Passion By Control (Passion Series Book 2) (33 page)

With his control slipping rapidly, Fabian thrust harder, faster, hearing Sirene’s throaty moans increase in volume.  Fuck she was going to come again, he could tell. Just at that moment she clamped down around him, her cunt like a vice on his cock and he felt her flood him as she came again. That was enough for him, he couldn’t hold off any longer. As the first shot of cum exploded from him and into her, his head fell back, her name bellowed loudly from his lips as he emptied into her in a mind blowing pleasurable release.

With his body shaking violently, he lowered Sirene’s legs to the bed before collapsing on top of her and they both lay there, gasping for air. Once their breathing had finally settled, Fabian lifted himself off her and flopped down by her side. They were silent, the room quiet except for the soft sound of their breathing. The longer he lay by her side though, the more aware he became that something still wasn’t right. Fucking her, giving her two orgasms obviously hadn’t helped. He was going to have to start digging and see if she would open up and tell him what was wrong.

He rolled over onto his side and propped himself up on one elbow, his head resting on his hand. With his other hand he reached out and traced over Sirene’s collarbone before sliding his fingers down between her breasts until he reached her stomach, smoothing his palm over her soft skin.

She tensed under him and when he met her eyes, she looked almost scared as she stared at him. What the fuck was wrong with her? She was acting so strange.

“Sirene, my beauty, what’s wrong? Don’t tell me nothing, I can see it in your eyes. What is it?” He continued to move his hand over her stomach, backwards and forwards as he waited for her response.

Sirene

When I stared into Fabian’s penetrating pale eyes I felt my heart rate kick up a notch. He knew, he knew something was bothering me. He looked concerned too, an expression I wasn’t used to seeing on his face but I wasn’t sure it would be there much longer, once I told him what was wrong.  

It wasn’t helping that of all places he could have his hand, it had to be on my stomach and he kept smoothing his palm over my skin, back and forth, not knowing that his fingers were just inches from where his tiny baby lay nestled in my womb.

“Sirene, answer me.” His hand stopped and he curled his fingers over my stomach. “What’s wrong? It’s because we’ve gone past the two weeks you asked for before I consider going back to being vampire, isn’t it? You’re wondering what my decision will be?”

I sighed, wishing it was that simple. “Well, I am worried about what you will decide Fabian, but that’s not it. You’re not going to believe what’s bothering me. It’s kind of funny in a way given I gave you shit about it but well, it’s happened and I’m still shocked but I’m more worried about your reaction and fuck…fuck…oh shit, I….I…well…” I trailed off.

“For fuck sakes Sirene, tell me what’s wrong?” I could hear the irritation in Fabian’s voice and it only made me more nervous. “I have no idea what you’re crapping on about with something you reckon you gave me a hard time about but all I know is I’m growing weary of this shit now.” He sat up, glaring down at me, his dirty blonde hair with its pale streaks falling forward over one eye, making him look even more sexy and giving him that, ‘just fucked’ look.

“Ok, brace yourself. It’s going to give you a bit of a shock.” I started to say. “All I can say is, it wasn’t intentional ok? I didn’t do this deliberately, but with all that’s happened I guess I got distracted and I must have missed a few days, but it’s happened and maybe it’s fate.” I spoke quickly, realising I was rambling but unable to stop myself.

“Dammit Sirene; you’re not making any sense. What the fuck did you miss for a few days and what the hell are you talking about with this whole fate thing?”

“The pill, I forgot a few days of the pill Fabian, but there was a lot distracting me with that car killing you, then bringing you back and well, I’m sorry.” I chewed nervously on my bottom lip.

“The pill?” He gave me a questioning look but then his eyes widened and I watched his face go from the dawning of reality, to shock, horror, fear and then anger. In fact he looked really, really angry. “Are you trying to tell me you’re fucking pregnant?”

My heart skipped, then began to thump almost painfully in my chest. Fabian was not exactly looking happy over the prospect of becoming a father, he looked pissed, seriously pissed.

“Y…yes, I’m…I…I’m...preg…pregnant.” I stammered. “I only found out yesterday. I’m sorry, it’s an accident. I can’t believe it’s happened but it has.” I fell silent.

Fabian was still sitting staring at me in shock. “I can’t believe it. Fucking 600 years as a fucking vampire and three fucking weeks as a human and you get pregnant? What are the fucking odds that my damn sperm would work after 600 fucking years dead? I can’t believe it, I just can’t believe it.” He looked and sounded dazed.

“That’s what I thought too. They must be strong and you’re so virile, so fertile.” I tried to play to his ego but the look he shot me demonstrated my attempt to placate him wasn’t working.

“You gave me shit about wearing a fucking condom then told me it was ok because you were on the fucking pill. Well fuck me, that didn’t work did it? I trusted you when you said you were on the pill. Fuck, I haven’t had to think about contraception for nearly 600 years and you said you were on the pill. Fuck, fuck!” He raked his hands through his hair, his expression haunted. He was not handling the news well obviously and was looking more and more like a cornered animal.

“I’m sorry Fabian. I didn’t mean for this to happen.” I whispered.

He turned to me again. “You’re fucking sorry? You were supposed to take the fucking pill and now you’re saying you forgot. How long did you forget? How many days?”

“About four maybe five I think, I guess, I’m sorry.” I raised my hand towards him but he pulled back, jumping off the bed and glaring down at me, not caring that he was naked.

“So now that you’re pregnant what do you intend doing?” He asked. “I was a fucking vampire for 600 years Sirene and I’ve been human for three weeks. I don’t want to be a father. It’s not something I ever expected to have happen and I was fine with that. I didn’t know I was going to be forced to live as a human again, and just because I am human, reluctantly doesn’t mean I want any of this. I don’t want to be a father, not now, not ever.” He rakes his hands through his hair, looking more and more agitated. “Fuck, pregnant, why do you have to be fucking pregnant? Fuck, fuck...FUCK!” He yelled, spinning around to begin restlessly pacing up and down my room. To say he wasn’t happy would have been a classic understatement.  

“Can’t you see this as a sign Fabian? Maybe like an omen, an indication that we are meant to be together? You’ve had a chance to become a father when you thought that was lost to you forever. Isn’t there something about all this that makes you feel a little bit excited?”

He stopped his pacing and stood, staring down at me, like I’d grown an extra head. “How can you say something like that to me? I don’t want to be fucking human. I want to be vampire again; so where in all of that would you possibly think I’d be ready to settle down and play happy families with you? I have no desire to make babies and live happily ever after in a sea of vomit and baby shit. When the fuck have I ever given you that impression? Was that while I was vampire? Or would it have been when I became human, and told you repeatedly that I wanted to become vampire again? Maybe it was when I reluctantly promised you two more weeks as a human?” His tone was dripping sarcasm and I fought to keep the tears at bay at the harshness of his words and the anger in his eyes. “You know I want to be vampire again. All I’ve thought about for the last couple of fucking weeks is being vampire again.”

I stared into his angry face, my heart splintering with every horrible, cruel word he threw at me. God he was furious. The man in the grip of passion such a short time ago was gone. This was a hostile man who wasn’t prepared to adapt to the situation he’d been thrust into. He wanted to be vampire again and I knew he wouldn’t wait much longer to be turned. Fabian didn’t want to be a father, he didn’t want this baby and if I kept it, did that mean he wouldn’t want me either?

“Can’t you at least think about it, please?” I asked him, hoping that I could still persuade him to change his mind and open up to the idea of being a father. I stared at him, at the coldness of his expression and fought to keep the tears burning at the back of my eyes from falling. I had to keep my pain hidden from him. I didn’t want him to see my heart breaking as I felt a rift opening up between us.

“What is there to think about Sirene? You’re pregnant. I don’t want to be a father, in fact I don’t want to be fucking human and I don’t think as a vampire, I’ll make a very good father. If you’d remembered to take your fucking pill, we wouldn’t be in this situation right now.” He stopped pacing to glare at me again. “Why the fuck would you want to keep it? You’re only young still. A baby will cramp your style too. Is Terry going to want a pregnant singer I wonder?”

My bottom lip started trembling and I bit into it to try and keep it still but I couldn’t talk while biting my lip. “I hadn’t planned this Fabian. It’s an accident, but for me it’s also a miracle. You died, I defied the nature of things and brought you back, and now you’ve defied the odds again, and I’m pregnant. I can’t abort this baby, I just can’t.”

Fabian stared down at me silent for what felt like a lifetime. “I’m not asking you to abort, but I can’t be what you want me to be. I don’t want to be a father, not now not ever. I just want to be vampire again. I’m sorry Sirene but I can’t see any way we can work under the circumstances.” He looked around for his clothes, hastily starting to pull them back on. “I’m sorry if this is not what you wanted to hear. I love you, but I don’t think I can be with you.”

When he’d finished getting dressed, he stood by the bed looking down at me and for a brief moment I saw what looked like sadness in his eyes. His fingers trailed softly down my cheek and along my bottom lip before they were gone. As I watched, he turned from the bed, heading for the door, walking from my room and more than likely my life.  

Once I heard the front door slam and his car start up, I collapsed against my pillows, my face turned into them to muffle the sound, and I gave in to the tears that were so desperate to fall. I sobbed, heartbroken, devastated, gut wrenching tears that soaked my pillow. Even when I was sure I couldn’t cry any more, the tears still fell, until finally, hours later, I literally cried myself to sleep.

Chapter Nineteen

Fabian

Fabian drove like a possessed man back towards his home. He was still reeling, still deeply in shock, but soon he’d change all that. He was going to get Damien, Lucian or Francesca to perform the change so he was vampire again. He wanted life back to normal, or normal as he was used to it. He didn’t want to be a father, not now, not ever.  

Somewhere in the dim dark recesses of his mind he knew getting himself turned back into a vampire was not going to fix his problems. Sirene was still going to be pregnant and he was still destined to be a less than happy father.

The only way to make this all appear to go away at least in his mind, was to become vampire and stay the hell away from the little witch who was driving him half out of his mind.

The thought of never seeing her again made his heart ache. His stomach clenched so hard, he thought he was going to be sick and it felt like his lungs were being squeezed, it was that hard to breathe. He loved her, against all odds of him ever loving anyone, he loved her. The greatest irony was the fact, he’d fallen for a witch and if he’d just stayed away from her when he first met her, he wouldn’t be in this situation now. Why the fuck couldn’t she just do some spell and make the baby go away? How could she want to have a child now? How could she think that he would want one? God, everything was so fucked up.

“Damn, fuck, fuck, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK…….FUCK HER!” He slammed his fists against the steering wheel of his car. Why, why the fuck did she have to get pregnant? Why did his sperm have to work after centuries of being dead? Seriously, what were the odds? “Obviously pretty fucking good.” He muttered under his breath as he slammed his foot down harder on the accelerator and the car shot forward at speed, throwing him back in his seat.

Harder he accelerated, his jaw set, his teeth gritted as he pushed the car to its limits, his mind focused on the image of Sirene’s face when she’d told him about the baby. She’d been so scared, so terrified to tell him and rightly so, he’d gone off like a bomb at her words.

As the car ate up the kilometres between her and his home, reality started to set in and a sinking feeling settled in his stomach. What the hell was he doing? He’d walked out on her? He’d turned his back when she was at her most vulnerable.  

“You are a fucking fool.” He abused himself. “She loves you and you storm out leaving her alone, scared; only thinking about yourself?”

To be fair though, this emotions thing was hard for him. He’d gone for centuries not really giving a shit about anyone else but himself and now that he’d fallen for the tiny scrap of a woman and a damned witch at that, he just kept proving how much he sucked at relationships.

He still didn’t believe for one moment that he wanted the happily ever after thing; setting up house together, having the 2.5 children, growing old then one day possibly being grandparents. No way; that all scared the crap out of him, but he wanted Sirene. He loved her; he just didn’t want her with all the trimmings, well at least not yet. Maybe he’d change in time, but she needed to understand what was going on inside him, and the only way she was going to know that, was if he told her. He had to go back, he had to talk to her, make her understand how he was feeling and hope she could forgive him for storming out and leaving her alone.