Paper Cranes (15 page)

“As much as I would like to keep dancing, I do have a doctor’s appointment tomorrow,” I said.

My excuse was lame, but true. Dr. Mather had referred me to the medical college to meet with a team of doctors. A multidisciplinary clinic they called it. All I knew was I would be seeing numerous doctors at once. A day filled with, “How do you feel”, “What are you having trouble doing”, and “How does this effect your daily routine?”

“Oh okay, no problem,” Lee responded with dejection in his voice. His once hopeful voice was now replaced with longing.

He lifted me upright, nearly pushing me away.
Was he as worried as I was? Was he just as turned on as I was? He definitely pushed me away for a reason though.
Reasons I’m not sure I want the answers to.

“I guess I’d better get you home then,” he smiled. The smile was reassuring to know I hadn’t totally blue balled him. Although it wasn’t a toothy grin I had grown accustomed to, but I would take it.

The drive home was fairly quiet, excluding the soft hum of the heat blowing through the vents. Lee didn’t hold my hand like he had all night, leaving my skin bereaved of connection. I had no idea how important that small exploit had on me. A simple action such as that, without words, showed me rejection and hurt.

I needed his forgiveness for pulling away. I reached across the center console of his truck, taking his hand into mine. I could feel the hesitation and his want to be angry, until he grasped my hand. He wasn’t infuriated after all, but I virtually guarantee I bruised his ego. There was a strong pull within me to make him happy. To feel wanted. I couldn’t explain it, but felt drawn to him in that moment.

We pulled up to the house around midnight and my eyelids felt every second. Before I had a chance to think or react, I leaned across the console and laid a sweet kiss on Lee’s cheek. I could still taste the sweetness from the powdered sugar, pleading with my subconscious to refrain from licking it.
That’s just weird
.

I lingered a little longer than necessary as I took in his signature smell – oil and pine needles. Brushing my cheek against his, I pulled myself away excruciatingly slow. All I wanted was for him to turn his head a centimeter and the connection would be obvious. I would snap out of my friendship dream and we would fall madly in love. Just as he wanted and predicted.

But he didn’t do that. He turned a centimeter alright, in the opposite direction. He rolled away from me, putting distance between our bodies.

“Call me tomorrow and let me know how the appointment went, okay?”

That’s all? That’s all I get?

“Yeah. Sure. I can do that.”

Lee’s flippant attitude hurt my feelings, although it shouldn’t. I couldn’t decipher if I only wanted him if he didn’t want me, or if I genuinely wanted to be with him. Wouldn’t that just be the case? I would cave for him only to have an epiphany that I don’t actually want the guy, just the game of being able to catch him. It didn’t feel that way though, but the thought did worry me.

Reaching for the door, I paused for a second, hoping for one of those chick flick moments. A moment where the guy yanks her back into the car and proclaims his declaration of love for her. He’d kiss me senseless until I couldn’t remember my name or some shit like that. Instead, he let me leave like any man whose ego had just been blasted to smithereens.

I stood on the curb and waved him goodbye as if he were never coming back. I imagined had Jackson been in the cab, he would be leaning on the back window, waving his little hand. Oh, God, Jackson. I wasn’t angry Lee had a son, but upset he thought I was pushing him away because he had a son. That was furthest from the truth. I actually admired Lee for being a single Dad and taking care of his responsibilities.

I didn’t sleep much the night before. My mind raced with visions of a brown headed, brown eyed boy running around in our hypothetical backyard, pleading for me to chase him. But I couldn’t. I was immobile, not even able to tell him how much I wish I could. I woke in a panic, sweat dripping from my brow.

My mentality was not focused and the last thing I wanted to do today was go to the doctor’s office. I grabbed my bag, heading for the door when I nearly stepped on something as I crossed the threshold. There, sitting on my stoop were two cranes and a letter.

Dove-

I meant to give this crane to you last night, however I was a little distracted. I also wanted to give you one for today, just in case. Good luck today. Call me later.

Your FRIEND,

Lee

Looking down, the first crane said, “You are a horrible dancer.” I doubled over with laughter as I thought about my terrible dance moves. Lee’s poor feet had to be suffering today. I especially liked the fact that he wrote friends in caps. It meant he was still wanting more even if I kept rejecting the idea.

The second crane simple said, “You are a badass.” I needed the encouragement this morning. One of my doubts going into the appointment was walking into the doctor’s office and having them tell me, you are progressing too quickly, you have one year to live. Although it had been only three months, not a lot had changed according to my analysis. But what did I know?

I shot Lee a quick text before heading out, cringing at the sound of, my Dove. I really needed to get it over to Lee’s Garage and soon for my repairs.

Me:
Thank you for my cranes this am. What a welcome surprise.

Lee:
You are most welcome, Friend.

Me:
I liked it better when you called me Dove.

A little light humor never hurt anyone.

Lee:
Well, that’s what we are, so why is it such a big deal?

Me:
You are right, Friend.

I had to joke back. It was fun to mock his ploy.

Lee:
Unless you don’t want to be friends anymore???

Me:
Friend is just fine. Don’t you have work to day?

Lee:
Nice change of subject and you texted me, mind you.

Damn I did. Honestly, I just wanted to know he was thinking of me, or even waiting for my text.

Me:
Valid point. Well, FRIEND, you are going to make me late for my appointment.

Lee:
Hey, you are the one who keeps sending messages. Don’t blame me!

Me
: I’m really going now

Lee:
Uh, huh.

Me:
:::Starting car, driving away:::

Lee:
:::Waving a farewell and Godspeed:::

Me:
:::Flicks him the bird:::

Lee:
:::Watch what you are doing. No texting and driving.:::

I wanted to continue to talk, but he was right, I needed to concentrate. Bugger! When I got to the medical college, I couldn’t resist the temptation to send him another message. It felt good to have someone in this with me.

Me:
XXX, Friend.

Lee:
Are you sending me dirty messages, FRIEND?

Me:
BAH, no!

Lee:
Okay, well I can only interpret that as kisses. You wanna make out, don’t you FRIEND?

Me:
For your information, those are hugs. I strategically left out the kiss. I didn’t want to give you the wrong impression.

Lee:
You failed miserably.

Me:
I can see that.

Lee:
Can I have horizontal hugs

Me:
I’m going into my exam room. GOODBYE!

Lee:
But you didn’t answer the question lol I’ll take that as a no, but vertical is still on the table, right?

After several pauses, I finally responded.

Me:
Sure. Vertical is acceptable, FRIEND.

I giggled as I placed the cell phone into my handbag. Just as the purse was laid to rest on a stool, Dr. Atlee appeared in the doorway. He was obnoxiously gorgeous, and obnoxiously young. I had to shut my mouth to keep it from hitting the ground as I prepared for the exam.

“I’M HERE, I’M HERE, I’M HERE! Screeched JoJo as she strolled in late, as usual. ”Holy shit!”

“Is something the matter, Ms….”

“Clare. Fine now, thanks! I don’t know if you know this, but you are seriously hot. Has anyone ever told you that before?”

“JOJO,” I screamed, feeling embarrassed.

“Yes actually, my partner,” he stating, lifting his left hand where a wedding band glistened.

“Boooo,” she sulked, sitting down in a nearby chair.

Jo crossed her arms across her chest, pouting at the news. I rolled my eyes at her blatant attempt at flirting. I found the situation quite hilarious to be honest. There wasn’t a man JoJo didn’t try to pick up. She definitely didn’t discriminate when it came to hitting on men. Most girls have a list of qualities in a man, but not JoJo. It was more or less, if they can tolerate her for more than five minutes, they are worth a shot.

I give her props, she can certainly wrangle a few guys here and there; quite attractive guys at that. The problem, she never kept them – one and done, or on a good day, two. She had zero fear, a quality I wish I had myself.

“So, Ms…” He stuttered as he looked at his file. “Dove. How are we doing today?”

“Not bad, not good. Middle of the road I suppose,” I said, actually giving him a smile. Lee’s crane reminding me I was a bad ass or at least tried to be. Normally, I would have broken down, unable to articulate my feelings and emotions, but not today. Today I was a steel horse, ready to charge into battle.

“Okay. Okay. Any pain?” he gave me a sympathetic glance.

“Only when I rotate my right wrists at times, but other than that, peachy keen jelly bean.”

“I like your attitude. We’re going to get along great.”

“Likewise. Thanks for not treating me like a lost cause.”

“There is no need for that. You’re here for reason. My job is to help as best as I can, whether it’s running exercises to cope or telling you a joke. Yes, this stinks, but no use in dwelling on the bad. If anything, I want you out there living your life. If I hear you’re not, I’ll be really ticked off and may make you do more tests…just to mess with you,” he smiled. “I’m holding Ms. Clare responsible for keeping me in the know as well. Something tells me she will tell me anything I want to know.”

“Yeah, like her not wanting to date because she’s too chicken shit. She’s too worried about the future to be living in the present. Yell at her for that, Doc!”

“I agree with JoJo, Kat. You need to be living your life as if this isn’t the end-all be-all.”

“HA! SEE!” Jo squealed.

They were right. Fuck, they were right. I didn’t want them to be though. I hate being ganged up on, not to mention by JoJo no less.