Perfectly Shattered (25 page)

Just with the woman he loved. But he felt like he was on borrowed time, and couldn’t say why. Cami seemed okay after confiding in him. God knows, the lovemaking was hot, and she felt so sweet in his arms.

But when she left to go back to her apartment the next morning, he thought of stopping her. She needed to go home and change clothes. It was possible there would be a catering job later. It was common for last-minute jobs to come up.

It all made sense, but there was something she hadn’t said. Bradan was getting to know her. Admittedly, he didn’t fully understand her. But he was getting used to subtleties that conveyed what was going on inside her.

A look in her eyes, an expression or mannerism, could be a clue. And something wasn’t right. If he’d brought it up, Cami would have denied it. On the surface she was acting normal, but just below there was something as yet unspoken.

Either that or Bradan was losing his mind right along with her. But he didn’t think so.

While she was at her apartment, Bradan showered and changed. Then he went to retrieve the rental and return it. The car was more trouble than it was worth. Whatever place he chose to live, it was preferable to keep everything within walking distance.

His plan to see Cami failed because she got called for a catering job. It was a big one and would run late. If she was busy then she wouldn’t dwell on her own problems. At least he thought she wouldn’t, so Bradan didn’t worry as much.

But he missed her. And when she had jobs the next day and the one following, his longing for her became a huge void. His life was vacant without Cami. Though he talked with her on the phone when he could, and was involved with work, Bradan didn’t like being without the woman he loved.

Even his hard morning workouts didn’t take his mind off seeing her. As the hours went by, he became impatient, not liking the arrangement of seeing her so infrequently. It wasn’t right, and he planned to do something about it.

*****

The morning after sharing her grief, Cami had left Bradan with her heart feeling lighter, and she fully intended to see him later in the day. But Malena had called, and she had to go. Involvement with the food and preparations was therapeutic. It had been a release for her many times, and so it was again.

Yet the longer she was away from Bradan, the more her mind usurped her happiness. She’d been close to him and shared so much. But was it enough? Cami had a wall around her heart that even releasing the heavy emotion had not broken down.

She didn’t know if anything could.

Cami drifted into thought while she prepped items for the menu on her current job. The kitchen at the location was to die for. The space was huge, and the polished concrete floors gleamed. The high ceiling exposed the pipes but everything was painted white. A couple of thick pillars rose from floor to ceiling.

The room was brightly lit with large globes protected by wire covers, and butcher blocks ran the entire length of the space. Bins held fruits, vegetables, and herbs. Gleaming stainless-steel ovens shone like artwork in the far wall.

Cami was where she’d always been the most tranquil. Around good food, delectable spices, and the aromas of skilled creations. It soothed her and absorbed her. As her hands worked with the tools of the trade, she admired the colors and textures she worked with.

In creating gourmet delights, there was magic. The only other time she had felt that had been with Bradan, and what the two had to do with each other she didn’t know. But when she was with him, everyday things took on a new shine. Breathing the air, the beauty around her, and even how she viewed herself took on new meaning.

She wanted to welcome Bradan into the deepest recesses of her being. There was nothing she wanted more. And she didn’t fully understand why that escaped her. It made her sad. More than that, it frustrated her. To repair a gourmet recipe, she could always toss it out and start over. Making it again and again until it was right.

But not so in love. There was no remaking. She had to face what was. There was no doubt in her mind that Bradan was everything she wanted. There was no fault there. Cami was the broken piece, which was distressing. What she wanted more than anything was slipping from her grip despite her best intentions.

He had said it, hadn’t he? That he loved her. Cami couldn’t say it to him, though. Torment cut through her. Yet the words wouldn’t come. Her frozen heart wouldn’t thaw, no matter what her mind told her. Emotions weren’t that easy. She had learned that long before.

While mincing garlic on the wooden cutting board, Cami looked up to see her friends in the doorway. Jeremy had his arm around Brittany, who looked up at him with admiration. He leaned down to kiss her just as she put her hand on his cheek.

The sweet encounter drove the stake deeper into Cami’s core. It seemed so easy for them. Her friends’ relationship wasn’t complicated, and didn’t hold the foreboding that her own did. The wish that it were different only magnified her distress.

It was as if she stood behind a glass barrier. Cami could see everything she wanted on the other side of it. But try as she might, there was no way through it. Love and happiness remained blocked. And looking at it only made her feel worse.

When Bradan texted that he wanted to see her, Cami knew she would meet him. It wasn’t fair to keep leading him on. He deserved a woman that could give him love to the same degree he could so clearly give. She wasn’t that woman. And the sooner she told him, the better.

As soon as she got a break, Cami called him.

“I miss you,” he said.

She held back the drama that had her in its claw. “I’ve been busy.”

“Invite me over tonight,” he said, and when she didn’t respond immediately, he added, “I’ll let you cook.”

Cami laughed despite her somber spirits.

Bradan’s voice became soft. “I need my friend.”

She shouldn’t have said it, but found that with him she was often more honest than she intended to be. “Is that all we are?”

He was silent for a moment. “I didn’t say that.”

With a lump in her throat, Cami ended the call after agreeing to see him.

When he arrived as planned, she was already preparing the food. Nervous about how the evening would go, Cami had worked in the kitchen and focused on the meal. It was better than reciting in her head what she was going to say to him.

Bradan showed up in a suede jacket, which he shrugged out of to reveal his buff body. His strong shoulders and pumped biceps were swoon-worthy. And his flat stomach and trim hips led to the curve of his lean thighs. It was enough to make Cami want to take him straight to bed.

“Hi, baby,” he said, and wrapped his arms around her. The hot kiss he gave her could have easily preempted dinner.

“Hey,” she said. No matter what her thoughts had been earlier in the day, with his arms around her, Cami weakened. He smelled so good, all male with an undertone of cologne.

Bradan opened and served the wine, and she was glad of the alcohol, needing to settle her nerves. She had music playing and he turned it up a little, then went back to watch her working in the kitchen. Though fully clothed in a jeans and sweater, Cami felt naked under his gaze.

He missed nothing, and his eyes burned into her. Cami busied herself chopping vegetables and tossing the salad, acutely aware of his attention.

“Do you always stare at people?” She hadn’t intended to sound so snippy.

But he only laughed. “Making you nervous, am I?”

She looked up. “You know you are.”

“Just fantasizing.”

Asking what he was fantasizing about was out of the question. But she didn’t have to, since he proceeded to tell her.

“Someday I want you to cook for me while you are naked. You are so beautiful, Cami. Anything you wear doesn’t do you justice.”

His words sent heat through her body and made her panties wet. There was no way to resist him. It couldn’t be done.

Bradan came around and stepped behind her with his arms around her waist. “Of course, if you were naked right now, there wouldn’t be any cooking happening.”

She was cruel to want him again, even knowing that she would let him down in the end. But when he turned her around to face him and she looked into his blue eyes, Cami had no strength to pull away.

He kissed her deeply and she kissed back. Bradan was her fate. She couldn’t avoid him any more than she could not breathe the air around her. Cami’s vulnerability to him had only increased, having shared something as personal as the loss that had ruined her.

He ran a finger along her nose and lifted her chin. “You’re way too serious.”

Blunt but true. It was just like him to notice. In a hushed voice, she said, “You shouldn’t have come over tonight.”

Bradan’s eyes gleamed. “I did miss you. Way too much. I’m not sure I can wait until after dinner.”

Cami’s sex clenched and her nipples pressed against her sweater. Desire swept through her like a greedy child and refused to be denied. But she was unable to fall into his arms with no regret. He deserved to know that sex didn’t change anything.

She spoke with his mouth on her neck. “We aren’t right for each other, you know.”

He ran his tongue over the curve of her ear. “No, I don’t know. You’re wrong about that.”

She couldn’t believe she was saying it. “We never made any commitment other than sex.”

He looked into her eyes. “You can’t deny that you want me. You’re trembling in my arms.”

Cami choked on her words as they came out. “But there can’t be more. It’s not something I can…I don’t feel it.”

Bradan placed his palms on her cheeks, forcing her to look at him. Deep in his throat, he said, “Prove it. Make love to me. Let’s see if your heart melts. I dare you.”

She laughed softly despite the tension. “That’s what started all this trouble.”

His eyes flared with lust, and his erection pressed against her through their clothing. “I like trouble. You must know that by now.”

Having no clue how to manage her feelings, or how to say no to a man she wanted more than it seemed was possible, Cami closed her eyes. And that was Bradan’s answer. He lifted her into his arms and carried her to the small bed.

It seemed fitting that her last intimate moments with him would be in her own bed. It was touching that he found her desirable in such a setting. Bradan undressed her, watching greedily as her nakedness was revealed.

He tossed her clothing aside and, still fully dressed, sat on her bed. Cami was embarrassed to stand bare in front of him while he remained covered. The more embarrassed she was, the more it turned her on.

Bradan took his time looking at her, enjoying her discomfort. But his look was nothing but good. The admiration shining in his deep blue eyes touched her, and Cami felt transformed. She was beautiful like she had never been, or so she saw in her own reflection in his eyes.

“Come here,” he said in a throaty voice.

She stepped closer and he reached for her hands. Holding her wrists, Bradan kissed her breasts and gently sucked her nipples. Cami panted softly and wanted to touch him but could not. He kept her firmly in his grasp.

He kissed down her belly and, letting go of her arms, reached behind to cup her bare ass. Cami whimpered at his hot kisses, and the heat between her legs threatened to take her to the edge of the cliff.

“Spread your legs.” He said it with authority.

Cami stood with her feet wider apart. She would have done anything for him. If he’d only asked.

“You are so beautiful. I want to watch you come.”

She didn’t argue. The way he was fondling her, Cami was going to come soon whether he wanted her to or not. He placed his hands on her hips, and his touch alone sent a shiver through her. Bradan hardly needed to stimulate her.

In the soft light of her bedroom, Cami let him arouse her in any way he chose. She wanted him, and the craving to have him do things to her was powerful. He placed one palm over the smooth skin of vulva, and the heat of his hand made her clit harder.

“Are you wet for me, baby?”

Cami nodded, unable to speak.

“Let me see.” He said it as though curious, but she knew that there was no doubt. “You are very wet. You’re so passionate, so sexy.”

His flattery required no response. Cami’s eyes were half shut with the overwhelming sensation. With one hand, he cupped her sex and looked up at her intently.

“You are mine. You know that, don’t you?”

It was true when he said it. Completely under his control, weak from his ministrations, Cami was his. She wanted to be. Nothing felt better.

“Say it.” He held her sex in his hand, and she prayed for him to move, to put pressure in the right place. She needed it. She needed
him
.

“I’m yours, Bradan. You know I’m yours.”

The flash of satisfaction in his eyes made her proud of her words.
I’m yours
. It felt good. It felt right.

He stroked through her wetness and Cami whimpered. Her legs shook ever so slightly, and she wasn’t sure she could come standing in front of him. But she wanted to. She wanted to do whatever pleased him.

He used his fingers to open her outer lips, and the cool air assaulted her. Cami groaned. Leaning in, he pressed his lips to her clit and she shuddered. Then his tongue dipped inside her and everything became a swirl of sensation.

Her nipples were distended and swollen, her breasts heavy. Molten heat settled in her sex, and his tongue burned as he flicked along her clit, swiping over the end of it just once. A tiny cry, unable to escape, was muffled in her throat.

Bradan held her thighs and leaned her toward him so her knees touched the mattress for support. He ravaged her sex with his tongue and teeth, licking her deeply and nipping at the tender skin covering her most sensitive area.

He didn't stop, didn't slow, but by his actions, commanded her to release in his grasp. With no control possible, Cami shook when the heavy release took hold of her. Rolling pleasure washed through her veins and her body stiffened.

Bradan pressed his mouth to her sex and swirled his tongue around her clit until she reached her peak. When she collapsed on the downhill slide from release, he put his arms around her and pressed his head to her belly, holding her tight.