Yiddish with Dick and Jane
This book is a parody and has not been prepared, approved, or authorized by the creators or producers of the “Dick and Jane” reading primers for children.
Copyright © 2004 by Ellis Weiner and Barbara Davilman
Illustrations copyright © 2004 by Gabi Payn
Dick and Jane® is a registered trademark of Pearson Education, Inc.
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means, including information storage and retrieval systems, without permission in writing from the publisher, except by a reviewer who may quote brief passages in a review.
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ISBN: 978-0-316-02555-3
Book Design by Meryl Sussman Levavi
Contents
See Jane.
Jane is married to Bob. Jane loves Bob very much. Bob is a real
mensch
.
Jane and Bob have two children. Their names are Katie and Scott. They do well in school and help take care of Max and Whiskers.
“What good kids we have,” say Jane and Bob. “
Kina-hora
.”
Jane shows Bob and the kids the pretty purse she bought for Ellen’s birthday.
Ellen is Jane’s best friend.
“I wanted to get something nice for Ellen,” says Jane.
“I did not want to get a piece of
schlock
.”
Jane works in real estate.
Today is Sunday.
Jane has an Open House.
She must
schlep
the Open House signs to the car.
See Jane
schlep
.
Schlep
, Jane.
Schlep
.
Schlep, schlep, schlep.
Bob takes Katie and Scott to visit Jane’s mother.
Katie and Scott visit Grandmother a lot.
She has been feeling
ibbledick
lately.
See Stanley.
He is Jane’s boss.
He comes to the Open House.
He puts fresh flowers and scented candles everywhere.
He is a
shtikl
artistic and just has that gift.
Jane likes Open Houses.
She likes meeting new people. She even likes the
shnorrers
who come just to
nosh
.
Nosh, shnorrers
,
nosh
.
Nosh, nosh, nosh
.
Bob and Katie and Scott arrive at Grandmother’s house.
They ring the bell and wait for
Bubbe
to open the door.
Gornisht.
They ring again.
And again.
And again.
Takeh gornisht
.
Bob finds the spare key under the mat.
He opens the door.
“Oy gevalt!”
Jane goes to see Ellen.
Jane gives Ellen her birthday present.
“
Mazel tov
, Ellen!” says Jane.
“What a beautiful purse!” says Ellen. “I cannot accept this, Jane.”
“
Es gezunterheyt
, Ellen,” insists Jane.
Ellen brings out coffee and Entenmann’s.
They nibble and
kibbitz
for a while.
