Precious Embrace (Embrace Series) (23 page)

Chapter Thirty-Four

Ali stared at the paused screen, shocked at how well they’d cleaned up the images of Micah’s kidnappers. She’d only gotten a few seconds to see them in person, but looking at the enhanced digital images on the news, she couldn’t believe how good they were. It was definitely worth the extra effort Shane had put into it. Now the question was, would it make any difference…or were they already in Mexico sipping margaritas?

She hit play, but paused again when the doorbell sounded.

She tiptoed over to the front door and quietly peered through the peep hole. Mark and Jamie. Right. It’s Friday. She shook her head and tugged the door open.

“Hey,” she said and smiled wide at Jamie.

“Hey,” Mark said, narrowing his eyes at her. “What’s up?”

She shrugged. “Nothing. Thanks for dropping him off even though it was my turn.”

“You didn’t want to get out of your pajamas?” he said, his eyes traveling to her bare feet then back up to her face.

“Right.” She rolled her eyes at his disapproving tone. “You got it.” She gripped the door, ready to close it and said, “See you later.”

“Wait, Ali.”

“For what?” She lifted an eyebrow at him. “I’m not in the mood for a lecture.”

“What the hell is up with you?” He sidestepped her and walked into the house. “Are you sick?”

She shut the door behind him and turned. “No, Mark.”

“You look like hell. Where’s Johnny? Where’s Micah?”

He stepped into the living room and said, “Jamie, take your stuff upstairs, I want to talk to your mom for a minute.

“Mom, can I play my game when I’m done putting my stuff away?” he said, snatching up his bag.

“Yeah, make sure you put your dirty clothes in the laundry basket. I don’t want to find a pile on your floor.”

He grinned and bolted up the stairs.

When Jamie left the room, Ali turned back to Mark, who was staring at the two faces on the TV. He bowed his head then glanced around the dark room. “Ali…”

She threw her hands into the air. “What?”

He walked over and drew the cord to open her curtains. “Why are you sitting in the dark, hiding behind a locked door alone?”

“So I haven’t dressed yet. What’s the big deal?”

“You don’t do this. You’re not this person, Al.” He walked over to Micah, who was strapped into the swing. Micah watched the exchange with little interest. “Hey, Micah.” Mark picked him up and cradled him in his arms, meeting Ali’s eyes. “Are you okay? Talk to me…what’s wrong with you?”

Why did it take the mere words
‘are you okay’
to send her into a sobbing, blubbering mess all the time? If he would’ve said anything else she could’ve convinced him she was fine. Of course Mark would know what to say to set her off.

She took a breath and tried like hell to get the words out without her chin quivering. “Nothing…just leave me alone.”

“I’m absolutely not leaving you alone. Tell me what’s going on. Where is Johnny?”

“I don’t know.” She covered her face with her hand. “He walked out on me.”

Mark walked over to the coffee table and gathered up a handful of tissue and brought them to her. “What the hell happened?”

She snatched the tissue, cleaned her face, and plopped down onto the sofa. “He got mad and stormed out. It was so stupid.”

“Why…what made him mad?”

She threw her hand up and let it drop to her lap. God the tone in his voice was so condescending. Of course he assumed everything was her fault. “I let Carl come over to see Micah.”

“Oh…” Mark said looking down at the baby still clutched in his left hand. “So let me get this straight… Carl now wants to see Micah, just out of the blue.”

“Micah is his son, Mark. The kidnapping freaked him out, now he’s feeling all…possessive about the baby.”

“Really,” Mark said. “Possessive about the baby? Or possessive about you?” Ali glanced at him out of the corner of her eye.

Mark leaned in, forcing her to meet his eyes. “Carl made it clear he didn’t want to be a father.”

“So…he changed his mind,” Ali said. “People change their minds all the time.”

“Changed his mind in two weeks?” Mark shook his head. “No, something’s not right. The same day Micah came home, Carl told me he didn’t want to be a father.”

Ali focused her eyes on his face. “What—when?”

“The last day he was here, we had a conversation about what he did to Sarah…didn’t I tell you?”

“No.”

“Carl told me you went behind his back to get pregnant even though he didn’t want a baby.”

“I was on the pill—I didn’t plan this. It just happened.” She pounded her fist to her forehead. “God, I wouldn’t do that.”

“He said as your pregnancy progressed, he got more desperate to get out of the marriage. When you went into labor he freaked out and did what he did to Sarah because that was something you would never forgive him for.”

“Oh my god,” Ali whispered and started to cry again.

“Ali, don’t.” He reached out for her, but she jerked away. “He’s a nut job. Don’t do this to yourself.”

“He’s a nut job because I made him one! Like you…like Johnny. I’m awful. Why do you stupid men fall in love with such an awful person?”

“Stop it. You’re a great person. That’s why we love you. Johnny will come around.”

“No, he’s gone.” She covered her face and wished she could shrink into the sofa and disappear. “He hates me.” She hiccupped. “—left without a second glance.”

“Maybe you should call him?”

“I didn’t tell him Carl came here to see Micah. He found out by accident.”

“Oh…” His eyebrows lifted. “So you lied about it.”

“I didn’t lie, I just didn’t tell him.”

“Bullshit.” The soft tone he had before was gone. “You know perfectly well that Johnny wouldn’t want you and Micah alone with Carl.”

“I didn’t want to fight about it.”

He chuckled without humor. “And look where that got you.”

“Oh shut up and go to hell, Mark.” She blew her nose and dropped sideways to lie down.

“You can’t lie around and cry all day. You have two kids to take care of.”

Her tears started all over again, the weight of what she’d done to the three men she had loved crushed her. “I’m so sorry I hurt you.”

“Fucking shit, you know, Ali, I’m sick to death with comforting you in all your guilt. Get over it and get on with your life, I have. If you really feel bad, get off your ass and go call Johnny.”

“No, he was hurt. Too hurt. He loves Micah so much. The look on his face when I told him Carl held the baby…uh God and I didn’t tell him about it.”

“He’s pissed off because he’s worried about you and Micah,” Mark said. “And you don’t have to give Carl visitation. He doesn’t have any rights, Ali. He abandoned Micah at birth. You don’t have to do anything. Make him take you to court.”

“That’s the really crappy part of this whole thing. I told Carl to get out and to stay away from us. I made it very clear I wasn’t giving him visitation. Of course Johnny was so pissed, he wouldn’t hear anything I had to say.”

Mark bounced Micah as Micah started to whine and chew on his fist. “You need to get up and feed this baby then spend some time with Jamie.” He started pacing with Micah. “You can work things out with Johnny after you take care of your kids.”

“There isn’t anything to work out. I can’t be with someone who walks out without trying to fix things.”

“You need to stop with your pity party and think about what he’s going through too,” Mark said meeting her eyes. “You don’t understand how much more he has to lose.”

“What are you talking about?” She stood and wrapped her robe, knotting it. “I have plenty to lose.”

“You have him to lose. He has you, Micah, and Jamie to lose. He has to figure the sooner he gets out, the less it will hurt in the long run. If you’re lying to him now he has to assume you’ll lie again.”

“I’m not trying to hurt him. I love him. I was trying to do the right thing for Micah.”

“I believe that, but Johnny has to believe it. If he feels like he can’t trust you to be honest with him, he won’t stick around and wait for you prove him wrong. The longer he’s here and the closer he gets to your kids the more it’ll hurt later if you lie again and he has to leave. He’s protecting himself.”

Johnny sat in the backyard with his beer trying to concentrate on getting past the weekend and getting to work. He’d been through his orientation and been assigned a partner, now he needed to get through the long fucking weekend so he’d have something other than Ali to think about.

He couldn’t believe Brian was his new partner. A week ago he would have been happy about it, but now he hated it. It’d be much easier to get through losing Ali with someone who didn’t know her so fucking well. But hell no, he had to be assigned the one guy who’s known Ali damn near her whole life.

Moving on without Ali was going to hurt like hell. It felt like a knife to the chest every time he thought about it. What an idiot he’d been—and he’d thought he had it all figured out. When would he learn? He thought about Micah and the knife in his chest twisted. God he missed that little boy.

He wouldn’t go to her, wouldn’t give in. She’d been wrong and he’d been right…maybe he’d been an ass about being right, but he was still right. He felt bad for walking out the way he did, but he wouldn’t—couldn’t stick around and be lied to. Withholding was the same as lying in his book. Carl was dangerous and she needed to be careful around him, which was what she didn’t seem to want to believe. God…Carl’s way was clear to her now, no obstacles.

Johnny looked up into the dark sky then back into the fire. Maybe he needed to take steps to make sure she was looked after.

After another few minutes and another beer he pulled the phone from his pocket.

“Hello,” Mark answered.

“Hey, Mark…what’s doin’?” Johnny drawled.

“Nothing, what’s up with you?”

“I need a favor, maybe you can help me.”

“What do you need?” Mark asked.

“Do you mind running over to Ali’s…check on her for me?”

“Oh—you worried about her?” Mark asked. “Maybe you should go check on her yourself?”

“Naw, that’s not a good idea,” Johnny said. “We’re sorta done.”

“Sort of?” Mark asked.

“Well, maybe not sorta…maybe just done,” Johnny said. “I am worried though. Carl’s been comin’ round and I think he’s up to something.”

“I talked to Ali earlier when I dropped Jamie off. She’s a bit of a mess, Johnny.”

“But…she’s okay, right?”

“That depends on what you mean by okay.”

“She was safe and Micah too?” Johnny felt the air in his lungs grow heavy.

“She’s a blubbering mess…but physically she’s fine.”

“Well, now…” He shifted the phone at his ear. “I am sorry to hear she’s unhappy.”

“Then go over there and talk to her.”

“No…I can’t. I need to keep my distance. Maybe Shane would keep an eye on her and the house if I asked? What does he get paid for something like that?”

“Are you that worried about Carl?” Mark asked.

“Yes, sir, I am, but she’d rather believe I’m jealous than believe he could do something wrong.”

“She wants to do the right thing, Johnny.”

“She’s doing the opposite of the right thing.”

“Well, she told him to back off. I don’t think she’s going to let him see Micah again.”

Johnny breathed a sigh of relief. “Good.”

“You should go over there. She’s really messed up about you leaving. I have never in my life seen her like that…including after Carl left her with a brand new baby.”

Johnny sat quietly for a moment, trying to find the words he needed to explain how he felt to Mark. “I’m not trying to hurt her, but I can’t play these games with her.”

“I understand…” Mark said. “But I hope you work it out. I’d hate for you both to lose what you have together.”

“We don’t have anything together anymore, it’s over,” Johnny muttered. “Just keep an eye on her for me, will you?”

“I’ll try,” Mark said before saying goodbye and hanging up.

Chapter Thirty-Five

“You should take him to school tomorrow,” Mark said as Ali cradled the phone, trying to talk and do dishes at the same time.

“What about Sarah? Can she take him?”

“Neither of us are too busy, Ali. You need to stop hiding in your house and go outside. I’m not being your enabler.”

“I’m not afraid.”

“Bullshit. Why have we been taking Jamie to school all week? When was the last time you stepped outside your house?”

“Thursday,” she said.

“Last Thursday—with Johnny. So you haven’t left the house in a week.”

“Can you just do this for me?”

“No, you need to get over it. It’s been over a month since the kidnapping—”

Ali’s phone beeped. “Can you hold? I have another call.”

“Go ahead,” Mark said.

“Hello,” Ali said drying her hands on her towel.

“Hey, it’s Brian.”

“Hi, Bri—“

“Have you heard from Bennett?” Brian said before she got her greeting out.

“No, I haven’t in several days…why?”

“What are you talking about? Aren’t you like—together?”

“Ah…no, not anymore. I haven’t seen him since last week. Is something wrong?”

“Shit! I didn’t know. I’m sorry. I guess that explains why he hasn’t mentioned you all week.”

“What do you mean…have you been hanging out with him?”

“He’s my new partner. You didn’t know?”

“No, wow…really,” she said surprised then remembered that Johnny started work that Monday.

“All right, forget it. I’ll go over there myself,” Brian said.

“What’s going on? Did something happen?”

“I’m not sure. He skipped out after our shift tonight and he seemed pretty messed up about something. I just don’t know what.”

“What happened on your shift?”

“Usual stuff…we’re investigating some drug activity downtown. We had to check out that murder scene over on Hopper.”

“Murder scene…ugh, I thought it was an apartment fire.” Ali grimaced and her stomach did flip-flops.

“Yeah, some asshole set his apartment on fire after he caught his wife in bed with some other guy.”

“Oh hell, Brian…was she killed?”

“Yeah, they both were.”

“Oh my god, that’s awful.” Ali sighed heavily into the phone. “I think I know what the problem is.”

“Enlighten me so I know what I’m walking into when I go over there.”

“Johnny’s family was killed in a house fire when he was a kid.”

“What!” Brian jostled the phone and said, “His family? You mean his parents?”

“Yeah, and his brother.”

“I had no idea.”

“That’s why his aunt and uncle raised him.”

“Damn,” Brian said.

“I know.” Ali sighed. “I think I should go over there. He might not want everyone to know about it.”

“Are you sure? I can call Sarah, she knows, right?”

“Yeah, she knows, but I’d rather go.”

“Thanks, Al. Call me if you need me.”

“I will.” She hung up the phone then jumped when it rang in her hand. “Hello.”

“Did you forget about me?” Mark asked.

“Sorry, that was Brian. Can you come over and stay with Jamie and Micah for a while? I need to go over to Johnny’s house.”

“You’re leaving the house?”

“I have to. Can you come over or not?”

“Bring them here.” She heard the smile in his voice.

“Mark, why are you being an asshole?”

“Just bring them here, Ali, it’s a good test for you. Actually, if you leave them overnight, I’ll take Jamie to school tomorrow.

“God, you’re such a jerk sometimes.” She brushed the hair off her forehead and rushed from the kitchen to throw some shoes on. “I don’t want to be away from Micah for an entire night.”

“Then forget it, I can’t babysit.”

“I don’t have time to argue about this. I need to go check on Johnny.”

“Why? I thought you weren’t speaking to Johnny right now.”

“He had a really bad shift. Brian said I should go check on him.”

“Oh…” Mark understood exactly what “a bad shift” meant for a cop. “What happened?”

“It’s a long story and I don’t have time.” She huffed and headed upstairs to pack a bag for Micah. “Call Brian if you want the details.”

“When should I expect you to get here?” Again with the freaking smile, damn she hated when he acted all arrogant like that.

“Just—fine, Mark. Give me a few, jerk.” He laughed as she hung up.

Ali quickly packed a bag for Micah and loaded the car. Once everyone was strapped in, the familiar panic set in as she backed out of the driveway. Only now she wasn’t sure if she was nervous about leaving the house or about seeing Johnny. She hadn’t seen or heard from him in several, very miserable days. She hoped and wished he’d show up unannounced and surprise her, but he never came and Ali couldn’t build up the nerve to go to him.

Besides not having the nerve, she kept reminding herself that he had walked out on her—walked out without hesitation.

What did it matter now, she was going to him because he needed her and she didn’t care about the rest. She missed the hell out of him and he needed her. She’d walk through glass if she had to at this point just to have another hour with him.

When Ali knocked on Johnny’s door, he didn’t answer. She waited and wondered if he ignored her knock on purpose. She knocked again. “Johnny, I know you’re home,” she said through the door crack. After a moment, she walked back to her car and sat for a minute. “Maybe he went for a walk?” She threw her hands in the air and muttered, “Or…maybe he hates me and won’t open the door.”

Ali glanced at the dark house and noticed the stream of smoke rising from the backyard. “Or maybe he’s in the backyard and can’t hear the door.” She walked over to the side of the house and stood on her tiptoes to peer over the fence. She didn’t see him, but she saw the roaring fire in the fire pit, which meant he wouldn’t be too far. She pulled the lever to open the gate and quietly walked through, closing the gate behind her.

She followed the brick trail around to the back of the house and saw him sitting on the furthest bench. His long legs stretched out in front of him and his hands laced behind his head. He was leaning back as if to look at the sky, but his eyes were closed. Empty beer bottles littered the lawn, a few smashed against the fence. She lost count at eight bottles.

After staring at him for several minutes she swallowed back the lump in her throat and said, “Drowning your problems, Detective?” His body gave a slight jerk and his eyes popped open.

He sat upright slowly, reaching over and taking another beer from the half empty case next to him. “So what if I am?”

“Would you rather talk to a friend?”

“I don’t have any of those.”

“Wow, I’ve really been demoted haven’t I?” she said trying not to show the hurt she felt.

“What are you doing here?”

“One of those…
non-friends
called me looking for you. He said you had a bad shift and he wanted to check on you,” Ali said. “The asshole, I can see why you’re not friends with him either.”

“I’m fine. You don’t need to worry your pretty little head about me.” His accent was thick from the beer and he gave her a sarcastic sideways look.

“I know you’re mad at me, but you don’t have to be mean.”

He gestured to her and said, “Where’s your sidekick?”

“He is staying the night at Mark and Sarah’s.”

He sat up straighter. “You left him overnight?”

She raised her eyebrows. “Baby steps…and Mark blackmailed me. He said he’d keep him overnight or not at all. I didn’t know what kind of mood you were in so I didn’t want to bring him with me.”

“I’m fine,” he said, his voice returning to the cold distant one he’d had when he first spoke to her.

She took a few steps closer. “Are you going to talk to me or continue to sit there and pout?”

“I didn’t ask you to come here. If I’m not being a good enough host then you can leave.”

Ali stepped between him and the fire, shadowing him from the light. “I’m sorry for what happened at work…that must have been hard for you.”

“You don’t need to worry about me,” he said with a slight slur in his voice.

“How many of those have you had?”

“Not enough,” he said taking another swig and standing up. He locked eyes with her for a moment, then turned and stepped up to the fire. Worry lined his face so clearly, it was all she could do not to place her finger between his brows and rub them away.

They stood quietly for a moment then he lifted the bottle to his mouth before throwing it into the fence.

It took everything she had not to jump in surprise. She reached out to touch his arm. “Will you talk to me?”

“Just go—just leave me the hell alone.”

“I can’t leave you when you’re like this.”

“Why not?” he asked in a raised voice.

“Why do you think? I love you. I’m worried about you.”

“Shut up,” he muttered. “I don’t have the strength for this tonight.”

“Strength for what? Talking to me?” she said. “I didn’t realize conversation with me was such a challenge.”

Johnny slowly moved over to the case of beer and grabbed another one and opened it, throwing the cap into the fire. “Well it is”—he slurred—“just go away.” He turned and walked into the shadows of the back yard, out of the reach of the firelight.

Ali tried not to be hurt by his attitude. He’d had a rough night; the reminder of how he’d lost his parents couldn’t have been easy to swallow. She thought about what Mark had said about Johnny losing her and the kids, and realized how right he was. Johnny certainly did have much more to lose than she. He had already lost one family, and here she was dangling another one over his head like a carrot. Of course he’d leave…self preservation. She slid down on the bench and stared at the fire, trying to will away her tears before facing him again.

Stop being a coward…go face him.
She rubbed a hand over her face and stood back up, walking into the darkness to find him.

“No,” he said, stepping away from her when she came up behind him.

“I’m sorry.”

“Yeah, you already said that.”

“I’m sorry for all the other stuff.” Her voice sounded nasally, and for a moment she wished she had one of his beers. “I’m sorry for what happened.”

“No…I don’t believe you are.” He laughed without the slightest bit of humor and said, “You’re not here for that. You’re here to make sure I don’t put my pistol in my mouth.”

Her hand immediately shot to her chest. She gasped as all the air left her lungs, but she managed to stutter out, “Don’t say that.”

“I’m fine. You can go without the guilt. I’ll get up in the morning and go to work and Brian will never be the wiser.”

“Stop, damn it!”

He started to walk away, but she grabbed his arm and tried to turn him around.

“Don’t,” he said in a warning tone.

“Don’t what?” She pushed his shoulder. “Don’t what, Johnny?” She pushed him again out of frustration. “Don’t care about you? Don’t love you? Don’t miss you—don’t what?”

“Don’t touch me,” he said.

“Why?” she asked pushing him again. “At least it gets a reaction out of you.”

“I told you I can’t do this now.” He sounded so defeated and that pissed her off even more.

“I want to help you. I love you.”

He spun around to face her. “I don’t need your help! I needed your honesty, I needed you to have my back, and I needed you to trust me and second guess him, not the other way around”—he threw his hands up—“forget it!”

“Is that what you think?” she shouted back at him, grabbing his arm as he stalked away from her.

He looked down at her hand. “You’re pushing your luck, woman.”

“What are you going to do?” She shoved him again. “Fucking talk to me!” Her voice shook in anger and fear, so much so that she had trouble taking a deep breath.

Johnny turned around and she wished she could see his eyes in the dark. She didn’t know how to read him without being able to really see him.

“Why are you doing this to me?”

Ouch. She no longer needed to see him to understand. His voice gave him away. He’d never sounded so weary and broken down. And as bad as it made her feel, it also made her angrier. “Why did you leave me without fighting?” She removed her hand from his arm and placed it on her hip. “Am I not worth a fight to you?”

“You said it yourself, he is Micah’s father. I can’t compete with biology. Why stay and fight if I don’t have a chance.”

He should have been a lawyer, with his ability to twist her words. Angry tears flowed now, and her hands shook so hard she could hardly control them.

When he turned to walk away she said, “How did I fall in love with someone so weak?”

He turned back. “What did you say?”

“You’re a fucking coward.” She lunged forward and hit him in the chest with both hands as a sob broke from her chest. He tried to grab her hands but she turned and started running.

Johnny grabbed her and spun her back around.

“No! I’m leaving!” she shouted as she swung out at him again, making contact with his face this time.

The contact fueled her fire and she slapped him a second time. Johnny scooped her legs out from under her, sending her to the ground and landing on top of her. It happened too fast for her to react, but then he grinded against her and covered her mouth with his, parting her lips with his tongue.

Heat rushed her face, and slowly flushed her entire body.

“I told you you’re pushing your luck, woman.”