Paradisal Tragedy (16 page)

Nineteen

Travis froze in his spot after Annabella’s confession. He watched her hold her head in her hands as she sobbed, kneeling on the floor.

For weeks, she’d been hiding a secret from him and she finally let him in. But how was he was supposed to react to this? What did he say? He meant what he said; it didn’t change anything between them. However, how did he help her through something so horrible? He’d had his speculations about the secret she’d been carrying, but never did he believe it was this bad.
Raped?
How could someone hurt such a wonderful person like her, in such a violent way?

“Bella,” Travis said, kneeling down beside her, but when he went to touch her she pushed him away.

“Don’t. Just don’t touch me,” she said to him, but it was the opposite from what she wanted. She wanted to feel safe again, and in his arms was the one place she felt safe.

“Don’t do that, don’t you start pushing me away. I told you whatever secret you were holding in, didn’t matter to me. I meant that I’m not going anywhere and you can push me away all you want, but I’ll never stop fighting for you,” Travis told her as he put his arms around her again.

“I said stop.” She said pushing him away “You can’t touch me. I’m no good anymore Travis.”

“That’s not true.”

“Yes it is. And it hurts so much. I want it to stop. When you found me on that cliff, I wanted to jump. I
should
have jumped. All these memories of him come racing back and it scares me. I can’t be happy, he won’t let me,” she cried.

“Only you have that power to be happy. Don’t let him take that from you. Don’t let him ruin everything we have.”

“He already has. What kind of guy wants a girl who was weak enough to be raped?”

“Don’t ever say that again. This wasn’t your fault. He was stronger than you. Don’t you ever for a second think that just because I know the truth that I don’t want you, because I do. I still want Annabella.”

“Why?”

“Because she’s one the person in my life that gets me. The one person I can talk to. And she makes me happy. I don’t care what happened in her past, I just care about her,” Travis explained to her in hopes that she’d finally let him touch her.

Annabella felt the world crashing around her. She let her secret out, yet Travis still wanted her. Why? How could he possibly still want her after she told him what happened? He tried to comfort her by putting his arms around her but she pushed him away and went into a hit fit.

He accepted it though, he let her use him as a punching bag until she finally gave in and let him hold her in his arms as she sobbed into his chest.

She didn’t know how any of this happened, avoiding Travis, while it was hard, was bearable. How did she end up here? How did she end up letting out her biggest, darkest secret? No one was supposed to find out. She was supposed to hide it forever and she was supposed take it with her to the grave. The last thing that she ever wanted to do was burden someone else with the secret that she’d locked away for so many months.

“Who did this to you?” Travis asked as they still sat on the floor, her in his arms.

“It doesn’t matter. It won’t ever matter.” She didn’t want to relive the past any longer. Just the thought of his name made her sick.

“It does matter, tell me who do this to you, and we can get you justice.”

“It’s too late. I showered and all the evidence is gone. I don’t want to relive that awful night, Travis, I just want to forget. I just want to feel safe again.”

“How did this happen? I mean how did he get a chance to hurt you?” Travis asked as he picked her up and laid her on the bed. She moved so that she was lying on his chest.

“I was on the track team. One day after practice Aubrey, and my other friends were supposed to be waiting for me because my car was being fixed from an accident that my brother got into while he drove it. They promised to be there, but they blew me off, not a call, not a text, nothing. The next day I found out they all went to a party. Anyway, I would have called Matt, but he was home sick with the flu. I called my brother, but he was an hour away so I had to wait. I decided to go into the gym and workout. It was quiet, which confused me because I couldn’t hear him coming. I knew him. In fact, I trusted him. He was my brother’s friend and Matt’s older brother. There he was telling me how beautiful I was,” Annabella started, finally opening up for the first time about it.

“He kissed me in the gym. I hated it. I was dating Matt, and I couldn’t understand how he could do that to him. I pushed him away from me, but he shoved me against the wall. I got away from him at first. I ran away and hid in the locker room but he found me, he grabbed me and he pinned me on the floor. I couldn’t move; I was too weak. I tried to fight him off, but I couldn’t. Travis, I said no, I swear. I begged him to stop but he wouldn’t. He covered my mouth so I wouldn’t scream and then he ripped open my clothes and raped me. I cried through the whole thing. I begged for my mom; I just wanted her to make it better the way only a mother could. It hurt so badly. He took everything from me that night. A part of me died that night, and I’ll never get it back.” She finished and Travis tightened his grip on her.

“Shh. It’s going to be aright, sunshine. We’re going to get you better. We’re not going to let that son of bitch who did this to you ruin the rest of your life. We’re going to make the pain go away. I promise.”

“It won’t go away, Travis. I’ve tried, but it always comes back to haunt me,” Annabella explained through her tears. The truth was, no matter how hard she tried, it always came back.

“Shh. Just sleep, okay? You’re exhausted, now get some rest and we can talk about it later.”

“I’m sorry, Travis.” Annabella said just as she drifted into unconsciousness.

Travis watched Annabella sleep for what felt like hours. He could see the redness on her face, the evidence of old tears and all that pain. He could see it all and it broke his heart into a million pieces. He wanted to take it all away, to make it all better for her, and as hard as he wanted that the reality was that he couldn’t.

She had to face this fear on her own. The only thing he could do was be there for her. He hated what this was doing to her. He hated seeing her so broken up inside. She’d been living in Chandler for months, so she’d been carrying around his secret for even longer.

He couldn’t imagine the pain that she was inflicting on herself by keeping quiet. She needed to tell someone, to get it all out in the open. Travis felt his heart breaking even more as he thought about the reason she couldn’t bear to be touched at first, the reason she was waiting for their relationship to end, it explained why she always wore that oversized sweat shirt, why she never wore a bathing suit that day they went cliff jumping.

He was unsure of how to take in any of this. It was a given that his past wasn’t perfect, but it was a walk in the park compared to hers. She was all alone in this. She was scared, horrified and completely alone in the dark.

Travis vowed for it to all end here.

No longer would she be alone. Nor would she suffer in silence with the pain of this secret or be afraid of the man who betrayed her trust. He was going to break the control this had on her life. He would do whatever it took to make her see the light. Even if it meant resorting to his old ways…

He felt a tear run down his cheek as he thought about everything that she had to go through. He’d take her pain for her if it was possible, anything so long as she didn’t have to deal with it. He hated seeing the one person he cared about most in this life such a mess.

“Travis?” Annabella said, opening her eyes. She saw the tear that ran down his cheek, before he was able to wipe it away.

“Hey, how are you feeling?” He asked.

“Are you crying?” She’d never seen him cry before.

“No, I’m fine. You didn’t answer my question,” Travis stated, trying to take the unwanted attention away from him.

“It’s because of me, isn’t it?”

“No, it’s not. It because of him. He hurt you Bella. And I pushed you last time you were here. If I had gone any farther… I’d be just like him,” Travis started, but she cut him off.

“Don’t do that, don’t blame yourself. Travis, I wanted to be there with you as much as you did. I didn’t freak out because of what you did, I freaked out because of what you said. You called me Anna. No one ever called me that except for
him.
It just brought back that night like it was yesterday. I’m sorry that I freaked out on you, but you have to know that it wasn’t you,” Annabella explained to him. She hated the man who did this to her. She hated the man who was ruining her chance to be happy with Travis, but she wasn’t going to let him compare himself to her rapist.

“Bella –”

“No, stop Travis, you didn’t try to rape me. What we were doing was consensual; you’re not anything like him. Please don’t ever think that you are.”

“I hate this; I hate thinking that you’ve been carrying the secret around with you for months, all alone. I don’t want you to be alone,” Travis told her.

“I’m not alone anymore. I have you. And that means more to me than anything else.”

“I’ll always be here for you, but I think that you should tell your parents and your brother.”

“No. I can’t tell them,” she said. How in the world she could tell her mom she was raped? She was the most positive person Bella knew; she wasn’t going to take that away from her. Her father was acting like a complete and total stranger; there was no way to tell how he’d take the news. As for Ryan, it was his friend. How could she possibly tell her brother that one of his best friends forced her to do something she begged him to stop doing? How could she possibly tell her brother each and every last detail of that night? She couldn’t.

“Why not?” Travis asked her as he framed her face between his hands.

“I just can’t, okay? I haven’t told you the worst part of it all,” Annabella said, she’d been honest with Travis already, she knew that the only way to finally be able to put it all past is to finally admit the one part she allowed herself to forget.

“How could it get any worse?”

“After the rape, I became pregnant, Travis,” she said, looking away from him. He was probably disgusted with her.

“Pregnant, you have a kid?” he asked. He was angry, not at her but at the low life that has done this to her. Not in any way did he blame her for this.

“No, I didn’t even know until it was too late.” She said remembering it like it was the previous day.

“What do you mean?”

“It was five weeks after the fact, I was cramping really bad and I didn’t understand why. I didn’t want to go to the doctor because I felt dirty; I thought that they’d figure out my secret and tell my parents. I was vulnerable. I went to the bathroom and I was bleeding really bad so I had no choice. They told me that I miscarried a baby. It was so much to take in.”

“I know the feeling. Bella, you didn’t tell anyone?”

“Not a soul, until now. It was a tragedy and a blessing,” Annabella told him, her tone soft.

“What does that mean, how could any of this possibly be a blessing?”

“I meant the miscarriage. Travis, what happened was tragic enough, how could I possibly carry his spawn inside of me for nine months knowing how it was conceived? I would have hated that child, the way I hate its father.”

Travis stared at her as he took in her statement. He could see her facial expression darken as she talked about the baby and the man who did this to her. Her eyes became distant and cold and her mouth twisted.

“I can’t believe you’ve dealt with all of this on you own,” he said again.

“I had no choice; I couldn’t bear for anyone else to know. I felt dirty. I still do,” she admitted as she entwined their fingers together.

“You’re not alone, and you’re not dirty, I’ll do whatever it takes to make you feel safe again.”

“I don’t want to hurt anymore. I want to wake up every day and feel happy that I’m with you, and know I can take care of myself, but I can’t.”

“I have an idea. You want to feel safe? Come with me, we’ll get you there,” Travis said, moving from the bed and putting a shirt on.

Annabella wasn’t sure what he had up his sleeve, but the trust she had in him was without a doubt as strong as ever. She took his hand and he led her back out to the real world.

Twenty

Annabella sat and waited for her friends. They were supposed to be here well over an hour ago. Aubrey promised that she wouldn’t be late.

She sat on the curb of the school, still wearing her yoga pants and black tank top. She loved being on the track team more than anything. She loved to run; it wasn’t just because it kept her in shape, but because it always cleared her mind.

She tried calling Aubrey for the millionth time, but got no answer. She hated this. If the roles were reversed, she’d never have stood Aubrey up like this. And the worst part of it all was that Aubrey, Chelsea, and Maxie were probably up to no good. If she had her car, getting home would be no problem.

Giving up, she decided to call Ryan.

“Hello?” He answered almost immediately.

“Hey, Ry. I need a ride, can you come get me?” she asked, feeling guilty. The last thing she wanted to do was intrude on her brother.

“I thought the girls were coming to get you,” he stated.

“I thought so too. I’ve been waiting for an hour and they’re still not here.”

“Baby girl, I’m an hour away. I’m on my back from Phoenix. If you can hang in for an hour, I’ll be there, but if not, I can see if I can find you a ride,” he said. Ryan was always looking out for her, no matter what.

“I can wait. I’d rather fit some time in to work out anyway. Just come get me when you get here.”

“I will. Be safe, okay? You never know who’s in that school at night. Keep your phone on you just in case,” Ryan said, going into his protective brother personality
.

“Ry, I love that you care, but I’ll be fine.”

“Are you sure you don’t want me to just call someone?” he asked
.

“I’ll be okay, just hurry okay?”

“I think I’m going to have a word with Ms. Aubrey when I see her,” Ryan said angrily
.

“Don’t,” Annabella told him. The last thing she needed was the wrath that was her best friend
.

“Bella, she left you there at the school and it’s almost eight thirty. It’s getting dark out,” he informed her
.

“I know, but I’m okay. I love you, just get here soon.” Annabella hung up.

Half an hour later, she was sweaty from running on the treadmill. She decided to take a break so she sat and read the book that she had on the kindle application on her phone.

She lost track of time until she finally felt a hand on her shoulder. She turned around, expecting to find her brother, instead she found someone else.

“Oh hi,” she said to one of Ryan’s buddies.

“Hey, there Anna,” he said
.
She’d known him her whole life. He was the only one who called her that.

“What are you doing here?”

“I came to get something out of Matt’s locker for him. How about you?” he asked, his blue eyes fixated on her
.

“I’m waiting for my brother, Aubrey stood me up, so I had to call him to come get me, but he was an hour away.”

“Oh, I’m sorry. You working out?”

“I was
.
” Annabella told him as she put a small, white towel around her neck
.

“Interesting.” He took a step closer to her
.
“You know, Anna, I always thought you were exceptionally beautiful.”

Annabella froze where she stood. What the hell was going on? This was Matt’s older brother. Not to mention her brother’s friend. How could he possibly go there?

“Um, thanks,” she said shakily
.

“I’ve watched you every single day since the day I met you. And I even recognize your scent when I smell it… I love your vanilla smell.”

“Stop.” She pushed him away .

“Anna, Anna,” he said as he pulled her close. Before she knew it, he was crushing her lips with his.

The kiss was unwanted. She tried to push away from him, but he was too strong. He crushed her hands behind her as he pushed her into the wall of the gym. When he finally broke the kiss, he stared at her with cold eyes.

“I’ve wanted to do that for so long
,
” he said.

“Please stop,” she begged, afraid of where all this was going.

“You know you want it as bad as I do, don’t try to deny it.”

“I’m with Matt, I like him. This is wrong on so many levels.” She hoped he cared about his little brother as much as Ryan cared about her.

“We don’t have to tell him. It’s just you and me tonight, “He told her, in a creepy tone .

“My brother will be here soon, please let me go,” she begged
.

“I’m sure he won’t be here for a while.”

Cupping her face with one hand, he began to kiss her neck. She felt the feeling of disgust rise in her. How could this be happening? She didn’t want this. She wanted Ryan to come bursting through the door to make everything better. She thought of Matt, her boyfriend, someone she cared about so much. How could she betray him this way? She needed to fight for him.

Bringing up her knee, she kneed him in between his legs
,
causing him to fall to the ground
.
When he finally released her, she grabbed her phone off the bench and then ran like hell.

She hid in the locker room under a bench. The room was dark, so she hoped he wouldn’t be able to find her.

“Anna, Anna,” he said when he spotted her
.
He grabbed her phone before she could dial a number
.

“Please leave me alone,” she begged after climbing out from under the bench and going to the opposite side of the room. He grabbed her arm and pulled her to him
. 

“You’re so beautiful, God, I could stare at you forever
,
” he told her
.

“I have to go,” she said, but he wouldn’t let her move. He tightened his grip around her arms, causing her pain. She knew it would bruise.

“I’ve watched you for years; I just never had the guts to get you alone until now.” He smiled. “Beautiful, innocent little Anna. You’re a virgin aren’t you?”

“That’s none of your business
,
” she breathed
.

“Feisty, aren’t we?” he asked, grabbing her hands so she couldn’t move
.

“Please let me go
.
I won’t tell, just please let me go,” Annabella begged
.

“Shh. It’ll be over soon,” he told her
,
pinning her beneath him and unbuckling his pants
.
In that moment, she knew there was no stopping it.

“Now, we should have a little talk before we part ways tonight” He told her when he was finished.

Annabella said nothing; she just laid in the position he left her in and curled up into a ball. She felt the dry tears on her face. She was all cried out.

“You are not to tell a soul what happened here. If you tell a soul, I will kill Ryan and both your parents,” he warned. A part of her wanted to call him on his bluff, but the other part couldn’t. She’d known him her whole life, trusted him even, and at this point she’d believe anything he said was true.

Still, she said nothing, minutes passed like hours and all she wanted to do was shake this dirty feeling.

“He’s your friend
,
” she whispered finally
.

“Maybe, but don’t for one second think I won’t kill him.”

“You… why?”

“The moment I laid eyes on you, I knew I had to have you, it was only a matter of when.”

“What about Matt?” she asked.

“I love my little brother, but he’s not right for you. He’s just too nice and we both know you don’t want a nice boy.”

“I like Matt
,
” she argued in a soft whisper
.

“Well, we’ll see. But you have to promise not to tell.”

She said nothing. She had nothing left to say.

“Say the words Anna,” he demanded
.

“I… Won’t tell. I promise
,
” she said, trying to control her emotions.

“That’s my good girl.” He smiled then kissed the top of her head “You shouldn’t have been here at night anyway. If you were never here, this wouldn’t have happened. You’re to blame just as much as I am, sweetheart.” Then left the room
. 

Racing from the car after her brother picked her up, Annabella hurried upstairs to the shower. How could this have happened, how could she have
let
it happen? She couldn’t think straight, she had no recollection of how she got here.

The tears started pouring down her face as she undressed and got in the shower. She felt dirty. She felt disgusting. She took the bottle of vanilla scented body wash
,
poured what seemed like a half of bottle on her white pouf and began to violently scrub her body. The memories of a few hours ago began to take over her mind. Annabella continued to scrub her body with body wash until she became red.

Finally letting her emotions get the best of her, she sank to the floor of the shower as water poured over her body and began to sob. How could one night change her entire life? She wanted to go to her mom
.
She wanted to curl up in her arms and let it all go, but she knew she couldn’t do that. He’d made her promise not to tell a single soul, and her family’s lives were at stake here. She wasn’t willing to risk any of them, but more than that, she could tear apart their lives the way her life had just been taken from her. She wouldn’t do that.

After an hour of sitting on the shower floor, she finally gained enough strength to get out and grab a towel. Wrapping herself in it, she headed to her bedroom, almost jumping out of her skin when she saw Matt.

“Hey there baby
,
” he greeted her as she sat on the bed
.

“You shouldn’t be here
,
” she said to him, gripping her towel tighter to her. She was thankful it had been one of her bigger ones.

“I missed you
,
” he said as he took a step forward and put his lips on her.

She couldn’t do it. All she could feel was her rapist.

“Stop!” she screamed at him
.

“Bella, what’s wrong?” he questioned in his concerned boyfriend tone.

“I can’t do this, I can’t.”

“Can’t do what?”

“Us.”

“Why not? I know I haven’t been around, but I’ve been sick. That doesn’t negate the fact that I love you though.”

“It’s not you, Matt, it’s me. I’m not breaking up with you, but I just need a little bit of space right now.” She explained
.

“I can understand that I guess. You’ll call me?” he asked
.

“I promise.”

“Okay.” He left.

Annabella never called him. She avoided him for the rest of the time she lived in Tampa, and then she moved away, not even giving him notice.

She couldn’t face the brother of the man who’d raped her, no matter how much she cared about him. The resemblance was there. She saw
him
every time she looked at Matt. From that day forward, she’d vow to never let anyone in again. She’d never trust anyone. She’d take this secret to the grave no matter how much she was hurt inside.

She’d live her life in hell, but she’d never tell another soul.