Paper Cranes (14 page)

“I would probably cry every time I saw her,” I said meekly.

“Exactly. She’s doing the best she can, just like you are. Some people may never understand how you feel, but it’s up to you to articulate those thoughts, feelings, and actions so they can. Until then, they will continue to tip-toe. Show them you are okay.”

“This whole, Confucius thing you got going on here, is rather annoying,” I growled in a joking manner.

“Confucius say, pretty girl enjoys sarcastic man,” he chuckled as he rested his chin on my head.

“I think Confucius also say, ‘sarcastic man with head up ass, can’t see for shit.’”

An hour went by quickly as we enjoyed the ride and conversation more than actually taking in the scenery. The more I got to know the real Lee, the more I liked being around an individual who didn’t see me as a crippling mess. There was also something extremely soothing about his demeanor; not an evil bone in his body.

Without pause, Lee climbed down from the white chariot, extending his hand for me to accept. Gladly, I placed my petite hand into his as I descended the ladder. My feet hit the concrete, but my hand didn’t move from Lee’s. Instead, I squeezed it tighter.

We made our way to Café De Monde, fingers laced between each other’s. It felt natural, good, comforting even. His strides were deliberate and allowing me to keep up. A sudden breeze kicked up sending reminisces of crinkled leaves, drifted down the wet streets and into a nearby gutter.

Parking ourselves in a nearby wrought iron table and chairs, Lee brought us two hot chocolates and two beignets. Staring at the smoldering liquid, there inside the mug was whipped cream, cinnamon sprinkles and marshmallows. Looking at Lee, his was topped with the same frothy goodness.

“What, did Jojo tell you how to get on my good side?” I questioned raising the mug with both hands. Taking in the warm aroma of chocolate and cinnamon instantly warmed my chilly fingers.

“I’m not following,” he genuinely looked confused.

“Oh come on. The cocoa?” I arched an eyebrow.

“Do you not like it, because I can get you something else? This is just the way I like mine – I thought you might like it,” he looked somewhat dejected.

“Huh, wow. No, it’s perfect. This is actually how I take mine too.”

“Oh. Ok,” he was stunned and yet proud of himself.

I took a huge bite of my beignet, moaning in delight.

“These are amazing. Looks like you are two for two tonight,” I grinned.

“That’s three for three…if we’re keeping count.”

“Three?”

“Pony. Cocoa, and Beignet.”

“Ahh yes, my pony!” I chuckled as I swallowed the sugary goodness.

Before I had time to react, Lee reached across the table, sweeping his thumb across my bottom lip covered in powdered sugar. He lifted the powdered covered thumb and sucked the sweet dust from his perfect lips. Those damn perfect lips.

“Mmm, so sweet,” he moaned.

All at once, I felt a shooting current race straight from my heart to every extremity in my body. With each touch and gesture, Lee was putting plans in motion, destined for me to fail his friends test. He was going to break me, and I didn’t exactly mind. There was a little part of me that wished I wasn’t the one to cave though.

Clearing my voice, “Tell me about your family. What are they like?”

A little thrown from my abrupt mood change, Lee straightened his back a little to sit upright.

“Not much to tell really. Mom left when we were kids and dad needed help around the shop. Gage wasn’t going to help, so being the older brother, I stepped up.”

“When did your mother leave?” I asked sympathetically.

“About twenty years or so…”

“You were just a kid,” I muttered.

“Yeah, well, someone needed to keep the roof over the house for us.”

“I wanted kids,” I blurted without thinking. “You’re going to think I’m crazy when I tell you my secret.”

“I won’t judge; you should know that by now. At least I hope you would.”

“I can’t believe I’m going to tell you this. I was in the process of adopting. I bet that sounds pretty crazy, right –Single, thirty something woman trying to adopt.”

“I don’t think it’s crazy at all. I think it’s amazing. Why did you say you
were
trying to adopt?”

“Well, as soon as an adoption agency receives the official doctor’s documentation proving terminal illness, well, the offer is off the table. Most birth moms and agencies want to know the adoptive mother is capable of caring for an infant. Plus, it was just me. The child would more than likely been thrown into the foster system. It wouldn’t be fair nor right.

I’m not even sure I would be able to do it by myself had it actually gone through. I wouldn’t wish that on anyone, especially a child who is losing a parent. It’s hard enough for me to cope; I would destroy their already fragile lives.”

“That must have been devastating news.”

“I would have been an amazing mother. At least that’s what I keep telling myself.”

“You would have been an amazing mother,” he gave me a sympathetic grin.

“So this is pretty awkward, and I understand its terrible timing. Since we are spilling secrets, it’s only fair you should know mine. I have a five-year-old – Jackson. Does that totally freak you out now?”

“I’m not going to lie; I wasn’t expecting that at all.”

“I was going to wait to tell you, but I didn’t think it was right to keep it from you. I was hoping you would fall madly in love with me and it wouldn’t have been a big deal,” he tried to grin. Reaching for my hands, strangely, I gave them to him. The visible sigh that escaped his lips could have been felt from miles away. The weight and burden he had been holding in must have been weighing him down by the way his chest rose and fell as he exhaled.

A million questions and feelings bombarded me all at once. I wasn’t sure how to process this.
Where was the mother? Where was Jackson now? Who was watching him? Would he have beautiful brown eyes like his dad? Would he like me? How would I fit into their lives?

Instead, I deflected, “So you were just being modest when you saw my car broken down when we met?”

“Partly, but I wanted to talk to you, you just happened to have issues I could fix,” he winked.

“Your family seems really great though. Sounds like you care a lot about your dad and brother. Must have been hard for him when your mom left.”

“It wasn’t all that bad. I saw how much he grieved when she left and couldn’t bear to see the business crumble because I couldn’t step up and be responsible. Gage was just a baby and annoying as all hell.”

“That’s how kids are at that age. You can’t blame him,” I laughed.

“What annoys
you
then?” he grinned.

“When people find out about the disease, the first thing they usually say is, “Gosh, your’re so young,” as if I was completely in the dark before and it hadn’t occurred to me.”

“I can see that being frustrating.”

“Yet, that is so tiny in comparison to bigger problems in the world.

“You know what, let’s get out of here before the rain downpours. We still have one more task to do!”

Lee’s break in conversation was much needed. I was drawn to Lee and not just in a sexual manner. He had so many likable qualities, trying this friends thing was excruciating. As we made our way out of the café, Lee grabbed my hand again, clutching on as if to say, ‘thank you for understanding.’

I squeezed back, letting him know I was there for him, just as he had been there for me as well. But how was I going to deal with this Jackson situation? Tonight was not the night to draw conclusions, nor judgments. There was so much I wanted to ask, but felt another time would be best. Perhaps Jackson’s mother was the woman Rene was speaking of the other night?

W
e continued walking toward Bourbon Street, when the sounds of a smooth saxophone wafted down the alleys and back roads. The night sky was glittered with enchantment and magic. A black backdrop speckled with tiny pinholes of stars. The partly crowded street hugged by a series of two story buildings. Each building had a balcony covered with wrought iron porches decorated with intricate spirals and fleur-di-lis. A string of shiny bulbs dripped from one balcony to another as they lit our pathway, guiding us to the music.

Even though Mardi Gras was only a week away, the streets were starting to pick up with foot traffic. We set out, meandering the streets only pausing to hear a song or two. Lee refusing to detach our hands as we walked to our next impromptu show. The soothing rhythms of the saxophone performing a Coltrane tune, pumped through my body, landing on my soul.

Without noticing, my hips began to sway back and forth to the music. Closing my eyes, I could see the music behind closed eyelids. Jumping from one musical bar to another, I felt I was producing my very own showing of Fantasia. The notes chased the beat up and down as the score dictated my sway. Soon I found my eyebrows doing a dance of their own, feeling the pulse of each key.

Lost in my musical haze, I nearly missed hearing Lee.

“Wanna dance?” He asked as he spun me to face him.

“But there are people here. They’d stare at us,” I said ashamed.

Lifting my chin to meet his, “It’s just you and me - no one else. Trust me.”

“I do trust you,” I said actually believing my own voice.

Lee ran his free hand down my back, coming to rest just above my rear. Immediately my mind drifted to the night of our first kiss, and how lovely it had been. Understanding my limitations, Lee twisted my wrist, wiggling his fingers through my stiff fingers. I let them relax on their own accord as I admired the beautiful connection of our hands. Hands I had been denying. Hands I desperately wanted to touch my body.

Lee pulled me close to him until we were chest to chest. The light strums of the accompanied steel guitar set our pace as he let the street traffic fade. We ignored everything except each other in that moment. We let the rhythm dictate our moves as we shuffled across the wet pavement.

My feet fumbled as I stepped right on his foot. Instead of recoiling in pain, Lee squeezed me tighter as if he sensed I might be the one to pull away.

“I’m so sorry. I didn’t promise I’d be any good at this,” I looked up matching his grin. I felt embarrassed as I saw the sea of eyes circling us, eyeing my every move.

“Hey, look at me. It’s just you and me. I don’t give a shit if you step on my feet. Just dance with me.”

Bringing me back to his soft features, we stepped back into rhythm with the music. The song ended, but neither one of us pulled away as we waited for the next one to begin.

The crooning sounds of a female voice filled the air, heavy with moisture. You could smell the rain rolling in, but nothing mattered but Lee and I. I stepped on his foot once more, but Lee’s response was far more different this time around.

As he dipped me back, there was a sudden need and want to lay my lips on his. Lee was desperately close to my own. I could actually feel the lavish breaths of his lips hover over mine. I could feel he wanted to kiss me, but instead was keeping to his promise.

It would be so simple. Just reach up and seize those perfect lips of his. But I wanted this. I wanted to be friends. Stupid heart.