Pretend With Me (Midnight Society #1) (38 page)

If it wasn’t for Eric being there for me, and him giving
me something to fight against I would’ve died, and not just
because Zane would have killed me, but because I would
have let him. I had completely given up on life. Daren had
to know that that would happen.

And then there were all the other emotions - the
sorrow, the grief and above all raw guilt. Daren and
Brandon didn’t deserve what happened to them. Daren
didn’t deserve to die. Brandon was beaten, tortured and
God knowswhat else. It wasn’t fair.

I blinked, staring at Zane under me as I stopped
ramming my fist into his face. Blood was soaking through
my gloves now, making it look bright crimson from my
finger tips to wrist, instead of white. Zane’s face was
completely disfigured and blood stained his entire body.
He looked worse than Brandon had that night. His eyes
were swollen partly shut, his lips were split so many times
that I couldn’t count. Huge bruises and gashes covered his
face. His eyes closed slightly and I realized that he was
about to pass out.

I couldn’t let him do that - not yet, I wasn’t finished. I
grabbed his hand, gripping his baby and ring finger in my
fingers. Without wasting a second, I bent his fingers back
breaking them. Zane screamed out in pain, jerking out of
the semi unconscious state that he had been going into.

“At least I’m not chopping them off,” I said blankly
getting off him and yanking Zoryiaa up. It was time to end
this. I held Zoryiaa in front of my body making sure that
Zane saw us. “Daren taught you how it felt to watch a
lover die… now I’m going to show you how it feels to
watch your best friend die, while you’re helpless to stop
it,” I told him. My voice and face was blank and
emotionless.

My heart squeezed in my chest, aching more and more
with each passing moment. My throat was tight and felt
swollen as I desperately fought the urge to burst out into
loud sobs. Tears filled my eyes as I raised my free hand to
Zoryiaa’s back. I took a deep breath as tears that I was
trying so hard not to let spill out, rolled down my cheeks
silently. I forced my eyes open, not knowing when I closed
them, forcing myself to stare at Zane as he watched us and
then shoved my free hand into Zoryiaa’s back, straight
through her chest. I ripped my hand out, releasing her at
the same time and she dropped to the grass, now stained
with her blood, right beside Zane.

The sight of her broken, dead body was the last thing
Zane saw before I raised my foot, stomping down on the
knife still sticking out of his throat. Without waiting to
make sure he was dead I turned, walking away. I didn’t
care whether he was dead or alive. At this point it didn’t
matter, what did was that Daren and Brandon had gotten
justice.

I walked until the rage boiling inside me dried up and
wouldn’t push me on anymore. Before I knew it; before I
even reached the gaping hole in the wall, my knees
shattered under me and I fell to the grass, giving up. I was
so confused. Everything around me was spinning in circles
and nothing made sense. It was all so surreal, like none of
it had happened. I had so many thoughts circling me and
each tugged me in a different direction.

Ever since Zane had killed Daren and Brandon, I’d
thought about this moment every night – every spare
second of my life. It was the last thought that ran through
my head before I fell asleep. I pictured getting revenge,
doing to Zane exactly what he did to me, and to Daren
and Brandon. But I’d never pictured this… at least not the
blind, hateful rage or the need for his blood… and
certainly not the emptiness after. I thought I would at least
feel something, relief maybe, or even grief, but surely not
void. Zane was dead, he was never going to hurt me again.
I was free of constantly worrying when he was going to
show up and kill me. I should feel free.

Tears streamed down my face as I gazed down at my
hands and the reality of what I did slowly began to sink in.
On my right hand, bright red now replaced the pearl white
color of the gloves I was wearing, and the left side was just
as bad. It was wet and sticking to my skin and reacting
instinctively, I yanked at the gloves literally trying to tear
them away. They weren’t coming off, almost as if the
blood had stuck them to my skin permanently, and I
realized that I’d lost the very thing I was trying so hard to
hold onto; I’d lost the last remaining piece of Jenifer
Carson.

I killed someone tonight. Although Zane and Zoryiaa
deserved to die, was killing them worth losing myself? I
had just taken the life of two persons. This wasn’t who I
was. How could I allow myself to do those horrible things
to them? I had become a monster that was so much worse.

I had been so angry with Zane. It hurt so much that
there weren’t words to describe the pain I felt and all I
think about was making him pay. I wanted him to know
what he had put me through, what he had put Daren and
Brandon through. I wanted Zane to feel as much pain as I
could make him feel. I tortured him and killed someone he
loved while he watched. I had hurt him just as much as he
had hurt me, and now I felt no remorse; instead I felt
empty, as if I had been scraped clean, like inside my body
was nothing but a dark, soulless void. I didn’t know who I
was anymore and now I felt like I was hanging on by my
fingertips at the edge of insanity.

My fingers ripped at the gloves, finally able to tear them
away only to find that my hands underneath was covered
in red too, and at the sight my throat tightened and closed.
I sucked in air desperately, trying to fill my lungs but no
matter how much I tried all I got was emptiness. Panic was
thick in me now. I couldn’t take my eyes away from my
bloody hands - it was all I saw. The sight horrified and
sickened me. My stomach turned, heaved, and then I was
throwing up until there was nothing left inside me.

Strong, firm hands gripped my shoulders from behind,
yanking me up, and spinning me around in the same
instant. I recognized Eric’s scent at once, and I grabbed
onto him immediately as though he was my lifeline. In
response his arms tightened around me as I buried my face
into his chest and cried.

“He’s dead… I killed him,” I blurted out into his chest,
the hysteria growing inside me with every word that left
my mouth.

“I know,” he said, “I saw-”
“I killed them… I’m not a killer, Eric,” I heard myself
mutter, my voice muffled and breaking. “I swear to you
I’m not… I’m not a bad person… I was so angry with him
and I didn’t... it was like I wasn’t me,” I spluttered,
desperate to make him understand and to figure out for
myself what had happened to me that I’d go this far.
“Please believe me… I couldn’t… all I could think about
was… I’m sorry, Eric…”
“Hey,” he interrupted, grabbing my face between his
hands, and holding me away from his body so that now I
was looking directly into his face. “Don’t apologize,” he
shook his head, his expression and tone almost angry with
me. “You only did what Katalin, Dean, and I wanted to
do. Zane was going to die tonight, either way… you only
got to him first,” he paused, frowning at me deeply.
His eyes bored into my face, studying me but I didn’t
know why. “And Zane was lucky it was you and not one
of us,” he snapped, jerking his head behind him. “We
wouldn’t have been as kind.”
I tore my eyes away from Eric’s face just long enough
to glance behind him to find Dean, Jason, Dina, Emily,
and Katalin staring at us. Dean and Jason were talking to
each other; Dina was staring at Zane’s body grudgingly,
and Katalin was leaning against the wall looking bored and
uninterested, even though her eyes never left me.
“Come on,” Eric said in front of me, directing my
attention back to him as he wiped away the tears staining
my face. “This isn’t over yet… there are still some loose
ends to tie up.” Without giving me a chance to respond he
stood up, pulling me to my feet after him, and led us back
towards the hall. I followed him zombie-like.
Inside the gym was a mess. There were huge pools of
blood, body parts and dead people scattered about. It w as
horrible. All the twinkling lights and decorations were
either torn down, barely hanging on, or stained with bright
red patches, though what I assumed was Dean’s pack was
now beginning to clean up the hall. They all looked like an
organized, well trained work crew. Everyone was doing
something, as if each person knew exactly what they were
supposed to be doing.
Eric led me to the corner of the room, away from
everyone. He then picked up two chairs, straightened them
so that they were now upright and facing each other, and
then sat down. Before he could pull me down on the
other, I sat down too, suddenly exhausted. “Are you hurt?
How do you feel? I can smell your blood...” he trailed off
running his eyes over me.
“Yeah, my head,” I sighed, absentmindedly reaching
for the sore spot at the back of my head. When my fingers
touched the area, I expected pain, or at the very least some
kind of feeling, instead I felt nothing. The small opening
had already healed and all that was left was the dried
blood.
“Did Zane do this?” His voice was low and casual, but
I could see anger seeping under his controlled face. I could
hear it in his voice just as plain as I heard how much he
was trying to hide it from me.
“No,” I shook my head, “I banged my head on a
table.”
“Of all the things that could hurt you tonight, a table?”
Jason asked, literally appearing at my side, flashing his
perfectly white teeth. At his sudden appearance, I would
have jumped, but I barely reacted to Jason. I was too worn
out and tired. My body refused to react to anything more
tonight. I’d had enough and all I wanted now was home
and my bed.
“Now’s not the time to be irritating her, Jason,” Eric
shook his head at him.
“Why? Is she going to go all badass pureblood on me
too?” he mocked staring at me.
“Irritate her some more and you just might find out,”
Eric grinned, turning back to me. “Do you want to rest a
bit or go home now?”
“Home,” was all I said.
“Check in with Katalin and Dean before you leave,”
Jason put in, before he winked at me, then turned and
walked off.
Eric took my hand as we both stood up, following
Jason. Members of Dean’s pack was already leaving I
realized. In fact the numbers of people in the room had
gone down significantly, making the giant ballroom almost
seem empty. Now that it wasn’t so crowded I could clearly
see the damage we’d done to it. Most of the walls were
cracked or had gaping holes in them. Tables and chairs
were thrown about, most of them broken and blood was
smeared on everything. In the middle of the room was a
row of guys, all kneeling with their hands pressed against
the back of their heads as though awaiting their execution.
Behind each one, someone stood looking down at them as
a hawkwould watch its prey.
“You cheated,” Dean’s voice drifted to me as Eric,
Jason, and I got closer to him and Katalin. They were both
casually leaning against a table, looking completely laid
back and carefree. It was weird seeing Katalin and Dean
like this. They looked almost human, like they were normal
people.
“I did no such thing, Dean-”
“What?” he cut her off, “Don’t think I didn’t see when
you held Eric back Kat. If you hadn’t he would have killed
Zane, not Jen. You cheated, you lost, and now it’s time to
pay the price.”
“Jenifer didn’t need Eric’s help. She had things
handled,” Katalin sighed and then straightened when she
saw us. I was confused for a moment. I didn’t know that
Katalin had stopped Eric from killing Zane. When had
that happened? I made a mental note to ask Eric about it
later, after we both showered and rested a bit. “Hello,
Jenifer,” Katalin said going back to the emotionless, blank,
blob that I knew. “We’re just about-” she started, then
stopped abruptly as her eyes focused on something behind
me, then in a flash she was gone.
It took me a minute to realize what was going on, and
as soon as my brain caught up with her movements, I spun
around to find her shielding my body with her own. In the
same second, Dean reacted, dashing to Katalin and
shoving her aside forcefully, knocking her to the floor as
he took her place in front of me.
As soon as Dean was there something knocked him
back with so much power that it blew him off his feet and
straight into me. We both fell to the floor in a tangled
mess. I shoved Dean off me, onto his back and let out a
loud grasp as my eyes ran over him. There was a huge
knife sticking into his chest so deep that only the hilt was
visible. Blood was instantly pouring out of the wound in
huge amounts that was already pooling around him.
Everything had happened so fast that I could barely keep
up with it.
My head snapped to where the knife had come from
and I saw that it had been one of the kneeling men. He
was already pinned to the floor by Eric, Jason, and another
guy, screaming and cursing. It took a minute to understand
what he was saying, because his words were a mixture of
English and another language. He was saying that I
shouldn’t be alive, that I wasn’t a true pureblood. That was
when Eric lifted him off the ground, snapping his neck.
Katalin ran back to Dean, dropping herself down at his
side. Without wasting a second she grabbed the handle of
the knife with both hands and yanked it out sharply and
quickly, dropping it to the ground at her side as if it
burned her. The sound of it hitting the floor seemed to be
the only noise in the room at that moment. Her hand then
balled up into a fist and she sent it hurling towards his jaw.
“Wake up,” she spat at him.
Dean immediately jerked awake, groaning as Katalin
pressed her hands over the huge gash in his chest. “Shit
Kat! That hurt,” he moaned.
“Hurt you should,” Katalin scolded. She was smiling
even though her eyes were wide with fear. “That was very
stupid. I could have taken that hit… You’ve seen me stand
alone before thousands and you jump in front of a knife
for me. Are you stupid?”
“I…” he let out a jagged breath. “I reacted… sue me,”
he groaned and then stopped, coughing up blood.
Rough, firm hands grabbed me from behind, forcing
me to my feet and dragged me away from Dean and
Katalin. I felt him trying to turn my face to him, but I
wouldn’t let him. I was barely aware of Eric’s voice asking
me if I was hurt. All I could focus on was that history was
repeating itself right before my eyes. My past was flashing
before me, just instead of Daren bleeding out on the floor
and my begging him to not die, it was Dean and Katalin
and I couldn’t rip my eyes away.
Blood was soaking Katalin’s cloak making it darker
than it already was. Dean let out a small sigh as his eyes
closed, and the entire room went even more silent, if that
was possible.
Dina was abruptly standing over them and in a broken
painful movement she fell to the floor at Dean’s side,
exactly where I’d been just seconds ago. Tears were
streaming down her cheeks and she had one hand over her
chest, clutching at the skin over her heart, almost as if she
was trying to break it out of her chest. “Katalin…” Dina’s
voice was barely a whisper. Katalin’s head snapped up at
the sound of her name and she stared at Dina as if she was
seeing her for the first time in her life.
“He’s dying… I can feel the need to claim the pack
pulling me... He’s dying…” Dina whispered, her eyes never
leaving Dean.
“No,” Katalin swallowed, her voice firm yet broken
and small. “He can’t die, I won’t let him.” Silent tears slid
down her perfect doll-like cheeks and I felt my throat
tighten.
Katalin took a deep breath, steadying herself as she
looked down at Dean’s face, her fingers twirling his silver
hair absentmindedly as she closed her eyes, swallowing. “I
need you to trust me, just this once… please don’t
question me?” Her voice was scary calm. Dina nodded
instantly and I knew – I don’t know how I knew, but I
knew – that there was bad blood between Katalin and
Dina.
More tears rolled down Katalin’s face as she opened
her eyes staring at Dina. Without a word, she raised her
hands and began fiddling with something inside of Dean’s
t-shirt, around his neck. Her hands and fingers trembled
uncontrollably and after a few seconds, she brought her
hand back, holding a silver chain with a circular tribal
pendant swaying from it. “Until Dean contacts you, you’re
in command of the pack…” she said urgently, holding the
chain out to Dina. “Go back to Thirdworld and keep up
the façade that Dean and I are there.”
“But Kat-”
“No buts, Dina, you will do as I say. Make them
believe that Dean returned with you. Do you understand?”
Dina just nodded as she took the chain Katalin offered
and literally vanished into the air.
Tears rolled down my face and I felt Eric’s hand wrap
around me tighter. Then he was suddenly pulling me
backwards, away from them again. “Jen, don’t put yourself
through this,” he begged, staring down at me. My eyes
snapped to him for a second and then I dashed out of his
arms going back to Katalin and Dean, not being able to
look away from them.
Eric grabbed me again hugging me tightly and this time
I didn’t fight him. I buried my face into his chest sobbing,
clutching unto him as if my life depended on it.
Suddenly Katalin’s head snapped up, looking around
the room. She instantly wiped her face dry and stood up. I
still had my face buried in Eric’s chest, yet I saw everything
around me clearly. It was as clear as if I was looking at it. I
wasn’t though, my entire face was pressed against Eric, yet
the scene refused to go away. I closed my eyes tighter, not
wanting to see anymore. I didn’t want to see Dean die, and
Katalin crying over him, yet in my head it played like a
movie.
“Where is Jason?” Katalin asked searching the room.
After a second, her eyes landed on him and she took a step
towards him. “I want you to feed on me, like you feed on
humans… then take whatever chi you got from me and
give it to Dean.”
“What?” Jason blurted out frowning at her as if she’d
gone mad. “I’ve never done that before… and you’re a
vampire Katalin, Dean’s a shifter. It won’t work.”
“I’m also half human. I have to believe it will.” Katalin
walked up to Jason standing directly in front of him.
“I’ve never done this Katalin... transferred someone’s
life force… I could kill you both.”
“Jason you’re an incubus, the knowledge is there. Your
ancestors have done this and so can you; you only need to
follow your instincts.”
Hesitantly, Jason nodded and then very slowly placed
his hand at the side of her neck, pulling her up on her toes
and towards him. Calculating each move, he leaned down
to her, stopping inches away from her face.
“Are you sure about this?” he asked and she nodded at
once. “Fuck,” Jason muttered and then kissed her. They
pulled away from each other after a few long seconds, and
Katalin immediately stumbled backwards dazed and
dreamily. Before she could fall Jason caught and steadied
her.
“Whoa,” she whispered opening her eyes, revealing
blue, endless pureblood eyes. She then pulled away from
him, taking a step back. “Let’s do that again…” she
whispered, almost as though she was high. In fact they
both looked high. Jason more so, as he had a lopsided grin
stretched across his lips. Katalin shook her head, “No, I
mean… Dean...” she swallowed trying to concentrate.
“Dean now.”
Jason nodded and was then instantly kneeling over
Dean’s body. His eyes glowing a soft aqua color. Jason
hesitated for a second and then began breathing over
Dean, expelling air from his mouth onto Dean’s face. At
first nothing happened but then smoke the same color as
his eyes slowly floated out from his mouth, settling unto
Dean’s face like a mask. As Jason kept breathing on him,
the glowing smoke brightened until it was not smoke
anymore, but almost like a light.
It got brighter and brighter as the seconds ticked by,
until it was like having the sun shining inches away from
my eyes. A blasting white light shot through the room
covering every square inch. I along with everyone else
instantly looked away, shielding our eyes from the blinding
glare. I hadn’t realized until now that I had stopped crying
and had turned to watch this unfolding with my body’s
eyes and not my mind’s.
The intense stinging glare vanished just as fast as it had
brightened, leaving the room almost black and my eyes
blind for a second. We all stood completely still, not sure
how to react to what w e’d just seen. Katalin was the first
to move. She walked up to Dean’s side kneeling down
beside Jason. “It actually worked, there’s not a scratch on
him,” she whispered amazed.