Parker (Striking Back #3) (16 page)

“See
you tomorrow, Janice.”

The
next week creeps by, no matter how much I stuff into each day. I’m at the gym
first thing in the morning to workout before running whatever errands I’m
needed for at Striking Back. The safe houses are covered which leaves me with
too much time on my hands, so I fill it by tackling the second floor of the
gym. I can’t help Macy anymore, but I can make a difference for women like her.

God,
I miss her, no matter how exhausted I am when I fall into bed at night, I lay
awake for hours, reliving our time together. My bed feels empty without her,
but so does my day. No conversation over breakfast donuts. No afternoon game of
Scrabble. I watch the sun go down from my back patio, but it isn’t the same
without her curled up in the lounger next to me. I’m in a constant state of
depressed and pissed off.

All
I know to do is stay busy. Work, workout, train, and work some more. The second
floor is completely cleared and ready for the remodelers and now I’m at a loss
for what to do.

“Ev!”
I call when I see her walk in the gym while I’m running on the treadmill. I’ve
fought the urge all week to bother them. Mason is recovering and they have a
kid to take care of, but I have to know how Macy is doing.

“Hey,
Parker. How are you doing?” she asks, a sympathetic expression on her face.

“I’m
okay. How is Macy? Is she doing all right? Has she had any panic attacks? Is
her ankle okay?”

Ev
holds her hands up at my rapid fire questions. “She’s okay. I talk to her every
day.”

“Talk
to her? Isn’t she staying with you?” I step off the machine and throw a towel
around my neck.

“She
moved back to her apartment the day you left.”

“What?
Shit, Ev. You should’ve told me. I thought she was staying with you. She
shouldn’t be alone.”

“She’s
a grown woman and she wanted to go home. She’s back at work and doing well. In
fact, we’re getting together tonight for a girl’s night to celebrate a big
client she landed. She was really excited.” Ev runs her hand down my arm.
“She’s really okay, Park, but you could call her. She misses you.”

“I
miss her, but she’s better off,” I mumble. “She moved back to her old
apartment?”

“Yeah.”

“Let
me know if she needs anything, okay?”

“I
will.” I’m pulled into a hug. “Don’t be a stranger. I expect to see you around
the house as usual. No hiding out.”

“I’ll
be by,” I lie.

* * * *

“This
what you do all evening? Sit out here and feel sorry for yourself?” Alex walks
out on my patio carrying a bottle of bourbon.

“Go
fuck yourself.”

“Nice
to see you too, brother. Ian and Cooper are on their way.”

“What
for?”

“To
drink, what else?”

The
last time I saw Alex, I screamed at him and he’s bringing the guys over to make
me feel better. “I’m sorry I yelled at you, but you’re right, I don’t
understand.”

“Let’s
just let it go for tonight, okay?” he asks, as we hear a knock on the door.

Cooper
and Ian traipse in carrying another bottle. “Are we getting torn up tonight?” I
ask, shoving a couple of loungers in their direction.

“That’s
the plan.”

The
rest of the night is a blur, and I wake thirsty as hell with a pounding
headache. It’s too damn early to be awake, but that always happens when I
drink. I only sleep long enough to sleep off the alcohol and I’m wide awake.
And thinking of Macy.

She
seems to be doing fine without me, working and hanging out with her friends.
I’m happy for her, but I also don’t want her to forget me. I’ve been tempted
all week to contact her, maybe send flowers, now I have an excuse to do so. To
congratulate her on her success at work. Who am I bullshitting? I want to know
she at least thought about me today, even for a second. It’s only fair since
she’s haunting my every second.

Macy

Janet
shows up for girl’s night a few minutes before Everly and Marie. She seems
pleased to have been invited since we haven’t really hung out outside of work.
This whole situation has made me realize how much I need to make new friends. I
got together with Al when I first moved to the city and meeting other people
just wasn’t a priority. I didn’t realize how isolated I was until I needed
help.

Everly
and Marie bound through the door with wine and a huge box of chocolates. After
introducing Janet, we settle around my kitchen counter, sipping wine.

“Ugh,”
Ev moans, glaring at her soft drink. “Nine months without alcohol.”

“But
you have the perfect excuse to gorge on chocolate,” Janet points out.

“Next
time we can go dancing,” I suggest. “Another few weeks and my ankle will be
able to handle it.”

“Sounds
great,” Marie replies. I haven’t seen her since I broke down and told her the
truth about Al at our book club. We weren’t close before. Truthfully, we’d
never talked outside of the club, but when she saw my bruises through my
makeup, she jumped to help me. These are the kind of women I want as friends.

“So.”
I turn to Janet. “Heard from a certain hot bulky bodyguard?”

Janet’s
smile could light up the whole neighborhood. “We met for lunch yesterday.”

“Bodyguard?”
Everly asks, cocking an eyebrow at me.

“Jensen.”

“Holy
shit! Jake Jensen?” Everly beams at Janet. “He’s a mountain of hot.”

“I
know!” Janet squeals. “We’re going out again tomorrow night.”

“All
right. You bitches need to quit holding out on me,” Marie huffs. “Sexy MMA
brothers—twins for god’s sake—hot buff bodyguards. I thought these men only
existed in dirty books.”

“Oh,
they’re real,” I remark, draining my glass.

“So
real,” Janet sighs.

“And
they fuck like a rock star,” Ev adds. My kitchen is filled with laughter for
the first time I can remember.

“You
could introduce her to Ian,” I suggest to Ev, before regarding Marie. “Tall,
dark, and handsome. Amazing eyes.”

Ev
shakes her head at Marie’s expectant look. “I’ve learned the hard way not to
hook Ian up with my friends. His relationships don’t last long and then things
get complicated.”

Ev
turns to me with a grin. “Devon, on the other hand…”

“He’d
be perfect!”

After
another hour of chatter, we decide to catch the new Magic Mike movie at the
theater. The theater is packed with groups of laughing, chatting women, eager
to see our favorite actors shake their stuff.

We
argue good naturedly over who has the best ass and firmest abs until the lights
dim. Marie unabashedly produces the large box of chocolates and passes them
around. For the first time since he left me, I manage to push away all thoughts
of Parker, at least for a couple of hours.

* * * *

My
head feels as big as a pumpkin and someone stuffed my mouth with cotton while I
slept. At least that’s how it feels when I drag my sticky eyes open the next
morning. Make that afternoon. The clock on my nightstand reads 12:02 when I
stumble out of bed to the kitchen to get a glass of water.

“Is
the sun always this bright?” Marie grumbles, pulling herself to a sitting
position on my couch.

“Only
after endless bottles of wine.” I start the coffeemaker and grab two bottles of
water, along with a pack of ibuprofen.

“Thanks.”
She accepts the water and we both down the pills. “Ev went home last night,
didn’t she?”

“Yeah,
so did Janet.”

“Lightweights.”

“Wussies,”
I agree, and wince at the sound of a knock on the door. Who the hell could that
be?

“Delivery
for Macy Tanner,” the young man says when I open the door. Marie comes up
behind me as I’m handed a huge bouquet of wildflowers and a white bakery box.
There’s only one person who would send me flowers. I’m grateful Marie thinks to
tip the delivery guy before sending him on his way. I’m too busy trying to
fight the instant lump in my throat. I pluck the folded card from the flowers.

Congratulations
on your success at work. You deserve it. Never forget how amazing you are.
Thinking of you.

Parker

Marie
gives me a minute to read the card before asking, “Are they from Parker?”

Tears
escape my eyes as I nod. They only increase when I open the box to find triple
chocolate cupcakes. “He misses me too,” I whisper.

Marie
moves to sit beside me and pulls me into a hug. “Of course he does.”

“I
figured he’d moved on to someone else.”

“Once
you get a hold of yourself, you should call him.”

“Maybe.”
I wipe my eyes and take the cupcakes to the kitchen. “I need to think.”

“Why
don’t you go to my yoga class with me today? It’s relaxing. Helps you think.”

“Sounds
good. I’m going to shower.”

“Yeah.”
Marie stands, stretching. “I’m going to go home and get cleaned up. I’ll be
back to pick you up about three, okay?”

“I’ll
be ready.”

The
warm water helps wash away some of my hangover, but not my indecision. What do
I do? I have to at least say thank you for the flowers and chocolate. He wouldn’t
have sent them if he didn’t want to hear from me, right?

He’s
the one who ended things the second I wasn’t in danger anymore. Maybe he always
intended to. Nothing has changed. I’m still the same, still having panic
attacks, still weak. I won’t be the pathetic woman who pursues a man no longer
interested. He’s just being nice, checking on me and sending flowers.

There’s
no way I can hear his voice without crying, so a text will have to do.

-Thank
you for the flowers. They’re beautiful. And the cupcakes won’t survive the
day.-

Okay,
that sounds friendly and not too needy. A few minutes later I’m sure he isn’t
going to respond when my phone beeps.

-You’re
more than welcome, doll.-

Marie’s
knock at the door distracts me before I can overanalyze and obsess over his
reply.

I’m
surprised to find that I like yoga. I haven’t had any exercise and it feels
good to stretch my muscles. I need to start running again.

During
the next couple of weeks, my days become routine. I wake up and stare at the
empty spot in my bed and let myself cry. Grab a shower and catch a thirty
minute yoga class before work.

Working
with A.L. Primm is wonderful. She’s funny and easy to get along with, even
though the work itself can be overwhelming and demanding. Not to mention word
of mouth has my calendar full before my name is even listed on her books as an
editor.

I
meet twice a week with my therapist and though I still have an occasional
nightmare, the panic attacks have stopped. I run every evening before dinner
and my body is beginning to show the difference. It doesn’t hurt my self-esteem
to see my thighs and rear firming up.

During
my spare time, I hang out with Ev, Marie, and Janet, and even start a Saturday
sketching class at the community center. I’ve always loved to draw, but never
really thought I was good at it until Ev saw my notebook and asked me to design
a tattoo for her.

I’m
doing exactly what I planned, being independent and strong. My life is full and
I should be happy. A cute guy in my sketching class flirts with me, but I just
can’t. I can’t forget Parker. Can’t let him go.

I
haven’t heard a word from him since the flowers and the text. Ev swears he
isn’t seeing someone else, but she’s trying to protect my feelings. He’s moving
on, and I need to as well.

It’s
Ev that brings me my first real opportunity when we meet for lunch. “Stan’s a
good guy, a little shy, but nice. You should let him take you out.”

“I
don’t think I’m ready to start anything with anyone else yet,” I reply with a
sigh. I’m still pining for the guy who doesn’t want me.

“You
don’t have to start anything. Just go out and have a good time. It’ll be good
for you.” Grinning, she holds up her phone so I can see a picture of a smiling
man with brown eyes and blond hair.

He’s
cute, but all I want is my dark headed man with the fuck me eyes. Damn it.
Maybe going out with someone else will help. “Okay, give him my number,” I
blurt impulsively.

Ev
laughs in surprise. “All right then. I’ve got to run, but you better tell me
when he calls you.”

I
don’t have to wait long. Stan calls the same night and we spend a few minutes talking
before he asks me to dinner the following night. You’d think I’d be excited. I
have a date in less than twenty-four hours, but I just can’t seem to care.
Parker has ruined me. I still love him and until that goes away, I’m not sure I
can give a shit about much else.

Janet
is excited enough for the both of us when I tell her I have a date. She’s been
seeing Jensen almost every day and she’s annoyingly happy. Not that I’m not
glad for her, but that old saying about misery loving company is true. On the
days I struggle to drag my depressed ass out of bed, her bubbly attitude is
hard to take. I’m sure I’m no joy to be around either.

I’m
going through the motions of having a life, but I’m not feeling it. I’m not
feeling much of anything, but I keep going. Wake, cry, yoga, work, run, dinner,
sleep. An occasional drawing class or day out with friends. They say to fake it
until you make it, and while there’s comfort in the routine, I can’t pretend I
don’t miss him.

“I’ll
come and help you get ready!” Janet crows. “Oh, we should go shopping this
afternoon! Get you a new dress.”

“I’m
not wearing a dress. He may as well see I’m not a high heels type of woman from
the beginning.”

“A
new outfit then,” she insists, shrugging off my argument.

She
looks so excited I can’t tell her no. “Fine, we’ll go after lunch. How are
things going with Jake?”

Flopping
down at her desk, she rests her chin on her hand and groans, “I slept with him
for the first time last night, and, damn, he nearly split me in half.”

“Janet!”
Our laughter fills the office.

“Seriously,
like anaconda big and he’s damn good with it.” Sigh. I had my own gifted
anaconda once.

* * * *

Janet
drags me through half of Indianapolis, but in the end it’s worth it. The soft
beige colored slacks I found fit perfectly, hugging the curves of my ass.
“Damn, Mace. Yoga’s been good to you,” Janet exclaims when I emerge from the
dressing room.

The
push up bra makes me actually look like I have cleavage and the clingy low cut
blouse shows it off nicely. Paired with black ankle boots, even I have to
admit, I look hot.

Janet
turns and twists in front of the mirror with a frown. Her bright red sheath
dress appears painted on, and unlike me, she has the breasts and hips to pull
it off. “Good god, Jan. He’s going to rip that off you in two seconds.”

A
delighted smile brightens her face. “You think so?”

“I
hope you have panties that won’t show a line.”

“Who
needs panties?” she scoffs. “Actually, scratch that. Let’s hit the lingerie
store.”

I
leave with three new bra and panty sets, despite my protests that I won’t be
getting naked with this new guy anytime soon. “Doesn’t matter. Sexy underwear
will make you feel pretty,” she insists, and I can’t argue with that.

Janet
brings her clothes and makeup to my place so we can get ready together. My
bathroom is a jumble of blow dryers, flat irons, and cosmetics, but we look
fantastic.

Jensen
is the first to show up. “Macy, it’s nice to see you. You look so pretty.” He
gives me a hug and turns just in time to see Janet enter the room. I have to
stifle a giggle as his jaw hits the ground. “Christ, woman. You trying to give
me a heart attack?”

His
hands wrap around her hips and he kisses her. “You look beautiful.”

Color
fills her cheeks. “Thank you. Do you mind if we wait until Macy’s date shows
before we go?”

His
face hardens. “Macy has a date?”

“Well,
I don’t dress like this to go to the grocery store,” I reply with a laugh. Stan
chooses that moment to knock on the door. “That should be him.”

Stan
looks exactly like his picture. Slim and cute in a boyish way. Non-threatening.
Unlike the hulk of man towering over him, firing inappropriate questions.
“Jensen!” I bark, when he asks if Stan’s ever been arrested. “I’ll be fine. Go
show off your date.” As they leave, I turn to Stan and apologize. “Sorry, he’s
a bit overprotective. Should we go?”

“Of
course.”

He
leads me to his car, his palm on the small of my back. I wish I could say it
excited me the way Parker’s hand there did, but I feel nothing. Maybe tonight
is a mistake, but I’m determined to give it a chance and try to enjoy myself.
Besides, I don’t want to be rude.