Players, Bumps and Cocktail Sausages (13 page)

Gulping, she nodded. “I’ve never told anyone what I want before.”

“I know. Tonight you will.” I sealed my lips over hers, holding her body against mine as the urge to just take her against the fucking bar doubled.

We burst through my front door, attacking each other like animals. What I’d said to her in the bar seemed to work. I wanted her comfortable with me, and I wanted her to be open enough to let me make her come over and over again.

“What do you want me to do, Holly?” I murmured against her mouth.

“My clothes, take them off.”

I didn’t need asking twice. With my lips still firmly, almost aggressively, against hers, I reached down and pulled her top off. She kissed me again as soon as it had cleared her head. I gripped her firm arse, and she wrapped her legs around my waist as I carried her to the sofa.

Laying her down first, I stripped her leggings off and undressed myself. She looked up at me with wide eyes, breathing heavily. In a matching plain black bra and thong she looked perfect and sexy. It was hard to believe she had such little confidence.

My clothes dropped to the floor the same way hers had. “What now, Holly?”

“You choose.”

I shook my head and dropped to my knees, running my finger between her bra-covered breasts and down her belly. “Oh no. This is what you want. We’ll go with my choice next.”

Her eyes widened further. “Next.”

“There’s going to be a lot of nexts tonight.” I traced my finger along the top of her thong, and my throat went dry. I wanted her so much. Waiting for her to tell me to touch her properly, to lick her and to fuck her was painful. “Tell me what you want right now?”

“Okay,” she whispered. “I want you to kiss me and…”

I smirked when her cheeks turned fire engine red. “And?”

“You’re going to make me say it, aren’t you?”

I nodded, lips parting in anticipation. “Yes,” I replied, completely unembarrassed by how desperate for her I sounded. Why her?

“I want you to touch me.” She pointed to her thong. “Here.”

“Your wish…” I said, gently sliding her thong down. She lifted her hips to help me. I threw them over my shoulder and climbed on top of her, lips finding hers and hands exploring.

Chapter Fourteen

I ran my fingers through my hair and rubbed my exhausted eyes awake before opening the front door. I’d half hoped it was Holly. Since Thursday night, Friday morning and Saturday afternoon all I could think about was how her skin felt against mine, and how she tasted…

But it wasn’t the woman I most wanted it to be – it was the last.

Abby stood in front of me. I looked and felt like crap.

“Whadda you want?” I asked, inwardly wincing at the slur in my tired, still half-drunk voice.

“Jasper, are you okay?” She stepped in my flat to get a closer look. “Did you sleep at all last night?”

“A bit. Did you come here to discuss my sleeping habits or do you want something?”

“Please don’t be like that, Jasper, I’m worried.”

“What do you want, Abby?” I asked a little more harshly than I’d intended, but I was tired on the verge of a hangover if I didn’t start drinking again and she was the second last person in the world I wanted to see.

“Can we sit? I really need to talk to you about something.”

Smiling sarcastically, I waved my hand towards my living room. The coffee table was covered in plates, glasses and bottles, but I didn’t care what she thought of me anymore .

She ignored the mess and sat down.

“Please sit with me,” she said, looking up at me.

I rolled my eyes and sat. “This’d better be good. You’re keeping me from something important.”

“Like getting drunk?”

“Yep.” And calling one of the women on my new booty call list.

“Jasper, this isn’t you. You don’t drink things away.”

“You don’t sleep with co-workers, but people change.”

She dropped her eyes, and I sighed, running my hands over my face roughly.

“Just spit it out, Abby, please.”

“I’m pregnant.” I froze. Time stood still.

“Pregnant,” I whispered, and all the air left my lungs.

She nodded. “Yes.”

“Mine?”

“Of course!” She looked offended, and I laughed. “Don’t, Jasper. Brett and I used a condom.
We
stopped using them years ago.”

“Jesus! How?”

I ran my hands through my hair. No. Not now.

“I know you don’t need me to explain how.”

“Actually, I do. We haven’t slept together in a while.”

“I know things had been off towards the… end. I’ve calculated that I’m about eight weeks.”

Wow, she was pregnant for over two months, and we didn’t know. While she was telling me she wanted to put baby making on hold while she was sleeping with someone else, she was carrying my child.

This was so fucked up.

In seven months, we were going to have a child, and it couldn’t be at a worse time. I could barely look at Abby, and every time I did her betrayal slammed me in the face. It hurt. I wanted to be able to see her without feeling like shit and having a baby was only going to make that worse. We’d have to have regular contact. She was the mother of my child and no matter how much she hurt me that meant something.

How was I supposed to stop loving her now?

“Look, I understand that this isn’t the best timing, and we have a lot of things to get past but we can. This is us, Jasper.”

She had a tiny, innocent baby growing inside her, and I couldn’t let my son or daughter down. For the baby’s sake, I would be civil.

“Okay. How is this going to work then? Have you seen a midwife yet?”

Shit.

“Yes, I had my first visit today. She’s booking me in for a scan because I’m not sure exactly how far along I am.”

One of the last times we slept together we’d created another person. God I wished it could be under different circumstances because all I wanted was my wife and a child. Now I was looking at joint custody and passing the baby back and forth.

“When’s the scan?” I asked, looking at her still flat stomach. How long until she had a bump?

“I’m not sure. I’ll get a letter in a day or so, apparently. Will you come?”

“You know I will.”

A thought struck me. She wanted a career.

“So how does this work? What about school?”

She shrugged. “I don’t have a choice now. I’m going to be a mum so I’ll have to work it all around the baby. There are plenty of good nursery schools around for when we’re both working.”

My face fell. No. You didn’t know who was working in those things. The thought of leaving my child with a stranger made me feel sick.

“Not with someone else. We’ll sort something.”

“Jasper, I can’t rely on my parents and your mum to look after our child.”

“They’d love to do it. Isn’t it better that he or she is with family rather than strangers?”

She held her hands up.

“Let’s not fight about this. We’ll talk to them and see.”

We’d make it work because I’d rather work nights when Abby could take over with the baby than have it with someone we didn’t know. If your own family could hurt you, what was stopping strangers? That was something I was going to have to talk seriously about with Abby.

She already knew how nervous Oakley was letting Everleigh go anywhere – not that she did let her unless it was with me, Cole or Mum – so she knew I’d have a hard time too.

It wasn’t healthy; I understood that, but if unhealthy kept my kid safe then it was fine by me.

“We’re really having a baby,” I said, dragging my hands through my hair.
I’m going to be a dad.

She smiled.

“Yes. I thought you’d be happier I have to say. This is what you’ve wanted for years now.”

“My wife to cheat on me then drop the baby bomb? Not exactly how I saw it play out.”

She looked down, ashamed.

“Jasper, I’m sorry. You know I am. It was a mistake. I don’t know how many times I can apologise.”

“You don’t have to apologise at all. Sorry but you could say it a million times and it’ll change nothing. Now I’ll be there every step of the way. I’ll do everything I can for the baby. I’ll be there and provide, but that’s it.”

“We’re having a child.”

“And we’ll be civil. I’ll push my feelings aside and pretend like every time I look at you it doesn’t feel like being stabbed in the back and we’ll play nice. I want our kid to think we’re friends – and maybe we can be one day.”

“Friends,” she said quietly.

“You can’t be surprised by that, Abby. Shit, you honestly thought I’d take you, didn’t you? Were you even going to tell me?”

“I don’t know. I wasn’t thinking.”

“Don’t give me that cliché bullshit. You must have thought something when you showered between being with him and me.”

I hated when people said that after having an affair. It wasn’t even one night – not that one time would’ve been okay. You didn’t carry on with someone behind your husband or wife’s back without thinking about what you’re doing. When you hide things and lie, you’re thinking alright. No one had a thoughtless affair. No one just falls into the arms of someone else. It was a conscious choice.

“I was ashamed. I still am. Jasper, I love you, and I made a mistake. The attention was flattering at a time where I didn’t feel close to you.”

Copout. “See, that’s what I don’t get. If you felt distant why didn’t you talk to me? I’ve gone out of my way to suggest doing things and spending time together. You’re the one that pulled away so don’t blame me for that.”

“I’m not blaming you.”

“Sounds like you are. We’ve always been able to talk. I’ve told you things no one else knows. You’re the only one I’ve talked about Max to. After that night in the car where I broke down a month after the trial, I thought we could discuss anything. That was my lowest point, up until now, and you were there. You were the only one I could talk to. It was all you, Abby.”

I turned my head and saw her close her eyes. A single tear slid down her face. “Why am I not someone you can talk to?” I asked.

“Telling your husband you’re feeling lost and distant isn’t an easy conversation to have.”

“Spilling your feelings about your father ripping apart your family and allowing his friend to rape his daughter wasn’t an easy conversation either. I trusted you above everyone else.”

She flinched.

I rubbed the spot above my eyebrows where I was getting a headache.

“This is getting so off topic now.”

We couldn’t even talk for more than five minutes without it turning into an argument so how the hell were we going to raise a child together?

“We need to not be around each other right now,” I said. “Let’s talk tomorrow when we’ve both calmed down and won’t say things we may or may not regret,” I said.

“Fine,” she huffed. “Call me when you’re ready. I love you, Jasper.”

I watched her leave, filled with love, hate, anger and excitement all rolled into one. I started to feel panic building inside. I wanted my baby, but I didn’t want it to be with Abby.

Oakley opened the door. “You okay?” she asked, stepping to the side to let me in.

“Um. Is Everleigh here?”

“She’s with Cole’s parents making cookies with Leona, why?” Christ she had a better social life than me.

“I need to talk to you and don’t want her to hear.”

“Okay, come through to the kitchen. Cole’s making coffee. You okay to talk with him there too, or do you want to go out?”

“It’s fine.”

I walked into the kitchen, and Cole turned around. “Hey, man, you okay?”

“I think so,” I replied. “You?”

He nodded. “What’s up? Coffee?”

“Yeah, thanks. And what’s up is that Abby’s pregnant.”

I didn’t have to turn around to know Oakley’s jaw probably hit the floor.

“She’s pregnant?”

“Yep,” I said and sat down.

“Err, forgive me for asking…” Cole said.

“Yep, it’s mine,” I replied. “And I had to ask too so don’t worry.”

Oakley sat down.

“Wow,” she whispered. “I did not see that coming.”

I laughed. “You’re not the only one.”

“Coffee or whisky?” Cole asked.

“I want whisky, but I should have coffee.”

“So what are you going to do? Has she decided?”

I frowned. “She’s keeping the baby.”

God I don’t know what I would have done if she wasn’t. It would kill me.

“We’ve got to bring a kid up together, and I don’t know how to stop loving and hating her. I need to be neutral. How do I get my feelings for her to just caring about the mother of my child.”

“Jasper it’s not even been two months since you broke up. It’s going to take time for you to get over what happened.”

“Cole, got any better advice than your wife’s?”

“You could get smashed and sleep around…”

“Arsehole,” I muttered, making him laugh. That was all I’d been doing though. Since the split, I’d put another fifteen notches on my bedpost.

“Seriously, man, Oakley’s right. Stop putting so much pressure on yourself. There’s no quick fix for anything, so you’re going to have to go with it and get over her the old fashioned way.”

“I was kinda hoping you’d be more help than this.”

He raised his eyebrows. “Why? I pined over Oakley for four bloody years!”

My sister smiled lovingly at her husband.

“Yeah, why did I come to you two? Neither of you have any experience in moving on. You were both pathetic messes.”

“Thank you,” Oakley replied dryly.

I held my hand up. “No offence.”

“Anyway, less about me and Cole. What are you going to do? Have you discussed what will happen when the baby,” she said, stopping for a second to smile, “my niece or nephew, is here? When’s the due date?”

“I don’t know. We could barely talk about anything without arguing. I’ll be there as much as possible. I want joint custody, and I don’t think she’ll fight it too much, she still wants a career, so only having the baby half the time will allow her to do that. I might need to rework my hours at The Centre.”

Oakley waved her hand. “We’ll sort it.”

I knew she’d say that. Family was her main priority too.