Past Lives (15 page)

“I love you, too.”

Carefully, he moved to my side, and we held each other close as our bodies calmed. We sat like that, treasuring our one perfect moment, until we knew it was time to make our way to the catacombs. I carefully put myself back together, braiding my hair for night and swapping my dress for a simple nightgown and robe. I didn’t know whether to laugh or blush when Sebastian turned away to allow me to change. When we managed to look presentable, Sebastian moved to open the door, and I crept up close behind him.

“Wait,” he said, pulling me back into his arms and kissing me silly. I surrendered with abandon, grateful for any chance to be close to him. When he pulled away, he squeezed my hand and gave me a glimpse of his once carefree smile before opening the door a crack to check for the all clear. The dark, empty hallway met us as we crept to the catacombs, Sebastian holding my hand once again as we made our way down the dark staircase. The stench was becoming unbearable, and I held my hand over my mouth to try and keep from breathing it in.

When we entered the secret room, the smell that hit us was of a whole new variety.

Vomit.

Janika ran to Sebastian and threw herself into his arms, crying hysterically. I noticed Giselle huddled in a corner of the room, tucked in a fetal position. Her dark hair was caked with sweat and dirt, her skin pale as ice. I could see blue veins winding through her emaciated body, poking out from beneath her dirty dress. Sebastian was trying to get information from his sister.

“What is it? I can’t help you if you’re crying too hard to tell me what’s happened!” he cried, frustration etched across his face. Janika hiccupped and took several deep breaths before she could speak clearly.

“She’s been sick since this morning. I mean, she said she felt nauseous before, and that she was having some trouble…in the restroom…” her face turned bright red, but still she went on. “She’s been vomiting nonstop since this morning. There’s nothing to even throw up—we’ve been rationing our food so carefully!”

I felt another stab of guilt. We were barely able to feed them at all with what we brought down. It was too obvious to fill my pockets to the brim, so they were lucky if they shared an apple and a piece of bread each day. I just didn’t know how to fit more…I could feel Jean’s gaze constantly. One wrong move, and we would be done. Sebastian made his way over to Giselle.

“Giselle?” he asked quietly. She groaned and clutched her stomach tighter. None of us knew anything about medicine or health. In spite of my time in my father’s office, I had been so preoccupied thinking about music that I never bothered to pay attention to what went on around me. He put his hand to her head and felt the pulse at her wrist before coming back to us.

“She feels feverish, and her pulse is fluttery. Try to get her to drink as much water as you can, Janika. That’s all I can think to do…” he said, pacing furiously around the tiny space. I took the spare moment to tell Janika of our plan. She frowned.

“In two weeks, Giselle could be dead,” she said, her eyes dull. For some reason, I had thought she would be excited. I realized then that she faced two realities: die in a hole or potentially die far from home at the hands of violent soldiers. Neither scenario was really cause for excitement. There was barely even cause for hope.

“Just keep giving her as much water as you can. Hopefully it will flush itself out and she’ll be ready to go when the time comes,” Sebastian said. I tried to disregard the wild sense of panic that pulsed through the room, all of us desperate to ignore it. We sat and talked strategy with Janika for as long as we could, and I cried once again as we had to leave her behind.

“We’ll get you out of here,” I promised, holding her dirt-crusted hand. “Just take care of yourselves.”

“I’ll try,” she said, her face gaunt. She turned without looking back to check on Giselle, and Sebastian and I made our way back out and up the stairs. When we got to the stage, he held up a hand to stop me before sneaking back out into the hallway leading to my room.

“We should part ways for the night here,” he said, his voice tinged with regret and weariness. I knew he was right, but it didn’t stop the disappointment from rushing over me. I frowned.

“I’ll find some time to come and see you tomorrow, if I can. They’ve got us preparing some rooms for new supplies, so we’ll likely be busy all day.”

I wrapped my arms around him, the two of us masked behind a stage curtain. It was appropriate, really, that we acted our love out on a stage, hidden behind the roles we played in life. Knowing that loving him more deeply would just hurt more when he left, I stood on my toes and kissed him briefly before cracking open the door myself and making my way back to my room.

If only I had known that it was the last kiss we would ever share.

Chapter Nineteen

A Botched Escape

The soldiers were excessively busy through the next week, and I waited as long as I could each night before heading down to the catacombs alone. Giselle was getting thinner with each passing day, and Janika crouched in the furthest corner from her, her own vomit forming a separate pool nearby. I did my best to keep conversation on our escape, to shed a sliver of light that might be the hope to get us through. I woke up towards the end of the week to a neatly folded note on my floor, slid through the bottom of my door. Apparently it was everyone’s favorite delivery method. Carefully, I peeled it open.

J,

I’ve finally managed to figure out why they’re keeping me so busy. The head official who dined with you believes that there is a romance between us that he would like to squash, as he intends to pursue you when he returns from Germany once again.

I’ve been ordered to stay away from you unless absolutely necessary. This change in events leads me to believe that you should join us, as I don’t trust your safety to the other soldiers. If you agree, give me a nod the next time we are all in a room together. An assembly is scheduled to occur the day before the shipment arrives.

It is my dearest hope that we make it through this alive, as my greatest wish would be for you to be my wife. Truly, I would like nothing more than that. It will be up to you to sneak the girls over to the truck—I’m sorry to ask it of you. I will always keep my eye out for you.

Burn this letter once you have read it. If they find anything, it means death for us all.

Yours,

S

I held the letter to my heart as I registered the meaning of his words. We’d be hiding in a truck, perhaps days without food or water, the constant fear of discovery our only companion. At least I now knew why I had been forced to be without him for the week, though the knowledge itself did nothing to help ease the ache in my heart. I lit my candle and held the paper to the solitary flame, watching dully as black ashes dropped to the floor in its place.

The assembly was held in the main theater. I decided to wear white gloves, as my nail beds and the skin around them had been chewed to the point of bleeding. It was my only major giveaway, and I tried my best to keep them hidden at all times. When I entered the elaborate theater, the gilded walls bouncing light from every angle, I scanned the room for Sebastian. When I finally spotted him standing at attention next to the stage, my heart leapt. His eyes were already fixed on me, and carefully, as imperceptively as I could manage, I nodded. His shoulders loosened, though nothing else in his appearance changed. Still, I knew he was relieved.

I sat in the front row, a place I had been assigned in order to best display the beliefs of the school in support of the Reich. My hands were tugging against the thin fabric of my gloves, knotting over and over in my lap. Realizing this was a nervous gesture, I pulled them apart and stacked them politely on top of each other. I had begun losing sleep for worrying that Janika had contracted whatever illness was plaguing Giselle. As the last few days passed before our planned escape, Giselle became despondent, unable or unwilling to speak to any of us. Her body simply poured out of her, and all Janika could do was sit and wipe her brow.

The assembly was a propaganda piece, designed to remind us how in love with Germany we were. Sketches were played out by various students, patriotic songs were sung, speeches spoken with passionate zeal. I tried very hard to keep my eyes from darting to Sebastian every few seconds, though whenever I did I noticed him doing the same. To everyone else it simply looked like he was glaring out at the theater. The show started and ended uneventfully, and I felt the twinge in my heart when I had to leave the theater without looking back. It was mid-afternoon, and I had to somehow not obsess with the clock as I waited for night to fall and our plan to finally take place.

To anyone else, it was a completely normal day. After the assembly, we rehearsed for a play I would be mysteriously absent for. I did my duty, singing with my heart as I always did, hoping that if I could absorb myself in the task at hand I could forget for a moment what was to come. It didn’t work. After we finished up, I headed over to the costume closet and managed to swipe a few pairs of black trousers and overcoats, used by stagehands to keep them in the dark while swapping out sets. I managed to find a black knitted cap for myself to hide the bright blonde of my hair.

“What are you doing?”

My back stiffened, and I turned to face Jean. Her arms were crossed, her eyes accusatory. I straightened my shoulders, affecting that there was nothing to hide.

“Hilda asked me to bring her some black pieces for a costume she’s working on,” I lied. I was amazed at how easily it slid between my teeth. Jean stood her ground.

“What possible costume could she need with those pieces?” she demanded. I had worked with her enough to know that brushing her aside was the only way to deal with her at all. Even then, one was likely to be tripped or pinched, but it was far better than the alternative of dealing with Jean. I made to move past her. She planted her feet more firmly into the ground.

“If I were a suspicious person, I would guess those clothes are meant to sneak someone out…perhaps in the dead of night.”

“Well then, it’s a good thing you’re not, isn’t it?” I snarled, pushing her aside with my elbow. “If you’ll excuse me, Hilda is waiting,” I tossed back as I made my way down the hall. The silence that answered was more unsettling than anything nasty she could have said. I quickened my pace. Twisting and turning through various hallways, I detoured three different ways before making my way back to my room with my stash. The wait began. I stuffed everything in a small sack and picked up a book, trying anything to pass the time. After I read the same sentence six or seven times, I finally set it down and lay on my bed, staring up at the ceiling.

I imagined over and over again the route I would take, how everything would play out. Giselle would be better, ready to go. We would sneak stealthily through the hallway and through the back door, where I could finally see Sebastian once again. Then, we would all cuddle up in the back of the supply truck unnoticed, and be delivered to Italy the next day. We would hop out, rent an apartment, maybe in Venice, and live quietly until everything settled down. Janika and Giselle could be my bridesmaids at a secret wedding—Sebastian my dashing husband.

Yes, it would all work out just fine.

The pink haze of dusk faded away into a starry night, and still I lay, the anticipation running through me like an electric wire. My stomach was in knots, my heart fluttering like a scared bird. Finally, an hour past midnight, I slid the loose stagehand pants over my hips, tying them around me with twine. Although it was a trip I had made so many times, the sensation of eyes at my back was so strong I turned every other second.

I tiptoed my way along the hallway, praying with every step that each door I passed would remain shut. When I slid behind the theater stage, I released a breath I hadn’t realized I’d been holding. I crept to our secret door and felt my way down the wall, familiar now with every nook and cranny in the sanded stone. About halfway down the stairs, the now familiar smell of trapped human could be detected, and I found myself grateful that we would be able to remove it from our lives. Candlelight danced under the door to our catacomb, and I knocked softly before coming in.

Janika sat against the rocky wall, her eyes vacant. The light played over them like water on glass, and for a moment I feared that she had succumbed to the illness. I ran to her and knelt by her side.

“Janika! Speak to me!” I cried. To my relief, she blinked and gazed vacantly at me. Slowly, I turned to examine the room at large, and there she was. Giselle’s body was laid out, her eyes had been closed, hands crossed at her chest. She looked like a statue, her expression peaceful for the first time since I’d met her. The vision blurred as my eyes filled with tears, and I allowed myself a whole minute to weep for the lost life of my friend.

“There was nothing I could do,” Janika said slowly, her voice monotone. I turned to face her, covering my mouth to hide a sob. She had been trapped in a tomb with the dead body of her friend, and it was apparent that a piece of her had died, too. I knelt by her again, taking her face in my hands, willing her to show me that she might find her humanity again, somehow. Her gaze was haunted, as though she was trapped in a nightmare and expecting to be woken.

“We have to go,” I said, taking action. If we didn’t move at that moment, we could have grieved in that tomb for the rest of our lives, losing our own opportunity to live. Carefully, I helped her dress in the black garments, my hands fluttering over her prominent ribcage as I smoothed the black coat over her. I grasped Janika’s arm and hefted her up, a task that was surprisingly simple given her featherlike weight. She moved easily, a docile child. Still holding her arm, I opened the door and led us back to the staircase, casting one last look at Giselle. I left the candle burning, not wanting her to be left alone in the dark.

As we reached the top step to make our exit, I grasped the doorknob, ready to move on to the next stage of our journey. Suddenly, the door was pulled from my grasp, taking Janika and I with it. I cried out as we fell to the ground, and was blinded as I looked up directly into the penetrating beam of a flashlight.

“See! I told you!” Jean cried out, pointing at us with an accusatory finger. I glared up at her, hate radiating through me. It immediately turned to panic as two soldiers muscled their way onto the stage, Sebastian struggling in their ironclad grip. The blonde Nazi who had led the beating a few weeks prior tsked at us. Kneeling down and taking my chin in his fingers, he forced me to look into his eyes, where I saw my death being planned with relish.

“Our little ingénue, our rising star, a traitor. This is quite the betrayal, child. And so soon after our last demonstration, too…such a shame.”

His fingers on my chin dug through my cheeks and into my teeth before he released my face abruptly. He then moved over to Janika, his expression a mask of disgust. He did not touch her.

“A dirty Jew hiding right beneath us. She certainly does stink, doesn’t she boys?” This elicited a chuckle from the other soldiers. I glanced at Sebastian, who stared at Janika in complete dismay. The blonde Nazi approached him next.

“And
you
,” he hissed. “Silly that we thought we could trust you, really. You made a terrible soldier, always disappearing in the night, barely able to keep up with your duties. I’m sure we’ll all know better than to trust someone with traces of that blood again.”

Quick as a flash, he punched Sebastian in the gut, and he crumbled, held up by the two soldiers. The leader circled around the stage, master of his craft.

“It looks like we have a stronger example to make. Wake up the building and send them to the dining hall. Clear out the tables so we have plenty of room,” he said, the soldiers moving immediately to follow orders. He then grasped Jean’s hand, and held it up to his lips.

“We are indebted to you, Jean. This was truly a great service, and I thank you.”

Jean smiled, catlike. “Anything for the Fatherland,” she purred, her eyes flicking to me in triumph. At that moment, I felt nothing. One of the soldiers holding Sebastian came over and nudged us to get up, and I had to half carry Janika as we were escorted out the door and to the dining hall. As we passed Jean, I couldn’t help but ask, “Why?”

She smiled.

“Because I hate you.”

“Yes, but
why?
”

She shrugged.

“Does a girl need a reason? I always knew you were a traitor. Now I’ve been proven right. Let’s see what they’ve got in store for you now,” she said, sauntering off ahead of us. I heard Sebastian reason with the
guards to allow him to help me carry his sister, and a moment later he grasped Janika’s other arm, the three of us hobbling our way to our doom. We exchanged a glance for just a moment as all the fear, grief, and love we felt poured out in a silent exchange that could fill a fraction of a second.

“Giselle?” he whispered.

“Shut up!” One of the soldiers pulled a baton from his holster and slammed Sebastian in the side. He winced, but we were forced to continue walking. When I managed to catch his eye again, I gave my head a small shake, and he knew. Giselle was one step ahead of us. By the time we reached the dining hall, there were a few sleepy-eyed students there in their pajamas. Their eyes widened at the sight of Janika, who stumbled on, zombielike, welcoming death. I remembered how vibrant and funny she had been, not so long ago, and my heart filled with sadness.

We were lined up by a wood-paneled wall, side by side, and made to stand as we waited for the rest of the student population to arrive. Herr Eisler stumbled in, wearing an elaborate royal blue robe. When he saw me, his eyebrows rose.

“This must be some mistake! You’re making a huge mistake!” he raised his voice, and a soldier grasped his arm, startling him.

“Shut up and wait for the presentation,” the soldier said.
Presentation?
I thought, my knees trembling so hard they knocked together. Herr Eisler kept his concerned gaze on me, though I noticed when he finally took the time to see who was with me, his expression quickly changed from concern to barely contained anger. As the last students filed in and the nod was given, our blonde captor once again began his exhibition with great flair.

“We told you that helping the enemy was a punishable offense. We were kind enough to show you a small sample of what could happen if you disobeyed. Yet here we stand, once again, in the middle of the night, betrayed! Behold, what has been hiding in the basement of this institution, and the scum that perpetrated it all!” He waved a hand dramatically across us, showcasing the consequences of rebelling. I stood tall, defiant, though my hands and knees shook violently, giving away my false bravado.