Pace Laps (Racing on the Edge Book 10) (25 page)

HOURS LATER WHEN the girls went to the restaurant to get Casten barbecue because he refused to eat hospital food, I was able to talk to him alone. The room filled with anxiety. It wasn’t like I hadn’t seen one of my children in a hospital bed. Over the years there had been more times than I cared to admit where I found myself sitting next to one of my kid’s hospital beds making sure they were okay. Usually it was after Axel or Casten wrecked on the track, or when Arie had given birth. This was different though. I couldn’t help but feel responsible for Casten being here and it was fucking killing me.

Casten slowly turned his head, wincing at the movement, and opened his eyes to stare at me. I stared back. It was obvious he was struggling to think clearly in spite of his condition, to find a way to make sense of it. As I searched for words, Casten did the same.

“Casten, I am so sorry that this happened.” I told him before he could say anything.

Casten’s expression turned to confusion as he reached for his water beside the bed. “This isn’t your fault, Dad. Why would you be sorry?”

Standing, I moved his table a little closer to his bed side and then took a seat again. “I made it possible for this to happen. Even after everyone told me to back off, I kept bailing Cole out. Giving him the opportunity to keep making the same mistakes over and over.”

Nodding, he knew what I was feeling was somewhat warranted. “Speaking of Cole, where is he? Is he okay?”

“Don’t know. Don’t care.”

The worry in his eyes was evident. After everything that happened to land him in this hospital bed, he was still concerned for Cole. His brow creased for a moment, then smoothed as his eyes took on a knowing look. I couldn’t believe it. He’d already forgiven his cousin.

I stared at my hands, flexing my fists. How could he forgive him? How?

I blinked, astonished. “How can you forgive him so easily?” I mumbled, my heart racing.

“He’s family, Dad.”

“But he nearly got you killed,” I pointed out.

“It doesn’t change anything. Yeah, this fucking sucks ass”—he shook his head, wincing with pain at the simple action, seeming to struggle with the thought—“and I’m out for the season but he’s my cousin. He has no one else.”

I glared. “I appreciate your loyalty, Casten, but you need to stay away from him.”

“Well, I certainly will be distancing myself, but I’m not holding this against him.”

“Yeah, well, I’m not so forgiving.”

“Cole’s an addict, Dad. He’s got an illness and it’s not something he can always control. Addiction is a selfish beast and yeah, Cole has definitely caused a lot of shit because of it, but I’m not going to turn my back on him. I’ll never stop caring.”

I couldn’t help but smile. This was Casten. He always saw the good through the bad. Even when Axel punched him a couple years back, he never once turned his back on his brother. He internalized and put himself in Axel’s shoes having lost his son. It seemed he was doing the same for Cole now.

“You seemed to have gotten pretty smart in your twenty-five years.”

He smiled. “You got my age right.”

My anger began to disappear but when I saw the look of pain cross his face when he laughed, it reminded me I wasn’t so forgiving.

WHEN I FINALLY left Casten’s room, he’d finished eating and was half asleep with Gray and Ryder in his arms watching a movie with them. Heading down the hallway, I noticed Alley talking to Sway and Hayden in the waiting room.

Once I entered the room and closed the door behind me, they stopped talking and turned to me. Alley had tears in her eyes with a look of true devastation. “Jameson, I am so sorry. I never would have thought this could happen. I really thought he was doing better.”

I knew I had to put my anger aside. It wasn’t Alley’s fault this happened. As mad as I was about what had gone down, the truth was Alley had been dealing with the hurt and fear that came with Cole’s addiction for years. Hell, it was what was driving her and Spencer apart. I understood her guilt because I shared it, but I also needed to reassure her that she didn’t need to be sorry. Not for this.

“There was no way you could’ve known this was going to happen,” I told her, putting my arm around her shoulder. “Cole had us all fooled and no one person is to blame. You and me, we had an equal hand trying to help him time and time again. You’re no more to blame for this than I am.”

When I let go of Alley, Sway came toward me taking my hand and giving it a reassuring squeeze. Her expression had softened and I could see she was beginning to calm down.

In the distance, I noticed Spencer walking down the hall and within sight.

“How’s Casten?”

Watching my brother, seeing the genuine concern in his face, the guilt returned.

Spencer warned me to stay out of it. He asked me time and time again to leave Cole to pay for his mistakes but I didn’t listen. I didn’t give my brother the respect he deserved. I didn’t allow him to handle his family his way. Honestly, Spencer had always been the one to have my back whether he agreed with me or not. I couldn’t help but feel like shit when push came to shove, I didn’t do the same for him.

Walking up to him, I placed my hand on his shoulder. “Hey, can you come with me for a minute? I want to talk to you.”

He nodded, watching Alley’s reaction and her tears. “Yeah, sure.”

We walked out of the waiting room and down the hall. Once we were out of earshot of everyone, I turned to him. I couldn’t help but smile a little. He looked so much like Jimi that it made me think that if my dad were still alive, he would have called me an asshole a long time ago. And I would have agreed with him.

“Look, Spencer, I’m sorry. Okay. And I don’t say that very often so I hope you understand it’s coming from my heart when I say I overstepped here. You asked me to back off and I didn’t listen.” My shoulders raised and then dropped with a heavy breath. “You were right. Nothing we did was going to fix Cole. I should have given you the respect to handle your own family. I’m sorry.”

I didn’t know what to expect. Spencer had been so pissed at me for going behind his back. I almost expected him to throw an “I told you so” at me but instead, he just smiled and pulled me in for a hug.

“Thank you. I appreciate you apologizing.” And then he drew back, leveling an amused look at me. “I know that was hard for you.”

I stared at him in confusion. “That’s it? You’re not mad?”

“Fuck yeah, I’m mad, but what good does it do for me to yell and scream? Your son is lying in a hospital bed right now because of Cole. I think my point was made that we should have stopped helping Cole a while ago. I’m just sorry Casten’s hurt.”

I dropped my stare to the ground. “He’s out for the season. They beat him with a baseball bat. Broke his arm and a few ribs. They’re gonna have to put pins in his leg to stabilize it. It’s gonna take months for him to recover.”

Spencer placed his hand on my shoulder trying to comfort me. “I wish I knew where to find Nate, but I don’t. Even Cole doesn’t.”

“Fuck, Spencer, how the hell did this happen?” I groaned, pacing the hallway. “How did I let this happen?”

Spencer leaned back against the wall, his arms crossed over his burly chest. “Jameson, you can’t blame yourself for this. Yeah, you bailed him out but it was Cole who made the choice to get involved with Nate again. This is what I was afraid of but now that it’s happened, we have to figure out a way to move past it.”

I wasn’t sure what else to say so I nodded and we headed back toward the waiting room.

Once we returned, Spencer made his way to Alley and took her into his arms. It was the smallest gesture, his arms wrapping around his wife, but it was exactly what Alley needed. She sank against his chest and began to cry. With Spencer holding her, protecting her, she could finally deal with all the emotions since Cole had called her.

As soon as she collected herself, she looked up to Spencer. “What are we going to do?”

Spencer brushed her tears away with his thumb, cupping her face. “It’s already done.”

A look of panic clouded her eyes. “Wait, what do you mean it’s already done?”

“He’s on a plane to Washington as we speak. Logan called Van after he heard what happened. Van called me and suggested that Cole come up and stay with them for a while to get him out of town and away from the shit that’s going down. He’s going to give him a job at the track and see about getting him some help.”

I wasn’t exactly pleased with what I was hearing, mostly because I owned that track and I no longer wanted Cole working for me, but if he was out of my sight, maybe this could work.

“So you just sent him away? Without even telling me?” You could tell it annoyed Alley Spencer didn’t consult her, but then again, did she have anything to argue about on that one? Nope.

“Yeah, I did,” Spencer told her, taking a step back. “And I don’t really see what there was to talk about. Cole needs help and he needs help away from here where he’s constantly being sucked back into that life. Nothing good comes from bailing him out and giving him more opportunity to fuck up. Van has experience dealing with these problems. He has friends who can help. It’s the right thing to do.”

Standing there watching Spencer take control was something I didn’t see very often. For so many years he was happy to let Alley or I take the lead. Seeing him handle such a fucked-up situation with such confidence made me want to punch myself for not listening to him sooner.

Spencer was right. If this had been Casten, I would have lost my fucking mind if someone went against my instructions. I was man enough to admit that.

Retaining Road – In drag racing, a road which leads from shutdown area back to the pits or staging lanes.

The atmosphere around the shop and the track was different these days. Now that Arie was the PR Director for JAR Racing, she traveled with us, which meant the kids came too. If I thought it was stressful having my kids at the track, it was way worse with the grandkids. Especially after what happened with Jack.

I found myself constantly on alert, watching them and in turn, it was affecting my racing. At some point, we had to make sure the kids were safe. That left us making the decision that the little kids weren’t allowed in the pits anymore. It just made sense. Arie, Axel, and Casten completely understood the decision.

What else changed was Cole wasn’t around. I meant it when I said he was done at JAR Racing. I wasn’t going back on my word.

Spencer sent him to live with Andrea and Van. Van gave him a job at the track, despite my warnings not to. I wanted to see Cole turn his life around—I did—but he burned that bridge with me and it would never be repaired completely.

It was early February when I was at JAR Racing, Casten and I looking over his car for the following week as we were set to leave for Florida for Speedweeks. He had made a full recovery from his injuries, and looking at him, you’d never know a bunch of thugs had taken a baseball bat to him to prove a lesson to someone else. That wasn’t Casten. He never let anyone keep him down for long.

“There’s a package here for you.”

Looking over my shoulder, I noticed Rager standing at the door. “For me?”

He picked up Knox off the floor when he tripped over the torsions bars for the third time that morning. I swear to God that kid was like a bobble head. Constantly falling. “Yeah.”