Peggy Gifford_Moxy Maxwell 02 (2 page)

chapter 3

5 Reasons Why Moxy Had to Exchange the Evening Gown

1. It was strapless.

2. It was black.

3. It had too many sequins.

4. It had a train that extended five feet behind her.

5. Moxy was only ten.

“It's a shame it didn't work out,” said Moxy. She was looking at the photograph Mark had taken of her when she first modeled the dress for everyone. He called it “Moxy's Moxie.”

“Moxy's Moxie,” by Mark Maxwell.

“I'm sure we'll find something just as cute at the mall this afternoon,” Moxy went on. “I think I'll go with a short skirt this time—something with gobs of glitter.”

“You're not going with anything, including with me to the mall, until you finish writing your thank-you notes,” said Mrs. Maxwell. She was looking under Moxy's bed as she spoke. She pulled out two old ice cream bowls and a plate with a fork stuck to it.

“Mom, have you decided where you want to live when I'm a rich and famous movie star and buy you a mansion?” asked Moxy, gazing at the big toe on her left foot. (It looked bigger than usual.)

Number 3 on Moxy's List of 218 Possible Career Paths was to become a rich and famous movie star and adopt 17 starving children from around the world (she wasn't sure if she would have a husband) and live with them and their 17 nannies in a mansion near all the other rich and famous movie stars who were adopting starving children from around the world.

Moxy had been studying how to break into show business for more than three weeks now, and as far as she could tell there were only two ways to do it. One way was to have enormous talent and perseverance. The other way was to be “discovered.” Being “discovered” seemed easier.

But according to Moxy's father, the only way to be “discovered” was to be seen around “the scene,” which was why this trip to Hollywood was so important.

The way Moxy figured it, all that stood between her and a three-movie deal was twelve thank-you notes.

chapter 4

In Which Mrs. Maxwell Begins a Sentence with “If you don't stop dreaming and start writing your thank-you notes right now…”

“If you don't
stop dreaming and start writing your thank-you notes right now, there are going to be consequences,” said Mrs. Maxwell.

chapter 5

A Brief Word About the Word “Consequences”

August 23 had
been the third-worst day of Moxy's life (for details see
Moxy Maxwell Does Not Love
Stuart Little, pages 1–92). Ever since then, Moxy had paid very close attention when her mother used the word “consequences.”

In case you don't know, consequences are what happen when you don't do
exactly, precisely,
and
specifically
what your mother tells you to do. In Moxy's limited experience, consequences had never been a good thing. In fact, “consequences” was the only twelve-letter word that made Moxy feel like she might collapse.

“Since you want to know,” said Moxy, “the real problem with my new thank-you notes—and thank you very much for them, by the way—is that they already say ‘Thank You' in big gold letters across the front, and what is the point of writing ‘thank you' inside when ‘thank you' is already written outside?

“It doesn't leave much to write about,” she added.

chapter 6

In Which Mark Says Something

“Just write the
notes, Moxy,” said Mark. He was looking through his camera's viewfinder at the maple tree that he and Ajax, his stepfather, had wrapped in little white twinkling lights on the first day of Christmas vacation.

chapter 7

In Which Moxy Has a Really Good Idea (Really)

“Mom, I just
had a really good idea,” said Moxy, ignoring (and not for the first time) her brother. “What I'm going to do is write my thank-you notes while I'm in Hollywood.”

She could just picture herself sitting by the pool in her baby blue petal-patterned swimsuit with her red heart-shaped sunglasses, writing thank-you notes. “That way I can wish everyone a happy New Year and get a tan at the same time.”

Moxy also liked the fact that she would be able to start every note with “Salutations from Hollywood.” “Salutations” had the advantage of being an eleven-letter word, which meant it would take up more space than plain old four-lettered “Dear.”

Besides, everyone would know she was visiting her father. She didn't care whether everyone knew she was visiting her father. Except that she sort of did. Practically everyone in the Northern Hemisphere knew she hadn't seen him in almost three years.

“What are you doing?” asked Mrs. Maxwell.

“Packing my thank-you-note stuff,” said Moxy.

chapter 8

In Which Pansy Begins to Cry

Pansy, who was
Moxy's little sister, and only five, was lying under Moxy's bed practicing to be a turtle—which was what she wanted to be when she grew up. (Mark wanted to be a photographer—which he already was—and Moxy was still considering which of 218 Possible Career Paths she would follow.)

Mrs. Maxwell lifted the bedspread and peered at her youngest child.

“Why are you crying, darling?”

“I want to go to Hollywood with Moxy and Mark.”

Mrs. Maxwell lay down on the floor, pressed her left cheek against the exact spot on the carpet where Moxy had accidentally spilled a jar of the perfume she had invented on the second day of Christmas vacation, and looked into Pansy's eyes.

“What's that smell?”
said Mrs. Maxwell.

“Do you like it?” exclaimed Moxy. “It's a product I've been developing for my new Moxy Maxwell Socks and Scents collection.”

Pansy stopped crying and started sniffing the floor.

“I call it Eau de Moxy,” said Moxy modestly.

“What's it made of?” asked Pansy.

“It's a surprising combination of household products and three kinds of perfume.”

Mrs. Maxwell got up. There followed a brief exchange between Moxy and her mother, the details of which I won't go into. (It is enough to say that the words “Pine-Sol” and “Lemon Pledge” were mentioned.) But if I stop and tell you every detail of every conversation, I'll never get back to the question before us, which is why Pansy couldn't go to Hollywood with Mark and Moxy.

The reason Pansy couldn't go to Hollywood was that she had a different father than Mark and Moxy.

chapter 9

Divorce and the Problem of Last Names

When Mark and
Moxy were quite young (Moxy had just started to walk and Mark had just started to read), their father moved to New York City to star as a character named Dr. Flint Stone on the TV show
As the World Twirls
. Unfortunately, Dr. Flint Stone had contracted a severe case of malaria while he was in Africa looking for a kidnapped nurse, and he hadn't survived the first season. But Moxy's father decided to stay in New York anyway, even though he no longer had a job, and Moxy's mother decided to stay in Ohio, and they decided to get a divorce.

A few years later, during Story Hour at the local library, Moxy's mother was “swept off her feet” (Moxy's words) by the famous children's poet A. Jackson Maxwell (Mark and Moxy call him Ajax). And after a “whirlwind romance” (Moxy again), they were married.

There was, however, considerable confusion about how someone named Mrs.
Maxwell
could be the mother of two children named Mark and Moxy
Hunter,
and how Mark and Moxy
Hunter
could have a sister named Pansy
Maxwell.

Finally, they all agreed to choose just one name for everyone.

“Maxwell” won by just one vote.

chapter 10

60 Words About Mark and Moxy's Stepfather, Ajax

Ajax wrote children's
books all day (and sometimes right through dinner and sometimes he was still writing children's books when Pansy went to bed and sometimes he was still writing children's books when Mark and Moxy went to bed—although Moxy didn't really go to sleep when she went to bed, she read books under the covers with her flashlight).

chapter 11

2:01 p.m.—In Which Moxy Looks at Her Clock

“Mom, shouldn't we
be going to the mall soon?” Moxy was looking at her clock. It said 2:01 p.m.

“
I'm
going to the mall as soon as I take these dirty dishes downstairs,” said Mrs. Maxwell. “
You're
going to the mall as soon as you finish writing your thank-you notes.”

“But you'll be downstairs before I can even get started.”

“Then I guess you're not going to the mall.”

Moxy was shocked. “But I have to exchange my evening gown!”

But Mrs. Maxwell was already walking down the stairs. She was also calling Uncle Jayne on her cell phone. She was also carrying two old ice cream bowls and a plate with a fork stuck to it
and
Moxy's black evening gown. (Over the years Moxy had observed that a really first-rate mother can do many things at once without messing any of them up.)

Moxy listened as she followed her mother down the stairs.

“Uncle Jayne?…Well, Merry Christmas to you too,” said Mrs. Maxwell—even though Christmas was yesterday. “Would you mind coming over to sit with the children while I dash to the mall?”

Apparently Uncle Jayne didn't mind, because Mrs. Maxwell was saying “thank you” by the time she reached the bottom stair. She was moving so rapidly that Mark, who was behind Moxy, couldn't even get a photograph of her.

chapter 12

Introducing Granny George

They found Granny
George sitting in the kitchen, knitting a shocking-pink bonnet for covering up toilet paper. She was going to sell it at the annual Save the Ivory-billed Woodpecker Fund-raiser.

(Even though Granny George officially lived in Arizona, she spent her winters in Ohio visiting the Maxwells. Granny George didn't like warm winters.)

Here's a picture Mark took of Granny George knitting the shocking-pink bonnet for covering up toilet paper.

Granny George's legs.
^1*

You probably can't tell from the photograph, but Mudd, who was one of the Maxwells' dogs, had been playing ball all morning with Granny George's ball of shocking-pink yarn.

After Mark took this picture of part of Granny George's legs, Mrs. Maxwell suggested that he help Granny George roll the ball of shocking-pink yarn back into a ball. Actually, it was more than a suggestion—it had a “do it now” flavor.

So Mark put his camera down and started rolling up the yarn.

chapter 13

Why Moxy Maxwell Does Not Love Crafts

Even though Granny
George loved crafts and was excellent at them, Moxy hated them. This was because crafts usually involved white paste that didn't stick and round scissors that didn't cut and construction paper that felt dry and very unpleasant under your fingertips.

Moxy
did
like spray paint, though. Unfortunately she wasn't allowed to touch another can of it until she was twenty-one years old.

For Christmas, Granny George had given Moxy a pencil holder made from an empty can of peas and decorated with glued-on macaroni. It was spray-painted gold.

Here is a close-up photograph Mark took on Christmas morning of the gold pencil holder with the glued-on macaroni Granny George had made for Moxy. He called it “Where the Peas Were.”

“Where the Peas Were,” by Mark Maxwell.

It occurred to Moxy that if she thanked Granny George for the pencil holder right now, she might not have to write a thank-you note to her later.

“Granny George, thank you for the pencil holder,” said Moxy. She leaned down and kissed the top of Granny George's head.

“Pencil holder?” said Granny George. Sometimes Granny George had a problem with remembering.