Practical Magic (21 page)

He’s been calling out horrible things to her all along, but suddenly he stops talking, he’s dead silent, and Kylie knows this is it. He’s running really fast, she can feel him; he’s going to get her now, or he’s not going to get her at all. Kylie’s breathing is shallow and panicky, but she takes a single deep breath, and then she turns. She turns quickly, she’s almost running to him, and he sticks his arms out, to catch her, but she loops around, toward the Turnpike. Her legs are so long she could sidestep ponds and lakes. With one good leap she could be up there where there are stars, where it’s cold and clear and constant, and things like this never, ever happen.

By the time he’s close enough to reach out and grab her shirt, Kylie has made it to the Turnpike. A man walking his golden retriever is just down the street. At the corner, a gang of sixteen-year-old boys is heading home from the town pool after swim team practice. They would surely hear Kylie if she screamed, but she doesn’t have to. The man who’s been following her stays where he is, then retreats, back into the weeds. He’ll never get her now, because Kylie is still running. She runs through the traffic, and along the opposite side of the street; she runs past the tavern and the supermarket. She doesn’t feel she can stop, or even slow down, until she’s inside the ice cream parlor and the bell over the door jingles to signify that the door has opened and is now closed tight behind her.

She has mud all over her legs, and her breathing is so shallow that each time she inhales she wheezes in some strangled way, like rabbits when they pick up the scent of a coyote or a dog. An elderly couple sharing a sundae look up and blink. The four divorced women at the table by the window appraise what a mess Kylie is, then think of the difficulties they’ve been having with their own children, and decide, all at once, that they’d better set out for home.

Antonia hasn’t been paying much attention to the customers. She’s smiling and leaning her elbows on the counter, the better to gaze into Scott Morrison’s eyes as he explains the difference between nihilism and pessimism. He’s here every night, eating rocky road ice cream and falling more deeply in love. They have spent hours making out in the front and back seats of Scott’s mother’s car, kissing until their lips are fevered and bruised, getting their hands into each other’s pants, wanting each other so much that they’re not thinking of anything else. In the past week, Scott and Antonia have both had incidents where they crossed the street without looking both ways and were frightened back to the sidewalk by a blaring horn. They’re in their own world, a place so dreamy and complete they don’t have to pay attention to traffic, or even to the fact that other human beings exist.

Tonight, it takes a while for Antonia to realize it’s her sister standing there, dripping mud and weeds onto the linoleum floor that Antonia is responsible for keeping clean.

“Kylie?” she says, just to make certain.

Scott turns to look and then understands that the weird noise he’s been hearing behind him, which he thought was the rattling air conditioner, is someone’s ragged breathing. The scratches along Kylie’s legs have begun to bleed. Chocolate frosting is smeared over her shirt and her hands.

“Jesus,” Scott says. He’s been thinking on and off about med school, but, when it comes right down to it, he doesn’t like the surprises human beings can throw at you. Pure science is more his speed. It’s a whole lot safer and more exact.

Antonia comes out from behind the counter. Kylie just stares at her, and in that instant, Antonia knows exactly what’s happened.

“Come on.” She grabs Kylie’s hand and pulls her toward the back room, where the cans of syrup and the mops and brooms are kept. Scott is following.

“Maybe we’d better take her over to the emergency room,” he says.

“Why don’t you go behind the counter?” Antonia suggests. “Just in case there are any customers.”

When Scott hesitates, Antonia has no doubt that he’s fallen in love with her. Another boy would turn and run. He’d be grateful to be released from a scene like this.

“Are you sure?” Scott asks.

“Oh, yes.” Antonia nods. “Very.” She pulls Kylie into the storeroom. “Who was it?” she asks. “Did he hurt you?”

Kylie can smell chocolate, and it’s making her so nauseated she can barely stand up straight. “I ran,” she says. Her voice is funny. It sounds as if she were about eight years old.

“He didn’t touch you?” Antonia’s voice sounds funny, too.

Antonia hasn’t turned on the light in the storeroom. Moonlight filters through the open window in waves, turning the girls as silver as fish.

Kylie looks at her sister and shakes her head no. Antonia considers the countless horrible things she’s said and done, for reasons she herself doesn’t understand, and her throat and face become scarlet with shame. She never even thought to be generous or kind. She would like to comfort her sister and give her a hug, but she doesn’t. She’s thinking, I’m sorry, but she can’t say the words out loud. They stick in her throat because she should have said them years ago.

All the same, Kylie understands what her sister means, and that’s the reason she can finally cry, which is what she’s wanted to do since she first began running in the field. When she’s done crying, Antonia closes up the shop. Scott gives them a ride home, through the dark, humid night. The toads have come out from the creek, and Scott has to swerve as he drives, and still he can’t avoid hitting some of the creatures. Scott knows something major has happened, although he’s not clear on what. He notices that Antonia has a band of freckles across her nose and cheeks. If he saw her every single day for the rest of his life, he would still be surprised and thrilled each time he looked at her. When they get to the house, Scott has the urge to get down on his knees and ask her to marry him, even though she has another year of high school to go. Antonia’s not the girl he thought she was, a bratty, spoiled kid. Instead, she’s somebody who can make his pulse go crazy simply by resting her hand on his leg.

“Turn your lights off,” Antonia tells Scott as he pulls into the driveway. She and Kylie exchange a look. Their mother has come home and left the porch light on for them, and they have no way of knowing that she’s gone off to bed exhausted. For all they know, she may be waiting up for them, and they don’t want to face someone whose worry will outweigh their own fear. They don’t want to have to explain. “We’re avoiding dealing with our mom,” Antonia tells Scott.

She kisses him quickly, then carefully opens the car door, so it won’t creak as it usually does. There’s a toad trapped beneath one of Scott’s tires, and the air feels watery and green as the sisters run across the lawn, then sneak into the house. They find their way upstairs in the dark, then lock themselves in the bathroom, where Kylie can wash the mud and chocolate off her arms and face, and the blood off her legs. Her shirt is ruined, and Antonia hides it in the trash basket, beneath some tissues and an empty shampoo bottle. Kylie’s breathing is still off; there’s a ripple of panic when she inhales.

“Are you all right?” Antonia whispers.

“No,” Kylie whispers back, and that makes them both laugh. The girls put their hands over their mouths to ensure that their voices won’t reach their mother’s bedroom; they wind up doubled over and out of breath, with tears in their eyes.

They may never talk about tonight, and yet, all the same, it will change everything. Years from now, they’ll think of each other on dark nights; they’ll telephone one another for no particular reason, and they won’t want to hang up, even when there’s nothing left to say. They’re not the same people they were an hour ago, and they never will be. They know each other too well to turn back now. By the very next morning that edge of jealousy Antonia has been dragging around with her will be gone, leaving only the faintest green outline on her pillow, in the place where she rests her head.

In the days that follow, Kylie and Antonia laugh when they meet accidentally, in the hallway or in the kitchen. Neither hogs the bathroom or calls the other names. Every evening after supper, Kylie and Antonia clear the table and wash the dishes together, side by side, without even being asked. On nights when the girls are both at home, Sally can hear them talking to each other. Whenever they think someone might be listening, they stop speaking all at once, and yet it still seems as though they are communicating with each other. Late at night Sally could swear that they tap out secrets on their bedroom walls in Morse code.

“What do you think is going on?” Sally asks Gillian.

“Something weird,” Gillian says.

Just that morning, Gillian noticed that Kylie was wearing one of Antonia’s black T-shirts. “If she catches you wearing that, she’ll tear it right off your back,” Gillian informed Kylie.

“I don’t think so.” Kylie shrugged. “She’s got too many black shirts. And anyway, she gave this one to me.”

“What do you mean by weird?” Sally asks Gillian. She was up half the night making lists of what could be affecting the girls. Cults, sex, criminal activity, a pregnancy scare—she’s been through every possibility in the past few hours.

“Maybe it’s nothing,” Gillian says, not wanting Sally to worry. “Maybe they’re just growing up.”

“What?” Sally says. Just the suggestion makes her feel skittish and upsets her in a way pregnancies and cults simply can’t. This is the possibility she’s avoided considering. She cannot believe Gillian’s talent for always saying the exact wrong thing. “What the hell is that supposed to mean? They’re kids.”

“They’ve got to grow up, eventually,” Gillian says, stumbling in deeper. “Before you know it, they’ll be out of here.”

“Well, thanks for your expert parenting advice.”

Gillian doesn’t catch the sarcasm; now that she’s begun, she has another recommendation for her sister. “You need to stop focusing so much on being just a mom, before you shrivel into dust and we have to sweep you up with a broom. You should start to date. What’s holding you back? Your kids are going out—why not you?”

“Any more words of wisdom?” Sally is such pure ice even Gillian can’t fail to notice she’s getting frozen out.

“Not one.” Gillian backs off now. “Not a syllable.”

Gillian has the urge for a cigarette, then realizes she hasn’t had one in nearly two weeks. The funny thing is, she’s stopped trying to quit. It’s looking at all those illustrations of the human body. It’s seeing those drawings of lungs.

“My girls are babies,” Sally says. “For your information.”

She sounds a little hysterical. For the past sixteen years—except for the one year when Michael died and she went so inside herself she couldn’t find her way out—she has been thinking about her children. Occasionally she has thought about snowstorms and the cost of heat and electricity and the fact that she often gets hives when September closes in and she knows she has to go back to work. But mostly she’s been preoccupied with Antonia and Kylie, with fevers and cramps, with new shoes to buy every six months and making sure everyone gets well-balanced meals and at least eight hours of sleep every night. Without such thoughts, she’s not certain she will continue to exist. Without them, what exactly is she left with?

That night Sally goes to bed and sleeps like a stone, and she doesn’t get up in the morning.

“The flu,” Gillian guesses.

From beneath her quilt, Sally can hear Gillian making coffee. She can hear Antonia talking to Scott on the phone, and Kylie running the shower. All that day, Sally stays where she is. She’s waiting for someone to need her, she’s waiting for an accident or an emergency, but it never happens. At night, she gets up to use the toilet and wash her face with cold water, and the following morning she goes on sleeping, and she’s still sleeping at noon, when Kylie brings her some lunch on a wooden tray.

“A stomach virus,” Gillian suggests when she comes home from work and is informed that Sally will not touch her chicken noodle soup or her tea and has asked for the curtains in her room to be drawn.

Sally can hear them still; she can hear them right now. How they whisper and cook dinner, laughing and cutting up carrots and celery with sharp knives. How they wash all the laundry and hang the sheets out to dry on the line in the yard. How they comb their hair and brush their teeth and go on with their lives.

On her third day in bed, Sally stops opening her eyes. She will not consider toast with grape jelly, or Tylenol and water, or extra pillows. Her black hair is tangled; her skin pale as paper. Antonia and Kylie are frightened; they stand in the doorway and watch their mother sleep. They’re afraid any chatter will disturb her, so the house grows quieter and quieter still. The girls blame themselves, for not being well behaved when they should have been, for all those years of arguing and acting like selfish, spoiled brats. Antonia phones the doctor, but he doesn’t make house calls and Sally refuses to get dressed and go to his office.

It is nearly two a.m. when Gillian gets home from Ben’s house. It’s the last night of the month, and the moon is thin and silvery; the air is turning to mist. Gillian always comes back to Sally’s place; it’s like a safety net. But tonight Ben told her he was tired of the way she always left as soon as they were finished in bed. He wanted her to move in with him.

Gillian thought he was kidding, she really did. She laughed and said, “I’ll bet you say that to all the girls, after you’ve fucked them twenty or thirty times.”

“No,” Ben said. He wasn’t smiling. “I’ve never said it before.”

All day long Ben had had the feeling that he was about to either lose or win, and he couldn’t tell which it would be. He put on a show at the hospital this morning, and one of the children, a boy of eight, wept when Ben made Buddy disappear into a large wooden box.

“He’ll be back,” Ben assured this most distraught member of his audience.

But the boy was convinced that Buddy’s reemergence was impossible. Once someone was gone, he told Ben, that was the end of him. And in the case of this boy, the theory was irrefutable. He’d been in the hospital for half his life, and this time he would not be going home. Already, he was leaving his body; Ben could see it just by looking at him. He was disappearing by inches.