Phase (Phoebe Reede: The Untold Story #1) (36 page)

“MY MOUTH TASTES like arse,” Angel moaned from the trundle bed we’d rolled out before she collapsed the night before.

“But whose arse?” I quipped as I rolled over to get a better look at her. It was still fairly early in the morning—long sleep-ins were an impossibility with my family regardless of the time we’d gone to bed—but I felt pretty good. Better than Angel did at least, I was certain.

She groaned and threw her pillow at me.

I rolled off my bed, landing on all fours over her.

Another groan escaped from under the blankets.

“Are you not feeling well, my angel?” I asked, using a voice a little louder than necessary just to bug her.

“Go away.”

I wrapped my arms around her and rested my head against what I thought was her chest. “Do you want me to get you some breakfast? A nice big plate of bacon and eggs?”

She groaned again and gagged a little. “Ugh, fuck off, Pheebs.”

Sitting up, I drew the blanket down just enough to see her face. Her eyes were squeezed tightly shut.

“How about a giant coffee?” I offered, a genuine offer this time and not just trying to shit-stir her.

Her eyes cracked open and she gave me a tired grin. “Now you’re talking.”

“Okay.” I leaned back down and held her again. “I’ll be back soon.”

Instead of being able to bring Angel back her coffee, I was cornered by Dad in the kitchen.

“Angel had some interesting ideas she wanted to talk to us about last night,” he said. The way his arms crossed his chest and his jaw was set, it was clear he wasn’t entirely happy about what she’d discussed, or the fact that he needed to talk to me about it.

I swallowed around the rising dread in my throat. “Okay?”

“She seems to think we’re being monsters keeping you away from your one true love.” He raised his brow at me. “She said we need to be doing more for you. That we should be doing all that we can to help you at least explore where it could go.”

My heart pounded in my chest as I set her coffee down on the bench.

Meddling cow
, I thought, but I couldn’t really be angry with her. She only had my best interest at heart.

“What do you think?”

“I think I would have liked it if she’d discussed it with me before discussing it with you.”

Dad’s lips quirked with amusement. “We all have our interfering angels in our lives. Mine’s Edie. Is she right though?”

I shrugged.

“I’ve noticed a change in you since you’ve come home from your holiday, Pheebs. I may just be your dad, but I’m not so unobservant that I can’t tell this boy has some sort of hold over you.”

“A little.”

“Does he deserve it?”

“W—what do you mean?”

“I know a thing or two about guys willing to string girls along.” He frowned, no doubt recalling his own past. There was a time he was the sort of guy he’d murder if they dared come within fifteen feet of me. “The type who will do or say anything and everything to get a girl into bed. Is that the sort of guy he is, or is he one of the good ones?”

I leaned back against the counter and considered it as best as I could. “That’s the problem,” I admitted after a moment. “I don’t know. I mean, how can you tell after a couple of weeks?”

“I think you can get an idea, and then you have to go off what your gut is telling you.”

Angel came into the kitchen, pulling her hair into a messy topknot as she walked. “My gut’s telling me I need coffee.”

“Rough night?” Dad asked.

“Too many cocktails,” I said, nudging her hip before passing her the coffee I’d made before Dad had waylaid me.

She climbed up onto the bench and cradled the mug in her hands. “So what are you two talking about?” she asked after taking a sip. “And where’s everyone else?”

“Brock went to a friend’s house and Lys took Nikki, Parker, and Beth out for a walk,” Dad said. “And we were talking about some of the points you raised last night.”

She had the decency to look embarrassed about butting into my life.

“How about we take this convo somewhere more comfortable?” Dad suggested.

After shooting daggers at Angel once again, I nodded and followed him to the table as Angel disappeared back into my room to give us some space.

For the next half hour, we talked about Beau, about what possibility there was for a future. Dad was surprisingly level-headed about it. More than I would have guessed he could be.

“If distance and everything you’ve talked about wasn’t an issue, what would you want?” Dad asked.

I didn’t want to break Dad’s heart, but there was only one answer. “I’d want to know what’s possible. I’d want to know whether what I feel is real. Whether it can last.”

“What if it’s not and it doesn’t?”

“That’s what scares me,” I admitted. “You and Mum, you’re perfect for each other. And I know that road hasn’t always been easy, but it was real. What if I find out that I feel all this, but it means nothing?”

Dad nodded thoughtfully.

“But it scares me more to think this could be something, and I might walk away from it because of a few inconveniences.”

“The proper thing for me to say as a parent is probably to point out that you’re young, to say that it can’t be real because you can’t possibly know what you want at eighteen, and that you’ll feel this way for someone else.” Dad grinned and his eyes sparkled. “But I’ve never really been a proper parent, and I knew what I wanted at seventeen. I just wish I hadn’t been so afraid of it.”

“What I feel is terrifying.”

“Baby girl, only you can know whether it’s worth it. If you think that this is worth pursuing, then what can I say other than how can we help?”

“What?” I couldn’t fight the grin that twisted my lips. “Really?”

He leaned forward and took my face in his hands. “As much as it pains me to admit it, you’re not my little girl anymore. You don’t even need our permission to do this if it’s what you want. But I don’t want you doing something you’ll regret later. That’s why your mum and I have agreed that we’re willing to do what we can to help you. For years, we’ve been talking about ways to expand Emmanuel—”

“No way!” I cut him off, seeing exactly where he was going. “You’re going to find a way for me to race over there, aren’t you?” The tone of my voice pitched higher and higher with each word. It took everything in me not to jump from the seat and do a celebratory dance.

“All I ask is some patience while we get it organised.”

“So no skipping the country to elope,” I teased.

“That’s exactly what your mother and I are trying to avoid by supporting this.”

My jaw fell slack. Did they really think I would do that? “I—I wasn’t really going to.”

Dad stood and ruffled my hair. “I know, but we didn’t want you to get desperate and think it was your only option. We’ll talk more about it once we’ve done some research. We just wanted to find out if you’d be amenable before we started any investigations.”

I jumped up as well and threw my arms around his neck. “I’m amenable. So damn amenable.” It was only after the words left my mouth that I frowned and sank back into my seat. “But that still means leaving all of you.”

Dad cupped my cheek. “I trust you to stay in contact, sweetheart. It’s the hardest thing I’ll have to do, but I need to let you go. I won’t let your family be the reason you didn’t get to follow your heart. We’ll always be here for you, and I know you know that.”

“Thanks, Daddy.” I squeezed him a little tighter.

When I made my way back to my room, I found Angel playing on my computer.

“Thank you for your interference, you meddling bitch,” I teased as I walked up behind her and started rubbing her shoulders.

“Did he go psycho on you?” She tipped her head forward as my fingers worked their magic.

“Actually, no. Surprisingly, he was actually really supportive. I don’t know what you said to him and Mum, but they’re going to look into getting me into a stock car.”

“That’s exciting.”

“I know.”

“And you’re sure you want to do this?”

I paused while I thought about her question. “I think I’ll regret it more if I don’t.”

“So when are you going to tell lover boy?” Her breathing sped and she leaned back into my touch.

My fingers continued to work her shoulders while my mind turned over the question. “I don’t know if I should until I know for sure what’s happening. I mean, I couldn’t imagine the disappointment I’d feel if he told me he was coming to visit me and then didn’t. Or couldn’t.”

“Yeah, I get that. Just make sure you keep him interested.” She winked.

“I’m pretty sure those photos you took will go some way toward that goal.”

She spun around to face me. “Ha, yeah, they’d keep anyone with a pulse interested.”

“Maybe we can do some more?” I suggested. “Maybe even a few slightly more risqué ones.”

“Name the time and place, and I’m there.” She waggled her eyebrows at me.

BY THE TIME October rolled around, I physically ached with my need to see Beau again. And yet, it was more impossible than ever to talk to him.

It was crazy how deeply he’d been able to bury himself in my mind in just the few weeks we’d been together. Now, months later, I couldn’t stop thinking about him. Because of the enduros, the planning and conference calls involved in trying to secure a place on the stock car track, and the logistics of my family around that time of the year anyway, Skype conversations with Beau were almost non-existent. We existed as a couple solely via text messages and increasingly risqué photos.

At least from my side.

I still hadn’t been able to get anything more from him than a few photos of his smile.

To try to soothe the burn of desire, I’d taken to listening to all of the songs he’d introduced me to on repeat. If Mum and Dad thought it odd that the sounds of country rock were coming from my room rather than my usual emo music, they didn’t say anything.

During the precious few moments we had been able to speak, I’d hinted that I hoped for a change the following year. He’d asked for more details, but I’d played coy, telling him that I was excited for a new challenge. I’d taken the opportunity to push things a little further each call, getting as far as letting my fingers explore while he watched and directed my touch. Still, it was never enough.

Finally, fresh home after Bathurst weekend, where I’d had my first ever win in a ProV8—even if it was only as a co-driver—I was able to Skype him for the first time in over a month. I just had to put in some face time with my family, including Max, who was back up in our house for a few weeks while his parents dealt with the fallout of their first Bathurst as team owners.

Because Mum had been at home with the rest of the kids during the race, she hadn’t seen Max until we walked in the door when we got back home.

“God, Max, you’ve grown about a foot since you were here two months ago,” Mum said, pinching his cheek. She wasn’t wrong. With the new inches he’d grown, he was the same height as me.

It was too much to hope that his sudden growth spurt and new baritone voice had come with added maturity. Based on his behaviour on the flight home, I would say that wasn’t the case. I’d caught him openly staring at my body no less than four times. Each time, he’d flushed when caught and spun away from me, only to gravitate back a few moments later.

“Must be all the veggies, right, Mrs. R?” he quipped with an easy smile and a flash of his baby blues. The truth was, he was cute enough for his age. He’d definitely inherited his dad’s looks and charm. Why he was still obsessed with me when he could probably have his pick of eighth graders at his school, I’d never know.

“Can I help with anything?” I asked Mum.

“You could help with Nikki.” Mum nodded toward the table where Nikki was happily feeding herself some banana. “Her lunch is in the microwave.”

After grabbing her meal from the microwave, I moved to sit with Nikki. She reached for the spoon with her banana-coated fingers. Grabbing the cloth, I wiped her down and then started to help her with her food.

“Max, you’re right to set yourself up in Brock’s room, aren’t you?” Mum added as she turned back to point out something on Parker’s homework.

“Sure thing,” Max said, slinging his bag over his shoulder.

Once Max had disappeared to the bedrooms, Mum came up and hugged me from behind, wrapping her hands around my neck and kissing the top of my head. “Congratulations on the win. Your father and I are so proud of you. Stepping out in the ProV8 like that, doing everything the team needed to get the result at the end of the day. It was a big ask of someone so young, and you did it perfectly.”

A blush crept over my cheeks. “I was just doing what Dad taught me.”

“But
you
did it. Many young drivers have fallen apart in similar situations.”

“It was fun.”

“What will you do if we can find a way for you to get over to the States next year? We’ll have to have another co-driver for the enduros.”

“Maybe I’d be able to fly home?”

“Sweetie, have you seen the schedule for stock car? It’s intense. There are a lot more races overall than in ProV8.”

“Oh. Well, I guess I’ll just have to do what I can.”

“Have you considered what you might do if we can’t organise a car?” Mum asked, her tone gentle.

I frowned as my hope sank. Was this her way of telling me they’d been having issues? “I don’t think I’ll have any choice but to stay here, will I? I need to keep sharp or I can’t expect to take the reins of the ProV8 when Steve retires.”

“And what will happen with Beau?”

I shrugged. Truthfully, I didn’t want to think about it. How much longer could we go on only seeing each other on the computer once every few weeks? Especially when being with him had opened my eyes to desires I’d never fully comprehended. Sure, I’d scratched my own itches in the past, but I’d never needed or ached the way I had since I’d come home from the States. Getting the balance right between us was becoming harder all the time.

“Here, let me take that over,” Mum said. “I’m sure you’ve got a boy to contact before he heads to bed.”

Her words reminded me of the date I’d arranged with Beau in the minutes after I’d won at Bathurst. He was going to be waiting up for me to call him. I raced upstairs to my room but stopped cold when I saw my door was open. I’d definitely shut it when I left a few days earlier, and considering I usually did my own cleaning, Mum wouldn’t have needed to open it. It meant someone else had to have gone into my room.

Annoyed at being unable to have any privacy, I pushed through my door. As it creaked open, I saw Max near my bedside table. He stood up ramrod straight and spun to face me.

“What are you doing in my room, Max?”

“Just, uh, looking for a pen.”

I frowned. “There’s none here. They’re in the study.”

“Oh, my bad.” Once again, I noticed how his voice was far too deep for his age. “I’ll, um, just be, uh, getting out of your way then.”

I stepped out of the way of the exit and narrowed my eyes further. Any ease we’d had with each other over the years vanished a little more with each visit. “Yeah, that’d be great.”

He moved to the door but lingered before leaving. “So that guy you were talking to in the States . . .”

“Beau.”

His eye twitched. “Yeah, him. So are you still, like, seeing him?”

“I don’t see how it’s anything to do with you.”

“Oh, of course, it’s not, but I was just wondering. I mean, it’s got to be hard with him being so far away, right? Wouldn’t you rather someone closer? Someone right in front of you.” His eyes implored me to understand his request.

I did, but I wasn’t about to admit that to him.

“Get out and please don’t come in here again.” It took everything in me not to say what I really wanted to say, but telling him to fuck off would only get me in trouble.

Trying to shake the irritation caused by Max’s intrusion in my personal space, I booted up my laptop. I was anxious to speak to Beau and was ready to spend as much time with him as possible before he had to go to bed.

At least, that was the plan until another woman answered his Skype.

Despite my surprise at seeing the petite blonde, I managed to stammer out, “Is Beau there?”

“Ah, he’s in the shower, sweetie.”

It was almost impossible for my mind not to go straight to the worst-case scenario for why she was in his house and he was in the shower.
Is she the same girl as last time?
I tried to remember the voice, but it’d been too many weeks and I couldn’t recall.

“He’ll probably be—”

A door behind her opened, and Beau came rushing out with a towel around his waist.

“Be right out, I guess,” the girl said with a chuckle as he plucked the laptop from her hold.

A few seconds later, the laptop was back in his room.

“Hi!” he said with a mile-wide grin and a flash of excitement in his eyes.

“Hey.” I couldn’t fight my own grin if I wanted to. “You’re in a good mood.”

“Why wouldn’t I be? I heard my girl did some great thangs this weekend.”

The warmth that spread over me at hearing him say
my girl
dispelled the shock of another woman answering his Skype. “It was so good, Beau. I’ve won before, obviously, but nothing like this. This is huge. A career making type thing. Even if I was only the co-driver, it was amazing.”

“Co-driver?”

With our ships-in-the-night schedules, I hadn’t had time to explain to him the ins and outs of the endurance races, or how a big deal it was for me to be stepping up into the ProV8 category for the first time. I gave him a quick rundown on it all.

“Sounds like a thrillin’ event.”

I shifted in my seat and grabbed a toy car that sat above my desk—a little replica of the first Emmanuel Racing car decked out in the livery Dad had worn when he placed third at Bathurst during his comeback. “It is, especially when it’s the reason for all of this. For Emmanuel Racing. For everything.”

“Not sure I follow you, darlin’.”

“Sometimes I forget how little you know.”

“How little you’ve told me.” It was impossible not to read more into his tone than was actually there. The emotional void between us seemed to gape a little wider with each week that passed. It was exactly what I’d worried would happen. Proof that I was right to run like I had in Georgia, and that I should have resisted the lure of an attempt at long-distance.

It made me feel like a three-year-old getting in trouble and I frowned.

“You were the one who asked me not to google ya, remember?”

“I know and I’m glad that you haven’t. There’s so much bullshit on there. It’s just that most people I know are well aware of all the history,” I babbled. “Emmanuel Racing’s start is a bit of a local legend in Australia.”

“That’s the team you work for?”

I swallowed. Would he be okay with what I was going to say next? “It’s the team my parents own.”

“Oh, wow. They
own
the team?”

There was a flash of something familiar across his face. Something I’d seen so many times before and it killed me to see it on his features. Combined with the intrusion of Max and the thought that someone else could potentially be taking my place in the ProV8 for the enduros the following year—or worse, that I’d be stuck away from Beau for longer—it raised my hackles faster than one of my Bathurst laps.

“I earned my place in that car,” I snapped, my voice full of the defences I’d built over the years. It was one thing to question myself on my worthiness to be in the car from time to time, another entirely to have Beau’s silent accusation. It was clear in his look that he was about ready to accuse me of benefiting from nepotism, and that pissed me off.

“I never said ya didn’t.”

“You didn’t have to
say
anything. You don’t think I haven’t seen that exact same look in the eyes of almost everyone at the track?”

He held his hands up in surrender. “I didn’t mean anything by it, darlin’.”

It didn’t escape my attention that he didn’t apologise. “It’s the goddamned karts all over again,” I snarled, recalling our disaster race in the States. “I should have known then that you weren’t any different.”

“Darlin’, I didn’t say a single dang thang.” His voice was just as raised as mine.

“I know what you’re thinking though. Track princess only in the car because of who her daddy is. Couldn’t possibly have deserved it.”

“If you’re so quick to think that’s what I’m thinkin’, then maybe it’s your issue, not mine.”

“Yeah, maybe it is my damned issue, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t exactly what you were thinking.”

His smile had long since fallen, and now his features dragged into a frown. “If that’s your opinion, I ain’t likely to change it now, am I?”

“Tell me I’m wrong. Tell me that there wasn’t even some part of you that questioned, even for a second, whether the only reason I’m in a car is because of my family.” I wanted him to smooth it over like he had at the Fun Spot. To tell me that I hadn’t seen the look, that he didn’t think I was only on the team because of nepotism.