Poking a Dead Frog: Conversations with Today's Top Comedy Writers (55 page)

A book is never easy to write in the best of circumstances, and it’s even more difficult when one doesn’t have assistance. Luckily, I had plenty, and I’d like to thank those who contributed and, in the process, made my life easier:

To all who sat for endless interviews

Louise Pomeroy, for her beautiful illustrations

Eric Spitznagel, for researching and co-writing the interview introductions

Lauren Mosko Bailey, for the first copyedit

Lindsey Schwoeri, for the full edit

Douglas Clark, for additional editing

S. P. Nix, for the final edit

Steve Heisler (UCB LA, Splitsider), for greatly assisting me with many of the “Pure, Hard-Core Advice” entries

Bradford Evans, for additional help with the “Pure, Hard-Core Advice” entries

Seth Olenick, for spending an afternoon photographing Jon Hamm in his undershirt (must have been rough)

Jon Hamm, for spending an afternoon with Seth, posing in your undershirt (must have been rough, no sarcasm intended)

Byrd Leavell at Waxman Leavell Literary Agency

To Shimmy, Meir, Alan, Sarah, Brandon, Cindy, Kevin, Bonnie, Howard, Reva, Ken, Jamie, Lauren, Carli, Rafi, Stacey, Bess, Chris, Bob, Marisa, Alex, Christina, Scott, Jen, Stacey

Ellie and John

Ted Travelstead and Julie Wright

Laura Griffin, Scott Jacobson, Todd Levin, Jason Roeder, Will Tracy

Robert Walsh

John Banta

Adam Resnick

Justin, Brendan, Simon, Sue, Michelle, Mary, Alison, David, David, Marnie, Ben, Matt, Michelle, Walter, Louisa, Callie, Jeannie, Bruce, Dana, Jack, Wayne

Gloria and Maria Ayalde, Connell Barrett, Alex Beggs, Melanie Berliet, Steve Bopp, Bill Bradley, Mr. and Mrs. Catfish, Jason Cronic, Brad Engelstein, Adam Frucci, Bruce Handy, Jane Herman, Mike Hogan, Katie I., Todd Jackson, Marco “Meatball” Kaye, Rob Kutner, Austin Merrill, Gina Merrill, John O’Hara, Nathan Rabin, Julian Sancton, Mark Selby, Mark Simonson, Elaine Trigiani, Marie Warsh, Teddy Wayne, Steve Whitesell, Steve Wilson, Claire Zulkey, the library at Montgomery Community College in Rockville, (And Presenting . . . Danny Haynes & Kim Woodman, live in the Gold Room)

Dan Abramson, Lauren Bans, Yoni Brenner, Michelle Brower, Rocco Castoro, Dick Cavett, Michael Colton, Phil Davidson, Gabe Delahaye, Andrés du Bouchet, Janice Forsyth, Michael Gerber, Courtenay Hameister, Jack Handey, A.J. Jacobs, Al Jaffee, Dan Kennedy, Adam Laukhuf, Dan Lazar, Gabe Liedman, Ross Luippold, Merrill Markoe, Sam Means, Daniel Menaker, Richard Metzger, Christopher Monks, Kliph Nesteroff, Don Novello, Dave Nuttycombe, Dan O’Brien, Tony Perez, Alana Quirk, Jason Reich, Eric Reynolds, Simon Rich, David Sedaris, Streeter Seidell, Andrea Silenzi, Becki Smith and Rob Caldwell at WCSH, John Swartzwelder, John Warner, John Waters (and the staff and clientele at the Wigwam), Jim Windolf, Jon Wurster

Andrew Clark and the students and staff of Humber College

Transcribers (a huge thanks): Michal Tamar Addady, Michael Bannett, Caitlin Murphy Brust, Monica Giacomucci, Elizabeth Meley, Maggie Phenicie, Sean Michael Simoneau, Darren Springer

Hair by Keith at Smile

To the upstanding citizens of the planned community of New Granada (“Tomorrow’s City . . . Today”)

Charlie Cocoa; Fritzy the Bumblebee and The Professor, 143

Contact Information

Steve Heisler, writer: steveheisler.com

Seth Olenick, photographer: www.setholenick.com

Louise Pomeroy, illustrator: www.louisezpomeroy.com

Eric Spitznagel, writer: www.ericspitznagel.com

mikesacks.com

A member of the editorial staff at
Vanity Fair
magazine, Mike Sacks is the author of
Your Wildest Dreams
,
Within Reason
, and
And Here’s the Kicker: Conversations with 21 Humor Writers About Their Craft
. His work has appeared in
The New York Times
,
The Washington Post
,
The New Yorker
,
Time
,
Esquire
,
Vanity Fair
,
GQ
, the
Believer
,
Vice
,
Salon
, and
McSweeney’s
, among others. He is not pictured here.

2
In a backstory on
Parks
, the character of Ben Wyatt becomes the mayor of Partridge, Minnesota, at age eighteen, but is quickly impeached after bankrupting the town by building a disastrous winter sports complex called Ice Town.

3
Emily Kapnek: “Mike read a TV pilot of mine called
Wiener Park
, which actually wound up getting shot [in 2005, but was never aired]. The joke that Mike liked wasn’t really a joke but more of a funny moment: The dad character offers to show his house guest a home video of his son playing clarinet in a school talent show. The guest agrees to watch the video, but it’s very uneventful. In fact, nothing appears to be happening, but the dad turns to the guest and proudly points out: ‘He’s wetting the reed.’”

4
From
The Loss of the SS Titanic: Its Story and Its Lessons by One of the Survivors,
by Lawrence Beesley, Houghton Mifflin Harcourt, June 1912: “To illustrate further how little danger was apprehended—when it was discovered on the first-class deck that the forward lower deck was covered with small ice, snowballing matches were arranged for the following morning, and some passengers even went down to the deck and brought back small pieces of ice which were handed round.”

5
George: “Ordinarily I wouldn’t mind, but . . .”

Jerry: “But what?”

George: “Well, I just got back from swimming in the pool. And the water was cold . . .”

Jerry: “Ah. You mean . . . shrinkage?”

George: “Yes.
Significant
shrinkage.”

Jerry: “So you feel you were shortchanged.”

George: “Yes. I mean, if she thinks that’s me, she’s under a complete misapprehension. That was not me, Jerry. [Voice breaking] That was not me!”

6
In the routine, Bruce describes the character’s new house in Sherman Oaks, California, as the following: “The pool isn’t in yet, but the patio’s dry.” The Rolling Stones’ Keith Richards, thirteen years later, used a slightly different version when writing the lyrics to 1981’s “Little T&A”: “The pool’s in, but the patio ain’t dry.”

7
Jon Wurster: “There were years when I constantly worried about whether I’d ever realize my dreams. I applied to become a writer on
The Daily Show
. I wrote a sample packet, but stopped midway through. I wasn’t very excited about it. I’m not a super newsy guy. It took me forever to come up with one desk piece. And I realized that I’d probably never be able to ever function in that world. But I think that’s a good lesson. You don’t have to take the route that others might think you should take. We’re so ingrained to think that we have to do things the exact way of the status quo, but 80 percent of the status quo is miserable, you know? Everything came together for me when I stopped caring about it. I was really worried about making a living in music and writing comedy. I was just constantly worried. And then when I stopped worrying about it, that’s when all the music gigs came and that’s when
The Best Show
started to take off. When I gave up worrying about it all is when it all got better.”

8
“Friedolf & Sons has
never
lost a pair of shoelaces in over forty-seven years of operation.”

9
“When did comedies get so mean?
Step Brothers
has a premise that might have produced a good time at the movies, but when I left, I felt a little unclean. . . . Sometimes I think I am living in a nightmare. All about me, standards are collapsing, manners are evaporating, people show no respect for themselves. I am not a moralistic nut. I’m proud of the X-rated movie I once wrote [1970’s
Beyond the Valley of the Dolls
]. I like vulgarity if it’s funny or serves a purpose. But what is going on here?”—Roger Ebert,
Chicago Sun Times,
July 24, 2008.

10
Some
Mad
rip-offs since 1959:
Blast
(mascot: Mr. Muggles)
, Bughouse, Crazy
(mascot: Obnoxio the Clown),
Eh!, Flip, Frantic, Gag!, Get Lost, Glad, Grin, Help!, Humbug
(mascot: Seymour Mednick)
, Madhouse
(mascot: Clyde Diddit)
, Not Brand Ecch, Nuts!, Panic, Plop!, Ratfink, Riot, Snafu
(mascot: Irving Forbush),
Thimk
(mascot: Otis Dracenstein)
, Trash
(mascot: Norman Nebish),
Trump
(mascot: Jack of Spades)
, Whack, Wild
(mascot: Orton Leffield)
, Zany.

11
Summary on the Netflix DVD cover of
Ghost World
: “Geeky humor that really snarls pervades this movie riff on the legendary underground comic/graphic novel by Daniel Clowes. . . . But when Enid begins to bond with one of [her] targets, watch out—teen angst might give way to real feeling.”

12
The
Fresno Bee,
March 21, 1994:
“
Yearn to experience botulism, but just can’t bring yourself to open a tin of spoiled meat? Try
Cabin Boy
instead. This movie gives you all the hallucinatory, nonsequential and senseless perceptions that come as a byproduct of a severe bacterial infection, without the chance that you might actually, you know, die. . . .”

13
Jack Handey’s Fuzzy Memory: “I remember when we were kids, one of our favorite games was to play ‘pirate.’ We’d dress up like pirates. Then we’d find an adult walking down the street and we’d go up to him and pull out our butcher knives, which we called ‘swords,’ and say, ‘We’re pirates! Give us your money!’ A lot of adults would pretend to be scared and give us their money. Others would suddenly run away, yelling for help. We played pirate until we were twenty or so.”

14
A Dan Guterman’s Tweet:

I don’t need drugs to have a good time. I need them to focus, avoid depression, endure spring, fall asleep, and maintain an erection.

1
Megan Ganz, writer for
Community
: “The best thing I ever learned about script writing has come from working on
Community
. The creator, Dan Harmon, had us write these things called ‘spit drafts,’ which is basically an outline for your script. It’s the shape of that script. You write out the script scene by scene with dummy dialogue that you’ll later replace with actual jokes. For instance, the character of Jeff walks into the room, and Jeff says, ‘Here’s the point where I say that we should all go get a sandwich.’ And then the character of Annie will say, ‘I don’t want to do that.’ And then another character will say, ‘I have a joke here.’ You can have them do whatever you want, but you just have to get through the scene and have all of what needs to happen in that scene baldly stated.

“If you can’t get through a script that way, then chances are your story doesn’t work. If you’re stuck and you feel like you have writer’s block, this is a really helpful method because it distinguishes between, ‘Okay, do you have story problems or are you having a hard time writing the dialogue?’ Also, when you write really quickly, you end up writing really good jokes anyway; it’s almost as if you trick your brain into thinking that it doesn’t matter.”