Paradise Island: Complete Edition (15 page)

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fter getting rid of the clothes (we burned them in the deep woods), and since we already got rid of the knife (wiped down and thrown into the ocean on our way to Henry’s cottage), the only loose end left was Lucy. Jack parked in front of our cottage, and I found that the front door was locked. I didn’t know whether to take that as a good sign or not. I unlocked the door and was greeted by an empty house.

Just as we headed out, and I locked the door again, I watched as a guy approached us. I immediately thought he was a cop come to arrest us. That somehow they knew what we had done.

“Hey, is Lucy round?” The fellow asked when he came close enough to be heard.

I looked back at the locked door. “No, I haven’t seen her since yesterday. Why?”

“Just wondering. We were supposed to have a date yesterday, but she was a no show. I called her a couple of times, but maybe she didn’t have reception.”

“Yeah, can’t help you. I’m her roommate,” I said as way of explanation as to why I was there.

“Hey, aren’t you that actor fellow?” The guy asked when he saw Jack for the first time standing behind me.

“No mate,” Jack said in a British accent. “But I get that a lot. Have a lovely day.”

Jack got on the bike and motioned for me to do the same.

“Well, if I see her, who should I say has been looking for her?”

“Rory, the name’s Rory. We met at the pub a couple of nights ago. Well, thanks anyway.”

I got on the bike and watched Rory walk slowly away, looking pretty bummed out. I wondered where Lucy could have gone to. A person doesn’t just disappear in thin air. Henry had her. That much I knew. Then he supposedly blew her up, but there was no trace of her body. Maybe it was a good idea to take another look at the boat house. I told Jack as much before he started the bike.

“I’ve looked at that place as well from top to bottom. It was empty.”

“Did you think I would be in the flames?”

“I didn’t know what to think, but I’m glad you ended up not being there. I barely got out alive myself.”

I put on my helmet and we were ready to go. “Let’s take one last look,” Jack said, and we were on our way to the boat house.

Once the wreck of the boat house was in view, I remembered what had happened. How wrong our plan had gone. It was by the grace of that knife that I lived to tell the tale: to one man at least.

I went ahead into the boat house and entered the burnt out mess. Surprisingly, some walls were still standing, as well as some of the roof. I walked carefully to where I remembered Lucy being. The boat itself was probably everywhere, so that wasn’t much help. I looked and looked but could not find any trace of a body, or that anybody had been there at all. I was starting to think that I had imagined the whole thing, but then I remembered Rory, who had come looking for Lucy, and I knew she was in trouble, but I wasn’t sure what kind exactly. Jack joined me soon after and confirmed my findings.

“I told you I already searched it top to bottom.”

“Then where could she be?”

“I don’t know, Sophie. To be honest, Lucy seems like the type of girl that can take care of herself.” There was something in his voice that told me that he was choosing his words carefully, and I wondered why.

“Why do you say that?” I asked, trying to sound as casual as possible, though probably failing miserably.

Jack looked away. “I don’t know if I should be the one to tell you.”

“Tell me what, Jack? Come on, we don’t have time for this. Her life could be in danger! Maybe she tried to crawl away from the explosion searching for help and just passed out. God, she could be in the woods somewhere!” That was it, I had a plan to save my friend, and I was going to go through with it, if it took me all day. I was going to search these woods until I found something.

“Wait, Sophie,” Jack ran after me. “I’m just saying that Lucy might not be the kind of person you think she is. You do know she came onto me at that bar? And pretty strong I might add.”

This was ridiculous. She could be bleeding out here somewhere and he was talking about their damn one night stand.

“I already talked to her about it. She admitted she was the one who went after you, after far too many drinks. I’ve forgiven her. It’s not like we’re together, Jack.”

“Did she also tell you that she was the one who offered me cocaine?”

That, I did not know. “No, but why would she? It doesn’t make sense. I thought that was yours.”

“Look, Sophie, you might not know this, but I’m pretty sure Lucy did.”

“Know what?”

“I’ve already been to rehab a couple of times for cocaine use. The very reason I came to this godforsaken island in the middle of nowhere was to get away from all that and focus on being clean. But that night in the bar, I was feeling low because you were rejecting me constantly, and in comes Lucy. I thought it would be a fun one night stand and nothing more. Until she pulled out the cocaine in the middle of our fuck session and urged me to give it a sniff. I don’t know what kind of person you think she is, Sophie, but I don’t think she’s a good one. I’m pretty sure she knew what she was doing. I haven’t done it since that day when you found us, but only because of you, Sophie. You’re the one keeping me slipping from the edge, and I’m afraid Lucy will try to bring you down just like she did me.”

I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. Sure Lucy wasn’t the most moral girl on earth, but she wasn’t all that bad either. She was the only person who would talk to me when I came to this strange country, and if it wasn’t for her, I don’t know what I would have done. “Lucy’s been my friend since I came here, Jack. You don’t know her how I do.”

“I’m sorry, Sophie, but I think I know her better than you do.”

“Why? Because you fucked her once?” I was getting furious at his accusations of my friend. “Plenty of guys on this island can say the same, but they’re not the ones who live and work with her. Men, you think just because you sleep with a woman that you know everything about her. I’d wager that you are the ones that know her the least.”

I walked away and headed for the woods. I wasn’t really sure where I was going, but I knew that I needed some time alone. What Jack was implying, or maybe even outright saying, was unacceptable. Whatever Lucy was, I knew that she was a good friend to me. In fact, the only real friend I’ve had my whole damn life.

I searched and searched through the surrounding woods and Jack was smart enough to leave me alone. I saw him searching as well some distance from me and was glad that at least he took one part of what I said seriously. Lucy, Lucy, where could you be? If you did not explode in that boathouse, where could you have gone? Lucy, I’m looking for you. I took my cell out of my pocket and saw how the reception was. Barely a bar. I thought about leaving her another message but thought better of it. I just dialed the number instead and hoped that she’d answer. No such luck. If it wasn’t the bad reception, it must have been that she could not get to her phone for some reason.

After we’d searched as much as we could, I met Jack back by his bike.

“Look, Sophie, I didn’t mean to upset you. I was just telling you my side of the story.”

“I know, Jack. I just want to make sure she’s safe.”

He came close and put his arms around me. “I know she’s your friend and I’ll do anything to help you find her, you know that, right?”

I looked up into his eyes, and I did know. I was surprised to hear him say that I was the reason he didn’t do cocaine again after the incident with Lucy. It was a lot of pressure, but I was glad that I seemed to be of some use to him. I thought he was the one who saved me, who helped me out, but it looked like I was helping him out as well without even knowing it.

I hugged him back. “I’m sorry, Jack. I was being a bit cruel back there. I know it was hard for you to tell me that and I’m glad you did. I’m sorry I treated you like that.”

“It’s okay,” Jack said and looked deep into my eyes. He held me closer. I could feel him breathing in and out. I held my breath for what would happen next. He fixed my hair with his fingers and then caressed my face. I closed my eyes and waited. But nothing happened. “I wish you would give me a chance,” he said. “I would never hurt you, Sophie. I’m not like the other men you’ve known.”

I opened my eyes and looked at him. Really looked, and saw a man just as broken as I was. A man on the verge of losing it all and losing himself in the world of sex and drugs.

“Jack,” I whispered in his ear. And then I surprised myself by kissing his cheek gently. Then I went a little further until I finally reached his lips. I could sense the hunger there, the same I had felt just a moment ago. I didn’t know why I was doing it, but my lips met his, and slowly I let our lips meet each other until I could taste his taste in my mouth. It was weird at first, but it was also exciting for some reason. Jack pressed his arms around my back and then went lower and lower until they almost rested on my ass. He kissed me harder, this time his tongue was in my mouth. I held his head in my hands and kissed him back, just as hard. His tongue, my tongue met like two hungry snakes. I forgot myself for a moment and melted into him. I did not know where he began and I ended. His body was so close to mine that I could feel his need getting stronger through his jeans. But then I remembered. It came back with force, like unexpected thunder. My memories of Crow, my disgust. I remembered how dirty he made me feel and I had to break the embrace.

I took a step back, the look on Jack’s face one of utter devastation.

“I’m sorry, Jack, I shouldn’t have done that.”

I turned my back on him and let the cold wind extinguish the fire that had risen within me. I felt Jack’s hands on my arms and while I wanted to recoil from his touch, I let him have at least that much.

“It’s okay, Sophie,” he whispered in my ear. “I can wait. However much time you need, I’ll be here waiting for you.”

“What if I’m never ready? What if I’m just too broken, Jack? What then?” I felt hot tears fall down my face.

“Shh, Sophie. Don’t think like that. I’m not perfect either, but I believe we can get through this. Together.”

And together we climbed onto his bike, put our helmets on, and were on our way back to Jack’s place. I held on tight, wondering what I did to deserve such a man as Jack. Wherever Lucy was, I hoped she was okay. Jack was right about one thing: Lucy could definitely take care of herself. I just hoped Henry wasn’t too much for her to handle.

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fter getting back to Jack’s place we didn’t talk much. The kiss, our second kiss in fact, except that I was the one who initiated this time, stood between us like an unspoken secret. I hoped that he would give me a bit more time before bringing it up, and so far he did. We ate in silence and I excused myself and went to my room. I laid down on the bed, wanting to forget everything that had happened, but something wouldn’t let me go into the darkness just yet. I felt its call even though it was out of sight, but apparently it wasn’t out of mind.

I took Josie’s journal out of the drawer and started to read. I was so close to the end of the last journal that I almost didn’t want to know what happened next, or at least I wanted to drag it out for as long as it would last. But there were only so many words left to read, so I opened to where I last stopped and started to read again, Josie’s words taking me somewhere out of myself, where the only world that existed was hers.

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fter the enormous row I had with Thomas, and after I’d witnessed for myself what kind of a man he truly was, I felt sick and went for a walk. I happened to run into Thomas’s teenage son, Greyson, who had grown up to be quite the man. It was so dark outside that I was surprised the boy would be up at such an hour.

“Greyson, my dear, shouldn’t you be in bed right now?” I asked nicely, trying not to sound like too much of a nag, but obviously failing. It seemed that impending motherhood had awaken a mothering gene within me. I didn’t know whether to embrace it or suppress it just yet.

“None of your business, Miss Browning,” he said in an angry voice and passed me by, presumably on his way to the church.

I wanted to run after him and stop him from going to that nefarious location, to witnessing the true nature of his father, but I thought better of it. If the boy must find out, then let him, I thought. Thomas was no longer of concern to me. The only way he would gain my forgiveness would be to come begging for forgiveness on his hands and knees, and promising to do right by our child.

I made it safely home not long after and here I am dutifully recounting everything that had happened, even though I am beyond tired, both emotionally and physically. Dear diary, I shall tell you more later, but for now I really need my rest.

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felt sleepy myself but I decided to continue anyway. If Lucy’s story wouldn’t have an end anytime soon, then Josie’s would.

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y belly grows each day, or at least that is what it seems like to me. The sickness has come, but I knew it would. I watched my mother get sick every time during her pregnancy, that it did not come as a surprise at all. I missed home. I often thought about going back, begging for help, but I knew that my father would treat me worse than Thomas. An unwed woman with a child would be a scandal. That woman being his own daughter? Unspeakable. I weighed my options and thought about giving up the child at birth and putting the whole sordid affair behind me. I was a fool to fall for a man like Thomas. I should have seen it coming, it’s true. A man of Thomas’ standing, preaching against one thing in the daylight, and indulging in it as soon as the sun had set. He was a married man with children, and I knew that. I don’t know why I was fool enough to believe that my love would be enough to have him all to myself. I felt like such a silly girl.

The other day I found myself walking by the cliffs. It was very cold and all I could think about was the warmth of the fire. But the closer I got to the edge, the more magnetic the sea and rocks below became. I stopped at the very edge and looked down, imagining what it would be like to just take that extra step and fall down to my death. It would certainly solve a lot of my problems. But it would also mean killing my child as well as myself, and I just could not take that step. I stepped back and thought about Thomas with that girl. I would not give him the satisfaction. I would not make it that easy for him to get rid of me.