Perigee Moon (16 page)

The hour went by quickly. Probably because of the dread that was building in the pit of my stomach over the party. I had already given in and was trying to decide what to wear. Paige would be pleased that she wouldn’t have to drag me kicking and screaming. When I got home Grams was overly excited when I announced that I was going out. Most parents would have been wary about their teenage granddaughter heading off to a rowdy party with no parents to chaperone, but not Grams. To her it was a sign of normalcy. A sign that I was getting over my mother’s death. A sign that she was doing a good job with me. I didn’t tell her the truth. I didn’t tell her that the only decent sleep I’d gotten in weeks was when I’d slept with Alex in the forest just days before. Since then it had been forced. Even when sleep did come I dreaded it because it always brought nightmares. Some of Mom, burning, trapped inside the fiery hell our home had become, with no way out. Sometimes it was me there instead of her. Some of Alex and his passionate kisses that always ended with him a lifeless pile of ash. All were dreadful and enough to keep me fighting to stay awake.

When my phone buzzed on the dresser, I knew it was time. I yanked down on the spaghetti strap black dress I was wearing to hold it in place. It was too short. Bevin had picked it out. My reflection stared back at me like a familiar stranger. I knew her well. She was the girl I transformed into from time to time to appease people like Bevin and Paige. And tonight was no exception. Bevin had yet again talked me through the process and I followed her orders like a dutiful soldier. I curled my hair and applied everything from a smoky eyeshadow to a pale peach lip gloss that made my lips look shimmery and plump, a perfect pout. It all felt a little useless. The one person I would want to see me like this would most definitely not be at the party.

I had started coming up with my own theories about Alex’s odd behavior. Everything from him belonging to a cult to something as basic as him just having a really over-protective aunt. Nothing really fit. And whatever the theory, I was certain he wouldn’t be showing up at a party like this one. After a moment of scrutinizing my complexion and full pouty lips, which didn’t look like they belonged to me, I tossed my hair over my shoulder and grabbed my phone. Page’s text nearly screamed at me.

Where are you???

I sighed and typed back.

On my way.

I took a deep breath and hit send.

Paige’s road was deserted. Literally. Thick trees lined each side of the street with darkness. Stars punched holes in the black summer sky. Paige’s big two-story brick house lit up the dead end street with bright light streaming from the windows. The house was tucked neatly between the trees, almost as if the forest had receded to make room just for it, but still grew close and protective. Christmas lights were strung from the trees in the front yard, tossing glittery light all over the cars lining the lawn. I pulled up to the curb and parked my car behind someone’s giant Ford F150. It blocked my view of the house but when I got out and turned the corner I could see that things were well on their way. Kids were littered across the yard and the front door was wide open, music seeping out into the night air. I was sort of glad that Paige didn’t have any neighbors. Maybe the cops wouldn’t show up if there was no one to complain. 

I took a deep breath and breezed through the front door trying to look calm and collected as I scanned the room for Paige. There were so many voices and faces mixing together in the crowd that my head started to spin. I didn’t do well with crowds like this. Too many emotions, and I wasn’t nearly strong enough to block half of them out. I closed my eyes for a moment to get my bearings and when I opened them Paige was parting the crowd to get to me.

“You came! Yay!” she squealed and wrapped her arms around me in a tight hug. She stopped and leaned back to look at me, a little stunned. “And you’re gorgeous.” She beamed.

“So are you,” I said. And she was. She was wearing a shimmery red tank-top over a dark denim mini and a pair of red slingback heels. Her red hair was tousled perfectly over her shoulders in long silky tendrils.

She grabbed my hand and pulled me through the crowd of flailing limbs and happy faces that were moving to the music pulsing around them. When we finally broke through and made it to the kitchen it was a little calmer. There were only a few people here and the music was throbbing at a lower decibel. Paige grabbed a plastic cup and poured from something that looked like the vodka bottle Dad kept in the liquor cabinet he thought we didn’t know about at home. Then she added a splash of Orange Juice. She thrust the cup into my hand and smiled.

“Drink up my little Rowan. You’re going to have fun tonight whether you like it or not.” She turned back to pour herself a drink and laugh at something a boy was saying across the room.

I sniffed at the cup and almost gagged. The smell of alcohol was overpowering. I watched as Paige turned up her cup and nearly finished it off in one long gulp. My mouth hung open in shock and I had to force myself to close it. No wonder the emotions coming off her were so fuzzy.

“Paige how many of these have you had so far?” I asked.

She laughed. “Hey, nobody’s counting. And you better get started if you want to catch up.”

I took a small sip of the drink and my stomach rolled. It tasted worse than it smelled. I inched away from Paige and gave her a nod when she glanced up at me. I lifted my cup in the air as if to say thanks, then turned and disappeared between the crowd before she could catch up to me. What was I doing here? This was the kind of thing I had talked Bevin out of on a weekly basis back home, and now here I was. I slipped through the kids dancing and laughing, giving a smile and a nod when someone recognized me but when I reached the glass french doors leading out to the backyard I was more than relieved.

I stepped out into the warm night air and greedily sucked in a deep breath. I walked around the corner and out of the light to pour my cup out into the grass, then tossed it into a plastic trash bin back on the porch.

“Not much of a drinker huh?” A familiar voice stopped me. I turned around already knowing who was standing behind me. Tyler. I smiled and shrugged.

“Not really.”

He laughed. “Me neither.” He was smiling and his face was soft and kind. His emotions matched, happy and serene. He didn’t hate me after all. Cool relief washed through me as I realized that there was still hope for our friendship.

“Good. I was hoping I wouldn’t be the only sober one at this party. Paige is already pretty far gone and to be perfectly honest I don’t really know very many people here.”

Tyler
cringed with a guilty smile stretching across his face. “Well in that case I’d better not leave you all alone with the drunks.” He tossed his beer can into the trash. It sloshed like it was still full.

I smiled gratefully as I tugged down at my dress, feeling self-conscious when a breeze blew against my bare legs.

Tyler
’s eyes glanced down at me but quickly made their way back up to my face. “You look…um…great,” he said.

“Thanks.” My cheeks flushed with color as I averted my gaze out towards the trees. Things were starting to feel awkward and I didn’t know what to say.

“Hey do you want to take a walk?” he asked. I almost said no but his eyes were so hopeful that I couldn’t bring myself to do it.

“Yeah sure.”

We walked in silence but when the grassy expanse of yard ran out and we were met with a dark wall of trees, we stopped. Tyler tuned to me and smiled. His blonde hair shimmered in the moonlight and his golden skin looked dark.

“So Paige says you’re seeing somebody,” he said, his eyes darting over my face, then back to the ground. Unfortunately there was no block with Tyler. His emotions were clear. Jealous and even a little hurt.

I gaped. How could Paige do that? I floundered for an explanation. “Not really,” I said, and it was true. I didn’t know what I was to Alex exactly. I knew what he was to me, but he had made it very clear that he didn’t expect us to last. I didn’t know what to think.

His eyes brightened. “What does that mean exactly?”

“I don’t know what we are. He’s just a guy I’ve hung out with a few times.”

“But you like him.” It wasn’t a question. More of an observation.

“Yeah, but I’m not sure that he feels the same way,” I said, so quietly I could barely hear myself. I closed my eyes and hoped that Tyler hadn’t been able to hear it either. It was clear that Alex cared for me but when I put everything together, all of the times he had disappeared, all of the times he had pulled away, maybe he didn’t feel the same. The feelings of rejection washed through me all over again. I wondered if this is what I’d made Tyler feel like. I hoped not. Tyler was sweet and benevolent beyond words. He didn’t deserve to hurt like this.

My thoughts broke apart when Tyler’s warm fingers found their way under my chin and pulled my eyes up to meet his.

“Then he’s an idiot,” he said.

A broken laugh slipped through my lips and Tyler took a step closer. I really wanted to feel something for Tyler in that moment. Things would be so much easier with him. His feelings for me were black and white. No confusion. He wanted to be with me and that was it. I squeezed my eyes shut and searched for a spark. Anything to indicate that this was right. But the only thing that flashed behind my dark lids when I closed my eyes was Alex’s face. I couldn’t do it. I opened my eyes and Tyler could see the resolve there without me having to say the words.

He smiled and stepped away, running a hand through his hair. “I get it Rowan. It’s okay. Just remember that I’m here. I…” He was cut off by someone shouting from the porch. We both turned and a guy was hanging out the glass french doors hollering his name.

“Tyler man, get in here!” he screamed, belligerently.

“I’m a little busy!” Tyler shouted back. It made me feel even worse. Even after being rejected he wasn’t willing to leave me alone that easily.

“Seriously man, your dad just pulled up!” he shouted. “It’s your funeral!” he added, then disappeared inside.

Tyler
’s eyes shot back to me and looked helpless.

“Go, go!” I said and pushed him forward.

“Are you going to be alright? Why don’t you come with me? The old man probably just needs my spare key to the house. It shouldn’t take long.”

“I’ll be fine. I don’t think I’m ready to go back in just yet. But seriously go.” I gave him a reassuring smile.

“I’ll get rid of him. I’ll be right back I promise.”

“Trust me. You’re off the hook Tyler.”

He laughed. ”What if I don’t want to be off the hook?” he said from over his shoulder as he jogged away.

I sighed and turned away from the house. A chill ran down my spine as I stared out into the dark tree line. I suddenly wished I had gone back with Tyler.

I jumped when a warm hand closed around my wrist.

“Hey, what are you…” I spun around on my heel. It wasn’t Tyler. I wasn’t sure who it was until I squinted through the darkness to make out his features. It was Max. Max who had creeped me out since the first day of school. Definitely not the person I wanted to run into out here alone in the dark.  His burly figure nearly blacked out the light behind him, leaving me cloaked in a shadow. His eyes were narrowed as he looked me up and down.

“Max. What are you doing? You scared me.”

He laughed and even his laugh had a bit of a slur. He was drunk. I couldn’t help but feel annoyed. This was exactly the kind of thing I didn’t want to have to deal with. Everything coming off of him was a blur. But even through the drunken haze of emotions I could feel what they were. I knew what he wanted from me, and I suddenly felt more than uncomfortable. I felt afraid.

“Well I was headed inside. Tyler is waiting for me.” I tried to push past him but his hand clamped down on my wrist to hold me in place, gripping hard enough for the beginning of a bruise to throb beneath the pads of his fingers. He glanced over his shoulder, and then let his eyes scan the darkness all around like a cat burglar about to rob a house.

My heart picked up in speed and I broke out in a sweat as fear raced through my veins and constricted my lungs.

“Stay a while. We never get to talk.” He took a drink of his beer and smiled down at me. His brown hair was in disarray and his eyes were slanted, not quite focused.

“I really can’t. Tyler-”

“You know I always thought you were pretty Rowan.” His words slightly sloppy and hard to understand.

“Thanks Max, but I seriously have to go. Tyler’s going to come looking for me if…” He pushed me back a few steps and I stumbled over my heels.