Playing Well With Others (59 page)

Nina Hartley’s Guide to Total Sex,
by Nina Hartley. Avery Trade, 2006.

Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life,
by Marshall B. Rosenberg, Ph.D. Puddledancer Press, 2nd edition, 2003.

Opening Up: A Guide to Creating and Sustaining Open Relationships,
by Tristan Taormino. Cleis Press, 2008.

Our Bodies, Ourselves,
by Boston Women’s Health Book Collective and Judy Norsigian. Touchstone, 40
^th
anniversary edition, 2011.

Pagan Polyamory: Becoming a Tribe of Hearts,
by Raven Kaldera. Llewellyn Publications, 2005.

Partners in Power: Living in Kinky Relationships
, by Jack Rinella. Greenery Press, 2003.

Radical Ecstasy: SMJourneys In Transcendence,
by Dossie Easton and Janet W. Hardy. Greenery Press, 2004.

Sex for One: The Joy of Selfloving,
by Betty Dodson. Three Rivers Press, 1996.

Swinging for Beginners: An Introduction to the Lifestyle,
by Kaye Bellemeade. New Tradition Books, 2003.

The Ultimate Guide to Kink: BDSM, Role Play and the Erotic Edge,
by Tristan Taormino. Cleis Press, 2012.

Urban Tantra: Sacred Sex for the Twenty-First Century,
by Barbara Carrellas. Celestial Arts, 2007.

Wild Side Sex: The Book of Kink: Educational, Sensual, and Entertaining Essays,
by Midori. Daedalus Publishing, 2005.

4B. Websites and Social Media

As the Internet and other forms of media are changing all the time, the following is not a comprehensive list. Use your search engines, and remember the information in
Chapter 5
for managing your virtual self, before venturing out onto the kinky Internet!

•
AltSex specific social media and connection sites

Alt.com

Bondage.com

CollarMe.com

DarkSide.se

FetLife.com

FetishMen.net

KinkCulture.com

PolyMatchmaker.com

Recon.com

SwingLifestyle.com

•
Dating/hookup sites that have a visible kink presence

AdultFriendFinder.com

CraigsList.com
— Personals Section

Grindr.com

ManHunt.com

OKCupid.com

PlentyOfFish.com

•
Finding Kink Events

The BDSM Events Page —
TheBDSMEventsPage.com

Caryl’s Page —
DrkDesyre.com

Fetlife —
FetLife.com

Leatherati — Leatherati.com

MALL directory on Fetlife —
FetLife.com/groups/28108

Swinger Lifestyle —
SwingerLifestyle.com

•
Kink and AltSex Information

BDSM Information:

Fetlife —
FetLife.com

Myths Debunked —
BDSMDebunkingTheMyths.com

Robert Bienvenu —
SexResearch.us

Women’s History in SF —
TheExiles.org/history

Leather History and Resources

Carter/Johnson Leather Library —
LeatherLibrary.org

Colors of Leather, Leather History Page —
ColorsOfLeather.com

Gay Leather Fetish History —
CuirMale.nl

Leather and Roses —
LeatherNRoses.com

Leather Archives and Museum —
LeatherArchives.org

Leather Clubs —
LeatherClubs.net

Masters and Slaves Together —
MaST.net

Women’s Leather History Project —
LeatherArchives.org/wlhp

Polyamory, Swinging and Open Relationships:

Anita Wagner’s Practical Polyamory —
PracticalPolyamory.com

Liberated Christian’s History of Swinging —
LibChrist.com/swing/began.html

Loving More Magazine and Conference —
LoveMore.com

Open Relationships Resources —
LifeOnTheSwingset.com

Swinger Lifestyle —
SwingerLifestyle.com

Tristan Taormino’s Polyamory Resources —
OpeningUp.net

•
Kink and AltSex Podcasts

The Big Little Podcast —
BigLittlePodcast.com

The Dark Side —
TheDarkSidePodcast.podbean.com

Dart’s Domain —
DartsDomain.com

Erotic Awakening (featuring Lee and Mollena) —
EroticAwakening.com

Fetish Flame (archive) —
FetishFlame.com

Freedom of Fetish —
FreedomOfFetish.com

Kink Academy —
KinkAcademy.com

Kink On Tap —
KinkOnTap.com

Masocast —
Masocast.com

The Midwest Teen Sex Show —
MidwestTeenSexShow.com

Open Source Sex with Violet Blue —
VioletBlue.libsyn.com

Polyamory Weekly —
PolyWeekly.com

Rev. Mel —
TalkingSexRadio.com

Rope Cast —
RopeCast.net

The Young and Kinky Podcast (archive) —
YoundAndKinky.blogspot.com

•
Kink and AltSex Blogrolls and Blogs

Lee Harrington —
PassionAndSoul.com

Mollena Williams —
Mollena.com

Sex Carnival Blogroll —
TheSexCarnival.com

Top Sex Bloggers —
BetweenMySheets.com

AAG Blog —
AAGBlog.com

Barking Shaman, Wintersong Tashlin —
BarkingShaman.com/blog

Could Be Dangerous . . . —
DangerousLilly.com

Diary of a Kinky Librarian —
DiaryOfAKinkyLibrarian.com

Exploring Intimacy, Dr. Ruth Neustifter —
ExploringIntimacy.com

Jiz Lee —
JizLee.com

Leatherati Blog —
Leatherati.com/leatherati_issues

Purveyor Of Pleasure, Scarlet Lotus —
OfPleasure.com

Race Bannon —
Bannon.com

Raven Kaldera —
PaganBDSM.org

Reid About Sex, Reid Mihalko —
ReidAboutSex.com

Say Nine —
Say-Nine.com

SexGenderBody —
SexGenderBody.com

Sex Is Magazine —
EdenFantasys.com/sexis

Shanna Katz —
ShannaKatz.com

The Spanking Writers —
SpankingWriters.com

Tony Buff —
TonyBuff.com

Violet Blue —
TinyNibbles.com

•
Other Useful Resources

BDSM Library (erotica) —
BDSMLibrary.com

Center for Sex and Culture —
SexAndCulture.org

The Center for Sex Positive Culture —
SexPositiveCulture.org

The Center for Sexual Pleasure and Health —
TheCSPH.org

Erotic Heritage Museum —
EroticHeritageMuseumLasVegas.com

Jane’s Guide Reviews —
JanesGuide.com

Judgement Free Heathcare Project —
JFHCP.org

Kink Aware Professionals —
NCSFreedom.org/resources/kink-aware-professionals-directory/kap-directory-homepage.html

The Kinsey Institute —
KinseyInstitute.org

Literotica (erotica) —
Literotica.com

Museum of Sex —
MuseumOfSex.com

National Coalition For Sexual Freedom —
NCSFreedom.org

San Francisco Sex Information —
SFSI.org

Scarlet Teen —
ScarletTeen.com

Sexuality.org —
Sexuality.org

UrbanDictionary.com

Woodhull Sexual Freedom Alliance —
WoodhullAlliance.org

4C: Sources of Kinky Inspiration

The kink community is based on consciously exploring sexual and personal fantasy in a consensual group setting. We each come with our own influences that have inspired us, and will invariably shape the nature of the communities we build. This section explores the inspirations that have titillated us for generations.

These inspirations are often not reflective of communities or reality in most cases, as movies, television and books regularly tantalize by pathologizing kink. However, getting these notions out into the world does let the average person know that they are not alone. It also ignites desires, and creates a common language for sharing our passions with one another.

These examples cover a wide historical span, from a variety of orientations and interests, and are great conversation starters if you have seen or read them. They are also a fantastic tool for dropping hints to see if someone might be kinky, depending on what their reactions are to mentioning some of these points of inspiration.

• Fiction Books.
  The following selection of fiction books are ones that have touched the authors or their varied social networks in the kink communities in a distinct way. Though works of fiction, they have transformed the private and public landscapes of sexual exploration. Though many readers may know many of these books as movies, they are listed here due to being in written form first.
  

  Anonymous —
  The Way of a Man with a Maid
  (1908)
  

  Antoniou, Laura — The
  Marketplace
  Series (1993-1995),
  The Academy
  (2000)
  

  Atwood, Margaret —
  The Handmaid’s Tale
  (1985)
  

  Brite, Poppy Z. —
  Lost Souls
  (1992),
  Drawing Blood
  (1993)
  

  Bronte, Charlotte —
  Jane Eyre
  (1847)
  

  Califia, Pat —
  Macho Sluts
  (1988),
  Doing It For Daddy
  (1994),
  Bitch Goddess
  anthology (editor, 1998),
  Boy In The Middle
  (2005)
  

  Carey, Jacqueline —
  Kushiel’sLegacy
  Series (2001-2008)
  

  de Sade, The Marquis —
  120 Days of Sodom
  (1785),
  Justine
  (1787)
  

  de Saint-Exupery, Antonie —
  Le Petit Prince
  (1943)
  

  Reage, Pauline —
  The Story of O
  (1954)
  

  Golden, Arthur —
  Memoirs of a Geisha
  (1997)
  

  Hamilton, Laura K. —
  Anita Blake: Vampire Hunter
  series (l993-20Il)
  

  Heinlein, Robert —
  Stranger in a Strange Land
  (1961),
  Time Enough For Love
  (1973)
  

  Herbert, Frank —The
  Dune
  Series (1965-2009)
  

  James, E.L. —
  Fifty Shades of Grey
  trilogy (2011-2012)
  

  Kessel, Joseph —
  Belle deJour
  (1928)
  

  McNeill, Elizabeth —
  Nine and a Half Weeks: A memoir of a love affair
  (1978)
  

  Multiple Authors —
  One Thousand and One Arabian Nights
  (10
  ^th
  Century-I9
  ^th
  Century)
  

  Nabokov, Vladimir —
  Lolita
  (1955)
  

  Nin, Anais —
  Delta ofVenus
  (written 1940s, published 1978)
  

  Nitobe, Inazo —
  Bushido, the Soul ofJapan
  (1900)
  

  Norman, John —
  Gor
  Series (1966-2012)
  

  Preston,John
  —Mr. Benson
  (1979)
  

  Rice, Anne — the
  Sleeping Beauty
  trilogy (1983-1985),
  Exit to Eden
  (1985),
  Interview with a Vampire
  chronicles (1976-2003)
  

  Shakespeare, William —
  Taming of the Shrew
  (1591)
  

  Tan, Cecilia —
  Telepaths Don’t Need Safewords
  (1992)
  

  Von Sacher-Masoch, Leopold —
  Venus In Furs
  (1870)
  

  Williams, Margery (with Nicholson, William) —
  Velveteen Rabbit
  (1922)