Perchance (29 page)

             
I walked down the dock, pulling my shoes off as I went.  I sat down on the edge next to her, but not touching her and put my feet in the water. 
She took one of the deepest breaths I’ve ever heard anyone take and let it out again. 

             
She cleared her throat.

             
“They tell me that you really kicked ace this semester. And your SAT score was phenomenal. I’m so proud of you Cooper.  You looked great graduating today.”

             
“I wish you could’ve been up there with me.”

             
“Me too. I should’ve been.”

             
She lay back and put her weight on her elbows. 

             
“Do you remember swimming here?” She asked.

             
“How could I forget? One of my best ideas.
I almost got you naked.
”

             
She laughed that full on haughty laugh that I loved
.

             
“How long are you here for?” It came out without my permission.

             
“That depends.” She answered.

             
“On?”

             
“On you.”

             
She got up and stood next to me. 

             
“Come on. There’s something that has been needing fixing for months and months and I want to fix it tonight.”

             
All I could get out was “ok.”

             
She walked to the car, her car and got out a stereo and a CD and put it in. 

             
“Dance with me?” She whispered the question as if I would ever, ever say no.

             
I walked over to her and pulled her in front of the car.  The CD started playing Open Arms by Journey.

             
She seemed hesitant, like the first time I held her hand, so I made the choice for her. 

             
I, as slowly as I could,
let my hands skim around her waist and up her back pulling her against me.  She melded with me, just like she used to and her arms went around my neck.  She was crying now. She started to say something and then she just laid her face in the crook of my  neck ins
tead.  After the song was over, it
switched to
Madame George.

             
“Van Morrison?”

             
She just shrugged her shoulders.

             
“You gave me all of your CDs. I listened.”

             
We danced through most of the song and then she lifted her head up and began to speak.

             
“I’m so sorry about what I did to you Cooper.  I was scared and I was stupid and I reacted so childishly.  I freaked out for no reason and then after I was over it, my pride wouldn’t let me come and apologize to you.  Then I saw you that night,
locking up your car and I couldn’t stand what I was doing to you. I didn’t want you in any more pain.”

             
I soaked in what she had blurted out to me.

             
“Remi, I’m sorry too.  I pushed too hard and too fast. But honestly, I really didn’t mean marriage. I only wanted you to have that ring to remind you that I am always going to be there.  It was my promise to you.  I wasn’t asking you to promise anything.
It was all w
rong.  The whole thing went to H
ell.”

             
“What would you do if you coul
d do it again and make it right?
Maybe it would help if you knew that the outcome would be guaranteed to be happy.”

             
“In a heartbeat I would go back and redo the whole thing.”

             
“I’m glad you said that.”

             
She broke away from me and went to the car that I realized I loved again because she brought my Remi home to me. 

             
She came back with something that I thought I never wanted to see again. One of those damned little blue bags.

             
My throat was closing up.  This was it.  He probably thought this was another promise ring.  But it wasn’t.  This was an engagement ring. I know, I know, you’re not supposed to buy one for yourself but nothing about this whole thing was normal.

             
I handed him the bag and motioned for him to open it. He opened it slowly, too slowly for me.  He opened the black box and snapped his head up to lock eyes with mine.  Here we go.

             
“
I want to do this the right way.
This is the ring that I think you wanted to get in the first place.  This is the ring I think you would’ve gotten
if you hadn’t thought I was going to flip out.” The tears had started already. “So, I’m gonna give you another chance, and me especially
more than you,
to do this the right way, if you want to.
I don’t deserve another chance and I certainly don’t deserve you.  But I had to try.
”

             
I looked down at the ground
. I waited for him to shoot me down like I deserved.  I waited for him to throw the thing in the water, jump in the truck and leave me here like I left him here hurting.

             
I should’ve known better.

             
He sat on the hood of that car, my car, his car, and dragged me towards him holding my hand.  He pulled me in between his knees and put his hand under my chin forcing me to look at him.  I instantly remembered this is how we were when we decided we were ‘officially’ together.

             
“Is this what you want?” He asked and his voice cracked.

             
“Yes.” I wanted to say more  but couldn’t get it out.

             
“This is not a promise ring.”

             
I found myself saying the almost the same words he had said that night.

             
“It’s ok. I was jumping the gun. It’s too fast. I can take it back.”

             
“Why would you do that?”
His response stole my breath.

             
I just closed my eyes hoping that by closing off that sense that I could try to better absorb what he was saying.

             
“If I had my way, the way
in my head Remi…
This is how it would’ve gone all that time ago. 
You would’ve looked anxious and loving like you do tonight instead of nervous and scared.  It would’ve been an engagement ring instead of a promise ring and you would’ve said yes.

             
“I’m saying yes now.”

             
The blood had rushed from my head.

             
Did she just say yes?

             
“I want to do this right.  Make sure we’re all clear.”

             
She just nodded her head.

             
I got off of the hood of the car, keeping her hand in mine and dropped down to one knee in front of her.

             
“Remi I’ve loved you all my life. I lost you once but I won’t lose you again.  I’m going to stick by you no matter what. Will you marry me?”

             
She nodded, crying and half laughing at the same time.

             
“You have to say it out loud.  You know how we screw things up.”

             
She laughed and wiped some of her tears away.

             
“Yes
Cooper I will marry you.” I slid
the ring on her finger.

             
I got up and took her in my arms.

             
“I thought it was too late.” She whispered.

             
“Never
…I told you I would always be here.
”

             
She was still crying minutes later, but I wanted to change this into a happier moment.  I knew she was still in pain but I didn’t want to leave this place with her crying ever again.

             
I reached under her hair and untied her dress.

             
She looked up and gasped.

             
“What are you…”

             
“Don’t think I didn’t see that you had a swimming suit on under there Pistol.”

             
Her dress dropped to the ground and she reached for the hem of my shirt
.

             
I took it off and she was still standing there, more gorgeous than I’d ever seen her.

             
“Do you want a repeat of
the
last time we went swimming?” She said as
she ran the back of her fingers over my stomach.

             
“Nope. This time around, we’re gonna do everything better.”

             
I grabbed her around her waist and as she screamed my name I threw us both into that infa
mous swimming hole
.  The place where we fell deeper in love, the place where I lost her, and the place where we found each other again.

4 years later…

             
I cranked up the volume on the stereo playing Jimi Hendrix and went to shower while supper finished cooking.  I got dressed, only putting on some shorts as this Louisiana summer was still beating down on us.  I walked back into kitchen and heard Remi turning her key and coming in. 

             
She walked in with a long face and slumped shoulders
and poured herself into a chair at the dining room.  I chuckled at her dramatics.  She thought she was fooling me but she didn’t fool me for even one minute. 

             
I ignored her, continuing to stir the spaghetti sauce as she brooded.

             
She let out a huge, long, loud sigh and I replaced the lid on the pot and turned around.

             
“Don’t even try it.” I mumbled just loud enough so she could hear me.

             
“I don’t know. I may have failed all of my classes. I’m not going to graduate.” She threw her head back in mock despair.

             
“Well, at least we know you didn’t fail drama.”

             
“Or, I may have gotten straight freakin’ A’s!” She said as she smiled and did a gangly celebratory dance in her chair.

             
Then she rose from her chair and ran to me, throwing her arms around my waist.

             
“Now you only have two years of grad school and you’re done!”

             
She slapped my bicep and head butted my chest.