkwardly and started for the bedroom door.
My bachelorette party with Charde, Emily, and Amelia
was amazing. When we got there, we checked into a hotel
and spent a few hours relaxing. Then later that night we
went to a nightclub called ‘Shade.’ I don’t think I ever had
that much fun in a nightclub before.
The next day we all slept until midday. Then Charde
and Amelia dragged Emily and I on a shopping trip. I
really would have preferred sleeping in, but Charde had
literally pulled me off my bed. She had also insisted that I
try on a lot of the clothes I thought were nice or the ones
she thought I would look good in. I must have came
deathly close to maxing out the credit card that Eric had
given me or I’d put a major dent in it. I wondered if he
would be mad.
Later that night was the concert and then the next day
we spent at the pool. The last night was by far the best
though. Amelia had gotten some cheesy romantic comedy
movies and we made an event out of that. The next
morning, after breakfast we started the drive back and
made it just in time for the rehearsal stuff.
Sometime during my bachelorette party, my parents
had flown into the country. They were staying at a hotel
close by, mainly because the Wilson mansion was now
fully occupied with other pureblood families who’d come
from all around the globe and even Thirdworld for the
wedding. The species didn’t stop at just purebloods
though, there were also royal witch families, royal shifters
– who I was staying away from – and some important
people from Thirdworld.
In an attempt to control all these people the security
was over the top. I thought it was bad when I had a close
guard and two far guards at school, but I’d really had no
idea. Along with all the royals that came from Thirdworld,
Katalin had brought in members of a Thirdworld army
that now patrolled the grounds constantly. That, added to
each royal family’s personal guards as well as the Wilson’s
regular guards, made everything a mad house, and none of
it made me feel any safer.
During the rehearsal dinner I kept to myself not
trusting any of these people, and once that was over and
we’d gotten back to the Wilson mansion, I’d gone straight
to my bedroom while most of my guests roamed the
house. I figured this was about the only place I could
safely hide out in since tonight Eric was having his
bachelor party with his groomsmen in the pool house.
As I crawled into bed that night, I couldn’t help but
think about what tomorrow would hold. I was going to
wake up, get dressed and walk down the aisle to the most
amazing guy I could ever dream about; someone that was
strong and powerful, who had protected me and made me
feel safe when I was my worst enemy… A guy that loved
me for everything I was, even when I was broken,
untrusting and even as I hurt him…
I was nervous like I’d never been before. My stomach
was in knots so tig ht it was almost painful. My mind was a
complete mess and just thinking about tomorrow made me
want to throw up. Any girl getting married would feel this,
but the source of my discomfort wasn’t wedding jitters...
Tomorrow was the day I would join the ranks of
Thirdworld; a dark and twisted place. I would be royalty…
a princess to one of the strongest bloodline in the
supernatural world; a world that planned to use me as a
weapon to kill, and continue on the line of succession as
its rulers saw fit. I was nowhere near ready for something
like this. Every part of my body wanted to run and hide
myself, but despite this feeling, I was going to marry Eric.
I’d do it because Eric deserved to be happy.
Once he’d told me that even though it would hurt him,
if he could call off the wedding he’d do it. He’d do if for
me, because he knew I was hurting. I didn’t want this and
regardless of the love between us this wedding was
nothing more than Thirdworld politics playing us like
puppets on a string, but I’d do it. Somehow, I would find
the will to walk down the aisle and say ‘I do’ because I
loved Eric and that was what love was. It was doing
something you didn’t want to do because it would make
the other person happy, because it would save them from
pain.

When I woke up that morning, the very first thing I
was aware of was Christy’s tiny arm wrapped around my
neck so tightly that she was almost choking me. Gently I
eased her arm loose and away from my neck. She must’ve
crawled into my bed again last night after I’d finally
managed to fall asleep.

I smiled remembering the morning I had first woken
up to find a strange yet angelic golden haired girl sleeping
on me. I had fallen in love with her from that very
moment. Christy was such a sweet child, you couldn’t help
but fall in love with her. In fact you couldn’t help but love
the entire Wilson family. It was like they had a spell around
them, making everyone take an immediate liking to them. I
guess, in the case of in-laws I could’ve gotten worse.

I hoped that I wouldn’t hurt them today. I wanted so
much to make it through the day without freaking out.
Every single cell in my body, every ounce of my soul
wanted to go through with this wedding; I prayed I had the
strength.

I stayed in bed until it was a decent time to get up, then
I gently eased off the bed, trying not to wake Christy. After
cleaning myself up, I ventured downstairs through the
staircase at the back of the mansion that led directly to the
kitchen. I was avoiding all the decorations and other
wedding details that might lead to a freak-out. I was
beyond taking it a day at a time or even an hour. I was
down to trying to survive the minutes as they came.

Just as with my engagement ball, all the walls from the
ground floor had been removed, except the ones
separating the kitchen and ballroom. I couldn’t see it, but I
knew the schematics of everything. It was all supposed to
be lavishly decorated with exotic, yet warm and comforting
flowers, lights, and a million other things that I refused to
think about right now. Even the garden at the back of the
house was supposed to have pretty water fountains;
frankly, every square foot of the property would be
decorative and fancy.

Eric and his groomsmen would be dressing at the pool
house, while my bridesmaids and I occupied the bedrooms
upstairs. I didn’t know any of my bridesmaids, save for
Charde; the one thing I’d insisted on. I suspected they
were all other purebloods from the other bloodlines, but
today was the first time I was seeing any of them.