Part of Me (Jessa & Paxton #1) (19 page)

“Holy shit,” I mutter to myself. Paxton pulls out of me, but his mouth
doesn’t leave me. He licks me now, softly from bottom to top then gently kisses my clit with his now soft lips and I can feel the small tremors coming alive on every inch of my body again like I didn’t just release them. The tip of his tongue rounds my pulsing clit and then he starts licking it so softly it has me screaming. When I try to push myself into his tongue his hands hold me in place, making me live through this torture. This beautiful fucking torture. My body is on fire as his tongue works me over thoroughly but softly. “Ugh,” I mutter, feeling like I can’t handle the pain anymore. He keeps going and I keep writhing, but he won’t give me more. I pull on his hair and curse him out, but when I finally fall over the edge into that blissful liquid place, I know it was worth it. It was so fucking worth it.

I can’t move for a while, Paxton is letting me ease out of my orgasm while he
places soft bites and kisses on my thighs. When I feel like I have enough energy I push him off of me before grabbing a hold of his shirt and pulling him into the car. I urge his body back against the seat before pulling the car door shut and kneeling between Paxton’s legs. “You’re such a bastard,” I tell him, unbuckling is belt. “You’re going to pay for that.”

I’m leaned up against a brick wall somewhere on campus, waiting for Jessa to get out of class, looking like the psycho she’s turned me into. I don’t know if I mind, all I know is it’s hard to stay away from that girl. She seems to feel the same way, but everywhere I gotta go she can come with. Besides school, she and I haven’t been apart for the last week.

Considering all the
kinky shit we’ve done together it’s probably a stretch to say we’re taking it slow, but I haven’t been inside of her yet because it’s a fact that things between us are better than I ever thought they would be. But Jessa still wigs out every time someone suggests I’m her boyfriend so I’m not so sure I want to take her completely because I know there will be no coming back from that. But it’s becoming near impossible to stay as strong as I need to be to resist her. 

I’m lost in thoughts of Jessa when I hear a guy
calling my name. I turn and see Dylan making his way toward me. I could barely tolerate the kid back in River Bluff but I don’t even want to look at him now, knowing he’s been in my girl. “What’s up Dylan,” I say before looking away; dismissing him.

“Not much,” he tells me, coming to stand in front of me, crossing his arms over his puffed out chest, standing with his feet three feet apart like his dick needs the space. I can’t help but s
nicker at him. He thinks he’s my competition… I’m so far off his spectrum he looks like a complete tool trying to ball with me. “I heard you were back in town. Jessa wasn’t too happy about it.”

“Oh yeah? Well, she’s happy about it now. She’
s fucking euphoric.” I smile to myself.

“What are you trying to say? Are you sleeping with her?”

“Get out of here, Dylan.”

“That’s cool. I feel sorry for you
, man; sitting out here waiting around for her, looking like a love sick puppy. You know she’s going to destroy you, right? ‘Cause that’s all she knows how to do.”

I shake my head at him and laugh at his stupidity. “You’re just a kid. You never had a shot with her,” I tell him, but I’m not looking at him, I’m looking at Jessa as she walks towards me with a big smile on her face.

“I’m just giving you a heads up. It doesn’t matter who you are- the girl isn’t capable of feeling.”

“Alright,” I tell him. “Sounds good, man.”

Jessa comes to me and grabs onto my waist. “What are you doing here?”

“Just getting schooled by this fool,” I tell her nodding towards Dylan.

“Hey, Dylan,” she says with no emotion in her voice. “Are you trying to tell Paxton to stay away from me?” she says, but she’s not pissed, she’s teasing him.

“No,
of course not. Just thought I’d say ‘hi’,” he says, nervous as all hell that she might be mad at him.

“Fucking pussy,” I mutter.

“What was that, man?” Dylan says, taking a step towards me like he’s going to take me on.

I pop my chin at him and he flinches. “I called y
ou a fucking pussy.”

“Pax, don’t,” Jessa tells me. “Dylan, just go. Paxton is none of your business.”

“Whatever,” he mutters, backing away, “good luck with her.”

“Thanks asshole, but I don’t need it.”

He shows me his middle finger before turning and walking away.

“You’
re such a bully,” Jessa says, wrapping her arms around my neck. “You shouldn’t scare him like that.”

“How the hell did that rug keep you around for so long, huh?” I ask her, pulling her into me.

“It seems ridiculous, now that I have you. But, you know, it had to be someone and the options were limited. What are you doing here?”

“I’m taking you on a date, beso.”

“We’re not dating, Paxton,” she says long and slow- the fear clear in her eyes.

I’m cool with what’s happening between the two of us, I don’t need a label, but I need to know that she’
s mine so it’s irritating that stupid shit like going on a date gets her all worked up.

“Chill out, kid. Do you need me to rephrase it?
‘Cause I can, but it will still be me taking you to dinner.”

She takes her arms off me and sighs.
“Sorry. Let’s go,” she mutters, so I take my hands off her waist and bring her to the car.

I take Jessa to my
favorite diner that serves breakfast ‘round the clock. I behave until we order our food but I can no longer tolerate her tension. “You need to get over this shit in your head,” I tell her. “It’s melodramatic and unnecessary.”

“Pax, don’t start with me. You knew what you were getting into when we started this.”

“Yeah, I did and I don’t have a problem with it so you need to get your head in check and stop flinching every time I call you my girl or tell you I love you. Because you are my girl and I do love you. If you wake up tomorrow and decide you’re moving on… cool,” I tell her, lying through my teeth. “I’ll still love you just like I always have. You’ll still be my girl, just like you always have been. You get that? It’s not a relationship, it’s just us.”

“I guess this shit is e
asier for you than it is for me,” she tells me, sitting back on her side of the booth, crossing her arms over her chest.

“This shit is real easy, Jessa. I’m having the best non-sex of my life and I
shouldn’t
have to deal with relationship issues since I’m not in one. I don’t need you retreating every time I say the wrong word. You’re making this harder than it needs to be.”

“So when the sex dwindles down and we decide to move on, you’re going to remain my friend?”

Hell, no.
“We would have to actually have sex, beso, for it to dwindle down. And I’m pretty sure that once you know how good it feels to have me inside of you, you will be begging to be mine. Forever.”

Jessa was inching toward me at the idea of my dick in her, but
she recoils at the words, ‘mine’ and ‘forever’.

I shake my head
, unable to grasp her negative visceral reaction to anything that would tie her to a man- specifically me. I know she’s deliriously happy with me – all this nonsense is just second hand drama ingrained in her brain. She needs to get her shit straight and get over herself. “You mind telling me why you are so dead set on making sure you don’t get too close to me?”

Jessa lets out a big breath. “That’s not what this is, Paxton. I’m not afraid of getting close to you. I've never been closer to anyone as I am to you.
In fact, I think it’s you who has a problem letting me in. You realize you are still keeping a whole lot of shit from me. For example, why did you come back to this city you hate, this city you won’t walk around in without that hoodie covering your face. I mean, what the hell happened here? And what’s the deal with your mom? If it’s all so terrible, what are you doing here? And don’t give me that ‘taking care of business’ bullshit.”

I pause, knowing I have to think before answering her question. If I tell her I left my entire life because she meant more to me than anything there, it will freak her the fuck out. “Don’t turn this around on me, beso. Answer the question.”

“You came back here for me, didn’t you? Ad not to make sure I was behaving, but because you wanted to be with me.”

Shit
. With the way she generally avoids talking about us, I wouldn’t have thought she would address the issue so blatantly. “What if I did? What if the only reason I came back to this city was to get you?”

“Is that the reason?” Jessa’s little body starts bouncing in her seat because her leg is shaking franticly with, what I can only assume
, is panic.

I let out a breath of frustration. I want to tell her the
truth, but she makes it fucking impossible. “No, beso, it ain’t. Does that make you feel better?”

She closes her eyes for a long moment before answering. “Kind of. No man should do anything for me. I’m never going to be capable of
giving them what they want. If you want anything more from me than what you’re getting right now, you’re just going to end up hating me. And then I’m going to lose you. All of you. And I can’t let that happen, Pax. I’m not gonna let that happen.”

I shake my head at her. “I wouldn’t let that happen, Jess.”

“Yeah, but I might. I’m scared Pax… of everything. Just, please… don’t push me.”

She’s pleading with me, and I get it, but it’s still bullshit and I’m not gonna stop pushing her until she stops pushing me away.
I stand up and go to her side of the table, grabbing her hand and pulling her out of the booth. We’re in the middle of the restaurant and it’s pretty packed and I feel like fucking with her. I drop down on my knee and say, loud enough for at least half of the restaurant to hear, “Jessa Lillian Fairfield, I love you so much. You have been the best girlfriend I could ever ask for and I want to tie myself to you for the rest of my life. I want to spend every day with you and I never want you to belong to anyone but me. I want you to commit yourself to me forever. Let’s throw a permanent label on this situation and call ourselves married… what do you say? Will you marry me and become my wife?” The restaurant has gone silent. Jessa’s face is bright red and she’s trying to murder me with her eyes. “Be mine and only mine forever, Jess.
Forever
.” Her knee flinches and I know she wants to nail me in the balls, so I scoot back a foot, but keep her hands in mine.

People start to chant, “
Say yes, say yes, say yes…” and so I decide to put her out of her misery.

I stand up and say, “Yea
h, you will? You just made me the happiest guy in the world.” The restaurant erupts into cheers and I pull Jessa to me, putting my lips on hers. I’m kissing, but she’s biting- hard. When I taste blood I pull out of her mouth. I acknowledge the restaurant with a wave before sitting back down in the booth, on her side this time, keeping her under my arm.

“You are such an asshole, Paxton.”

“I’m just trying to help you get over your phobia. Maybe now the word ‘date’ won’t be cause for an anxiety attack.”

“Or maybe I will develop a new phobia of going out in public with you. You are fucking crazy, you know that?”

“No, you are fucking crazy,” I tell her as the waitress comes to our table with our food.

She sets it down and then says, “Congratulations. You
two make an adorable couple. Your dinner is on the house.”

“Cool, thanks,” I tell her.

She winks at me before walking away.

“
Hell, yeah. I’m gonna take you on dates seven nights a week and pull this shit every time.”

Jessa’s tense shoulders finally relax and she starts laughing. “I would have ordered an extra plate of pancakes had I known.”

I take my arm off her to dig into my food. “So you’re in?”

Jessa becomes severe
again as she raises her fork to my face. “No, you shit. If you ever do anything like this to me again, I will kill you.” She brings her fork to my jugular and digs in to drive her point home.

“Our marriage is falling apart before we even get it started,” I tell her, pulling her fork away from my neck.

“You need to shut the hell up,” she laughs, grabbing a sausage off her plate and shoving it into my mouth.

I bite it off then tell her, “You shouldn’t have done that.”

Her eyes go big and she tries to bolt out of the booth, but I catch her by her shirt and pull her down to me, shoving one of her chocolate covered pancakes into her mouth.

She takes part of it out of her mouth and tries to shove it at me. I stop her
, pulling her weapon out of her hand before pulling her fingers into my mouth and sucking the chocolate off of them. Jessa uses the distraction to grab my scrambled eggs and smear them down my neck.

We are in a full on food fight/
make out session when the waitress comes back to our table. She stands over us, looking at the mess we’ve created, her eyes veering to my hand which is cupping Jessa’s tit.

Jessa takes her mouth out of mine and looks at the shocked old woman. “Sorry,” she tells her. “I got carried away with the celebration.”

The waitress smiles at her. “That’s okay, honey. Young love… it’s a strange thing.”

“Yeah, it’s really strange,” Jessa agrees, stomping on my foot under the table.

#

“What the hell happened to you two?”
Violet asks as we walk through the door.

“Engagement celebration gone horribly wrong,” I tell her, slapping Jimmy’s hand as I pass him to head to the shower. “Come on, beso, we gotta get you cleaned up.”

“You can tell me about it later,” Vi tells Jessa, sounding amused. “I’m staying with Jimmy so I’ll see you in the morning. Make sure he behaves.”

“Like that’s gonna happen,” she mutters.

I strip off my sticky, greasy clothes and when Jessa comes in I do the same to her. I turn the water on then pull a piece of egg out of Jessa’s hair, laughing. “You’re a sloppy eater, kid.”

“You’re not so clean yourself,” she says, pulling my face down to her and licking something off of my cheek.