Perfectly Broken (21 page)

"One down."

I didn't look at Jordan, my eyes unable to leave Zane as footsteps approached and the bite of hot metal pressed into my temple.

My hand flew up to the side of my head, finding nothing but sweat matting my hair to my face where I had just felt the barrel of the gun. I blinked but the darkness of my own room was all that came into focus. I pushed myself to sit up
.
Too fast, I realized, gasping as the pain streaked behind my eyes and down through my chest.

I wrapped my arms around my middle, trying to breathe normally to calm myself but it wasn't working. I couldn't control the tremors as my mind replayed the images I tried desperately to push aside.
 

I didn't want to be alone anymore
.
More than that, after that nightmare, I needed to see Zane.

I stood carefully, making my way slowly out of my room. My feet shuffled along the carpet of the hallway as I kept one hand on the wall for support. I moved to Zane's door, pushing it slowly when I noticed it was left cracked. I could see a spot of blonde hair against the dark pillowcase as I tried to force my eyes to adjust to the darkness of the room.

"Zane?" I whispered and immediately regretted it. I could see he was here. I knew I was being completely irrational. It was just a dream. I took a step back just as he turned to face the door, taking a shocked breath.

"Pix?" He blinked and pushed himself up to his elbows, rubbing his eyes. "What's wrong? Do you need something?" He threw his legs off the bed and stood, making his way over to me. He leaned his face close to mine. "Are you okay?" He wiped a thumb across my cheek, brushing away tears I didn't realize were still falling. "Lili, talk to me."

"I just…" I took a shaky breath and swallowed hard, reaching up to hold his hand to my cheek. His eyes widened as I leaned my face into his palm. "I don't want to be alone right now
,
" I finished, knowing it was the truth, even if only in part.

"Oh." Zane looked into my eyes for a second before glancing over his shoulder to his bed and back to me. "Come here." He led me to the bed, helping me get comfortable before he moved to the other side and crawled in.

We lay in an awkward silence for a few minutes until I rolled, turning my body toward him slightly so I could see his face. He mirrored my movement, resting his face just inches from mine. The light from the hallway behind me seemed to brighten the blue of his eyes, making them even more piercing.

"Better?" he asked, giving me a slight smile as he reached up, brushing my hair off the bandage on my forehead. My eyelids fluttered in response to the touch and I nodded.

I slid down further into the bed and nudged myself closer to him. I knew I would regret it in the morning but I couldn't find it in me to care. I buried my face against his chest, inhaling the scent of him and resting my head on his arm. It was stupid and I knew that. I was taking advantage of the situation. I knew Zane wouldn't push me away because I was hurt
,
but I also knew that he would pull away emotionally if I got too close. It didn't stop me. I would deal with the consequences to my heart later. Tonight, I just wanted to feel safe and knowing Zane was with me helped me feel that way.

"How long before you have to get up for work?" I mumbled the words against his neck, not raising my face away from him as I spoke. He inhaled deeply and rested his hand on my hip, carefully pulling me closer.

"Not going," he said softly. The fingers of his hand near my head moved, slowly brushing through my hair.

We didn't speak after that and I thought he had fallen asleep. I blinked into the soft gray light filtering in behind his curtains. The sun must just be starting to rise. I tilted my head back, expecting to find him asleep but his eyes were looking down into mine. I smiled and we both exhaled an embarrassed sound at being caught watching the other.

"I thought you were asleep," I whispered. He shook his head, the look in his eyes so different from the Zane I'd always known.

"I doubt I could sleep right now if I wanted to. Which I don't." He took a deep breath as his hand moved at my hip, repositioning us again until he was comfortable. "But
,
you should rest."

I tilted my face back down and pressed my forehead into his shoulder before shaking my head slowly. "I'm scared
,
" I admitted for the first time.

I'd almost let myself admit this to them a few days ago in the kitchen but Lizzie's appearance had stopped me.

Lizzie.

The reminder of her sent a stab of pain through my chest and I sighed. She was in this bed last. I shouldn't be here. I pulled back slightly, already feeling the familiar walls rising but Zane's arms tightened, holding me in place.

"Is that what this is?" He kept his arms around me but leaned away enough to see my face, tipping his head down to look into my eyes. "What are you scared of, Pixie?"
 

I blinked back the moisture blurring my vision, letting myself get lost in the depth of his eyes. I'd never studied him this close before and I noticed for the first time that the pale blue of his eyes was broken in the center, intersected with gray in something almost like a starburst right around the pupils. It was so similar to the shade of the blue that I'd never distinguished the difference when he was wearing his contacts or glasses.

"Everything." The word barely made any sound. I slid myself closer, pressing my face back into his chest just to break the eye contact. He tightened his arms, carefully avoiding my ribs as I let my eyes drift closed. Just before I lost the battle with sleep, I felt his lips against the top of my head.

"Me
,
too." His breath fluttered against my hair. I barely understood the words as I drifted off.

"You need to move back. We can't help if you won't let us by."
Help is here.
Commotion around me. I cough as the pressure is removed.

CHAPTER SIXTEEN

Love

ZANE

I watched the room lighten slowly, my eyes heavy, but I wasn't about to miss a second of this night.

I continued running my fingers through Lili's hair long after her breathing evened out. I'd never watched her sleep before but now I knew she slept with her mouth open, possibly because of her broken nose, and she snored very softly. I never expected to have her in my bed, or even in my arms this way, especially after what happened the last night she was home.

As I ran my fingers over the bandage on her forehead, I couldn’t feel anything but relief. As much as I hated Adam, as much time as I spent plotting the many ways I could hunt him down and make him pay, having Lili in my arms right now dissolved my anger. I would find a way to make him pay, without a doubt, but my focus from now on was going to be the girl in my bed.

The thought shocked me and I paused with Lili's hair wrapped around my fingers.

How did I not see it before now?

It’d happened slowly, over two years of familiarity and friendship, and I'd completely missed it at the time. I loved her. I had for so long I couldn't pinpoint exactly when it had happened. Maybe there wasn't a single moment. Maybe it was a love built on the tiny moments we lived in every day. But, as I held her, refusing to sleep and lose a second of the time I had her in my arms, I knew. And I knew I couldn't deny it any longer.

I heard footsteps in the hallway and I cringed when Kas' voice called out to Lili from the other end of the hall. No doubt she had found her empty bed. Lili didn't even stir in my arms so I carefully placed my palm over her ear and hissed Kas' name as loud as I dared. After a moment, she appeared in my doorway, her eyes widened as she took in the scene.

"Interesting. How did you manage this?" she asked in a whisper, leaning against the doorframe.

"It was all her." I didn't want to say much for fear of waking Lili. When she woke, she would probably regret coming in here and leave. I was dreading that moment of reality.

"She doing okay?" Kas asked and I nodded. She shook her head but I could see her smile as she reached for the doorknob. "Don't fuck it up this time, Zane." She winked before closing the door softly.

I must have dozed off at some point because I was startled awake at the sound of a soft cry. I immediately focused on Lili's face
.
Her eyes were closed and her small features were pinched in either pain or fear. I waited through a quiet moment before she made the sound again. It tore straight through me, hearing her whimper in her sleep that way.

"Pix?" I whispered softly, not wanting to frighten her further. Her eyelids fluttered but didn't open
.
At the first sign of the tears on her lashes
,
I started feeling panicked.

"Pixie. Lili, wake up." I touched her cheek, trying to keep my voice calm so I didn't scare her further.

Her eyes flew open, glancing around quickly as she tried to focus. "Zane." She choked on the word, pain evident in every panicked breath she took.

"I'm right here," I said, running my thumb along her cheek, trying to draw her eyes to my face.

She looked up, focusing on me as she exhaled on a sob. She leaned in, pressing her forehead into my collarbone as she sobbed quietly, her body shuddering as I held her
.
"You're safe, Pixie. I'm sorry. I'm not going anywhere
,
" I whispered into her hair, trying to soothe her.

After several minutes, Lili's trembling breaths calmed. She kept her face down and scooted far enough away from me to pull up her hands and wipe carefully at her bruised eyes.

"Sorry." The word was so soft I almost missed it.

I reached down, touching her chin gently and lifting her face to look into her eyes. I looked past the dark bruises, ignoring the bandages as I stared. "Don't you dare fucking apologize to me. I don't…" I took a deep breath before pressing my lips against her forehead. I heard her shocked breath and I lowered my eyes, touching my forehead to the spot I'd just kissed. Keeping my face close to hers, I continued, "I'm not finished apologizing yet. You have to wait your turn."

Her eyes shined with the tears she was holding in and I watched her closely as she blinked several times. Finally, her mouth curled on one side as she exhaled a small laugh. I sighed, grinning at the reaction I'd hoped for.

"You'll tell me when it's my turn?"

"Yeah, Pix. I'll tell you." I nodded, releasing her chin as she burrowed her face against me again.

"Zane," a voice whispered and my eyes opened in a panic. The bed was empty. I sat up, looking around the room quickly. "She's taking a shower."

I turned to face Kas, who was leaning against the doorframe with her arms crossed. I stretched, glancing over at the clock.

"How long has she been up?"

"About half an hour. She was still trembling and covered in sweat. I finally talked her into showering to calm down." She paused but I didn't know what she wanted me to say.

My brain was still muddled from sleep so I pulled my knees up, resting my elbows on them as I rubbed my face.

"So?"

"So?" I repeated.

"Are you going to tell me what happened?"

I sighed, dropping my hands and looking back toward Kas. "She showed up at my door in the middle of the night saying she was scared and didn't want to be alone. I was half-asleep but she was crying and obviously upset so I held her until she fell asleep."

"That's it?"

"Sorry to disappoint you." I shoved myself out of bed, wanting to check on Lili.

Kas stopped me with a hand on my chest as I went to move past her. "You need to get her talking. If she keeps this all bottled up, she'll never really heal."

"She's barely been home a day, Kas. Don't push her," I snapped, heading toward the kitchen. I paused outside the bathroom door, listening to make sure the water was still running.

"You may want to keep her all bundled in your bed but it's not what's best for her, Zane."

I held up a hand to stop her from continuing and pointed toward the kitchen as I moved. I sat at the table in the same chair I'd been in the night everything went to hell. I looked toward the doorway, seeing the small crack in the drywall from the mug Lili had thrown at me. I deserved that. I deserved that and so much worse.

"I'll try to get her to talk but I'm not going to push her. The fact that she came to me when she was scared isn't something I want to screw up. If I push her, you know what will happen."

Kas nodded, leaning against the counter. "I need to head home for a while and Tish is at the shop trying to finish up his entry photos for the convention. You'll call if you need anything?"

I frowned at the reminder of the convention. Tish had been busting his ass for a long time for this and he'd put everything on hold this last week with Lili missing and now hurt. I'd hate for him to miss this after all work he'd put into it and Lili would hate herself if she figured out why he wasn't going.

"What makes you think I can't handle things?"

"I'm not saying you can't. Stop being so defensive. All I’m saying is that Tish and I can both be here in minutes if you need anything." Kas came over, placing both hands on my shoulders as she finished speaking. She leaned down, putting her face on my level. "She's trusting you. That's a big deal. Be what she needs right now, Zane."

I nodded, swallowing down the nerves that her words stirred. It was a big deal. Lili had always trusted me but the fact that she came to me, even after I'd broken her trust in the worst possible way, spoke of something deeper. I let out a long breath as Kas squeezed my shoulders before releasing me and heading back down the hall.

I heard her pause at the bathroom door, knocking before she opened it. I moved to the doorway of the kitchen, listening to the two murmuring voices before Kas reappeared. The water shut off moments later.

"I'll be back later," Kas said, smiling over her shoulder at me before she disappeared into the living room. The jingle of keys and the sound of the front door closing spurred me to move.