Parly Road: The Glasgow Chronicles 1 (16 page)

  “Aye, that’s true, it wis a clean cut,” Tony added wae a straight face as Skull and Joe laughed, and Johnboy felt a shiver run up his spine.

  “Aye, it wis a guy called John Priestly. Ah knew his brother who wis in The Grove at the same time as me,” Joe said. “It wisnae the fact that he goat hit wae the hatchet that bothered him.  It wis the fact that he wis the only brother, including his auld man, in the family that wisnae awready baldy and that Mad Malky wan went and lopped the tap ae his scalp aff ae him fur his cheek.”

  “Aye, jist efter it happened, Priestly shot aff doon the street like the clappers, bit when he came back later oan, trying tae find his crown topper, it wis offskie,” Tony said grimly.

  “And the reason they call Mad Malky ‘The Barber’ is because he stuck a shoe lace through it and wore it oan his belt when he went fur a pint in The Possil Bar, doon oan Saracen Street,” Joe chipped in.

  “Ah thought it wis a tail sticking oot ae his arse when Ah wis watching him in the back court, trying tae chat his doos aff the roofs oan tae his landing board,” Tony said, a faraway look in they dark eyes ae his.

  “Anyway, get tae the best bit, Tony,” Skull said, clearly impatient.

  “Where wis Ah noo? See, that’s ye interrupting me.”

  “Ye wur hinging aboot fur four days solid,” Johnboy reminded him.

  “Aye, and then…Bingo! The big Horseman and a nice wee hen wur oot and dancing, showing aff tae each other oan the board. He’d the hood up so they couldnae get oot tae spread their wings. In aw the time we wur hinging aboot there, he put oot other doos and hens bit this big Horseman never goat a flutter aff ae that landing board wance.”

  “The windae box wis two flights up plus the closest drain pipe wis no only full ae grease, bit he’d aboot eight feet ae barbed wire wrapped roond it jist under the level ae the windae box tae stoap people like us climbing up,” Skull said doon tae Johnboy.

  “Aye, it wis a basturt trying tae figure oot how tae get up tae they boxes, believe you me,” Tony acknowledged.

  “Bit it wis Paul who came up wae the answer,” Skull said.

  “Skull, ye wurnae there, so shut the fuck up.”

  “Ah’m only saying.”

  “So, me and Paul wur trying tae figure oot how tae get oor clatty fingers oan the doos and Ah suddenly came up wae a beezer ae an idea...as usual,” Tony said, wae no a blush in sight.  “When we looked across tae the railway wagons at the shunting depot across in Cowlairs, we saw a big line ae telegraph poles stretching aw alang the tracks towards Colston. The next day, Ah nicked a hatchet oot ae wan ae the tool shoaps in the toon centre before we heided across tae Mad Malky’s, and me and Paul took turns in chopping the basturt doon. Ah’m no sure whit the cables oan it wur fur, bit there wis some amount ae sparks flying everywhere when it keeled o’er. It wis a bit dodgy fur a while as well, because it fell and landed across two ae the main railway lines.  An express train hid jist passed a couple ae minutes earlier, so ye kin imagine the shite oan the arses ae oor troosers, trying tae move it clear before the next wan arrived oan the scene. It must’ve took us aboot three hours tae get it fae the railway line, back tae jist ootside Mad Malky’s back fence.”

  “This is the good bit coming up noo,” Skull squealed, sounding as if he wis aboot tae pish himsel again.

  “As soon as we saw that the big Horseman and hen wur oot strutting their stuff, we heaved the pole o’er the fence and across tae the side ae the
building. It took us ages tae get it up tae sit jist under the boxes. Paul stood at the bottom while Ah crawled up the pole. Ah remember thinking that it wis gonnae be a dawdle. When Ah reached the board, Ah jist pulled the hood apart…”

  “Ye make them oot ae a frame fae the hood ae a pram, using string tae lash it aw thegither.” Joe explained tae Johnboy.

  “…and stuck ma haun in and grabbed the big Horseman first. It wis a big tough basturt, pecking away at ma haun, even while Ah wis worrying that Ah’d broken its wings while trying tae stuff it doon the front ae ma jumper. In the meantime, the wee hen hid become aw shy and darted intae wan ae the holar boxes at the side ae the board, followed by ma grubby fingers. Ah’d jist goat a grip ae it and wis gently pulling it oot when wan ae the escaped hounds ae the Baskervilles’ heid suddenly appeared through the windae box latch fae the inside ae the room and sunk its slobbering teeth intae ma wrist. Look, Ah’ve still goat the scars tae prove it,” Tony said, showing Johnboy his wrist, even though the place wis noo in semi-darkness.

  “Wis it bleeding?”

  “Bleeding? It wis the worst pain Ah’ve ever experienced in ma whole life,” Tony admitted.  “The blood jist spurted aw o’er the inside ae Mad Malky’s good windae box and aw o’er that mad dug ae his.”

  “Did ye let the hen go?”

  “Me?  Did Ah fuck, and Ah still don’t know why. Ah managed tae pull ma erm towards the opening in the hood, still clutching the wee hen, wae the dug still attached tae ma wrist, trying tae pull me back intae the room, when aw ae a sudden, the wee hen pecked the snarling hairy basturt right in the eye. There wis this massive yelp as its jaws opened instantly and Ah slid aw the way doon the pole wae only ma baws and the big Horseman between me and the pole. Ah wis pishing blood fur a week, so Ah wis.”

  “Wow!” Johnboy exclaimed, looking back and fore at Tony and Skull, who nodded back, confirming how sore Tony’s hee-haws hid been.

  “When Ah landed, Paul looked as if he wis gonnae shite himself, there and then.  We heard roaring coming fae Mad Malky and the sound ae running feet heiding doon the stairs, thudding everytime he came tae a landing, wae his big dug, snarling and howling in frustration at me managing tae free ma erm fae its jaws. Ah swiftly haunded the hen o’er tae Paul and we bolted fur the fence. Because Ah hid the big Horseman up ma jumper, it made it difficult tae get o’er the fence in the wan go. Paul wis awready up oan tap. The big dug wis heiding straight fur that arse ae mine when Paul threw the hen full force straight at its heid. Ah still don’t know tae this day if the dug wis mair pissed aff at the hen than me, bit when Paul scudded it wae the hen full in the face, it jist ignored me and went ape-shit and started tearing fuck oot ae the poor thing.”

  “Did it die?” Johnboy asked.

  “If it didnae, then it wis the baldiest fucking doo in the toon.  Paul said that it wis like wan ae yer maw’s pillows exploding wae the amount ae feathers that wur flying aboot,” Skull said, laughing.  “Mind you, that wis probably tae dae wae the fact that the dug wis shaking it aboot in its jaws, aw o’er the place at the time.”

  “This wee spot ae luck gied me the time Ah needed tae get up and o’er the fence and Ah high-tailed it efter Paul, o’er the railway tracks towards Springburn. The last thing we heard wis Mad Malky shouting at Rebel tae drap the hen.”

  “Did ye need tae get stitches oan that?” Johnboy asked, nodding tae Tony’s wrist.

  “Fourteen.”

  They hidnae really noticed that it hid been getting dark till they heard the sound ae tyres crunching o’er the gravel in the lane and the inside ae the shed lighting up wae fingers ae light spilling through the slats oan the walls. A car hid stoapped at the gates, wae its motor still running, while the driver goat oot and unlocked the padlock and opened the gates. The driver then goat back in and drove the car intae the yard. The fingers ae light moved across the sides ae the inside ae the building and then up oan tae the beamed ceiling, where Skull’s lit-up face looked as if he wis aboot tae shite himsel. The engine stoapped oan the other side ae the padlocked doors, bit the heidlights stayed oan dip. Tony put his fingers up tae his lips silently and nodded fur them tae stay still and quiet. The passenger and driver’s doors opened and two people goat oot. The boys could hear the voices bit couldnae make oot whit wis being said. There wis no way that the new arrivals couldnae hear their heartbeats, Johnboy thought.  Jist then, another set ae lights appeared up the lane and another car slowly turned intae the yard behind the first car. The whole inside ae the place lit up, reminding Johnboy ae the floodlights oan a Wednesday night across in Parkheid, wae the fingers ae light travelling the same route as the last wans. This time, Tony, Joe and Johnboy instinctively swung their legs up and rolled oan tae their backs, before turning roond oan tae their stomachs, wae their heids peering o’er the edge ae the dummy flair. Skull, who hidnae been farting aboot either, silently drapped doon oan tae the dummy flair and rolled oan tae his stomach beside them.  Wance again, Tony put his fingers up tae his lips.

  The second car’s doors opened and the boys aw jist aboot hid a heart attack. Oot stepped the two local sergeants. Joe motioned wae his fingers and hauns that this wis the two basturts that hid knocked fuck oot ae him and Paul up at the Stinky Ocean the night ae the break-in oan St James Road.  The voices wur loud and clear noo and they could hear everything that wis being said. No only that, bit the lights ae the second car hid lit up the first two visitors.

  “Where is he?” The Sarge asked.

  “Who?” The Big Man answered.

  “Ye know who. Haun him o’er.”

  “Ah don’t know whit the fuck ye’re talking aboot.”

  “Pat, don’t fuck wae me noo…Ah’m no in the mood.”

  “Liam, keep yer nose oot ae ma business.”

  “This is ma business, so haun him o’er right noo.”

  “And if Ah don’t?”

  “Jim, get him oot ae the boot and intae oor wan,” The Sarge commanded.

  When the other sergeant went tae the boot ae the big Jag, Shaun Murphy stepped in front ae him and stuck his chin oot.

  “Ah widnae touch that boot if Ah wis you, Jim,” Shaun growled.

  “Pat, Ah’m no leaving this yard withoot him, so ye better make up yer mind fast and tell that big lump ae shite tae move tae wan side.”

  “The trouble wae you, Liam, is that ye’re the wan who’s full ae shite aboot here,” snarled The Big Man. “Everywan knows that, apart fae you and that cross-eyed bumbling monkey who ye take the pish oot ae every day ae the week.”

  The Sarge went fur The Big Man, grabbing him by the throat wae baith ae his hauns, trying tae strangle him. The Big Man punched The Sarge oan the side ae the heid wae his left fist, sending his chequered polis hat flying, while at the same time, pushed The Sarge’s chin backwards and upwards wae the palm ae his right haun. Big Jim jumped in and started tae pull The Sarge back while Shaun did the same wae The Big Man.

  “Ah’m taking him away wae us, Pat. Ye’ll need tae fucking kill me tae stoap that fae happening,” panted The Sarge.

  “Don’t fucking tempt yer luck, Thompson,” The Big Man panted back. “It’s no that wee manky mob ye’re fucking aboot wae noo.”

  “Jim, Ah said tae get him oot ae there and intae oor boot,” The Sarge snarled, no taking his eyes aff ae The Big Man.

  This time Shaun stayed put, as Big Jim clicked open the boot and hauled somewan oot who wis whimpering loudly in terror.  Whoever it wis hid his hauns tied behind his back and wis wearing a white cloth bag o’er his heid. Big Jim hauf dragged and hauf frog-marched the man across the rough ground, opened the squad car boot and slung him roughly in, before banging it shut.

  Whit happened next gied the boys the fright ae their lives. It wisnae as a result ae anything that anywan ae them did, bit aw ae a sudden, something fell fae above and behind them and clattered aff a couple ae the cross-beam rafters, before landing oan whit sounded like a corrugated iron sheet underneath them. Suddenly, the beams fae the two bizzies’ torches burst through the slats, illuminating the space where they wur lying. Johnboy could see the terror oan the faces ae Tony, Joe and Skull, lying beside him.

  “Whit the fuck wis that?” wan ae the voices snarled.

  “D’ye think somewan’s in there?”

  Wan ae them walked o’er tae the padlocked doors and shook it violently.

  “Naw, Ah don’t think there’s anywan there. This place is falling apart. It’s probably a cat or a rat knocking something aff ae the roof.”

  “Let’s go, Jim,” they heard The Sarge, who’d went fur The Big Man, say.

  “This isnae finished wae, Liam.”

  “Aye, well, any time, Pat. Anytime ye feel like it, jist gie me a shout.”

  The squad car, wheels crunching oan the stanes, drove roond wan ae the big tanks and heided through the gates intae the lane. The Big Man took wan last puzzled look up at the slats, his eyes burning intae the darkness, before turning and walking tae the driver’s side ae the car.

  “Ah’ll drive,” he said.

Shaun walked casually o’er tae the gates tae the lane, padlocked them shut wance the car wis through and then goat in the passenger’s side.

  The boys watched the red taillights slowly disappearing doon the lane.  None ae them moved or said a word fur aboot five minutes.  Suddenly Tony stood up and heided fur the opening.  The rest ae them followed close behind him. Wance they goat tae ground level, they aw dropped their kecks and like burst tanks, squirted oot four frothy shites that wid’ve done the master brewers ae the McEwens’ eighty bob brewery o’er in Port Dundas proud.