Panties for Sale (29 page)

Diary,

Wow.
 
I am a whore.
 
Really.
 
And I am proud.
 
Get this, Luann the darling, did some
research for me.
 
Remember how she said I
had to be proud of what I do?
 
Well she
didn’t mean just to be proud that I did my best.
 
That I built this business up from nothing
and it was a success.
 
She said that my
soul needed more.
 
That there should be
an intrinsic reason I was doing this.
 
This particular business.
 
Why was
I selling sex?
  
What good was that for
my soul?
 
Deep down, I need to believe
that what I am doing is good.

Luann said it was a
problem.
 
She thought that I didn’t know
why I was doing it.
 
That I was
embarrassed.
 
That deep down I knew
society didn’t like what I did and neither did I.
 
She thinks I am constantly trying to prove
that I matter, that I am worth something.
 
But I am cutting my foot off at the ankle because today’s society is
never going to approve of what I do.
 
But
Luann said, that society and its close minded-ness can’t be my problem.
 
I only need to accept what I do myself.
 
And to find my own inner contentment.
 
I know crazy right?
 
But maybe there is something in there.
 
She made a lot of sense when I was listening
to her.
  
And I was all excited when I
left the appointment.
 
Ok.
 
Think.
 
I have to go over what she said.

 
First of all, I have to know, to be SURE, that
what I am doing is hurting no one.
 
And
it isn’t.
 
I don’t think it is.
 
I am up front with the girls.
 
It’s their choice to do it, right?
 
I’m not forcing anyone.
 
Of course, it doesn’t hurt the men.
 
They are only after pleasure.
 
You know, and I think the girls too get
pleasure.
 
And of course they get
money.
 
So it is helping them get to
their goals.
 
To live.
 
To do what they want.
 
So yeah, honestly, I could say that it is
helping them.
 
Ok.
 
Some girls do get hurt.
 
But I don’t intend to get them hurt.
 
It’s not what I am doing this for.
 
And anyways, they only get hurt if they are
stupid enough to let their feelings in.
 
They can’t think this is about love.
 
But, that is their issue, right?
 

Luann also did this crazy
thing with numbers today.
 
Numerology or
something.
 
I don’t know what that
means.
 
She tried to tell me that I was
born with a number, kind of like my astrology.
 
But the number tells you what your soul wants.
 
What you are here on Earth to do.
 
Well, whatever.
 
Anyways, she said I was a 6.
 
She said I have this soul that needs to help
people.
 
That’s my goal in life.
 
To search for love.
 
To be love.
 
And to help others.
 
Ha!
 
She said she found it interesting that I
built my business around sex.
 
She thinks
I have spent my live searching for love but not finding it because.. why did
she say?
  
I can’t remember.
 
Oh yeah.
 
Because she said my soul knows that sex is the way to love.
 
And so I am still searching for love.
 
Just, well not in the right way.
 
I am stuck.
 

So, get this, she told me to
give money to charity.
 
Charity!!!
 
Like I have so much to give away.
 
But Luann said that the more I help other people
the better the better I will be.
  
I
don’t know about that.
 
I’ll have to
think about it.
  

Ok, but that’s not the best
part.
  
Luann found this book for me from
Egypt.
 
Ancient Egyptian History and
cults and stuff.
 
Like totally pre-Jesus
and bible crap.
 
The book says that in
the old times, a whore was a respected job.
 
Not just respected but worshipped.
 
Hello!!
 
Worshipped!!!!
 
Let me see if I remember exactly what it
said.
 
All over Egypt, there were temples
built for whores.
 
‘Whores’ meant something
like reverend or priest.
 
The word whore
itself, came from the word horae, which is goddess.

And get this one, even
better: the word puta, in old India meant holy and pure.
 
Funny eh?
  
Puta.
 
I always thought it meant
‘bitch’.
 
Well that’s not much better
than what society uses ‘cunt’ for.
 
And
what about ‘bitch’ anyways?
 
Why does it
have to mean a nasty woman?
 
It’s just a
female dog.
 
Why are women so
disrespected?
 
Anyways, back then, in Egypt, whores
were worshipped and admired because they taught men about love, comfort,
enlightenment and of course sex.
 
But not
just sex for sex.
 
Good sex.
 
‘How to please their wife’ sex (which a lot
of so called modern intelligent men sure could learn about!!!!
 
John!!!
 
Hello?????)
  
And whores taught
sex for
enlightenment.
 
For salvation.
 
Apparently there was this way of having sex
and meditating that sent you to nirvana or something.
 
Oh Yessiree!
 
Give me some of that.
 
That sounds
a hell of a lot better than going to confession to cleanse your sins.
 
I’d much rather visit the temple of whores to
cleanse my soul.
 
Isn’t that wild?
 
So basically whores, in old times, were
prophets of sexual power.
 

So get this.
 
This is good.
 
There is a story about Lilith.
 
Yeah, I had no idea.
 
But it’s in
the bible.
 
Somewhere.
 
So that’s why I didn’t know about it.
 
I sure ain’t going to be sitting down and
reading the bible anytime ever.
 
Ha!
 
Could you see me going to church?
 
And I don’t think Luann goes either.
 
I’m pretty sure.
 
Not the way she talks about the spirit and
enlightenment and meditation.
 
And the
way she talks about the bible.
 
Like the
Church is evil.
 
I don’t know if she’s
talking about Catholic or Anglican or what.
 
But I guess they are all the same?

Luann said that it was
because of the church that whores, well women in general were mis-treated and
looked down upon.
 
The church made Mary
Madagelene out to be a whore.
 
When she
wasn’t.
 
So Mary Madagelene was Jesus’s
girlfriend in the bible.
 
But the bible
made her sound like a prostitute.
 
Luann
said that she was actually married to Jesus, officially, and they had two
sons.
 
And she was a priest or something
just as educated as Jesus was.
 
I don’t
know about all that.
 
Why would the bible
lie about Mary’s job?
 
Like, really, what
would that matter?
 
And maybe they didn’t
lie.
 
If whores were priests or
worshipped or whatever back then, maybe she was a whore?
  
But wow!
 
What a story, eh?

Oh yeah, we were talking
about what a whore was.
 
And Luann said
there really wasn’t much difference between a whore who has sex for money and a
whore who marries someone she doesn’t love for security or money or something
else.
 
Of course the married woman
becomes esteemed in the world and the escort is well, not.
 
The whore is treated with disgust.
  
It’s all basically the same thing
though.
 
Exchanging women wiles for what
we want.
 
Princess Diana, god bless her
soul.
 
Oh what a shame.
 
She actually said once that she was the
highest paid prostitute in the world.
 
Because there is no way that she could actually love that big eared
Prince Charles.
 
Ha!
 
And how did he choose that horse face Camilla
over Diana?
 
That blows my mind. Diana
was gorgeous.
 
Oh well.
 
She had fun enough with that polo guy I
suppose.
 
Oh and that sexy Dodi.
 
Yeah.
 
I wouldn’t mind cruising along the Caribbean with him.
 
What a shame, that lovely lady.
 

Anyways, so apparently, in
the bible there is this story.
 
Well, I
don’t know if it’s in the bible now.
 
Because Luann has some really crazy books and she is definitely not a
bible thumper.
 
I wouldn’t be surprised
if she’s a witch or something.
 
But she
said it was real history.
 
Adam was
married first.
 
Before Eve.
 
So I don’t know how that works with the
Garden of Eden and Eve being born from his rib.
 
Anyways, Luann told me, Adam married Lilith because he became bored of
fucking sheep.
 
Ha! Ha!
 
Ha!
 
That is in the bible!
 
Fucking
hilarious!!!!!!
 

Anyways, so Adam and Lilith
were having sex and Adam wouldn’t let Lilith on top.
 
He only wanted to have sex the missionary
way.
 
With the god damned man on
top.
 
In power.
 
Getting off the way he likes it without a
thought for the woman’s pleasure beneath him.
 
Ain’t that just like a man.
    
But Lilith.
 
Man, I like
Lilith.
 
She just stood up said ‘fuck
you’ to the only other human being around and left him to go live by the Red
Sea and have sex with the Devil.
 
Ha!
 
And that’s when he had to
make Eve.
 
Guess he made her from his rib
so that she would have to be subservient and always be underneath him.
 
Literally.
 
Luann said that Catholic’s still believe that man should always be on
top of women.
 
That any other position
except the man-superior position is sinful.
 
Isn’t that ridiculous?
 
Like God
cares how you have sex?
 
Anyways, Lilith
is like this huge star now.
 
You know
with that Sarah McLachlan and Lilith fair.
 
And in the bible even, she lived for a long time, having sex with demons
or the devil (which was probably so much better if you think about it… bad boys
are so damn sexy…) and giving birth to one hundred children a day.

Now, I’ve been thinking about
what Luann said.
 
And I think it might be
true.
 
I think.
 
I mean I knew, deep down there was a reason I
was doing this.
 
And it’s not just for
the money.
 
But I think Luann has a
point.
 
About society.
 
I don’t know if they are ever going to see
what I am doing as good.
 
But I do think,
sometimes, we do help men.
 
Even if they
don’t see it as that.
 
We help them to
de-stress. And make their lives happier.
 
More exciting?
 
I don’t know.
 

But I do know, that I see so
many lost and dumb girls come in and out of this room.
 
Ok, maybe not dumb.
 
But certainly naïve.
 
At first, they think this money is going to
help them.
 
That they’ll be rich. But
then they just spend it all, throw it all away.
 
So, maybe I can help them?