Picking Up the Pieces (20 page)

“All of this,” I said, gesturing between them as I removed my shirt. “And don’t stop.
I’m enjoying the show.” I settled myself on the chair across from them. “I’m Max, by the way.”

“Yeah, we know who you are,” Hallie replied, stifling a moan as Beth pulled at her nipple through the fabric of her dress.

“Oh, you do, do you?” I asked playfully, as I palmed myself over my pants to alleviate my need to be touched.
I didn’t know how long I could hold out before I’d have to ask one of them to do that
for
me. But it was so hot just watching them. “You a fan?”

“A fan of what?”
Beth looked confused. “I’m Yasmine's cousin. She just warned me to stay away from you.” A devious smile crept across her lips. “But I don’t usually do as I’m told. Come on. You gonna come join us?” she asked, shifting to make room for me as she patted the cushion.

I moved to sit between them, closing my eyes and letting Hallie’s hand take the place of my own as it slid beneath my pants and boxers.
With every long pull of her warm hand, I felt myself get closer to the release I’d craved since our time on the dance floor. I didn’t know how much longer I could last like this, but I would enjoy every fucking second of it.

Ever the gentleman
, I thought it was only polite to reciprocate the favor. So I slipped one hand up Hallie’s thigh, tickling her skin lightly on the way to my destination. Her breath halted at my touch, and she let out a soft moan as my fingertips pulled the lace fabric to the side. Gently, I teased her opening, enjoying the bucking of her hips in response.

Two fingers slid inside easily.
This chick was fucking soaked for me. As my fingers stroked the warm insides of her pussy and my thumb swirled with pressure around her clit, I watched as Beth did the same to herself. “Oh, shit. This is like a fucking race,” I said. Though I was certain I could win without much effort if I wanted to.

“Oh, Max,” Hallie moaned in response, “make me come. Now!”

Yes, ma’am
. On cue, a free finger traveled up the crack of her ass rubbing softly until the pressure became too much and she let go, her cunt clenching in hard spasms around my slippery fingers. I imagined it was my cock inside her, plunging deep as her insides gripped around me tightly. That image, combined with her heavy breaths and soft whimpers, almost pushed me over the edge, but somehow I managed to bring her down slowly from her orgasm while holding off my own.

Then without warning
,
the girls’ mouths attacked mine. I could taste the sweet lip gloss one of them was wearing. Strawberry maybe. And my tongue swept across their swollen lips, biting and pulling until my own were sore from the exertion. Then resting my head against the wall behind me, I enjoyed the moment: listening to the urgency of Beth’s cries as my fingertips tugged hard on her nipple.

When she finally came, her moans mixed with the soft music coming from the speakers: “Hard to Love” by Lee Brice.
Opening my eyes to gaze into the mirror across from us, I let the girls' mouths and hands devour me as the meaning of the lyrics stared me right in the face: I was selfish, impulsive, and incredibly irresponsible. I couldn’t be upset that Lily never loved me the way I loved her.
I
had been the one to sabotage that. And I knew I’d never get her back. I was pretty sure I’d never even had her to begin with. But if I could ever get
anyone
worth loving to love me back, I knew I had to change.

These girls had no clue who I used to be.
They didn’t know I was once a hockey player. They only knew me as an altogether different type of player now. And nothing I was doing presently would do anything to change their preconceived notion. I watched the proof of that in the mirror as Beth’s tongue moved across my chest and Hallie’s hand continued to work me until I finally exploded with hot spurts into her palm.

It was nearly midnight
after the girls cleaned up in the bathroom. They left before I’d even gotten up to put my shirt back on. And I can’t say I was disappointed. They knew as well as I did what this had been: three strangers having a little fun for the sake of sexual gratification—nothing more.

Nothing more.
The words bounced around my mind like a racquetball in an empty room. And as hard as I tried, I couldn’t escape their echo. Nothing in my life had ever been anything
more.
I’d lived thirty years never putting anything into any relationship except for the bare minimum.

But as I stared at my reflection and listened to the countdown to the new year through the speaker, the realization hit me: it didn’t matter who I used to be.
It only mattered who I
could
be. In 2013, I’d been an egocentric asshole who’d made it impossible for anyone to love him.

But in 2014, I planned to be someone else entirely.

***

I spent much of the next week rehashing what had happened during the past year.
2013 had begun as a year full of hope, full of promise. I’d started it with the opportunity to clean up my image and start fresh. But now, there I sat, one year later, thinking the same exact fucking thing as if nothing had changed at all.

             
What had gone so wrong that an entire year had passed without any progress at all? It seemed like for every step I took forward, I took two more back. And I had no one to blame for that but myself. I’d been the one walking backward.

             
I’d
been the one to try to kiss Lily a week
ago when she’d been selfless enough to pick me up in the middle of the night.
I’d
been the one to fuck everyone with a beating heart and tits since Lily had said she’d never wanted to see me again last spring.
I’d
been the one to leave Swift Middle School without any sort of job opportunity. And
I’d
been the one to let Adam know about my relationship with Lily in the first place.

             
The irony was that I was about to give him that same news again.

But this time I hoped it would bring them together instead of tear them apart.
Lily’s relationship with Adam would suffer, or disintegrate completely, if he didn’t know I was out of the picture. If I had any hope of making
my
life and the lives of those around me better, I had to own up to my mistakes, no matter how difficult that would be.

             
Surprisingly, as I waited for Adam to get home from work and a light snow began to fall, I had no reservations about my decision to talk to him. It was the right thing to do. And I so rarely did what was right.

At just after five, through my snow-speckled windshield, I saw Adam’s SUV pull in.
As he made his way to the end of the driveway toward the mailbox, I exited my car, careful to maintain the distance between us. I had already interfered in his life, and I didn’t want to intrude
any more than necessary by stepping onto his property.

“Adam,” I said, my voice even and steady as I stood on the sidewalk.
Through the darkness, I could see him turn to face me, but I knew he didn’t recognize the voice. “It’s Max.” I paused to see if he'd respond. When he didn’t, I continued. “I was hoping I could talk to you for a minute.”

 
As he took a few steps toward me, I couldn’t help but be thankful that my history as a hockey player would help me take a punch if Adam decided to throw one. It wouldn’t have been the first time.

He didn’t get close enough to hit me.
Though his clenched fists were a good indication that he was probably fighting the urge to do so. I tried to read his expression through the darkness. His open posture, and the fact that he’d come toward me instead of immediately going inside, made me think that he might listen to what I had to say. But his eyes held anger. They had a right to.

And when he spoke, his voice held it too.
“You’ve got some nerve coming here. To
my
house. When my daughter’s inside,” he said gesturing toward his home. “You just can’t stay out of my life, can you?”

Something told me Adam’s question was rhetorical, so I let it pass unanswered.

The soft snow that had coated the ground created a silence
so obvious that it was, strangely enough, almost audible. Adam seemed to be making every effort to be quiet, probably so his daughter didn’t hear us. But despite the fact that he spoke each word in a whisper, I could tell he was screaming them inside. His lips barely moved as he spoke in a clear effort to restrain himself. “You’ve got two minutes to tell me why the fuck you’re here, asshole, before I beat your ass on my fucking front lawn.”

Since I’d gotten out of my car, my eyes hadn’t left Adam’s.
It was almost as if we were two wild animals staring each other down to intimidate the other. I let my face soften before I spoke, allowing myself to be the first to back down for the first time in my life. I hoped that Adam would hear the sincerity I
felt
as I said the words. “I came here to tell you she’s yours.”

Chapter 21: Adam

“Mine? I’m sorry, I didn’t know I needed
your
fucking permission to date someone.” I shook my head, keeping my eyes locked on his.
Arrogant prick.
“When was she
yours
to give away? Did I miss something?” I stepped closer, ready to make good on my promise of pummeling him in my yard. My eyes darted quickly toward a few of my neighbors’ houses as I wondered briefly if I could pull an Edward Norton, Jr. and curb this asshole without anyone noticing.

             
“Look, you have every reason to be upset. I—”

             
“I’m not ‘upset'. I . . . I don’t know what I am.” I could feel the anger building inside me as I ran my other hand through my hair, exasperated and unsure of what to do next. “You know . . . I don’t even know why I’m trying to explain my emotions to
you
. You deserve
nothing
.” My teeth clenched, and I suddenly found myself two inches from that douchebag’s face in an effort to keep my voice down. "You. . . you're . . . God, you're not even worth it," I growled as I waved my hand toward him dismissively.

“I’m not gonna argue with you about that
.
What happened was
my
fault. But I still want you to know why I did it.” Max’s initially guarded posture softened slightly, and it was clear he wouldn’t fight me even if I wanted him to, so for some reason—chalk it up to pure curiosity—I let him continue. “I loved her. We’re more alike than you think, Adam . . . me and you. I loved her. Just like you did. But she didn’t love me then and she doesn’t love me now. I know nothing I can say will make you change your opinion of me. But I was hoping,” he hesitated, “that it might make you change your opinion of
her
.”

“You don’t know shit about
my opinion of her.”

“No? Well, I know you asked her not to see me anymore because you don’t trust her.”

The fact that he knew all this only proved that Lily had been talking to him about me.
About
us
. And the thought sickened me. “How the fuck do you know all this?”

“She told me
.” He shrugged. “And I also know she didn’t agree to it. At first,” he added.

At first?
Did that mean that she’d eventually told him she wouldn’t see him anymore? She hadn’t told me any of that.

“A few days after Christmas I called her for a ride home, shitfaced and acting like an asshole.
I know, right? What else is new?” He rolled his eyes at his own recklessness. “She told me she was done with me . . . that all I do is
take
from her. And she’s right. I’m selfish. So for once in my fucking life, I’m trying to do something for someone other than myself.” His eyes shot toward the ground, as if he were submitting to the truth of his next words. “She loves you, Adam. And I can’t stand in the way of that.” Finally, he raised his gaze, and I actually thought I saw a spark of sincerity in his eyes. “Not again.”

***

I hadn't been prepared to believ
e anything that came from Max’s mouth. So it surprised me when I took his words seriously. He'd told me he was done with her. He was bowing out of the race. And he seemed to think that made Lily mine.

But she was
n't mine.
And I knew the only reason that wasn't the case was because
I'd
been the one to maintain the emotional distance between us. And I'd done that to protect my own feelings. But now I wondered if I was hurting myself
more
by
not
allowing our relationship to progress the way a typical adult relationship should.

The one thing I did know was that I couldn't
protect my feelings forever. At some point, if I wanted anything more to develop between us, I'd need to go all-in. Eve
n if that meant getting hurt again. I had only two choices: I could believe that Lily and Max were done with each other, or I could continue on this inevitable course to nowhere.

And only one of those choices had the potential for a happy ending.
And fuck if I wouldn't do almost anything for one of those lately.

The decision had been made before I'd even realized I'd made it. I popped my head into my front door and yelled up to Eva.
"I need to run out for an hour or so, honey. I forgot something at my office. I'll pick up dinner on the way home." I briefly felt guilty for lying so easily to my daughter. That is until I reminded myself that she probably lies way more to
me
.

***

"Who is it?" Lily asked when I buzzed her apartment.
Shit
. Suddenly it occurred to me that she could be busy. And here I was, showing up at her apart
ment like a desperate boyfriend.
What if she didn't give me the invitation I'd hoped for? "Uh, it's Adam. Sorry, I—"

"Adam?"
She clearly seemed surprised it was me. But if I wasn't mistaken, she seemed
surprised in a good way.

Leaning against the doorframe of her apartment wearing nothing but black yoga pants and a tight grey V-neck T-shirt stood the most beautiful woman I'd ever seen.
"Hey," she said, confused. "I don't mean to be . . . but what are you do—"

"I can do this," I cut her off.
"This," I motioned with my hand between us. "I can do it."