Owning Regina: Diary of my unxpected passion for another woman (6 page)

And maybe the game wasn't so fake either. It was real to us. For example, if you point a fake gun at someone and say they are going to die, they would think it’s real. There would be a huge physical and emotional response from increased heart rate to shortness of breath and panic. Even though the gun is not real, the thought creates all the effects of a real event.

I led her to the kitchen area next to a vertical support post at the edge of the room, telling her to stand there and not move. I went to the garage and got a heavy chain that my dad had left behind after working on a car once. I wrapped the chain three times about the post and her neck together. I thought she was going to orgasm as I was doing it. Then I took out a padlock and locked it firmly.

So there she was, spaghetti strap dress, blindfolded, chained at the neck to a post in brand new, high boots. I loved looking at her like that.  Remember when I wanted Boyfriend X to treat me heavy? Like the Eleni Mandell song? Well, that’s what I was doing to Regina. She’s heavy. She was starting to mean something to me. She’s beautiful… and heavy.

But I wasn't done with her. I quickly dashed upstairs to get my belt, then came back down and tied her hands behind her back. For some reason, that really works for me. The image makes her look so vulnerable! I grabbed a wooden spoon from the counter and some strong cotton rope (formerly a clothesline) from the junk drawer. I wedged the handle of the spoon between her lips like a bit on a horse and snugged it all the way back as far as it would go against the corners of her mouth. Then I took the rope and secured the spoon tightly by tying it to each side of the spoon handle and going around the back of her head.  I cinched it tight… and there she was with a stiff gag in place. When I was pulling it tight, she was making gentle moans, like the kind when the massage therapist hits the golden spot.

But I couldn't take it. I tiptoed away in my bare feet so she wouldn't know where I was. I went upstairs to take a shower. I needed to take a freezing cold shower to calm the hell down. But instead, I just let the warm water sprinkle over my face as I meditated in bliss. When I felt the urge to touch myself, I tried to shift my focus; I wasn’t ready to satisfy myself and miss what might else be coming later with Regina.

To calm down my id, I tried to think of her as Regina… in yoga class, having coffee, pulling up on her electric Vespa. I like thinking of her as a woman who was my friend.  She exudes poise and grace and charm and fun and smarts. She's silly too. One time during yoga, she was making these crazy faces when the teacher wasn't looking to mock how hard the poses were. It was like we were in 5th grade and doing shenanigans.  One time I actually busted out with a laugh in the dead quiet yoga room. The whole class turned to me as if to say, "Shut up, we're trying to be important here!" Isn't it possible to do yoga and laugh at Regina's faces at the same time? Sheeesh.

After I calmed down with my shower, I was rubbing on some moisturizer and thinking how crazy it was that I had a beautiful woman tied up in my kitchen… just stuck there at my mercy.   Was this really me? Am I really this person? Do I really want this? I guess I really
am
twisted. But for whatever reason, I felt true. It all felt organic and comfortable. We were two friends playing a game and having a good time. We were indulging ourselves by just letting it flow. It was warm and true. I believed it was natural and fulfilling for both of us.

I had no idea where it was going. I still had this feeling that strong chemistry works in both directions like the "War of The Roses." Two people can be wildly in love and then breakup and fight with an equal level of hatred.  But I just had to trust and go with it. I could have never been this vulnerable with anybody else in the world except for Regina, even though it was entirely new. There was some kind of unlikely fit we had for each other. It was an impossible match. But I was self-conscious about the lesbian aspect. It just didn't seem like me.

That's why I haven't wanted to kiss her. I'm trying to get used to the gender thing and it scares me. You know when you profess to everyone your values and then have to eat your words? That's how it felt emotionally to me. I had taken a firm stand about being straight. My straight sexuality was a form that I thought I understood and could use powerfully when I needed to. But now I am suddenly at a loss about who I am as a sexual person.

But then again, this has only happened with Regina. I seriously doubt I could feel this free with any other human, male or female. Talk about a whirlwind. It's some kind of crazy REM dream, all happening so fast with blinding wind whipping my hair. I feel like we are driving down the highway at a million miles an hour with the top down. Thelma and Louise. It's a spinning rush. It is levels of my heart being awakened that I never knew were in there.  It's Regina.

I went downstairs in my bathrobe to check on my little toy. There she was. She was struggling a bit against the chain on her neck. I think she was pretty uncomfortable and trying to adjust to relieve some tension somehow. Plus, she was stuck there in those high heels.  Probably doesn't feel so great on her feet. As I was looking at her, DING DONG, the fucking doorbell rang. I could tell we both jumped with a start and we both got instantly tense, wondering what to do. It was something I never even conceived of happening in my blind lust. I was going to ignore the door until… DING DONG… it rang again. Shit. I figured I had better answer it and get rid of the person.

I opened the door to discover Victoria standing there. In her exuberance, she started making her way inside with "Hey, Stranger. What's going on?”  I literally had to block the door in sort of an "I Love Lucy” move.  "Hi, Victoria. You can't come in right now. I'm in the middle of something,” I told her.  "Oh, really!" she brightened as she gestured to the robe I was wearing. "Good for you, Girl, " she congratulated. "How come I never knew about this guy?" I responded, "I don't know; It just kind of came up.  I'm sorry, but you can't be here right now." She backed off, "I getcha. But we have to get together soon so I can hear all the details."  She headed out with "Don't go too fast! And always trust your intuition."

I closed the door and sighed to compose myself. Then, I went over to Regina, who was really struggling in discomfort by now. To calm her, I pressed my body against hers, kind of like a hug with out using arms. I sensed that she was relishing the contact in a major way. The wooden spoon gag in her mouth was producing a lot of drool. In any other situation, it would have been hugely embarrassing to her and I'm sure she would have been very self-conscious about it. But we were going with this thing. We were all in.

She was drooling and I was thinking she was the most beautiful creature I ever saw. I pressed my body against hers even more. But then something completely surprising happened. She started whimpering in sadness. I studied her, while continuing to press against her figure. But she got worse. Her whimpering turned in to crying. I wasn't sure what to do. And after a moment, she was bawling severally. It really freaked me out. I quickly removed her gag and said, " Hey, what's wrong?"  But she kept crying. I pleaded with her to tell me what was going on, but she would only cry. I rubbed her back in a motherly way and talked sweetly to her in hopes of calming her.  Nothing.

Finally, in desperation, I said, "That was some kind of crazy day I had."  Boom!! Like snapping someone out of hypnosis, her whole demeanor changed and she seemed like regular Regina. Our secret code for stopping the game had worked. Then I raced with: "Hey, what's happening? Are you ok? Are you too uncomfortable? Please tell me what's wrong! Are you mad at me?"  Words came from deep inside her heart: "I'm so happy. I never knew it, but I wanted this my whole life. I never knew it, but I wanted you so much! I'm in heaven. I never want this to end. Please don't leave me. I never want to lose you."

Needless to say, this was hitting my core. Even though it was the world’s fastest romance, she was in love with me. She radiated it. She trusted me. Even though she never said the three magic words, I knew exactly what she felt. Turning back to the practical matter at hand, I said, "Here, let me unchain you so you can relax." But then she snapped back in a forceful tone: "Can you believe how blue the sky is today?"

I was broadsided. What? I was never expecting this. Especially since she was just exposing every ounce of herself to me. And now she wants to play the game again? She looked like she was so uncomfortable, if not miserable. But I guessed she needed more. Sheeeesh.  Fine!! We'll play all right!!  I took the wooden spoon and started swatting her bottom hard. "How dare you scare me so much. How dare you!" And I continued to hit her ass as hard as I could. It was starting to get through to her and she began agonizing with vocal moans. It seemed so sexual. But it was just a good spanking. I was thinking she would actually climax!  So I stopped.

Then I went right up to her blindfolded face and put my hand gently on her cheek.  I told her softly, "You can trust me. I want this too."  And then I drifted into my very first kiss with her. It wasn't even from me. It wasn't an action. It was a melding. It was from the cosmos. We kissed without any care in the world. It was guided by the moment and not by a person. It was sublime. It was tender and deep. It was Regina.

And by the same means, my hand was guided to rest between her legs.  She lit up as she felt the contact. Slowly, the focus narrowed and my hand was sending her to places that were impossible to feel in any other situation.  She exploded in a giant vocalization of release! She relished the orgasm and worked it for a long time. Finally, when she was ready for the proverbial cigarette, I said, "That was some kind of crazy day I had."

And again, like a light switch, she was someone else, her old self. She started laughing and her laughter was building, like the reverse ramp up of the crying. Between her big smiley laugh, she said, "Wow, this power thing might just go to your head. You're crazy!!" And in the bright mood, I unchained her neck and untied her hands. "That was really fucking uncomfortable!" she said while giggling. "You don't have to be so mean!"  Concerned, I quickly asked, "Are you serious?"  "Haha. Just kidding. I wouldn't have it any other way,” she reassured me.  Then we fell into a great hug that felt like eating hot French bread. We kissed a little. I still can't believe I would ever be kissing a girl!  But it didn't feel like that. It just felt like a part of me.

Regina looked pretty spent.  I made her a smoothie and she seemed delighted, first that I made it for her, and second that it was so cold and refreshing after what she went through.  She delicately asked if it would be ok for her to lie down for a bit. It was all so new and neither of us had an emotional road map.

So we both went up stairs to the bed. We cuddled in close. Within a couple minutes, she was fast asleep. And I was in her arms. What a feeling.  I wasn't able to sleep. I kept going over everything in my mind. What a blizzard of feelings in such a short time! It was like nothing I would ever believe or expect to be true. We hardly knew each other in the least. Yet we knew each other like old friends. After about 20 minutes of taking it all in, I carefully slipped out of her arms to go downstairs. Even asleep, she looked pure. She was still in her boots. I wish my eye were a camera. I would blow that shot up to a poster and hang it on my wall.

Downstairs, I drank a glass of wine and listened to some classic Jack Johnson in my earbuds. I floated around doing nothing. A couple hours went by and Regina was still sleeping. It made me feel so happy that she felt comfortable enough to take a nice nap in my bed… in my home.  It felt very loving.  I decided to make dinner. But since she would be waking up, I thought I should make breakfast for dinner. I always loved that growing up. So I made some Belgian waffles and a Greek omelet. Once the table was all set, I went up to wake her. I sat down softly beside her and said, "Sweetie, I made you some breakfast." But before she answered, I surprised myself: Did I just call her “Sweetie?" This is crazy. I'm nuts!  What about my filters and boundaries? What has happened to me?

She started stirring. "Breakfast?" she wondered aloud, "Is it morning? I gotta be at work!" And she started to hop up. But I quickly assured her it was still the same day, “just breakfast for dinner.” She laughed.

At dinner, she told me all about her past marriage - all about how it went down and how Tucker had to go through some really crappy stuff during the process. In the case of her marriage, it really was "War of the Roses," you know… two people are wildly in love and then end up hating each other’s guts.  And since war is hell, Tucker ended up getting some collateral damage from being on the sidelines. Regina tried so hard to always keep him out of it, but sometimes it would be impossible to protect him because she only had control over her half of the equation. One time, her X grumbled to Tucker, "Nice haircut your mom got for you. The kids are going to laugh at you at school."  Disgusting. That is the kind of stuff that Regina couldn't shield Tucker from.  You get enough of those things in a kid's head, and it can start to cause real harm.