Perchance (16 page)

             
He practically whi
spered the words to me, which was almost worse, I thought, than if he was yelling.
  And he was right.  I was the one who was questioning and unsure about things.  He had never done anything to make me think otherwise.  He looked me straight in the eyes while
he spoke, his green eyes telling me everything behind those black rimmed glasses that were reflecting the street light above us. 

             
I couldn’t find the words.  But I needed to fix this.  So I just went with what I felt. I took a step towards him
.  He looked at me, wondering what I was going to do next.  I took a deep breath.  And another.  I finally worked up the courage and put my arms around him and re
sted my forehead on his chest.  I didn’t know how he was going to react, but of course rejection was the first scenario that came into my mind.  And just as quickly as it came, he made it go away.

             
His arms came around me, one on my back and the other on the back of my head. He bowed his head and his face and lowered them to rest on the top of my head.  I let out an enormous sigh and he chuckled into my hair.  We stayed there, embracing under the yellow glare of the streetlight that connected our paths to each other. 

             
“Ok, I’m making the decision for you.  We’re going to my apartment.  Just to talk and hang out, yeah?”

             
“
Yeah” was all I could muster.

             
We walked the small distance to his tiny apartment above the garage and the Cuda was in the driveway.  I ran my hand along the side of the beauty and he looked back at me and laughed.

             
“Damn, way to make a guy jealous.” I laughed with him.

             
“You?  I was thinking the same thing.  She gets to go everywhere with you.”

             
“We can fix that.
”

             
“Hmmmm….we’ll see.”

             
We walked up the narrow stairs to his place and he unlocked the door and let me in first.  It was clean, with the exception of some clothes hanging on the back of a chair.  But for a boy, very clean.  Scout was a mess and trudging through his room was close to impossible. 
But he was my brother, so I forgave him.

             
He had two older looking recliners in front of a TV and thank the Lord he chose to sit there instead of the other choice, the bed.  He put on some music that reminded me of the radio station that my Mom used to listen to.

             
“Who is that? My Mom used to listen to that.” I asked.

             
“Are you serious? That’
s Blue Oyster Cult.”

             
“Do you have their t shirt?” I giggled.

             
“Did you just make fun of my shirts?  I love those shirts.”

             
“I can tell.  You wear one every day. “

             
“Ugh, my grandma hates them.  She always makes a big production of pointing them out and rolling her eyes or saying ‘Really Cooper?’”

             
“Ha! I like her already.” I was just joking.  I did love the band t
shirts. But I usually had no idea who the people on them were. 

             
He
came to sit by me and the song on the radio said s
omething about ‘Reeper
’ and I thought that was weird.

             
“So, tell me more about your Mom.” I wasn’t ready to tell him about my baggage yet.

             
He sat back in his chair looking like he was trying to find a place to start. 

             
“Mom’s name is Trish, and she’s a nurse.  She and my Dad met right after she finished nursing school.  He came in after some kind of car accident. He wasn’t hurt, but they made him go to the hospital anyway. 
They dated a short while, got married, got pregnant with me and then he took off.  After she had me, we lived with my grandparents for a few years and then they died, one after the other.  My Mom had a hard time with it.  We still live in their house and it was paid off so that made everything a lot easier on her.  I don’t think she’s ever called in sick or been late.  She’s a good nurse from what I’ve heard.  She makes the best chicken spaghetti in the world.  She taught me to take care of myself and be responsible.  She’s a great Mom. I miss her a lot, but I’m getting to like Eric and even though I was pissed that she sent me, now I’m glad she did.”  He shrugged like it was no big deal. 

             
It was a very big deal.  His Mom was my hero at this point.  She had gotten an education and had a way to support herself even when his Dad had left. 

             
I didn’t realize it until I had told her about my Mom what I had done.  But what I had done was…well I think I scared her.  My Dad had left us when she was pregnant with me.  But that didn’t mean I was going to leave her.  I mean, not that I was going to get her pregnant…good grief I’m going to drive myself insane.  I
felt like I needed to backtrack, but didn’t know how.

             
“So tell me about your Mom.”

             
I could tell it was not going to be easy for her.  She shifted in her seat and looked around the room, everywhere but at me.

             
“
Her name is Lacey.
My mom and Dad got married after he graduated high school while she was in the middle of her Senior year.  She quit school
after they got married
and stayed at home with me.  Then they had Tuesday, she’s fifteen and has a fondness for stealing.  And then she got pregnant with
Scout and Sable.  My Dad left about a week before she went into labor with twins.  He took all of the money out of the savings account, everything in the bank.  We didn’t have much family that I knew of because Dad had moved us out to Texas away from everybody.  He got drunk almost every night.  So she was stuck with four kids and no job, no job experience, not even a high school diploma. 
She works two full time jobs and we still barely made it.”

             
She let out a huge breath and her chin was quivering.

             
“I’ve only ever told two other people that.  Not exactly a happy childhood.”

             
I understood her now.  Her Mom was left helpless and hopeless.  She wasn’t going to repeat that and I respected that hell out of her for it.  Seeing what needs changing is one thing, but changing it is quite another.  I got up and crossed the small space between us and lifted her out of her chair.  I hugged her with everything I had.  She was so strong.  And I was a fool to think that she needed my help for one single second.  What an idiot.  She could do anything.  All of the sudden, I was scared that
she was never going to need me.  She was going to be this incredible woman and not need anything from anyone.
But I needed her with everything in me.  Down to the
tips of my toes, I needed her and I loved her.
The turn of the tide.

             
She cleared her throat and said something abou
t it getting late.  I walked her home and went to bed.  I wasn’t even tired.  But it was better than being awake and wondering if she would ever need me like I needed her.

             
A gunshot woke me from my almost asleep stupor.

             
Remi:
You got weird on me.  I said too much about my Mom, huh?

             
Me: 
No, I’m glad you told me.

             
Remi:
But…

             
Me: I
thought I was helping you.
But you are so strong.  You don’t need anyone’s help.

             
A few seconds went by, longer than it takes to text a message. 

             
Me:
You there?

             
Nothing. Now I had done it.  I laid back on my pillow groaning at my own stupidity. 

             
There was a loud knock on my door. 
             
             

             
I got up and opened it. 

             
“Don’t do that to me or to you.” Remi was yelling
at me and she was in her pajama pants and a tank top
. 

             
I just stood there like a dummy.

             
“Do what?”

             
“Don’t ever try to put down what you have done for me these past two weeks.  It’s been the best two weeks I’ve ever had and it’s because of you and your stubborn
breakfast and lunch and school supplies and sweetness and patience. So don’t you dare ever make light
of
how much you mean to me.”

             
Her eyes got wide as if that last part wasn’t meant for my ears.

             
Then she turned around and stormed out, and almost made it to the stairs before I turned her around.  I picked her up under her arms and lifted her up to hug me face to face.  This time, unlike the other times, she didn’t hesitate.  She wrapped her arms around my neck and squeezed the life out of me. 

             
When she began to whisper in my ear, I thought I would come unglued.  Girls should be warned about a man’s response to whispering in their ears.

             
“Cooper, I try to be tough and strong, but I’m not.  Sometimes I feel like I’m made of glass.”
             

             
“I won’t break you Pistol, I won’t.” I whispered back into her ear and felt her body tense against mine.

             
She pulled her head back and looked at me.  I was still ho
lding onto her and didn’t know if I would ever be ready to let her go.
She looked me straight in the eye
. Her arms had moved
back and her hands were on the sides of my neck.  I wanted to kiss her.  I think I’ve been waiting all of my life to kiss her.  But I wasn’t going to be the one to move this forward. 

             
She moved so slowly towards me.  A small breeze wisped by
us and I could smell that apricot
stuff that she always used.  I had seen her put it on after lunch.  Her lips were covered in a faint shin
e. And then her lips met mine and it was like something clicked into place inside of me.  Like I was a clock running a little off kilter and she set me right again.  It lasted only a second but I would remember it for the rest of my life.

             
She smiled at me and her cheeks were twice as red as they were earlier and it made her even more beautiful.

             
I let her down and fake groaned. “Ugh… now I have to walk you home again!”

             
“Or you can let me drive the Cuda home.”

             
“That’s it! Now I know it. You’re only with me for my car!”

             
She laughed at my fake despair.

             
“Fine, I’ll just give you a ride home since you love her so much.”

             
“Ugh, I do love her.”

             
We got in the car and I took her around the block three times at her request.  I was getting a little concerned about her obsession with it. 

             
I finally pulled into her driveway and she pecked me on the cheek and said “Sleep well, ok? I will talk to you tomorrow.”

             
“Are you kidding me? You, in your pajamas in my car? I might not ever sleep again.”